Can I Meet Fantasy?

poetry

I do not want to live this life.
I want to dance with the pixies,
laugh with the werewolves
and maybe meet a fairy or two.

I do not want to live this life.
I want to see my thoughts
in air bubbles that are
taken away by the evening’s breeze.

I do not want to live this life.
I yearn to be free.
Free of things tied to reality,
where there is magic.

I do not want to live this life.
Yet, I know I have to.
I guess I will just depend on love
to be my magic
and honestly that is enough for me.

The Week of Ideas to Live DreamWard Bound

success

 

It seems like this week I came up with so many different ways that I could help boost my DreamWard Bound journey.

One you may have seen or read. It was a monologue from a character in my book. I did it in hopes that if more people know about the characters while I work on the book, when it is finished more people will be interested in reading it. At one point I will even share a portion of a chapter.

I am also thinking about turning DreamWard Bound posts into a book. I think my journey is interesting and I like the poetry and stories that help tell my journey. I am not in a place where there is an end to that book yet. I still will have to wait on something happening. Yet, when it does I want to be ready and have that boost me towards my end goals and dreams.

Another book idea or writing project I have is turning my 3 month challenge of no television into a book. I’m not sure if it will be just a kindle size or if it will be long enough for a real book. I am just starting on that journey and study. So far I have journaled my thoughts and study notes. I think I’m interesting enough for people to read that journey. At least I am interesting to me.

On another note I am starting to find myself picking apart the different aspects of the music I listen to. If this continues I may start a new hobby (creating music). I always need more hobbies and things to do. It would be another way for people to hear about me. However, it is not part of my end goal and I have never really been a musical person, so I am trying to just let that be. I already am stretched thin with my time.

I am working on my goals with the time I do have as I am thinking of new ways to boost me towards my end goals. I haven’t watched televisions, except when I was over a friend’s house for dinner. I believe I have said I love some one every day. I am pretty sure I’ve said it to multiple people. I am at least conscious of my health, but have been lacking on actually eating healthier and working out on days I can’t go to BJJ. Editing is also going slow, but I do plan to edit a bunch today. I have writing my monologue for this week and after I write four, I will pick one to perform and post on YouTube.

To end this post I will leave you with my list of things I posted this week, like I normally do.

Kitty’s Monologue

A Beauty and A Beast

Weekly Writing Prompt

Note: Links removed to site updates.

My End Goals And Dreams

dreamer

I mentioned in this week’s DreamWard Bound post that I was going to sit down and revise not only my goals but my dreams or end goals. I wanted to start from scratch and figure out where I actually want to go from where I am.

I have done this at least one other time and I do not believe I shared the entire thing that I wrote about my goals and dreams. I have big dreams and sometimes I wonder if I share them if that will hurt my  chances of getting them. Well, more and more I am realizing that dreams are just goals without actionable steps being taken. My dreams might be larger than my life, but I do have small steps to walk towards them. I am creating goals for my life to bring me to my dreams.

Since my ideas of dreams and goals have changed, I would like to share with you my end goal and what I imagine my perfect life to be. I am not saying that my life will be perfect. It will just be perfectly suited for me. I know there will be hard times and sacrifices that I must make along the way, but it will be worth it.

Here you go.

Goals and Dreams:

Where do I start? In my dreams I am a happy artist.

My main focus is writing and acting. I wake up early most days and work long hours when I am on set. I am warm and friendly to both cast and crew. People Enjoy working with me. I work on either faith-based of sci-fi/ fantasy based movies or television shows portraying strong women, dorky side kicks, independent women or other roles that break false images of women or Christians. My main focus with acting is to shine the light of God’s love and the strength he gives his daughters. I want mainstream media to stop putting down or giving a false image of Christian women.

I want to be a part of a movement where we bring Christian morals back to entertainment and art. I want to help people see that Christianity is about loving each other and God’s love. I want to show and teach people that religion for religion’s sake is wrong, but a loving relationship with God is the way to live. He is the one who can save the world and he is the reason for love. Jesus came to the world not to condemn it but to save it and the world should know that. I want to help the world learn that kind of love.

Sorry for that little rant. Let me continue with the other areas of my future life.

I have a fan base that feels comfortable around me and who I actually help. They find support along with a distant friend in me.

I am more than an actor though. I also write and publish books. I have my blog, but my books are my main writing focus and means of income as far as writing is concerned.

I also work towards crossing 1 item off my bucket list each year.

When I am not writing or acting I want to be training BJJ or even another martial art. I want to be able to learn from every aspect of my life and use it towards acting, writing or any other art form I may take up. BJJ helps me prepare for fight scenes and give me confidence and friendship. My end goal with BJJ is to be physically healthy, able to protect myself, and perhaps even become a black belt.

For my family I imagine that I am close and talk often to both my real family and my church family. I know that they will always be there for me and they support me the best way they can. I want to be able to support them also with the needs they have. I also want to become as open as possible with each and every family member, creating relationships with no walls.

I know that I can do all this because I am focused on God. He is the only way that I will stay on track. I will grow my relationship with him daily either by prayer, podcasts, books, sermons, audio-books or conversations directed towards God.

My goals that I have are as follows:

Spiritual: In order to focus on God more fully I will not watch tv or YouTube, unless with friends or it’s teaching on God, for the next 3 months (until September 13th) and with that extra time I will listen to a podcast or read a Biblical based book. This time will be focused on growing my understanding about God and exploring where he might be leading me.

 Relationship: I will tell one person that I love them every day for the next month (until July 13th) and try to start a conversation with them. I am doing this to strengthen my relationships and spread my love.

Physical: I am going to train BJJ at least 3 days and do bed-room workouts 2 other days every week. In addition I am going to eat 1 organic meal a week and at least 1 healthy meal every day. I will do this for the next month (until July 13th).

Editing: I will spend 30 hrs in the next 30 days editing my book (July 13th), keeping in mind that my new deadline for the second draft is November 1st.

Acting/ Writing: I will write 1 monologue a week and record at least 1 monologue a month. I will post every monologue that I record to YouTube to help grow my audience and receive feedback. I will do this for 3 months (until September 13th).

A Sunday Afternoon's DreamWard Bound

successAlthough I typically try to write these on Saturdays, I had no motivation to do anything yesterday. I also did not feel like I was dreamward bound. I basically was a Debby downer for myself and the worst part is that I gave into it. I gave in to the lack of energy, lack of motivation, and lack of belief in myself.

It is a good thing that today is a new day. Today I am focusing on the fact that I live among people who love me and support me. I actually did a bunch of creative things this week and did editing work on my novel.

I am overdue to revise my goals, which may be the reason for the feeling that I am not heading towards my dreams and my dream life. I am happy with my life for the most part, I just know that it could be better in some areas. More and more I realize one area that could improve is my work life. I would love to just write, paint, and act all day long. I am a far way off from that life though. I just need to keep working on my artistic skills and be open to share my art with the world. One day I will be living my dream life and when that day comes all this struggling getting there will be worth it.

Reviewing and revising my goals will be helpful in that it will remind me of my dreams and where I actually want to be in my life. Revising my goals is something to do after I publish this post, though.

I mean I don’t have much else to say, except this week felt a little crazy. It was all work and being a busy bee type of thing. Nothing too interesting in the details of the week.

I guess I can finish this post and go revise the goals. I will leave you with the list of things I did this week.

Asking a question and then ramblings about Love (A Vlog

)

Telling My Dream 

Where I write

Friendship (A Poem)

Weekly Writing Prompt

Telling My Dream

encouragement

The inspiration for this post comes from my weekly writing prompt series. The prompt is ‘Write a poem or short story with the sentence, “I didn’t want to tell my dreams to someone new.” ‘

I didn’t want to tell my dreams to someone new.
I wanted you to be the only one who knew.
But like a bird away you flew.
Leaving alone to see you in a new hue.

No, I didn’t even want to tell you my dream.
I wanted it to be my scheme,
but you pushed saying we will be a team.
Yet, you still left before the sun even shared a beam.

Just A DreamWard Bound Post

success

This has been a week of thought it seems. I’ve been in my head trying to figure out a few things. One of the things that have been on my mind lately is my time. Mainly I need to figure out how to get more time out of my day.

This week besides trying to get more time out of my days I also worked on my novel. I realized quickly that chapter 1 was a solid chapter, but chapter 2 was a rambling mess. Most of my week’s editing time was spent marking sections to be taken out and figuring out where/ how I can split it into 2 chapters.  Since I was able to split chapter 2 into 2 chapters I am now on chapter 4.

There wasn’t much update worthy things that happened this week, besides the two mentioned above. Mostly because it at least seemed like this week was a lot of random activities and events. I was also on a different schedule at work, due to the role I was in.

The only writing post I did was my weekly writing prompt which you can read if you follow the link. Hopefully I will have more for you to read next week.

My Writing Warrior Challenge

draft1.5 011

Since my first 100 day challenge went so well, I have decided to do another. In the first challenge I focused on getting in better shape for my Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu. Now, since I am going to try to increase my classes I thought it would be good to challenge myself in a different aspect of my life.

This challenge will focus on my brain, more specifically editing. I already procrastinated past the deadline I gave myself. It is time to get this book’s second draft finished.

Now I am not saying I will finish editing my book in 100 days. That would stress me out more than it would be helpful.  No my writing warrior challenge is much more simple. I will edit for 20 minutes a day. Some days I will be able to edit more, but I will not edit any less. If I do I start the count over.

Unlike the other challenge I will not be logging a thought a day. I will most likely tweet more about this challenge, but not a thought every day. I am already thinking a bunch trying to edit the book.

The good news is that I’m already on day 2 with most of the 20 minutes done. That being said I will let you know how it all went 98 days from now.

The Whole 100 Day Challenge Thoughts

ocean walk 192

 

101 days ago now I started a challenge that I challenged myself to. This challenge was to create an exercise routine that I can do everyday for 100 days.

I got this idea from a friend at work who is doing a 100 day challenge for herself. She has her 15 minute routine that she does every day. She found this “century” challenge first from a sword fighting challenge she heard of or did. It was basically 100 strikes for 100 days. She took the idea and made it into a workout challenge.

I took this idea and made it my own.

Here is my challenge that I started to refer to as the workout. It’s 10 reps of 10 different exercises

  • 10 Squats (and hold for 10 seconds after)
  • 10 Russian Twists
  • 10 push ups (hold in plank for 10 seconds after)
  • 10 crunches
  • 10 shrimp/ hip escapes (each side)
  • 10 hip switches (another shrimping move)
  • 10 bridges
  • 10 bicycles (to each side)
  • 10 leg lifts
  • 10 Cross-body mountain Climber (That may not be the name, but I know what it means)

The catch with this challenge is that I would do these exercises for 100 days and if I missed a day I would reset the day count. This means if I am at day 66 and missed a day I would have to reset the day count, so the next day I will be at day 0 or 1 depending if I actually workout.

If you read my first challenge post the challenge did change a little. I realized that I could not do any sort of roll in my room, where I did the workout. I also marked the bicycles differently because I counted the right way (1 meant both sides) and wanted to keep it consistent with the other counting.

I did mention that I was going to keep track of the challenge with a log of some kind. It turned out to be a paper taped to my bathroom mirror. I wrote a line a day and posted the thoughts throughout the challenge after I filled up a sheet.

Here is the full 100 day list of thoughts as I did this challenge.

  1. It does not matter when you start, just that you start.
  2. Starting is the hardest and scariest part of the journey but needed. (I also wrote see twitter for 2.2.15, which says, “One day I will be able to submit someone in a fight, today is not that day, but it was a learning day closer”)
  3. Change, goals, and dreams don’t happen overnight, work towards them day after day.
  4. Convincing yourself you’re worth the work is work but worth it.
  5. Little by little and step by step is what it takes to see massive changes.
  6. By pushing yourself to do something you don’t think you can do you may find out you can.
  7. Fighting for tomorrow mean giving up you’re today. Also there is 2 parts of you the cannot and the can learn how to make the can side win. (That was after a 2 am workout, because I stayed out late with my friends)
  8. If you know how you learn, you will learn more. (This was a class day.)
  9. Working for what you want will pay off if you are constant.
  10. You know you’ve found your thing when the pain is worth it. (This was followed by a side note of  “yay, chokes. :-)”)
  11. Sometimes you just need to take way the options, make your step towards success mandatory.
  12. Starting is the worst, it’s hard and sucks, but shows you what you can do. Stick with it. You got this.
  13. I may be tired; I may not be clever, but I am doing what I set out to do.
  14. Your goals should be fun, educational and worth the pain. (This was another class day.)
  15. Making a goal a need makes it easier to do, even if it’s by force.
  16. Friends should make the goals easier. (This should be a class day note.)
  17. It’s getting easier.
  18. You know you’re doing something different and hard when you start to question seeming random choices in your life.
  19. I guess some days you just do and not learn.Doing is valuable too
  20. Some days you just have to make time. It’s worth it.
  21. Pushing yourself forward is just walking on a path or journey towards your goals. (This was a class day, also.)
  22. You can do anything as long as you work for it.
  23. People will notice your efforts. Keep on to show yourself your efforts. (This was a class day, I  know because people are starting to see my efforts in class. I don’t yet see my improvements, though. I still feel like a newbie who knows nothing.)
  24. Strength is worked at not given.
  25. You can still work even if you are tired. It will be more of an accomplishment.
  26. Sometimes realizing it’s the last part of the day makes the rest worth it.
  27. Sometimes seeing the tally marks is the only thing to make you/ me to do another day.
  28. If someone, even yourself, says you can’t tell them/ you that you can or show them.
  29. Today I didn’t really know why I was doing my challenge, but that did not stop me from doing it.
  30. Today fun was brought, along with struggle, learning, fighting and sore body. I’m smiling. (It was a class day.)
  31. Forgot to mark I guess I wasn’t thinking only doing.
  32. It’s midnight, I’m not going to be smart. Do it. IT’s easier once it’s a habit.
  33. Another midnight workout. Tired but smiling. I did stuff today. Improv, site and workout.
  34. Not related, but still what I was thinking. Beauty is in the heart and soul not body. New tonight I actually do a sit up fully.
  35. Sometimes you learn from what other people do. I’m smiling. (It was a class day.)
  36. My knee is hurting so I changed things up and did extra of what I could. I didn’t let pain win, I adapted.
  37. Ow, everything hurts, but that doesn’t mean I’m quitting gotta keep fighting on. (It was a class day.)
  38. If I feel my muscles they are solid and great. I’m sore but strong.
  39. I wanted to go for a walk today as if my brain is changing.
  40. I realized today I’m working on being the dream girl for my dream guy which some how means I can’t live in a dream world. (I actually wrote a post about this.)
  41. 42% done. (I was a day off). I’m feeling awesome about working out when I wanted to sleep.
  42. Friends make things better. Also experiencing different things. (It was a class day.)
  43. A workout routine or goal routine gets better with momentum so once you start don’t stop.
  44. It always is great when people can see the results of your efforts. (It was a class day.)
  45. Just looking and knowing your progress/ journey helps.
  46. No one really knows where you started only results and what you share.
  47. Just doing what you set out for means something.
  48. I want to be where I want to be but I know once I get there I’ll want to be somewhere else.
  49. Halfway there baby! And almost didn’t even mark it. (Again a day early)
  50. I feel like I had an accomplished day, which I haven’t felt like in a while. It made me want to do more.
  51. Make sure you’re smiling more than you are frowning.
  52. Schedule, plan and remember your goals during the day.
  53. I’m tougher and stronger than I give myself credit for and you most likely are the same.
  54. Feeling pooped and icky is not an excuse. You can still reach for your goals. ( I was happy with this day, since there was a smiley face after it.)
  55. I’m so ready for bed, but I did my exercises so won’t be angry with myself tomorrow.
  56. Good day, good training and good fun. (It was a BJJ class day and I was smiling.)
  57. I feel like a warrior. A sneezing warrior, but still I’m a fighter now.
  58. I took the day off get stuff done and did everything and them some with a smile on my face. (It was another smiling BJJ class day.)
  59. I am becoming a better me at least with fitness. Life is a process.
  60. Only 40 more days until a new goal or challenge. I’m excited.
  61. I’m realizing the scale is not my friend. I am tougher than it tell me since I am not used to muscle.
  62. I didn’t think about working out I just did it. That’s what happens when goals become habit.
  63. You can learn anything, just try and ask questions. ( It was a BJJ class day. )
  64. New goals, new challenges and dreams combine beautifully.
  65. Pushing yourself when you think you can’t won’t only prove the negative thought bit also put a smile on your face.
  66. Always looking back may be a bad thing. Yet being reminded of how far you’ve come is good.
  67. Even if you don’t feel like you can do it doesn’t mean you can’t. You can do it.
  68. You really do control your attitude and mood so believe you can and be happy.
  69. It’s hard to do your daily goals when your routine is off; hard not impossible.
  70. Pushing yourself is always good. ( I went to my first BJJ tournament on this day.)
  71. No matter what you think you are awesome. (I went to the tournament again and decided I wanted to start working towards competing.)
  72. I may have shown up lat to class but I showed up. (I showed up half an hour late to class because of traffic and work. I still showed up though.)
  73. You life is yours so live you life and achieve your goals.
  74. Being positive and thinking positive changes everything.
  75. I’m pretty sure I can do anything I set my mind to and you can too.
  76. Since I danced and did kick boxing I did my workout a bit different but I did it.
  77. The challenge is paying off. I’m seeing physical, mental and endurance changes. (I went to class that day. I must have been able to do more than normal.)
  78. Always be honest with yourself and know what motivate you.
  79. Hobbies and goals should be fun work. If not why do them. (I went to class and it must have been a fun one, since I was thinking about fun work.)
  80. Woot! It’s tough but I keep going (This was on day 80).
  81. Support is great and needed to have. Be grateful for your support system.
  82. It amazes me what a little bit of happiness can do sometimes. (Meaning some times it amazes me.  A little bit of happiness can do so much.)
  83. I can do anything because I keep the right attitude.
  84. A little encouragement can go a long way. (This was a class day.)
  85. I really fought with myself to do the workout but I did it and I am happy I did.
  86. I have the biggest smile on my face because I learn so much and felt the workout like crazy. (I had a Monday class, so yeah it was a workout.)
  87. The mind is powerful don’t waste it.
  88. I can tell this is still just the beginning of my healthy journey, but I’ve already come so far.
  89. It all seems like a mind game right now, and I am winning.
  90. 2 classes =2.5 hours is a great way to celebrate day 90.
  91. Only 9 more days and I’m feeling great. (Said with two smiles worth of happiness after another class.)
  92. Today seemed like a long day, good but long. Also I am loving BJJ more and more.
  93. I pulled something at class, so the last 7 days will be interesting.
  94. The pulled muscle/ part of leg is feeling better, still modified my workout. I’m happy with the results. I keep on going.
  95. Still modified the workout, but did more of what I can do. Only 5 more days now. Time to finish strong.
  96. Still modified the workout, still doing workout plus a little extra. I’m feeling positive with 4 days to go.
  97. I still modified the workout, but did even more of what I can do. Also I use to not be able to do 10 crossovers/ Russian twists. Now I can do 30 non-stop which makes me smile.
  98. I had a great class and really happy with my improvements.
  99. One more day. I’m feeling like a warrior. (Said with a smile on my face.)
  100. Woot! Woot! Yeah Buddy! I did 100 days and ended with an awesome class.

My final thoughts of this challenge was that it is great. I can do more of the basic exercises and can do my shrimping moves better. While doing what the workout I also stretched before hand on most days. This started as a bonus but is actually the part that I can see myself carrying still.

More than being better at the basics of BJJ this challenge showed me that I am determined. It also taught me that my brain is powerful and can over come my body. If I push with my brain and heart my body will follow; If I try to push with my body my brain will turn my will off.

If nothing else I will take away the strength of my brain.

Now it is on to my next 100 challenge that will be focusing on that brain of mine. More details will come in a different post. I’m pretty sure you are done reading this, just like I am done writing this.

Lastly, again YAY! I finished.

Last part of 100

ocean walk 192This list of daily thoughts start at day 82 of my 100 day challenge to myself. It ends with day 100. I will be posting the entire list  along with my closing thoughts soon. I just know that if I don’t post this I will be asking myself where it is at one point.

  1. It amazes me what a little bit of happiness can do sometimes. (Meaning some times it amazes me.  A little bit of happiness can do so much.)
  2. I can do anything because I keep the right attitude.
  3. A little encouragement can go a long way. (This was a class day.)
  4. I really fought with myself to do the workout but I did it and I am happy I did.
  5. I have the biggest smile on my face because I learn so much and felt the workout like crazy. (I had a Monday class, so yeah it was a workout.)
  6. The mind is powerful don’t waste it.
  7. I can tell this is still just the beginning of my healthy journey, but I’ve already come so far.
  8. It all seems like a mind game right now, and I am winning.
  9. 2 classes =2.5 hours is a great way to celebrate day 90.
  10. Only 9 more days and I’m feeling great. (Said with two smiles worth of happiness after another class.)
  11. Today seemed like a long day, good but long. Also I am loving BJJ more and more.
  12. I pulled something at class, so the last 7 days will be interesting.
  13. The pulled muscle/ part of leg is feeling better, still modified my workout. I’m happy with the results. I keep on going.
  14. Still modified the workout, but did more of what I can do. Only 5 more days now. Time to finish strong.
  15. Still modified the workout, still doing workout plus a little extra. I’m feeling positive with 4 days to go.
  16. I still modified the workout, but did even more of what I can do. Also I use to not be able to do 10 crossovers/ Russian twists. Now I can do 30 non-stop which makes me smile.
  17. I had a great class and really happy with my improvements.
  18. One more day. I’m feeling like a warrior. (Said with a smile on my face.)
  19. Woot! Woot! Yeah Buddy! I did 100 days and ended with an awesome class.

Bonus/ ending thought: You can do anything if you really want to. This is proof of it.

 

Here Is A DreamWard Bound Post

success

Hello, reader.  I am yet again writing this later than I like. I blame the wonderful naps I took and the events I had this weekend. It started with 2 BJJ classes on Friday after work, which I followed by sushi, ice-cream, and a movie. The movie was with friends, but the sushi and ice-cream was some apparently needed me-time. It was really great to do what I wanted and enjoy spending time out and about with no one else.

On Saturday I had another BJJ class, so I’m kind of sore. I then got ready as fast I could and went to a The Gravity’s show. It was a great show and the band rocked it. The band is filled with talent musician and if you can ever listen to their stuff (cover songs) I suggest you do. Plus, they know how to be performers, so seeing one of their shows is always fun. After that fun show and having class I opened this post to write this but got as far as adding the picture before realizing I needed a nap.

Today I went to church, served, and then out for a sushi lunch with friends. Lunch was followed by another nap. I woke up and did not want to get out of bed, so now I’m writing this post around dinner time. Still, I am writing this post and that is all that really matters.

Of course, now I cannot remember what I did this week. This weekend totally erased last week I guess, which is good. I will start this coming week refreshed and with a clean slate.

I do know that between eating right and having 2.5 hours of BJJ on Friday I am on the downward trend with my weight. I started at 183 and now am at 176.

I am also listening to at least Air1 at least going to my carpool, which is my 10 minutes of listening/ learning about God. This week since I am driving in by myself I do plan on listening to audio books for the 45 minute (or more) drive.

As for my goal about posting 5 times a week, well I haven’t found the right schedule for that. Also it seems like I need to make a new deadline for my second draft completion for my novel. I just haven’t been able to sit and write or edit these past weeks. This is why they are goals though. I am working towards getting my second draft done and writing 5 creative posts a week.

I did write some this week, so here are the posts.

Weekly Writing prompt

Over 3/4th of the way to 100

Why Do I  Love You?

I hope you enjoy my writing.