My Path (Journey To Me)

Sometimes I feel like I should have already started a more creative life. I want to be further along in my creative career. This makes me feel like my life is passing me by. I forget to look at all the great stories I now have to pull from. I ignore the fact that each year, month, week, and day have shaped me into the unique artist that I am.

It frustrates me to see where I want to go and not be there. It is also frustrating not having a clear path laid out before me. If feels like I’m in Californian traffic during rush hour and I’m not even sure if my gps/ plan is actually correct. Perhaps there is a better path for me, or at least better steps that I can be taking.

If you want to be a doctor there is a clear plan. You go to college, then med school. Then I believe there is an internship or residence. After that you are a full on doctor. You apply to jobs, go on interviews and get a job.

If you want to be a lawyer, you go to law school, take the bar exam, and apply to jobs. Then you are a lawyer.

Being a professional artist is a bit different. You can go to school, but you don’t have to. Some people apply to jobs or get freelance jobs, but other do not go that route. Some will work on finding commission jobs, others will not take commissions.

You basically do what fits you and your art the best, but it takes time to figure that out. Of course, more and more I believe a lot of life is just like that. You need to figure out what works best for you and your life.

Sometimes it’s learning from others that will help you down your path in life. Other times it’s trial and errors.

I think as long as you are moving towards your life goals, no matter how slow or sloppily, you are still going down your path and that is a good thing. This is one thing I need to remind myself when I think I’m going to slow or not seeing enough progress.

Artist ( A Monologue)

writing

I want to boldly tell you; I am an artist. I’m sure you already knew that or at least suspected. I mean how can anyone really hide their creativity? I know I’ve tried to hide or ignore my creative side, wanting to be normal. I yearned for a quiet mind that could simply observes the world and did not have a need to share its beauty.

Yes, there was a time I wanted to be normal, but not any more. An ordinary life in no life for me and if it seems like my life is just like yours ask me what I’m thinking about. For you see I have worlds and universes living in my head. My mind is filled with lands of poetry, worlds of paintings, and many stories in many different universes. They are all just waiting to be created.

When I am at my day job tapping the keys of my computer part of my mind may be trapping dragons to get to the keys of a prison to rescue some royalty. While I’m driving home I am most likely also involved in an elaborate love affair that will tragically end  when I park my car. If I am watching the sunset I am also memorizing the colors in hopes that I could paint it one day.

You see my mind is not a quiet place most of the time, which now I love. It makes my life extraordinary in an ordinary world. This is why I must boldly tell you; I am an artist. I’m sure you already knew that or at least suspected.

My End Goals And Dreams

dreamer

I mentioned in this week’s DreamWard Bound post that I was going to sit down and revise not only my goals but my dreams or end goals. I wanted to start from scratch and figure out where I actually want to go from where I am.

I have done this at least one other time and I do not believe I shared the entire thing that I wrote about my goals and dreams. I have big dreams and sometimes I wonder if I share them if that will hurt my  chances of getting them. Well, more and more I am realizing that dreams are just goals without actionable steps being taken. My dreams might be larger than my life, but I do have small steps to walk towards them. I am creating goals for my life to bring me to my dreams.

Since my ideas of dreams and goals have changed, I would like to share with you my end goal and what I imagine my perfect life to be. I am not saying that my life will be perfect. It will just be perfectly suited for me. I know there will be hard times and sacrifices that I must make along the way, but it will be worth it.

Here you go.

Goals and Dreams:

Where do I start? In my dreams I am a happy artist.

My main focus is writing and acting. I wake up early most days and work long hours when I am on set. I am warm and friendly to both cast and crew. People Enjoy working with me. I work on either faith-based of sci-fi/ fantasy based movies or television shows portraying strong women, dorky side kicks, independent women or other roles that break false images of women or Christians. My main focus with acting is to shine the light of God’s love and the strength he gives his daughters. I want mainstream media to stop putting down or giving a false image of Christian women.

I want to be a part of a movement where we bring Christian morals back to entertainment and art. I want to help people see that Christianity is about loving each other and God’s love. I want to show and teach people that religion for religion’s sake is wrong, but a loving relationship with God is the way to live. He is the one who can save the world and he is the reason for love. Jesus came to the world not to condemn it but to save it and the world should know that. I want to help the world learn that kind of love.

Sorry for that little rant. Let me continue with the other areas of my future life.

I have a fan base that feels comfortable around me and who I actually help. They find support along with a distant friend in me.

I am more than an actor though. I also write and publish books. I have my blog, but my books are my main writing focus and means of income as far as writing is concerned.

I also work towards crossing 1 item off my bucket list each year.

When I am not writing or acting I want to be training BJJ or even another martial art. I want to be able to learn from every aspect of my life and use it towards acting, writing or any other art form I may take up. BJJ helps me prepare for fight scenes and give me confidence and friendship. My end goal with BJJ is to be physically healthy, able to protect myself, and perhaps even become a black belt.

For my family I imagine that I am close and talk often to both my real family and my church family. I know that they will always be there for me and they support me the best way they can. I want to be able to support them also with the needs they have. I also want to become as open as possible with each and every family member, creating relationships with no walls.

I know that I can do all this because I am focused on God. He is the only way that I will stay on track. I will grow my relationship with him daily either by prayer, podcasts, books, sermons, audio-books or conversations directed towards God.

My goals that I have are as follows:

Spiritual: In order to focus on God more fully I will not watch tv or YouTube, unless with friends or it’s teaching on God, for the next 3 months (until September 13th) and with that extra time I will listen to a podcast or read a Biblical based book. This time will be focused on growing my understanding about God and exploring where he might be leading me.

 Relationship: I will tell one person that I love them every day for the next month (until July 13th) and try to start a conversation with them. I am doing this to strengthen my relationships and spread my love.

Physical: I am going to train BJJ at least 3 days and do bed-room workouts 2 other days every week. In addition I am going to eat 1 organic meal a week and at least 1 healthy meal every day. I will do this for the next month (until July 13th).

Editing: I will spend 30 hrs in the next 30 days editing my book (July 13th), keeping in mind that my new deadline for the second draft is November 1st.

Acting/ Writing: I will write 1 monologue a week and record at least 1 monologue a month. I will post every monologue that I record to YouTube to help grow my audience and receive feedback. I will do this for 3 months (until September 13th).

DreamWard Bound (July 2 to the 9th)

success

This week again was focused on my move and settling in. I was able to find time to write and post a couple of poems and found an extra poetry reading that I edited together and posted on YouTube. I believe I am mostly unpacked and settled, so my life should get back to normal. Of course I now have to redefine my normal since it’s been almost 8 months since I’ve been unpacked, in my own space and had a desk to work at. I’m foreseeing more productivity, which I am happy about.

I also feel like I can focus on more of my goals that I had outlined in a much earlier post. I have the publish one post and one video a week down, which was my first goal. I also added to the posts and am now trying to publish one poem a day, so seven poems a week. I am still working on getting that down, especially since I went on vacation, then moved.

One of the two goals that I am adding on is getting my weight down to 150 pounds in 15 weeks, so almost 4 months. If I do I will give myself $60 to spoil myself with, most likely a massage. If  I don’t I will give that $60 to someone else. I am planning on joining a gym that is near my new home, so hopefully that will help. It should also help that the guys at my work are getting in shape or working out, also.

The second goal that I’m going to focus on is my novel. I was thinking that I would just wait until my six months of publishing posts and videos goal was met and then really focus on my novel again. However, now that I have my own desk and space to actually edit and take notes I am thinking I can work on it now. This way when my six month goal is met it can really be a weekend with no responsibilities.

All this means that you will be hearing more about exercise and editing. These are two things I have been putting off since they are not my favorite things to do. I mean I love writing and being creative. I really love to act and be immersed in poetry. I love being creative and bettering my life. These things I like doing, but there is the work side that comes from bettering your life and being creative. In order to better your life when it comes to being an artist you need to be healthy, grow in your creativity and edit your work in order for them to be exactly what you want them to be.  This means I will actually have to do the work side of things more and you will be hearing about it.

I think that is enough babble for today. Here is the list of the few things I did this week. Click the links, reading/ watch and let m know what you think. Also thank you for reading this and any post you read. I really am grateful for any and all your support.

Never repeat (a YouTube video)

Writing process

Fantasies

Yes, it is really short.

Tears (a monologue)

I’m going to try something new with my youtube channel when I get back from vacation. I will do more original things, like poetry readings, short storytelling, original monologues and maybe even scenes. You will my blog followers will get to read my stuff first and I will be reading the poems that get the most likes per week.

That being said the first original monologue that I will be doing when I get back is title “Tears.” I am hoping to put together an entire script with these different monologues, but I have to start some where, so here you go.

I broke down in tears today. I know you saw. I know you heard. I was praying to you to mend my broken and stressed heart. I was praying for a fix that would happen quick, when you whispered, “the work already has started and I already am doing my part.”

What more can I do? What more do you want, Lord? I cried out in pain, what is my part and where do I fit in? I am lost, angry, and tired of waiting around. Waiting for my real journey to begin. And I know you must have laughed at that because although I didn’t hear you over my crying and doubt I know you said my journey had already begun at the very start.

Look at how far you brought me, while I kicked and screamed. You carried me when I fought you, like a screaming baby all the way. You have great plans for me, or so I hear. They’re plans I do not see, so I scream. Yet, you will never let go of my heart even when I try to push you away.

My soul is a cranky child but you are always patient.I want the sugar and sweets of the world but you have given me the ability to reason instead. I never want to quit playing my own games but you put me to bed so I can rest. I want it all but you show me how. Yes, you show me myself and my life, past, present and future, when my tears come screaming out. So I thank you with dried tears under my eyes.

Heart On Fire (Painting)

I normally do not like posting twice in one day, but I just finished an abstract painting that is very different from the other post so thought I would share it with you.

I started this painting with it vaguely in my mind, but I was not sure how it would come out. I never tried to paint a heart on fire before. I do like how it came out. The purpose of this painting is to display the passion that is in at least my heart that shines even when the surroundings are dark.

The video is the recording of me painting it and the pictures are of the finish product (in case you could not tell).

Heart on Fire 003

Heart on Fire 004

Heart on Fire 005

Heart on Fire 006

5/31-6/7 (DreamWard Bound)

success

Monday was a Monday. I worked and worked and wish I was not working at my not lame day job. I didn’t feel all that great so when the day finally ended I came home and flopped on my bed. My nap was longer than it should have been, and after the nap I did not feel like doing anything productive, so I did not.

Tuesday was a lot better. I did a little creative work after my not lame day job and then hung out with friends. It was a simple and good day.

Wednesday I was on fire. I started an epic poem. Really that is the style I was writing in. I’m not sure how epic I can get it, but I started it and will be trying to make it as epic as I can. I also wrote another poem that I posted.

I really am liking my post a poem every day that I’ve been trying to do. It is mostly because Sunday nights I write a bunch, then schedule them to be posted throughout the week. I figure this is a win-win for everyone though. This way you, my reader, are not overwhelmed by four or five posts all at once, and I get more poems out.

Thursday, I went to my improv group, which was smaller this week. The tiny turn out number made for an interesting experience and I believe we were all more creative and free because there was hardly any one there. I also worked on my stated song project, after improv.

Friday came around and I was glad my week, because although my job is not lame it is a job. I came home and tried to dye my hair, I guess it’s darker than I thought, so the dye did not work right. I then tried to make pie pockets and realized I did not know what I was doing, so I made a mess of weird deliciousness. After that it was supposed to be ‘party’ time, but Kateland came home a bit late. All three things distracted me and rubbed me the wrong way, so I did not do anything creative. I did have fun at the party though. My friends are crazy, weird, awesome, and ridiculous.

Today, Saturday, I brought two friends to the airport at 8 (which I don’t recommend doing after you stayed out til 2 the night before ).  Although it was early for a Saturday it was a good thing. I wound up getting a hair cut, new books, and new running shoes. I got home at noon and took a nap. Now, I’m ready to really start my Saturday.

As far as goals go this week. I did not do well. I only walked 3 out of my 5 miles, of course I do have all of tomorrow to walk. I had more than one day where I did not do anything creative. Oh and I hardly read anything, well I hardly read anything besides comic books.

On a positive note I did write a few poems this week and will be posting my stated song at some point.

In case you did not get a chance to read the poems and things I did this week here is the list.

Otis 

Recipe for Love

Untitled Clerihew Poem

The Opposite of Family is Enemy

Stated Song: Carry on Wayward Son

I hoped you enjoyed my rambling and I’ll get this week’s Stated Song up at some point tomorrow.

Cinquain Poems

poetryCinquain

Cinquain is a short, usually unrhymed poem consisting of twenty-two syllables distributed as 2, 4, 6, 8, 2, in five lines. It was developed by the Imagist poet, Adelaide Crapsey. Another form, sometimes used by school teachers to teach grammar, is as follows:

Line 1: Noun
Line 2: Description of Noun
Line 3: Action
Line 4: Feeling or Effect
Line 5: Synonym of the initial noun

 I will be doing both, so there will be two poems in this post.

Bacon
yummy, yummy
You better get it fast
it will be eaten up quickly
Bacon

 

Hacker
someone who knows how to make things work for them
they type read, learn and solve the puzzle of computers
frustrated, weary, but still happy and loving fun
geek, computer specialist, guru, Hacker.

 

 

DreamWard Bound (5/11-5/17/14)

This week was a busy week for me. Two days this week I went straight to different social things after work and on Monday I went to the DMV and an open house before work, which meant I had to work late. By Friday night I was exhausted, so of course Friday was one of the days I went straight out. I also had an event to go to this morning. I am not complaining about my busy week. It is just a lead in and explanation why this weeks goals mean more than most.

Even with my busy week I found time to be creative and read. I hardly watched television and practiced more of my monologue, that I will record tomorrow (in between serving at my church’s two services).

I also think I figured out a new fitness plan. I will take 2 fifteen minute walks a day during my work day and I will eat healthier. I also realized that it is better to do weight lost, since it is a more definite  tracking. After I lose 10 lbs I will get a new outfit, so the reward will be the same and the method is almost the same, but the tracking and when/ how I exercise is different.

I don’t have too much else to write. This week was more focused on living where I am at right now, rather than focused on the future and goals. I still meant most of my goals. I am becoming more relaxed with tracking my goals, yet I am still meeting them.

Paintings on eBay

I have posted the last three paintings I did on eBay. As of right now they are all being auctioned. The ones that are left after the auction is complete will be sold on eBay.

3 paintings 003

Title: Forest

 

Size: 9 inches by 12 inches

 

Medium: acrylic painting on canvas-covered panel

 

Reason: It had the urge to paint, like I try to do every weekend. When I sat down to paint I decided to paint something different from my last 2 paintings. I thought it would be abstract when I started, however it quickly became a forest.

 

My Artist Statement: I, Tiffany Joy, work with the written word, visual art, and acting to spread basic truth and highlight God’s love in hopes that I can brighten someones day and spread the loving gospel of God.

Here is the link to see the eBay posting for “Forest.

 

3 paintings 014

Title: New Day

 

Size: 9 inches by 12 inches

 

Medium: acrylic painting on canvas-covered panel

 

Reason: After painting the piece “Islands” I wanted paint another piece, again while recording myself and in one sitting. This is the second piece I did in said format and the first Sunrise/ Sunset painting I have done.

 

My Artist Statement:I, Tiffany Joy, work with the written word, visual art, and acting to spread basic truth and highlight God’s love in hopes that I can brighten someones day and spread the loving gospel of God.

Here is the link for “New Day.”

 

3 paintings 008

Title: Islands

 

Size: 9 inches by 12 inches

 

Medium: acrylic painting on canvas-covered panel

 

Reason: I wanted to experiment with painting a piece in one sitting and recording myself painting. This is the finish product of the experiment.

 

My Artist Statement:I, Tiffany Joy, work with the written word, visual art, and acting to spread basic truth and highlight God’s love in hopes that I can brighten someones day and spread the loving gospel of God.

Finally, here is the link for “Islands.”

You can of course watch me painting these pieces on my youtube channel.