feelings Archives - Tiffany Joy

Crush

by tiffanyrandom ramblings December 20, 2014No Comments

I do have a crush. It is a crush with the knowledge that the name of it is coming. Like an attack on my heart temporarily wounding my soul.

If there were real dating leagues he would be one higher than mine. If you write him on paper he would be the perfect of husband material. I could ignore the league and rip the paper. Yet, I cannot ignore the melting of my heart when he smiles.

I want to be safe in his arms, nuzzling close to his heart. I want to invite him into my world to see the serious turn silly, which I’ve seen glimpses of. I want to join his world and learn how strength feels.

I would invite him, let him know that my heart skips a beat when I see him; tell him that his smile melts my heart. I would tell him anything and everything, except my insecurities creep up. The voice I promised myself I would ignore shouts that he is on a pedestal to high for me to get. The voice of my insecurities and fear yells that I am not worth his love and I think him so grand that I believe it. I won’t let him decide how he feels. I will wait until I can’t take the waiting, worrying and fame of what ifs, become more than I can bear. One I am convinced one way or the other I will buckle down and confess in a way that does really give him a real choice. That is when my heart will be crushed and my feelings will bleed with salt water from my eyes.

Yes, my heart will be crushed or maybe there is another way. Perhaps this time will be different. I don’t know how to flirt or read subtle signs, but I can be bold. I can ask for advice. I can request help in understanding my real options. There is a way to be open in the middle of my fear.

I will try this time and if my heart is crushed than my friends can help me glue it back together. Yes, I will go into battle to fill my heart’s desire with a medical kit if it breaks.

It's A Poem

by tiffanymy creative self, Poetry August 21, 2014No Comments

Shh, don’t tell me
these feelings are inside.
I do wonder if you can see
this thing that I almost try to hide.

You have to know
why I’m not shouting it.
I don’t know how this feeling will grow
and I may be shy a bit.

I thought this would be a longer poem, but it’s not. I said what I needed to and hope you enjoy it.

Split Flower(Art Write-Up)

by tiffanyVisual art August 25, 2013April 2, 2019No Comments

Title:Split Flower
Size: 16 x 20 inches
Medium: Acrylic paint on canvas
Summary: It started simply with the butterfly trying to save the caterpillar who was not ready to fly yet. Through the painting process the plant with two different flowers started, which represent the two different feelings that were felt while trying to drag the caterpillar away.

Write-Up: This is one of the first paintings I created with a purpose and a clear message behind it. I had something to say that I didn’t want to put into exact words. I was not ready for that yet in this situation.

I chose the yellow background as a way to hide what I thought was dark. This painting is about an internal struggle and I did not want to be honest about that fact. However, when the background was just yellow it felt like too much of a lie. I added shades of splattered red to give a messier feeling; this is about a struggle even if I wanted to hide some of that fact.

In this painting I split the canvas in half diagonally. The lower half has the darker flower, with a darker explosion of feelings behind it. It is also underlined with an unnatural dark green fire that is almost translucent.

The top right half is lighter. The flower has more white in it and the feelings behind the flower are light pinks, yellows, and white. There is also cleansing and peaceful lavender water dripping down.

The main focus is the butterfly who is trying to rescue a caterpillar. The caterpillar itself is basic with only stripes, but the butterfly’s wings are complex with different layers and sections.

This panting represents my struggles to accept that the person who I wanted to love was not ready or not interested in the change I had gone through. I was different and happy with becoming a Christian and felt as though I was given a new life. I was a new being and wanted him to be one too. I wanted to rescue him from what he was, instead of letting him find his own way.

GROWING POEMS FOR SALE

by tiffanyLife, my creative self July 30, 2013No Comments

I’m not sure if any one noticed but I have not been posted daily. This is because I have been hard at work putting together the best of my poems. I’ve taken ones through out my life, including a few from this blog. I then edited them, polished them up, and fix what needed to be fixed with them. Now the best of my poetry is all in one e-book. I do plan to publish a hard copy poetry book, but will need to write about 40 more poems worth adding into a book. So, if you want to see the progression of my work buy my book for 1.50 at Lulu.comor ibookstore (for you ipad/ iphone) or on your nook.