Why do I love you?

writing

 

I find myself asking why do I love you? I know you’d never ask. You’re just happy that I do and I am very happy that there is love between us. Still I ask myself why do I love you? What makes you so special in my eyes? How did I get so enthralled with you so fast?

My answer to myself is because you are a challenge where I can learn something new with each visit. You push me to be my better than my best and some how at the same time you show me that I am better than I thought. You show me that I can achieve more than I thought I could but show me that it’s a journey that I just started. You give me confidence even when I am beaten down. The best thing is that you don’t let me give up because you know I can do more and when I do do more I am all the better for being pulled through it.

After our time together I find myself getting stares and I am not completely aware as to why. It could be because you make me feel beautiful especially when my hair is a mess, so I go out looking a bit crazy. It could be because of the giant smile you put on my face. Either way I will happily accept the stares if it means that they are seeing a fragment of you.

You are becoming my happy place and a shield of protection even when I am not in my comfort zone.

So yes you can kick my butt, choke me out and twist my arm along with any other body part because Jiu-Jitsu you give me so much and I learn every time I am hurt.

Thank you for being hard and pushing me. Thank you for breaking me away from my comfort zone and showing me that I am tougher than I think. Most of all though Thank you for teaching me about a different side of myself and giving me new journey to explore. Thank you Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu for being awesome.

Over 3/4th of the way to 100

ocean walk 192

If you follow my blog you know that I am doing a 100 day  challenge where I do at least a ‘base’ workout. This consists of 10 reps of 10 different exercises. I first challenged myself to this undertaking in my 100 day challenge post. Since then I have recorded little things that I either felt, learned or thought of while doing the workout. I write these little records on a piece of paper and have now filled 3 pages. The first 2 have their own posts (1st post and 2nd post links).

This latest list starts on day 54, but since this is a new post the numbering starts at 1. Here is the latest list.

  1. Feeling pooped and icky is not an excuse. You can still reach for your goals. ( I was happy with this day, since there was a smiley face after it.)
  2. I’m so ready for bed, but I did my exercises so won’t be angry with myself tomorrow.
  3. Good day, good training and good fun. (It was a BJJ class day and I was smiling.)
  4. I feel like a warrior. A sneezing warrior, but still I’m a fighter now.
  5. I took the day off get stuff done and did everything and them some with a smile on my face. (It was another smiling BJJ class day.)
  6. I am becoming a better me at least with fitness. Life is a process.
  7. Only 40 more days until a new goal or challenge. I’m excited.
  8. I’m realizing the scale is not my friend. I am tougher than it tell me since I am not used to muscle.
  9. I didn’t think about working out I just did it. That’s what happens when goals become habit.
  10. You can learn anything, just try and ask questions. ( It was a BJJ class day. )
  11. New goals, new challenges and dreams combine beautifully.
  12. Pushing yourself when you think you can’t won’t only prove the negative thought bit also put a smile on your face.
  13. Always looking back may be a bad thing. Yet being reminded of how far you’ve come is good.
  14. Even if you don’t feel like you can do it doesn’t mean you can’t. You can do it.
  15. You really do control your attitude and mood so believe you can and be happy.
  16. It’s hard to do your daily goals when your routine is off; hard not impossible.
  17. Pushing yourself is always good. ( I went to my first BJJ tournament on this day.)
  18. No matter what you think you are awesome. (I went to the tournament again and decided I wanted to start working towards competing.)
  19. I may have shown up lat to class but I showed up. (I showed up half an hour late to class because of traffic and work. I still showed up though.)
  20. You life is yours so live you life and achieve your goals.
  21. Being positive and thinking positive changes everything.
  22. I’m pretty sure I can do anything I set my mind to and you can too.
  23. Since I danced and did kick boxing I did my workout a bit different but I did it.
  24. The challenge is paying off. I’m seeing physical, mental and endurance changes. (I went to class that day. I must have been able to do more than normal.)
  25. Always be honest with yourself and know what motivate you.
  26. Hobbies and goals should be fun work. If not why do them. (I went to class and it must have been a fun one, since I was thinking about fun work.)
  27. Woot! It’s tough but I keep going (This was on day 80).
  28. Support is great and needed to have. Be grateful for your support system

Bonus thought  – Trying is winning  because you are beating those who are not trying and your yesterday self.

DreamWard Bound with things.

success

This week went really well for me, minus the icky feeling I felt all week. I was able to listen to a good audiobook on my way to work each day and had a half-day on Friday. I also was able to go to two BJJ classes this week. I wanted to go to more, but I’m happy that at least I got to go to my 2 normal classes. I also scribbled down some creative writing thoughts.

I am most happy about editing and publishing a few portfolio pages. Now my portfolio is complete and up for everyone to see.  I do have to go back and fix a few mistakes I made and put up some Pinterest pin buttons so that everyone can share anything they want.  Plus, it’ll be an easy way for me to share my artwork on Pinterest. I will also be adding a section to my portfolio for the quote art that I do for the blog posts. Still, I have the major chunk done and up.

That is all I have to tell you now, so here is an actual list of things I did this week.

Main Photography page (Link removed due to removal of page)

People Photography page (Link removed due to removal of page)

Nature Photography page (Link removed due to removal of page)

Other Photography page (Link removed due to removal of page)

Random Art Work page

My Artistic side page

Inside thoughts (creative writing)

Images of you (poem)

Weekly Writing Prompt

Inside Thoughts

writing

 

The words are bubbling. They are brewing. I once danced with them on the beach with the setting sun. Now the moon reigns and the words are a mush of over cooked strew. They are just bubbling and brewing no longer dancing in my mind.

The beautiful melody of fantastic descriptions and deep pondering has left my side. I now sit wishing and wanting for the words I needed to say to arise again. I wait for them to dance out of the sludge like stew that is now taking over my mind.

Tiredness slows down my thoughts and the need for sleep mixes all of them together. At sunset with the cool breeze whispering words to me, my mind was perfectly poetic as it pondered a pure poem.  Now only random ramblings can be rattled off as the stew thickens and traps the dancing melody of the pure poem inside.

Better Late Than Never For DreamWard Bound

success

I figure writing my weekly update post is better late than not doing one. I will make it quick though, since I actually already did write this week’s post. My computer just decided that the internet wasn’t its friend though and for some reason would not save the post. It could also be the site, but more likely my computer, since its old and filled up with a bunch of different projects.

I did awesome with my God goal and listened to at least an hour of an audiobook about God centered things every day this week.  I also did pretty well with my weight/ fitness goal. I realized that I’m starting to see definition and I have lost 5 lbs since starting to actually weigh myself and try.

I didn’t do so great with editing my novel, since I was planning on doing that yesterday. Instead though I got the pleasure of staying in bed with a killer headache. Basically my Saturday was me waking up at 8 drinking a bunch of water, having breakfast and going to class with a slight headache. The Friday night ratio of whiskey to water may have been a bit off, since I had whiskey but no water the entire night of dancing. I thought I would be fine but after a full Brazilian Jit-Jitsu class I was not feeling well at all. I went home, showered, and went back to bed. I slept most of the day and then went out to a birthday dinner.  Needless to say I did not get any editing done this weekend.

I would have worked on writing or editing today, but I had another birthday party to go to after Church today. This week I should be able to write and edit. I look forward to at least one night this week sitting down working on things.  I did fix my break light this weekend, so I was productive. It’s not as productive as I usually am, but that break light has been out for months.

Now, I will leave you with the two things I posted this week. This next week should be more. At least I hope this next week I will post more.

Bury Deep

Weekly Writing Prompt

Bury Deep (A Poem)

poetry

I battle with you
as if the war was needed;
as if I had no feet to stand on.

You tear me down
and I let you,
and I feel defeated.

You whisper awful thing
like I’m not really loved;
like I cannot stand on my own

My heart and happiness is real
but you tell me to ignore it;
but you tell I’m ignorant.

You know my every weakness
and you use it for my harm,
and you use it to keep me down.

But I am strong,
stronger than the war you wage
the defeat you push
the hateful whispers
and stronger than your lies.

I know if you were anyone else
I would push you away
spit in your face
or just turn my back.

If you were anyone else
I would be stronger,
but you are the little voice
the one the is buried deep
trying for weakness to keep.

I can not spit in your face
or turn my back.
I can not push you down
or choke you out.

Yet, there is this little box
it has a lock.
You little voice can go in that
and be buried very deep.

Where you say I’m a fatty
I choice to see a beauty.
Where you see hurt
I see my healing.
You see struggle as failure
I see it as a lesson.
Where you see loneliness
I see self-love.

So go in your little box
and I lock you up.
I will bury you deep
because your lies I don’t want to keep.

DreamWard Bound like always.

success

I actually am not always dreamward bound. Some days I don’t even think about my goals. However, I feel most like myself when I am. If I have a goal, a plan and a schedule I am happiest. That is why I am happily writing this post.

I at least feel like this week went real well. I revised my goals early in the week and revised my schedule last weekend. I didn’t make every goal and did change one midweek. Still I worked towards my goals.

I should tell you what my new goals are now, before I tell you how I did with them. It might make sense to you if I told you the aim before telling you how close or far I came to the target.

My first goal is to finish my second draft of my novel by May 3rd. This has been my goal for almost a year now. I just kept saying it was a priority but not really acting like it was. I kept writing blog posts and poems. I did not actually give most of my time to it. Now I will. I have my schedule worked out, so that I am editing more. I am also going to take most of next weekend, if not all of it, and dedicate it to getting the novel done. I may even rent a hotel room in order for fewer distractions.

My next goal is the one that I actually revise twice this week. First I was going to try to read the Bible within a year again. The trouble I found with that was that I actually did not pick up the Bible. It was too scary and big of a challenge. I decided it was best to change it. I wanted to focus on God, but actually focus on learning and not just reading. If I stuck with reading the Bible within a year I would not be focusing on learning about God. I would only focus on reading and reading fast enough. It would be come a chore like it had in the past and not  a joy and learning experience. So, I changed my goal to taking 10 minutes a day to learn about God. I will either pray for 10 minutes or listen to some audiobook, podcast or sermon. I may also read a book or a chapter in the Bible. This gives me more options and is not as big as a project.  After a month I will increase the amount of time I spend learning about God.

After that the next important goal is my weight/ health goal. I want to lose 30lbs by the start of next year. The main reason I want to lose this weight is to make jiu-jitsu easier and if I do compete I won’t be in the heavyweight division if I lose the 30lbs. Honestly, though I am not sure if I will end up losing 30 pounds. I want muscle and having muscle is more important to me than weighing less, so if I lose a bunch of weight and realize that I am losing muscle I’ll stop. Right now though, I want to lose 30lbs.

This goal is followed by my creative writing goal. I  want to get back up to writing 5 creative posts a week. This will include my weekly writing prompt, but I will also try to actually use the writing prompts to write more posts. That was the idea for the weekly writing prompts to start with. It was going to be inspiration for the next posts. I got busy though and my schedule was just not allowing for me to write. I want to start writing more, again. That is why my goal will be to get up to 5 posts a week, well 6 if you count my DreamWard bound posts.

Finally my last goal is to read a book a month and I mean really read. I am not going to count audio books as reading. At least I won’t count them at this time. Maybe in the future my ideas will change, but for now I want to actually read a book a month. I mean I have a years worth of real hard copies of books and even more e-books. The main focus for this goal though is to expand my knowledge base, get inspiration and learn about different author’s voices.

I think these goals will be a good mix of challenging and fun to do. I am looking forward to accomplishing them and letting you know how I am doing with them every week.

A New DreamWard Bound Post

success

This week was a good week. I posted a few extra poems this week and wasn’t too stressed at work. I also planned out my normal weeks today. I am slowly getting back on track with being productive. I am also going to sit down, either today or tomorrow, and look at my goals. I need to take time to actually look at my goals and decide how I what I want my goals to be.  Time is a resource that I am lacking these days.

On another note, I am seeing improvements with my Brazilian Jiu Jitsu skills. This is funny to say, since I am a white belt, which means I have every little skills. Yet, I am improving. I can do things I haven’t been able to do and learning how to move my body and my partners body in order to get submissions or escapes. I know I’m still far from my blue belt, but it’s a journey and I can seeing the steps I’m taking moving me towards the first goals.

That is really all I have to say about my week. I did not do anything too excited, so I will leave you with my list of things I wrote.

Pairs Of Two

A Needed Poem

Weekly Writing Prompt