Why do I love you?

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I find myself asking why do I love you? I know you’d never ask. You’re just happy that I do and I am very happy that there is love between us. Still I ask myself why do I love you? What makes you so special in my eyes? How did I get so enthralled with you so fast?

My answer to myself is because you are a challenge where I can learn something new with each visit. You push me to be my better than my best and some how at the same time you show me that I am better than I thought. You show me that I can achieve more than I thought I could but show me that it’s a journey that I just started. You give me confidence even when I am beaten down. The best thing is that you don’t let me give up because you know I can do more and when I do do more I am all the better for being pulled through it.

After our time together I find myself getting stares and I am not completely aware as to why. It could be because you make me feel beautiful especially when my hair is a mess, so I go out looking a bit crazy. It could be because of the giant smile you put on my face. Either way I will happily accept the stares if it means that they are seeing a fragment of you.

You are becoming my happy place and a shield of protection even when I am not in my comfort zone.

So yes you can kick my butt, choke me out and twist my arm along with any other body part because Jiu-Jitsu you give me so much and I learn every time I am hurt.

Thank you for being hard and pushing me. Thank you for breaking me away from my comfort zone and showing me that I am tougher than I think. Most of all though Thank you for teaching me about a different side of myself and giving me new journey to explore. Thank you Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu for being awesome.

My Monday Night (Sort Of A Short Story)

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Hello and welcome to my Monday night. It was amazing and now I feel slightly broken. I am energized even though I am exhausted. I want to sleep now that my night is over, but too excited to even think of fully ending the night. You see I was wonderfully hurt and carefully punched. I was stressed, pushed, and rolled. I learned what hurts and how to hurt, but never trying to hurt the other.

Hello and welcome to my Monday night. I got to class early and started to prepare. I did not have a pen and there was no paper. I did not sit at a desk and no books would be found. I got to class early and changed into my warrior’s clothing. I put on the pants that match the top. I tied my belt as tight as it could go and I prepared for class.

Hello and welcome to my Monday night. I ran among men and pushed myself to do what they do. I pushed myself hard as deep voices counted the numbers of the challenge. I struggled to prove myself to myself as the advanced classmates pushed on  stronger. Still I pushed on alongside them.

Hello and welcome to my Monday night. It’s a night where I introduce myself to different men, well some are boys. I introduce myself to them all the same. I give them a fist bump before the fun starts. I push when they pull or pull when they push. If I stop to think they either help and tell me what to do or the show me how stopping is the enemy. I do not know most of these partners, but still we roll and tug at each other struggling to win the round. The first round could be easy with only clothes touching clothes. The first round could be a small lesson with my partner telling me how to win. Or the first round could be personal and trusting with a face full of your partner’s sweaty  torso. Any way the first rounds start they start, I learn, they end.

Hello and welcome to my Monday night. Join me on this adventure of life and lessons. All the pain and sweat is worth it.

Starting Evaluation for BJJ

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I have read 3 books on Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu (BJJ) in the past week or so. They were all aimed towards white belts and were all introductions to the sport.  In every book they talked about how much they learned and changed, while being a white belt.

I have decided to do a self-evaluation for each belt. I am starting this before I even have my gi (the sport’s uniform). I have had two classes and fell in love with this sport, which is a first. Besides dance I have not found any physical activity that I would think of doing on a regular basis.

There is just something about going into a class knowing nothing, jumping in and finding that everyone in the class is willing and able to help everyone else learn. It is a team of sorts, only the teammates are trying to test their other teammates joints, strength, and abilities.

Now, here is where I am starting. I am 180 lbs, with a little stomach and I would say on the border of hourglass and full figure. At least that is how I see myself. I will be taking a picture to compare new white belt self with my blue belt self once I actually have my gi.

I started BJJ for self-defense and as a workout. I nearly passed out the first class I took, which made me realize I do need to have a group workout because I do not push myself when it is just myself.

After my first class I came back because of the community, new art form, new way of moving my body, and found a new journey that will last my entire life. I am excited for this journey as I am sure you can tell if you read my other posts. I will leave a list of the different writing I have written, so far on BJJ.

I am just starting out but I have learned a few things. The most important thing I feel I have learned is the fact that I can do BJJ. I have also learned what to look for in a gi, of course that was mostly online research and not in a class. Still I did learn how to shop for a gi. Another thing I learned in BJJ is that fighting and fighting sports does not mean injury. Actually if you are training you don’t want injury either to yourself or your partner. Finally I learned that BJJ is a community and team sport that focuses on everyone improving techniques and welcoming any one will to learn in.

That is what I have learned so far. I am sure I will be learning more and more as the weeks and months go on. Now here is what I have written so far about BJJ.

Start of a Journey.

Pain So Good (A Poem)

Rush (A Poem)

Starting a journey

writingI started a journey last week, maybe you noticed. It is a life long quest to be my best. It will be a struggle see how this makes sense, showing some one or at least me something similar to growth. It is a journey that I have embarked as surprise to myself. This surprised journey, the sudden change in my seeing things is a surreal change in my path.

You see this new journey and sudden changed, changed more than a day like I thought it would. The first step was not really the true beginning. I thought it would be stepping into the hot sweaty gym, but no. The true beginning was asking the simple question, “Can I?” When the answer was yes, I was given a chance to step into the steam filled, rectangular room that was filled with blue and green mats.

My first class lasted all week within my muscles as an excited reminder that I did something impossible. What was that impossible thing I did, you may ask. I put down myself as I took off my shoes and learned my strength. I learned a new love. It is an impossible love that I told myself I would never find. It is the love of something that pushes you to the brink of your limits, but leaves you wanting more. It is a love that build you up, shows you the strength within you and tells you everything can be learned from. It is a love of Brazilian jiu jitsu and yes after only one class I was in love. After two classes I confident enough in this new journey to write about it.

You will hear more about my training and journey. This is only the start.