Welcome to a journey I am taking to find out who I am and how I became this person. It will be a series of blog posts filled with self reflection and stories of my past.
This journey started with me asking if the person I’ve become is someone I want to be. Can I be a better version of myself? If I can what would that look like? Also, can I be happy with who I am and still desire to be a better me, whatever I define ‘better’ as?
Before I can really think about becoming a better version of myself I first have to define where I am. How do I see myself. Just like getting directions on your gps for a vacation, I need to know where I am starting on this journey.
I am a 30 year old single female Chris follower, who is also a writer, painter, and aspiring actress.
I identify as an actress and theater person, even though I haven’t been on a stage for a long time or worked on a show for awhile. Still I see myself as a theater person. I long to be noticed as an actress. I want to learn and embody a new character. I want to learn about myself through a fictional character, like seeing through a different pair of eyes.
It brings me happiness when someone refers to me as a writer, artist or creative person. I feel love when people notice me for these things. Being creative is a passion of mine and part of who I am. When you notice my creativity you are noticing me.
It is easy for me to think little of myself and my art, since I don’t make a living off of it yet. People could very easily say it is just a hobby. I also feel like I keep most of my art to myself. At the very least I don’t promote it as much as I should. It just goes on the internet and then it is forgotten. Some paintings just go on my wall where only I can see them.
Promoting and selling my art work is one area I would like to improve on. I am taking steps for improving my online art life. I am posting more on my instagram. I am also planning on setting up a society6 shop to sell prints of my paintings and even some digital pieces I’ve been working on. I have also been toying with the idea of selling the original paintings on ebay or etsy, again. We shall see about that though. My main focus will be getting something on society6.
No matter what I will still create. I am an artist; that is who I am. That is where I will start this journey to understanding myself better.
It has been awhile since I posted an update. I don’t like that fact, but that is the way my life is at this moment.
I have been more focused now have many writing projects at different stages, work has been busy, and you can study God all your life and still have more to learn.
Things are coming along, though. I finished my second draft of Duality, my novel, and one chapter of its third draft. I also have all my notes and rough drafts of the other three projects printed out, so that I can hand-write the first drafts of them. I also have a few visual art work pieces roughed out for my Poetic Art Poems. This project is a poetry collection with visual art that goes along with them.
Finally I have great news, for those that don’t follow my social media. I have published the second edition of Growing Poems. This is my first poetry book that I published. The first edition was on Lulu and that didn’t sell at all. I figured I would edit it, change up the cover, and try on a platform that people go to.
I’m excited for this new step and I am looking forward to the next ones. Hopefully the next steps will involve being able to post more blogs. Stay tune, at least two more are coming soon.
This week was a good week. I was productive, although you, my blog, saw none of it. I have a couple of poems that I will be typing up and posting this week. I also worked on my book for 7 hours last Saturday and painted for a few hours on Sunday.
In addition I am gearing up for my first improv show. I’ve of course have acted in scripted plays and musicals before, but never an improv show. I am really excited to be getting back on stage. It is not for a couple of months, but we still need to get performance ready.
Since it is almost Halloween I am also working on getting everything ready for my work’s Haunted House. It is turning into more work than I have time for, but it is fun. Really, anything besides writing and acting takes up too much time in my opinion, at this moment. It is fun being creative in this way. It is basically putting on a production with very little resources.
This week’s post is pretty short and I am trying to think of other things to write, but there is nothing. I also just want to type up the poems I wrote and get going on my day, so that is what I will do.
I hope you have a wonderful week and enjoy or enjoyed the two posts that I wrote this week.
weekly writing prompt
This week I was partly trying to find balance in my crazy life and partly giving in to the low brain power that kept happening after work. I just could not get motivated or inspired to do anything creative this week. Even now it’s hard to write this. I just want to relax and watch television.
The last 2 days after work that is what I did. I just watched television shows until I went to sleep. It was nice to unplug my brain by plugging it into some interesting shows. I hadn’t watched a new show in a very long time. I hadn’t been watching television for most of the summer and wanted to limit my television time when I started again. I have only really been watching my three shows (Supernatural, Doctor Who, and Once Upon A Time) by myself. It was what I needed after a draining week at work.
I also went to BJJ class this week, which was the first time in about a month. It at least feels like a month and hadn’t gone for 3 weeks in August, also. It is getting tough to wake up on Saturday morning to go and Mondays have been crazy busy for me. I went this week though. I got there late, but I got there. It was good to be on the mat again.
I wanted to be creative and write. I do have a list of creative things I want to get done and projects I should work on. It was not the week for creativity. Other things took up my time. I guess it is okay to have off weeks, even though I do not like them.
Another note worthy thing is that I may start focusing on my list of projects that I would like to see done. I have my kids book that is still in the works. My next poetry book has a title and a few poems listed to work on. I also have my web-series, production company, novel and acting career that I would like to work on too. In addition I will be looking to find things that will create some extra income, so that I can either save up or have a little automated income stream in order to take a year off and focus solely on my creative life. I am hoping little steps now will lead to big success later on.
With all that random disjointed stuff being said I will leave you with the two things I posted this week.
Weekly Writing Prompt (#32)
I hope you have a wonderful week.
Today I got dressed up. I felt like I needed to look good. I wanted to take extra time for myself, so in the morning I woke up early. I put on my new cream cheese spread and wore heels. I even did my make-up. I was looking amazing if I do say so myself.
I started my car and went to work. I was on the highway when it started to rain and then I got a flat tire. I pulled over to change the tire. As soon as my car was safely on the side of the highway the clouds fully opened up. Have you ever seen a bagel in high heels changing a tire when it was raining buckets? I am sure I was amusing the drivers with all four tires intact that drove by. I just know it was not fun changing that tire and I was almost instantly soggy. After a few nice people did stop to help I finally had my tire changed to the spare.
I stopped, soaking wet, at a tire store. They changed the spare out for a new regular tire and I was off to work, again. The only real different was that I was no longer fancy or looking amazing. I was simply a soggy bagel in heels.
The other day I woke up and my body was a bit stale. I thought nothing of it until later in the day. I started to workout with Baguette. I stretched and then ran. I was fine until we started to do the floor exercises. I should restate that. It was not until I tried to do the floor exercises that I started to feel real pain. I was falling ungracefully as Baguette showed me what to do. Yes, she did the floor exercises and I flopped around. I wound up getting unnaturally twisted up and my staleness turned into real pain. It was so bad that I could not fall asleep that night.
Thankfully us Bagels heal fast with a little wet heat. I was back to my non-exercising self within a day.
Joy is a choice.
Love is an action.
How can you choose
Joy when you’re drowning?
What loving action can you take
when your soul is fighting to survive?
I escape from a self-inflicted prison,
now able to see
but still hurt by hits
fired from one who knows
where the wounds will be effective.
Still I will love
and find a way to choose joy.
The hurt will heal.
I will not cage my caring or my calling.
Joy is a choice I am choosing.
Love is an action I will do.
Okay, maybe I’m not far, far away. I may feel like I am, but I am actually home. The feeling of being in a different galaxy comes from watching all the Star Wars movies (except for episode 1) yesterday. It was a great experience. I now can say I’ve seen all the Star Wars movies(except for episode 1). I really enjoyed the movies. The only issue is that I have been watching 4 hours or less of television weekly. I only watch television with my friends now and maybe a couple of YouTube videos. By the last movies I had a hard time finishing. I was entering a movie overload. I did finish and finished without my eyes bleeding or my brain exploding.
The marathon of awesomeness is why I did not post this week’s DreamWard Bound yesterday. I woke up, went to my friends’ house, watch Star Wars, came home, and went to bed. That was my day yesterday. It was crazy for me that I did nothing on my Saturday, which is typically my blog/ artistic work day. I am thankful, that I have tomorrow off of work. I will be able to edit and write. I might even find time to do a video.
I did do some things to move forward in my journey to my dreams. I am sure I did do some stuff.
Let’s see I published some posts, all of which were still from my vacation. Also, I did some research into film companies or groups around me. It was not really successful research, since I am stuck between “beggars can’t be choosers” and “I don’t want my name associated with that type of video.” Basically the level of quality is not great, but I need to start somewhere.
I will be doing more searches and looking for other productions that I hopefully can audition for. That will be an ongoing thing. I am pretty sure I will always be looking for auditions and new productions, since that is the way of an actor.
I am also, publishing/ moving over my Goal Getter’s series to my channel. So far, I have published the introduction and the first 3 steps. More will be published this week.
Here is the list of other things I published this week.
Stories (A poem)
Writing with colors
Weekly Writing Prompt
Speckled with colors
and pink dyed hands,
I came to write
about what I saw in this land.
Words escaped me
my mind drew blank
as I push a story aside
to focus on how to create.
Yet, here I sit
speckled with colors
and pink dyed hands
only thinking lost thoughts
waiting for words to write.