Crush

writing

I do have a crush. It is a crush with the knowledge that the name of it is coming. Like an attack on my heart temporarily wounding my soul.

If there were real dating leagues he would be one higher than mine. If you write him on paper he would be the perfect of husband material. I could ignore the league and rip the paper. Yet, I cannot ignore the melting of my heart when he smiles.

I want to be safe in his arms, nuzzling close to his heart. I want to invite him into my world to see the serious turn silly, which I’ve seen glimpses of. I want to join his world and learn how strength feels.

I would invite him, let him know that my heart skips a beat when I see him; tell him that his smile melts my heart. I would tell him anything and everything, except my insecurities creep up. The voice I promised myself I would ignore shouts that he is on a pedestal to high for me to get. The voice of my insecurities and fear yells that I am not worth his love and I think him so grand that I believe it. I won’t let him decide how he feels. I will wait until I can’t take the waiting, worrying and fame of what ifs, become more than I can bear. One I am convinced one way or the other I will buckle down and confess in a way that does really give him a real choice. That is when my heart will be crushed and my feelings will bleed with salt water from my eyes.

Yes,  my heart will be crushed or maybe there is another way. Perhaps this time will be different. I don’t know how to flirt or read subtle signs, but I can be bold. I can ask for advice.  I can request help in understanding my real options. There is a way to be open in the middle of my fear.

I will try this time and if my heart is crushed than my friends can help me glue it back together. Yes, I will go into battle to fill my heart’s desire with a medical kit if it breaks.

It's A Poem

poetry

Shh, don’t tell me
these feelings are inside.
I do wonder if you can see
this thing that I almost try to hide.

You have to know
why I’m not shouting it.
I don’t know how this feeling will grow
and I may be shy a bit.

I thought this would be a longer poem, but it’s not. I said what I needed to and hope you enjoy it.

Split Flower

split flower

Split flower is a 20 inch by 16 inch acrylic painting on canvas which was completed early to mid 2013. It started simply with the butterfly trying to safe the caterpillar who was not ready to fly yet. Through the painting process the plant with two different flowers started, which represent the two different feelings that were felt while trying to drag the caterpillar away. One flower reached upward for the light wanting to grow. The other reached sideways not wanting anything to really change. The painting was then bordered with nearly transparent light purple water on top and green fire on the bottom to add to the conflict.split flower 2

 

GROWING POEMS FOR SALE

GPcover2 preview

I’m not sure if any one noticed but I have not been posted daily. This is because I have been hard at work putting together the best of my poems. I’ve taken ones through out my life, including a few from this blog. I then edited them, polished them up, and fix what needed to be fixed with them. Now the best of my poetry is all in one e-book. I do plan to publish a hard copy poetry book, but will need to write about 40 more poems worth adding into a book. So, if you want to see the progression of my work buy my book for 1.50 at Lulu.comor ibookstore (for you ipad/ iphone) or on your nook.