Resetting My Brain To Be More DreamWard Bound

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The past two or three weeks have been pretty stressful for me. I couldn’t figure out how to balance my day job, commute, and creative life. I just could not do it. I realized this week with a little help from a friend that I needed to step back and breathe. I needed to reset to see my projects as projects not stressers.

Taking a step back meant that I focused this week on resetting my brain and relaxing. I needed some rest, because I work 40 hours a week at my day job and then 20 hours (on a ‘good’ week) at my creative life. Most Saturdays now are focused solely on creative stuff. Sundays I force myself to not be creative. I basically burnt myself out and tried to keep going, until this week.

This week I took a break from everything. That is why I only posted one thing this week. I only worked on my creative life on Monday. The rest of the week was focused on helping friends, hanging out with them and not worrying.

I also took yesterday off of work to do errands and adult stuff that I never have time to do, so that is a load off my shoulders. I was going to be creative for most of the day, but adult stuff takes time and a friend was able to do lunch while my car was getting its oil change. Hanging out with my friend seemed like a good plan, especially since this weekend will be heavily focused on creative stuff. Today a friend and I are getting together for Caffeinated Creative Capers, which is basically us sitting in a coffee shop working on our projects together for 5 hours. Than on tomorrow I will be painting with another friend. We will be painting faces and on canvas, so I am looking forward to that.

Hopefully this packed weekend of creativity will complete the resetting of my brain and push me towards my goals and dreams quicker or at least help me get there. I know stress, worry, and a clouded head is the worst thing to have when trying to be creative. I just need to remember to make sure I clear away the cobwebs of everyday living regularly, I guess.

Now, I am going to prepare for being creative and leave you with the one thing I did this week.

Weekly Writing Prompt (#33)

Trying To Be Balanced While Being Dreamward Bound

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This week I was partly trying to find balance in my crazy life and partly giving in to the low brain power that kept happening after work. I just could not get motivated or inspired to do anything creative this week. Even now it’s hard to write this. I just want to relax and watch television.

The last 2 days after work that is what I did. I just watched television shows until I went to sleep. It was nice to unplug my brain by plugging it into some interesting shows. I hadn’t watched a new show in a very long time. I hadn’t been watching television for most of the summer and wanted to limit my television time when I started again. I have only really been watching my three shows (Supernatural, Doctor Who, and Once Upon A Time) by myself. It was what I needed after a draining week at work.

I also went to BJJ class this week, which was the first time in about a month. It at least feels like a month and hadn’t gone for 3 weeks in August, also. It is getting tough to wake up on Saturday morning to go and Mondays have been crazy busy for me. I went this week though. I got there late, but I got there. It was good to be on the mat again.

I wanted to be creative and write. I do have a list of creative things I want to get done and projects I should work on. It was not the week for creativity. Other things took up my time. I guess it is okay to have off weeks, even though I do not like them.

Another note worthy thing is that I may start focusing on my list of projects that I would like to see done. I have my kids book that is still in the works. My next poetry book has a title and a few poems listed to work on. I also have my web-series, production company, novel and acting career that I would like to work on too. In addition I will be looking to find things that will create some extra income, so that I can either save up or have a little automated income stream in order to take a year off and focus solely on my creative life. I am hoping little steps now will lead to big success later on.

With all that random disjointed stuff being said I will leave you with the two things I posted this week.

Plan A

Weekly Writing Prompt (#32)

I hope you have a wonderful week.

More DreamWard Bound Means More Work

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I was going to go to BJJ training today. I started to wake up early enough. I actually thought I didn’t turn on my alarm, because it seemed later than it was. I wanted to go, too. I need to get back into a routine with training. It would have been really great to move my body and feel great about myself. However, Saturdays are my only day I get sleep in and relax in the morning. I also realized I have a full 8 hour day of editing, writing, and producing, well setting up the first things for my production company.

This work is good. I am actually taking major steps towards my dreams. I can see things coming together. Really, it is the beginning of things coming together. I am still far away from every real dream I have. And, it is also a lot of work to get to my dreams. I just have to keep reminding myself that it will be worth it. 8 hrs of work on Saturdays, weeknight work sessions, commuting to my day job, and working 8 hrs at my day job will be worth living my dreams.

I also have made a decision to start researching different hosting platforms and ad services. This way I can actually make profit with this site in hopes that I can partly support myself with this site. I am also looking into creating an online store on this site, so that you can buy my artwork easily. Basically, I am looking for different income revenues in order that I can free up my time to do more creative things. Freedom seems a long way away. Still, success is made up of little steps in the right direction.

Yes, I have a lot of work ahead of me and I am procrastinating by looking around the internet. I mean, I have looked for YouTube videos about the top hosting companies and microphones for better sound quality in my videos. I have also been looking at my Facebook and Twitter to see if there is any new interactions and talking with an actor friend. It’s not like I went around looking at cat pictures or goofy videos. Still, I do need to get to work on editing, writing, and producing.

I’m going to go do that now. Here is some other stuff that I did this week.

Pain (a Poem)

Let Me Live (A Poem)

I Am A Hurt Bagel

Writing Prompts

Forcing Myself To Be DreamWard Bound

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The journey to my dreams seem long today. Maybe it’s because I am looking at how far I have to go. Maybe it’s because work was stressful this week. Maybe it’s because I did not sleep well last night. I did drink 2 cups of caffeinated tea later in the evening. Maybe it’s something else that I am unaware of. Whatever the reason my journey feels like it is really just starting out.

I did work last night on my future plan and I am trying to figure out extra income, so that I can actually save significant amounts of money. I want to be able to meet with an acting coach for guidance and to figure out the best plan of action. I also want to be able to afford some acting classes. I also want to take a year off to focus solely on acting and creative stuff.  It doesn’t look like my novel will be published any time soon and even when it is I don’t know how it will sell.

I do know that I have a list of shorter writing projects that I can put together. One that I am working on is a kids book taken from one of my short stories. I am going to sketch the 1st draft today. Another idea is to put together a collection of poetry and creating art for each of them. The art would become the different pages of the book with the poetry incorporated on the page. There are a few more ideas, but those are the two I am focusing on at this moment.

I am also still working on figuring out a web-series. I have gotten as far as  knowing 3 character types I want and the set up of the episodes. I want at least 1 more character and not sure what exactly I want the ‘activity’ to be. I also have to think about locations. I mean if I decide a play rehearsal is the way to go, that would require a theater. If it is a role-playing game, that would require a home or something that could pass as a place where nerds would gather.

As you see there is still a lot to think about with the web-series. There is also a lot to think about with my writing side projects. There is also the whole acting career plan. That is actually turning into a life plan. I think I found out why my dreams feel so far away. I am actually looking at how big they are and all the little steps I am going to be taking now. I am also working hard towards them with planning and creating.  Yeah, I am either heading for a break through or a mental break down.

While I figure out where I am going please take a minute to read where I’ve been or watch. I did publish a video this week. Any ways here is the list of things I shared this week.

Choice and Action

Black Clad Assassin

Giving Art

Second-Hand (A Poem)

Weekly Writing Prompt (#28)

 

Oh, and I also published a Goal Getters onto my personal channel.

Vacation (Poem)

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I need a vacation
from my vacation
to remember my life.
Funny how things are funny
when you rather work
than relax;
rather long days
than days of nothing,
so give me gifts of projects,
show me love by showing me a plan.

I needed time away
to know how much
I don’t need time away.
Now work is a happy burden
keeping my schedule a pleasant task.

Your Efforts (A Ottava Rima Poem)

poetry

Ottava Rima
A Ottava Rima is a poem written in 8-line octives. Each line is of a 10 or 11 syllable count in the following rhyme:
one octive poem. abababcc
two octive poem. abababcc, dededeff
three octive poem. abababcc, dededeff, ghghghii

Do not work, struggle, and strife all your days
what will your efforts get you in the long run?
Work for its own sack shines the flaws of your ways,
Without a reason your work will be undone.
If you only work you will live in a haze.
I hope that in your heart you can truly see
That happiness is what your should aim be.

I just sat down after a great day of relaxing on my day off and focused myself to write a structure poem. As the list dwindles down they are getting harder to do. Still here is a new one for you. Plus, I am glad that I wrote this one, since it is a lesson that I need to remind myself. I am not just working on this blog to work, but it is the happiness that it brings me. 

Thank you for reading and please let me know what you think. I hope you have a wonderful  day. 

DreamWard Bound ( August 16 to the 23rd)

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I want to take a minute to be real. I want this blog to be an honest portrayal of my journey to reaching all my major goals and all the little ones to get there.

Now I have big dreams that are far away and hard to reach for. Sometimes I don’t believe I will ever get there, other times I am so sure that it is a matter of time. Still either way I am thinking I fight on and this week was a fight. I did not want to do anything; I did not want to live the life I am living. Also, all week I felt and well still feel like something is going to change. Something is going to happen in my life, mostly because of the feelings of I can’t continue on the path I am on.

Even with feeling this fight inside of me (the fight for my future) I pushed on. I decided that the one channel on YouTube is not enough, mostly because I am crazy. I was stressed with the load I had, so let’s throw more work on it. Still I think this will help people, because even though I am still on the journey towards my goals and dreams I know there are other people who haven’t even started yet.

Also, even though I did not want to do anything and I seriously was fighting just to be myself, I went to the gym three times (four times if you include today in the week). This is because of my goal to lose weight. I am realizing though I will need to do more than going to the gym four times a week. My goal is to lose 30 lbs and so I have not lost anything in these two weeks, so that is discouraging. I’m still going to push myself and work out.

I am still trying and working towards my dreams, even though it is hard. I am on the road to my dreams, even though they are far. I am pushing forward, even though I do not want to. I wish I could stop some times, but that is not in me. I need to stay on this road and fight for my dreams, because I am done just going with the flow of life and finally am living for all that I can be. It is a hard thing and it I feel like I am swimming up-stream I would gladly swim again the current because it will make every success that much better. Each goal that is this hard to reach will be so worth it.

Struggle makes your goals worth the fight.

 

Things I fought to create this week.

Sped up Painting (post)

Sped up logo Painting (YouTube)

It’s a Poem

Dear Past Self

Voice

Past Never My Future

 

DreamWard Bound (July 2 to the 9th)

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This week again was focused on my move and settling in. I was able to find time to write and post a couple of poems and found an extra poetry reading that I edited together and posted on YouTube. I believe I am mostly unpacked and settled, so my life should get back to normal. Of course I now have to redefine my normal since it’s been almost 8 months since I’ve been unpacked, in my own space and had a desk to work at. I’m foreseeing more productivity, which I am happy about.

I also feel like I can focus on more of my goals that I had outlined in a much earlier post. I have the publish one post and one video a week down, which was my first goal. I also added to the posts and am now trying to publish one poem a day, so seven poems a week. I am still working on getting that down, especially since I went on vacation, then moved.

One of the two goals that I am adding on is getting my weight down to 150 pounds in 15 weeks, so almost 4 months. If I do I will give myself $60 to spoil myself with, most likely a massage. If  I don’t I will give that $60 to someone else. I am planning on joining a gym that is near my new home, so hopefully that will help. It should also help that the guys at my work are getting in shape or working out, also.

The second goal that I’m going to focus on is my novel. I was thinking that I would just wait until my six months of publishing posts and videos goal was met and then really focus on my novel again. However, now that I have my own desk and space to actually edit and take notes I am thinking I can work on it now. This way when my six month goal is met it can really be a weekend with no responsibilities.

All this means that you will be hearing more about exercise and editing. These are two things I have been putting off since they are not my favorite things to do. I mean I love writing and being creative. I really love to act and be immersed in poetry. I love being creative and bettering my life. These things I like doing, but there is the work side that comes from bettering your life and being creative. In order to better your life when it comes to being an artist you need to be healthy, grow in your creativity and edit your work in order for them to be exactly what you want them to be.  This means I will actually have to do the work side of things more and you will be hearing about it.

I think that is enough babble for today. Here is the list of the few things I did this week. Click the links, reading/ watch and let m know what you think. Also thank you for reading this and any post you read. I really am grateful for any and all your support.

Never repeat (a YouTube video)

Writing process

Fantasies

Yes, it is really short.

DreamWard Bound

This week was different for me. I had Monday off, so I recorded an extra video. I then went and had fun with my friends. It was a great day and really relaxed me. I was in such a great mood and felt like everything was awesome.

Tuesday morning came, and I went to work. I worked longer than normal, because I had to pick up Kateland, from the airport. I knew that I would not have time to be creative after work, so I decided to listen to this week’s song on repeat as I worked. I hoped that listening to it so much would help me memorize it. Plus it’s Carry On My Wayward Son, so it is at least a good song.

On Tuesday I also starting to talk with friends about starting a book club, which will be even more incentive to read more.

Wednesday I wound up staying late at work also and went to play disc gold with co-workers for the first time. This surprise outing made it so that I did not have time for my creative time or read. It was still an awesome time and I am glad I went. It is nice to break from normalcy sometimes.

Thursday came after Wednesday (in case you are not sure how the week goes). After work I went to improv, read a few pages in my How to edit book, and had an idea about reviewing comics. Now I am just starting to read comics, so the reviews (which will be recorded as video) would be coming from the view-point of a noob. I think it may be interesting. I also wrote a couple of poems.

Friday was a pretty awesome day. Work went awesome and I got a bunch done. When I got home I came on here and realized I now have 100 followers. 100!!! Yeah I’m pretty excited about that. I may have even done a happy dance, because of it. On Friday I also posted my 100th post. That’s right two milestones in one day! I’m thrilled with this fact. I am also super happy, because my 100th post was actually two poems, one about bacon and the other about Hackers.( Yeah, I’m cool like that.)

Another happy note, I just started to walk and set a goal for myself. I will walk 5 miles every week, when I have done this for a month I will get nice exercise sneakers. Well I walked exactly 5 miles this week.

This week was very different for me, because I did not have time to meet every goal every day this week, but I still met milestones, did an extra video, had fun with friends, and found time to write. I was brought out of my comfort zone a little, with not having my normal week. This is a good thing, because life can not be lived in comfort zones and strict schedules. Although, I love planning, scheduling, and staying in my own little life, I actually don’t want that. You can live, so much more when you stretch yourself and let opportunities  happen organically.

 

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4/6/14-4/13/14 (DreamWard Bound)


I started my new job this week. I went in bright and early on Monday and then even earlier every other day. I did my training and went through Human Resources things. By the end of the week I was actually working on a few real sites. You see my not lame day job, that I mentioned in last week’s DreamWard Bound post, is that I’m an ethical hacker. I will be working on client’s sites to find their weaknesses, so that the bad guys can’t. It is technically called web security, but ethical hacker sounds much cooler.

Since most of my time, energy, and brain power went to just surviving the first week of waking up early, and working 8 hrs a day, I do not have an art updates. This post is the closest thing to writing I have done all week, which actually brings me to my first realization. I need to do something art based every week. I was so wiped by the time the week ended and it took me until today, Sunday, to realize how drained I was. You see, art is how I charge my brain’s battery. I turn off reality while I create. I turn off what is going on in my life. I turn off myself. I step outside of who I am to create and in creating I learn either more about God or more about myself, some how. This may not make sense, but art doesn’t always make sense. Just know that art is a release and I now know that I 100% need that release in my daily life, or at least in my weekly schedule.

Another thing I learned, well kind of learned or rather something I want to make sure you know. The web security industry is awesome. What I have seem of it, is super cool. Most of my co-workers are nice people who want to help. Some have felt the sting of being on the outside of society (ie they’re nerds). Others are what society would call normal, or at least can fake normalcy for the most part. What it comes down to is that I know work with nerds, geeks, and just smart guys, who are real. The entire company seems to be made up of normal people working comfortably. Even the upper managers are just normal people, working in a company that promotes openness and a relaxed yet productive culture. In other words I work at an awesome tech company, that is like the tech companies you may hear about.

Now, I may be working a day job to support my passions, but my friend/ roommate will not be. I am sure I mentioned Kateland before. I may have only mentioned her blog. Any ways I am super excited for her, because we are both focused on our dreams right now and she is taking a giant step towards her dreams. She will be working with a musician for the next month or so. She is going to travel with him and sell his merchandise, which will help her experience tour life, network with people, and be around the music she loves. She has a passion for music and this job will surround her in music. I am very excited for her and happy that she will be able to have a taste of her dreams. I have been telling everyone I can, because this will affect my life, also. I will be watching and learning from her experience.

I believe that is all that went on this week. I hope to post more about my art in the coming week, but for now it’s all about my not lame day job.

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