I Can’t (a song)

You wonder and you ask me
Does your hope fly up in the sky?
Do you need your dreams to hide from reality?
Can you stop now from chasing your wants?

You see
I could give up and I could lie down.
I could turn away if you showed me how.
I would watch t.v. or read the whole night long
my time would be only all mine.

Yes,
I could give up and I could lie down
I could turn away if you showed me how
My nights would be free, my weekends filled with sleep.
And Alcohol, well it would be my best friend.

I really could give up and I could lie down
I could turn away. Please showed me how.
Life would be much easier, easier for me.
Easier to catch a breath, easier to do anything,
but that’s not me.
That cannot be me.
I am my dreams, not this reality.

I guess
I can’t give up and I can’t lie down.
I can’t turn away, I simply don’t know how.
I have to stand up and I have to fight.
Have to stay my path, that only seems right.

I will paint my thoughts and write what’s in my heart.
My time will belong to my dreams.

I can’t give up and I can’t lie down.
I can’t turn away, I simply don’t know how.
I have to stand up and I have to fight.
Have to stay my path, that only seems right.

My nights will be filled, my weekends hugged by hope.
And I will dance where my dream may go.

Because
I can’t give up and I can’t lie down.
I can’t turn away, I simply don’t know how.
I have to stand up and I have to fight.
Have to stay my path, that only seems right.

I don’t typically write songs as you may know, so getting a finished song done is tricky for me. I believe the words are almost there, which is why I’m sharing them with you. I am still working on the tune and notes. 

Please let me know what you think of it. Any and all feedback is welcomed.

 

Voice

writing

Why do I have a voice and where does it come from? Am I just a person going through the world, doing what I want and saying whatever comes to my mind? No, the answer has to be no. I am more than just a stranger with no message. I am more than a blank face in the crowd. I want to stand out in the seas of the world and declare I am not normal. I am not just a yapping dog trying to get scraps of attention. I am not simply a girl wanting to better myself.

So Why do I have a voice? Where does it come from? I  have a voice to shine love on everyone. I have a voice to encourage and show others that they can reach for the stars. They can do everything they want to, because they are breathing. I have a voice to share my story. And I have a voice to shout my love.

Where does it come from? My voice comes from being able to breathe, from being alive. It comes from God above who has taught me what true love is. My voice comes from the God who has given me breath and life.  It comes from the people around me who tell me that I do indeed have this voice and lifts me up to be all that I was meant to be. My voice comes from far deeper than I let on.

If there is a reason for my voice and I have things I want to say with it, and since it comes from the greatest being ever to live, than why don’t I use it? Why do I blend into the crowd of the world and act like a yapping dog begging for attention? Why do I not stand up and declare “You are loved! You can be all that you want to be!”

You will be seeing changes from me.

Crumble Down (a poem)

poetry

When I build me up
I crumble down
and feel nothingness surround.
When I build me up
I forget to stand
and fall to the earth’s sand.
Crumbling and falling
I can not survive
Forgetting you breath
forgetting you live inside.
My strength and hope
my way and life.
I forget
I crumble down
so you can stand out
I do not stand on the sand
because you push me to your rock.

I will remember to crumble down
only to your will,
so that your love with stand.
I will stand aside
knowing you are my rock
so that your hope will shine bright.

Yes, I will crumble down
be pushed aside,
so love, hope and mercy can survive.

 

I have realized lately that I have felt this weird crumbling emotion towards my life, as if I am not in control of my life. I know I am not in complete control of my life, but people like to think they are. I want to believe what I am doing with my life means something and that my life is mine. Well, I realized on Sunday at church that the reason I felt lost and a crumbling of myself in my life is because since I am a follower of Jesus my life is not my own. I love Jesus and have given my life to him. This means I work  with the gifts and talents God has given me to spread his love, hope and truth. 

I started to write this poem (in my mind) as  an expression of  loosing myself and not feeling right. As I actually wrote it down though, I realized why I had that feeling and turned it into a poem for God.

I hope you enjoy this and please let me know what you think.

Poetic reading (No Mold)

I have decided to record poem readings. My first one recorded is the last poem I wrote (No Mold). I have posted the first draft of the poem on this blog but have edited it since. Here is the version I used for this video.

No Mold

Oh sad and crumpling world

where the non-judgmental judge,

where those who fight for the future

live in the past,

and where beauty is

as fragile as a single word.

What a poor world

where beauty and art

can only be seen striped of dignity,

where nonconformist conforms,

and integrity is torn from morals.

What a sad, sad world

where one shouts, “Be who you are,”

as they push you into a mold.

Can you not see my beauty?

do you not understand my soul?

I am not simply a body.

I do not need your mold.

Yes, what a sad, crumpling world.

It breaks my very being,

so I will walk away.

And stand where others will fall.

see the beauty in dignity,

art in the unmodified.

For I do not judge those who judge

do not condemn those who condemn

and I love all.