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Love Nerd: Neck Fat

by tiffanyLove NerdPosted on No Comments

Story Time

If you read my book To Love, you know I’ve tried online dating. I tried 3 times and technically I am still on a site. I have had little luck with online dating, but I have gotten a couple stories from it.

My favorite story is one that took place during my second round of online dating. I started talking with a guy that lived on the other side of the country. It would be a long-distance relationship, but I didn’t want that to stop me. We both figured we should try to see if a long-distance thing would work.

We talked via texts for about a week, then had a video date. Because of work issues, the video date almost didn’t happen. When the date happened, I already had my pajamas on with messy hair. He was already relaxing in his bed in his pajamas, which did not include a shirt.

We chatted for a little, but he had to get off to help a friend who was texting him. After the call, I texted him to tell him I was getting ready for bed and I would talk to him the next day. He responded with saying he didn’t think we should continue the long-distance thing. 

I asked “why.” He acted like it would offend me. My goal was to learn if it was something I should change. I wanted any feedback I could get too, since I don’t date too much. After a bit of prying, he told me his shallow reason.

His reason to stop talking, “neck fat.”

I immediately realized that was all on him. It didn’t offend me and I almost found his reason funny. He acted like he could break my heart. He told me he was aware of his shallowness and that he tried to get over his issues. It seemed like an actual struggle for him.

I suggested working through this struggle with God in prayer and meditation to which he responded with he had, but it’s just how God made him.

I stopped the conversation after that. If you act like something is an issue and want to change it, you can’t also say it’s just who you are. If you don’t like what you see in yourself or who you are, you do possess the power to change.

I love telling the story. I find the specificness with his shallowness funny. He did not care that I was not a twig or that I have a rounder body than he would prefer. It was specifically my neck fat.

I guess I shouldn’t have the phone like this.

Love Nerd: Neck Fat
Want More?

This blog series stems from my book “To Love,” which has a whole YouTube Playlist devoted to it. I will also be posting more in this series on the Love Nerd page of this site.

She and He excerpt To Love

She and He (To Love Excerpt)

by tiffanyTo Love UpdatesPosted on No Comments

She and He is an excerpt from my new book To Love. All the excerpts of To Love can be found on the To Love section of my site. You can purchase the book on Amazon.

She and He

They met in a dream. He owned the dream which trapped her. It was a mystery to him how She became trapped. He only knew She could not leave his dream.

At first, He thought She was a figment of his imagination; something his sub-conscious created. He became certain She was a real person, when She disagreed with him and had opinions of her own that did not match his. They were in fact soul-mates, which meant they were perfect for each other. Every time they disagreed or had differing opinions they were stretching and growing each other, the way you do in a healthy relationship.

She always looked for strong, tall, good-looking nerds. He always looked for someone smart and beautiful inside and out. Both He and She found it hard to find their matches. They did not fit into most groups in reality, so He retreated into his mind. He would dream of the girl who would in return dream of him.

She dreamed of him. How much she dreamed of him was hard to explain. She saw the possibility of him everywhere. She would ask herself if the man behind the counter was a possible match. Perhaps the truck driver in front of her car would fall in love with her? Could it be the man that smiled at her on the street? She tried to find a fit in with every man She met, but they never looked towards her to be their match.

Then one day He and She met in their dreams. They sat in an old gazebo surrounded by cherry blossom trees in full bloom. As they sat in each other’s arms they talked and they shared vivid stories that came to life on a screen in the gazebo. He woke and She waited.

He would work the day and tell her all about it when He fell back to sleep. She enjoyed watching his memories replay and He loved to narrate. The nights turned into weeks.

Then one night She did not meet him in his dreams. She had freed herself. His dreams no longer trapped her, but She could not find her way back to him.
Now He waited in this dream state. Without company, the night dragged on. He could only wait in his dream until reality woke him.

Normal dreams crept back into his life. He gave up the hope of her. He succumbed to the belief that She was simply a fantasy that once lived in his dreams.

The day that brought their realities together started like any other normal day for him. Nothing would stand out as abnormal or interesting until they met.
Their meeting would change their lives fast and forever.

He visited his mother in the hospital. His mother was admitted for a small stroke and was already quickly recovering.

He took the elevator up to his mother’s floor, but never reached his mother’s room. The lady He had dreamed about was walking slowly towards him. She struggled with every step while wearing a hospital gown and a bandage around her head.

He saw her before She saw him. It was not until He was rushing towards her She even realized that He was a possibility. They warmly embraced and never again questioned the reality of one another. They were together and always would be.

Want More?

To Love is sold on Amazon and if you would like to read more excerpts you can go the To Love Updates section of this site. I also created some fun promotional videos on Youtube.

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Love Nerd: The Joys and Downside of Singleness

by tiffanyLife, Love NerdPosted on No Comments

In the “Chronically Single” post, I mentioned that being single can be a blessing. There are both joys and a downside to singleness.

Instead of being overly wordy I figured I’d list them out for you.

The Joys Of Singleness

  1. I Don’t need to share the bed.
  2. My sleep cycle is not interfered with by someone else’s.
  3. My free time is my own to schedule. I don’t need to check-in with anyone.
  4. I can spend more time learning about myself.
  5. Time with God and growing in a relationship can be priority in my life.
  6. My plans and the life I want to live are my own. I do not have to work around my partner’s desires
  7. My money is my money, not our money, so I can spend it how I see fit.
  8. I don’t have to worry about making food for anyone else. I can make what I want.
Joys of singleness from joys and downside of singleness

The Downside Of Singleness

  1. My plans and the life I am living are my own. I don’t have someone to help me make life choices. It’s all up to me.
  2. There is no real daily support with challenges in my life or other life stuff. If needed I have to actively look for support.
  3. I need to do all the household chores.
  4. My money is the only money I have to survive (there is no extra income from a spouse).
  5. There isn’t anyone to challenge me to grow. At least not within my home.
  6. It can get lonely being single.
downside of singleness from joys and downside of singleness

These are my own lists. If you are single, whether chronically or just temporarily single, I am sure your list is a bit different. I would love to hear what are the joys and downside of being single are for you. Let be know below or on one of my social media accounts (tiffyjoyberry).

Want More?

This blog series stems from my book “To Love,” which has a whole YouTube Playlist devoted to it. I will also be posting more in this series on the Love Nerd page of this site.

sub-letter #7 to love excerpt blog logo

Sub-Letter #7 (To Love Excerpt)

by tiffanyTo Love UpdatesPosted on No Comments

Sub-Letter #7

Hey there Mister Mystery,

There are so many unanswered questions about you in my mind. Only you can answer these questions. It is hard for me to have questions remain unanswered. However, I am learning to be patient and work on becoming my ideal self. I’m finding enjoyment in bettering myself and keeping myself busy with working on my goals. Also, I find it easier to wait for you when I am regular with praying for you or just praying in general.

If I’m working on me and drawing closer to God, it is easier to see I’m doing all I can.

Praying and drawing close to God also helps me to see what I can change and accept what I cannot. He is a great comforter and guide.

You know what? I can even give you a more step-by-step explanation on how I deal with not knowing you and not knowing all the answers I want to know.

First, I read the Bible as much as I can. Most of the time this means reading between 6 and 18 chapters a week. The more scripture I read the more I learn about what God has already done for those who love him. My confidence in His power and my faith in Him knowing what is best grows with each chapter I read. The more I read, the more God becomes my life’s foundation and I realize how secure I am.

I also pray daily. To be honest with you, like I promised earlier, some days it is just a quick good-morning or “please, be with those hurting people.” Other days, I will spend half an hour in prayer that starts with thanksgiving, but most of the time my prayers flow into venting all my hurts and problems. After those times of prayer, I leave refreshed knowing that my problems are in God’s capable hands. Again, He is a great comforter for your soul.

In addition, I try to journal 2 times a day as reflection, each time is about 1-5 sentences. It is when I wake up and when I go to sleep. Most of the time it is just notes either about how I slept or about my day. Sometimes it is just, “I need to pee!” Other times I can’t fit everything I want to say in the space I have given myself.

I like to review my goals and well my life at least once a month. This helps me stay focused on my goals, which helps a lot. If I’m on my game, I’ll review my goals and set new ones every week. It keeps me on the life path I want to be on and moving towards my ideal life.

Another good thing I do is what I’m calling self-dating or dating myself.

This means that almost every week, more often than not on Fridays, I’ll do something that could be a date. A lot of times it is going downtown for Sushi and then taking a walk while eating ice-cream. I’ve also gone to see a movie by myself in the theater or rented one from an online store. Some of time it’s buying good food from some place I like and relaxing at home for some me time.

All these things help me learn about myself, my needs, and how to be patient. Learning patience is a process though and at this moment I want the answers now. I want to know who you are.

I want to be my dream self and to figure out how to be my ideal self. I hope to be the dream girl of my dream guy. In my later writings I will explain what that means, but I’m still trying to stay in the correct chronological order. You’ll just have to wait. I also need to hunt down that writing, since it was hand written. It could be anywhere.

I own a lot of notebooks, since most of the time I have multiple notebooks that I am writing in at a time. Each has a theme such as journaling, creative writing, daily notes or ideas, and studies. I have also started project notebooks. As the notebooks fill up the themes or categories will sometimes blend. I mean sometimes a random thought comes about a writing project and the closest notebook is my journal. That or my train of thought will go from one topic to another with little warning. Once these things start my concern for keeping the theme correct will lower and soon it is all a mixture of ideas. This causes some difficulties in finding a particular writing.

I have begun to date and index my notebooks. I should note that I have only done this for my daily notebook, which I bring everywhere. The other notebooks, that are only for projects, are still complete messes of ideas. The complete mess of idea type of notebooks have dates, but that does not help when you don’t know when you wrote something.

Well, that was an off topic tangent.

You will notice I do that often. I hinted at that with the pogo-stick thought process. In my other writings I will edit the random off topic bounces out of my writings, but I will not do that here. I want to tell you everything and show you the inside of my mind. I want you to know everything about me, because one day I will learn everything about you.

To answer your question that I think you are asking. Yes, I realize that sounds stalker-like and creepy. I do not mean to be creepy sounding. I really am not obsessive. Let’s just ignore the fact that I am writing a book long love letter to someone that I don’t even know.

Hey look, a change in the topic.

In the end of 2011, I moved back to the east coast for a couple of years. I wanted to be around my family and thought moving back home would be the best thing for me. In a way it was. I learned a lot about myself, God, and my family when I moved back.

When I was planning the trip, I thought I would show my family my new life and spreading what I learned about God. I wanted to shine God’s light on to my family and share the little I understood about Him. He had different plans. Towards the end of my 2 years of living on the east coast again, I realized I did not go there to teach, but learn. I learned what I needed to be happy and now have a better understanding of my family members that I don’t think I had before. It took moving away, growing a bit, and moving back to show me things I missed before. I think it was a bonding experience for me and my family.

My time at home, living with my mom, step-dad, sister, and nephew, also grew my relationship with God. I had my social life built into my living situation with my sister, Poison-Berry Pie, nephew, and my mom living in the same house. Since I didn’t need to leave my home to be social, I had extra time on my hands. My mom mentioned that she did not agree with how much Poison-Berry Pie and I stayed at home. She thought we should be more social, but we were social. It was just we were social with one another and that was enough for us.

After years of fighting as kids and Mom telling us we would be best friends when we were older, we became best friends. It’s just that Mom thought we would have more friends.

I also did not have to drive far for work. I worked at a warehouse that was only 15 minutes down the road, if I drove slow.

I used my extra time to study the Bible and write.

Once I was settled into my living situation I had to search for a new church on my own. I was now exploring different styles and hearing different pastors speak. It widened my church experience and helped me filter down what I appreciate in a church.

I learned that I dislike typical churches where all the members appear to be over cleaned or born in pews. I know we are all cleaned by the blood of Christ, but I mess up and I don’t want to feel as though I have to hide when I fall. There is no growth or true community if everyone is hiding their flaws. It is like asking a flower to grow to the sun, but only letting the blossoms into the light. It won’t be truly healthy unless the whole plant is in the sun.

Another issue I had with the churches filled with people who appeared too clean was I felt like I had to dress a certain way to go. I enjoy expressing who I am through my appearance. Sometimes that is with a fun shirt with an elephant reading. Other times I express myself with bright red or blue hair. Although I’m sure I could technically do these things at the abundantly clean churches, I would stand out and draw attention to myself. Most of the people in the highly clean churches would wear nice button up shirts or dresses, which I also enjoy doing. I want the option to be whoever I want to look like any day of the week.

God sees me every day and I spend time with Him every day, so why should I look different on Sundays. I never understood wearing your Sunday best to church.

I also learned that I like smaller churches where I can connect with people. I want to be part of the community of the church, learning, and growing with people. I cherish real community and spending quality time being with fellow church members.

With each church I tried to go to a Bible study or small group. Besides the church I ended up going to for most of my time living on the east coast, the Bible studies were all female studies. Out of the two I remember I felt more welcomed and similar to the one with older ladies. The women that were my age seemed more focused on their husbands, kids, or other things that I could not relate to. I was clearly the outsider in that group. The older ladies primarily kept our time together focused on God and seemed more relaxed or use to their lives. They also noticed and included this shy introvert.

That was another pogo-stick bounce of thoughts. I only wanted to tell you I moved back to the east coast for a couple years. I guess expanding and sharing a little about my time there may be helpful or at least interesting. It shows that I struggled to find my church and feel as though I didn’t fit into some different churches I tried out.

Want More?

You can keep up to date on general information on To Love by going to To Love’s update page and read more blog posts and excerpts by going to the blog category. I also created a video playlist of promotional information.

You can now pre-order the e-book version on Amazon.

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Love Nerd: Chronically Single

by tiffanyLove NerdPosted on No Comments

What do I mean by chronically single and what is it like?

I define being chronically single as not going on a romantic date for over 5 years. This means you haven’t been in a romantic relationship or have had a romantic possibility for 5 years.

The short answer of what it is like is that it sucks and it is a blessing.

After you accept being single as the stage of life you’re in you can do a lot of things you didn’t realize you could do.

Going to dinner and a movie by yourself is a treat and becomes less awkward. Simply becoming more independent is a huge blessing that makes me feel free.

After awhile I realized I became happier and happier for my friends who find love. It turned from ‘why not me’ to ‘yay them.’ Happiness and love is not a competition it’s a celebration.

I am also able to see non-romantic love more and cheerish my friends and family more now that I stopped obsessing over my romantic life or lack there of.

Yes, I do still yearn for a romantic partner and someone to share my life with in a special way. However, it’s not the right timing yet.

I do pray for my future husband, whoever he may be. I am trying to keep my heart open to finding him. It’s not my whole life and I’m okay in the stage of life I’m in.

I’m learning a lot from being chronically single and loving what I’m learning, even if it is tough at times.

Want to read more?

This blog series stems from my book “To Love,” which has a whole YouTube Playlist devoted to it. I will also be posting more in this series on the Love Nerd page of this site.

Second-Hand Love Poem To Love Excerpt

Second-Hand Love (Excerpt from To Love)

by tiffanyPoetry, To Love UpdatesPosted on No Comments

To Know First

As part of promoting my book To Love, I will be sharing a few excerpts for the book. These will include both the main chapters, which I call ‘sub-letters’ and the creative pieces that I mixed in. 

My heart desires to write a love song
so deep, so true;
one that brings tears
or makes you say, “oh my dear.”
Desire fills me to write words
that could move mountains
or the hardest soul.
Darling, please urge yourself to weep,
as my romantic heart breaks,
because the only love I've known
seems to have been a mistake.
It was far away,
long ago and healed with time. 

The heart that broke is no longer mine.
The love I knew is a faded dream,
a distant mystery; 
nearly hidden
in the darkened valley of the changed girl.
Yes, I loved once,
but it was not deep, not true,
so how can I tell you of love?
What romance can I give,
except second-hand?

Want To Know More?

You can keep up to date on general information on To Love by going to To Love’s update page and read more blog posts and excerpts by going to the blog category. I also created a video playlist of promotional information.

You can also now purchase the book on Amazon.

Sub-letter #0 To Love Excerpt

Sub-Letter #0 (To Love Excerpt)

by tiffanyTo Love UpdatesPosted on No Comments
To Know First

As part of promoting my book To Love, I will be sharing a few excerpts for the book. These will include both the main chapters, which I call ‘sub-letters’ and the creative pieces that I mixed in.

Sub-letter #0

To Love,

Who are you?

I have written you a multitude of times and thought about you even more.
My imagination wonders if you are a doctor who will save my life. Is my love the lead singer in a band or a construction worker? Could my ideal partner be someone already around me? Will we not meet for years? Maybe you’re a successful actor I have already watched. You may be the man that sometimes visits me in dreams. Also, you may be the man across the table in this coffee shop.

There are many thrilling possibilities that may lead me to you and who you are. My mind enjoys playing with the different options and situations that may bring the one I’ll fall in love with into my life. Some of these playful notions remain in my mind as silly fantasies. Others find their way onto a piece of paper or onto a computer screen.

The imaginative thoughts that leak out as creative shouts on a two-dimensional surface either end their journey locked in a notebook or fight their way to my blog. A select few even found their way into my poetry book.

No matter where their journey ends these writings are not among their own kind. These writings are among non-romantic poetry, comedic short-stories, and venting monologues. If they live on my blog, they also compete with life updates, descriptions of my paintings, and any video that I make.

My romantic writings deserve to frolic with their own kind. I want my romantic energy flow into one place. I desire all of my romantic and loving creative pieces to be in one project.

Plus, I have letters written to you, my unknown love, among my notebooks. These letters are worth being shared.

One option is to just keep everything the same. I can technically wait to share my writings and letters with you; when we meet.

Waiting is an option, but I am unaware of when we will meet and I am not that patient. I want to share my romantic side with you, even before I meet you. You’re out there and one day you will read everything in this long love letter, so I might as well get started. Who knows? This may be what brings us together.

This book’s purpose may be to make me see you in a different light. Perhaps one that I haven’t imagined yet. Perhaps I will publish this, and we’ll meet because of this book. I could also see God using it to show you I had faith that you were real.

I don’t know the exact purpose of this long love letter. As it stands I’m not even sure what it will turn into. The real reason and the real project will remain a mystery unless I write, so I need to write.

I will not sit here and pretend to foresee the future and the purpose of this book. I won’t lie and tell you I know answers I don’t know. I will be honest with you and share what I can with you. I will also tell you my thoughts and opinions to the best of my abilities. I promise you these things here in this letter and I will promise you these things when we meet.

Now, onto the writings themselves. I will try to share my works in chronological order. I am not promising that this order will be absolutely accurate.

I want to show you how my image of you has changed and developed. It would also be nice for you to see how my idea of what is romantic has changed. However, not all my writings have dates and I’m sure I’ll find a few hidden in my notebooks after I start.

I will always be honest about what I know and my writings. Also, I’ll try to relate the writings to who I was at the time of writing. I hope that this long love letter will show you all of me.

I think I have rambled enough for the opening. I hope you understand what is going on with this long journey. If not, I guess you won’t be continuing to read. I mean unless the confusion is at least intriguing. Are you intrigued?

Want More?

You can keep up to date on general information on To Love by going to To Love’s update page and read more blog posts and excerpts by going to the blog category. I also created a video playlist of promotional information.

You can also now purchase the book on Amazon.

To Love The Poem excerpt from book

To Love: The Poem (An Excerpt)

by tiffanyPoetry, To Love UpdatesPosted on No Comments

As part of promoting my book To Love, I will be sharing a few excerpts for the book. These will include both the main chapters, which I call ‘sub-letters’ and the creative pieces that I mixed in. This first excerpt is the opening of the book. It is “To Love: The Poem”

 What does it mean to love?
 How does it look to love?
 Do you know the way to love?
 Could you point me down a path to love?
 

 
 I hope to love.
 I look at what it means to love.
 I dream of finding my way to love
 I search for answers to love.
 I do long to love,
 so I write to love.
Want More?

You can keep up to date on general information on To Love by going to To Love’s update page and read more blog posts and excerpts by going to the blog category. I also created a video playlist of promotional information.

You can also now purchase the book on Amazon.

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Love Nerd: Why Am I Single?

by tiffanyLife, Love NerdPosted on No Comments

I’ve asked my self one question over and over. Sometimes I have the answer, other times I’m confused and don’t understand. The repeated question is, “Why am I single?”

I’ve answered this question many ways.

First the answer was I don’t see anyone I want to date. There was never the perfect guy that fell right in front of my face. No obvious suitor came calling and there was no fairy-tale meet cute in the movie of my life.

By the time I realized I was fooling myself by waiting for something romantic to fall into my lap, I was writing “To Love” and trying to build my art business. My excuse changed from, ‘it’s out of my control,’ to ‘I don’t have time.’ I thought I couldn’t do or have both my art career and a romantic partner. There just wasn’t enough time in the day or energy in my soul.

All the while I had a little voice of fear in the back of my mind that said I would only get hurt. Part of me didn’t want to find someone, because I didn’t want the pain of a break up. It took me writing “To Love” to realize that fear though.

I’m happy to say now my excuse is that it takes time. I’m once again trying online dating and praying my eyes are open to the different possibilities. It also helps to be able to see that I have love and support from my friends and family. With them I can overcome every pain or fear that life throws my way. Another thing that helps is that I’m working on being the best version of myself.

Want to learn or read more?

This blog series stems from my book “To Love.” For more information on “To Love” you can also watching my YouTube playlist. I will also be posting more in this series on the Love Nerd page of this site.

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Introduction: Love Nerd

by tiffanyLove NerdPosted on No Comments

I am a Christian, a sister, and a friend. I’m an avid learner and artist. Also, I am a huge fan of love and a romantic. You can say I am a love nerd. Oh and another thing you should know is that I am single.

Being single is an identifier in my life’s current stage. It is also my blessing and my struggle. It is my freedom and my curse. Singleness has caused me to cry and caused me to dance with joy. Yeah, it’s a bit of an oxymoron, but both sides are true.

Being single has even taught me a lesson or two. It has showed me who I am and given me confidence in being the person I am made to be.

I am grateful that this is the struggle I’ve been given and the life issue that is closest to my life. My health, job situation, or family relations could be a lot worst. I could have actual real struggles, but I don’t.

Of course sometimes not having a partner feels like the end of the world and worst thing possible. During those dark moments I imagine bargaining away my health, a limb, or one of my senses, just to have a partner in life.

If you have been single for any major length of time you know the yearning for a partner comes in waves. Like any emotional thing in life relationships or lack there of are emotional roller coasters. As for right now I’m at the part of the roller coaster where I am at peace with the pain of being alone. It’s not that I’m numb to the loneliness. I’m just use to it.

My Singleness

I have been single for 10 years now. I have only kissed 1 guy in those 10 years and that was about 8 years ago. You can trust me when I say I know the single life.

I am truly chronically single. That does not mean I do not love or that I have not learned lessons about love. It is at the center of everything that is important to me. I just haven’t personally experienced romantic love in a very long time.

I also love learning about love and sharing my thoughts on love.

What are the different definitions of love? What comes first the action of love or the feelings of love? What does it truly mean to love?

I hope to answer these questions and more in this series. I also will share my journey to accepting my life stage with you and how I became a love nerd.

Want to learn or read more?

This blog series stems from my book “To Love” which I until February 13,2020 I have a kickstarter for. I will also be posting more in this series on the Love Nerd page of this site.