The lead up to The confirmation process:
I grew up with a base knowledge of Christianity through Catholicism. I would go to St. John’s Catholic church most Sundays. I don’t remember ever paying attention. Instead, I would sit in the pews and doodle back and forth with my sister.
When I started high school I was given the option of to be confirmed into the Catholic church. That seemed like the thing you were suppose to do, so in 9th grade I started the process.
I went to the classes that taught us the prayers and I guess religious knowledge. Nothing stuck. I do not know what I actually learned during those classes. I do remember that the classes took place in the basement of the school across the street from the church, and most of the time I felt pretty alone. I didn’t know anyone and I was shy. They all either went to the Catholic school or the public highs school. I went to a vocational high school and no friends from my junior high school went to these classes. I was the shy outsider.
In order to get confirmed you also had to do a certain amount of volunteer hours. I volunteered at a soup kitchen for community hours. Again, I didn’t feel like I quite belonged and didn’t know what I was doing. I just knew it was part of the process.
I finished all the requirements, but due to a scheduling issue I could not actually get confirmed with the classmates I had learned with. I was confirmed at my Memere’s church instead.
What happened shortly after confirmation:
Shortly after my confirmation I decided to look into my friend’s religion. I thought that if my faith was real it wouldn’t matter and I would be able to learn a different aspect of my friend. I soon found interest in this new religion and even started to believe in it. I chose to believe in what Wicca taught and became a pagan.
It took many years before I would even think about revisiting a church or remember that I was confirmed as a Catholic.
Looking Back:
Looking back, I turned away from Catholicism and Christianity, because I didn’t have a real faith. I also didn’t have a community that I could call my own. I felt more of a belonging with my Wicca friends, rather than my Catholic church.
My Catholic faith wasn’t really mine. I focused on what I ought to do with my Catholic faith. In contrast I focused on what I wanted while practicing Wicca. Both paths led me to finding who I truly am.
I needed to give away the gift of my faith to another religion, before being able to accept the gift of Christianity.
I do see God in all of this. He protected me through the years of disobedience and showed me the way to my own path.
If I didn’t go astray I wouldn’t be walking the path I am on now and would not have a deeper understanding of God or an actual relationship with the creator of the universe.