Can art go on art;
Laying on it like a lover?
One inspiring the other,
romantically entangled,
but no romance to handle?
Would the art be part of the other art;
like one piece of the whole is the heart?
It would supply life,
living as section,
being whole by being only a part.
This is just a fast little poem, but I hope you enjoy it. Let me know what you think.
Kitty is a character in my novel, who can not talk. She finds different ways to communicate and share knowledge. There is a lot to her, but she can’t always get that across. This monologue is an internal monologue taking place inside Kitty’s mind to Noah, one of the other main characters and the person she is closest to.
I do hear you. I do understand you. I do deserve my position. I really do and I know you know I should be where I am. I just wonder if the others think I belong. Sometimes I know that I don’t, but then you look at me and I belong. Your brother seems hard and protective of his mission. He can’t see that it is my mission too.
I am locked inside my mind. I wish I could just tell you and your brother. Really I wish I could tell everyone what is happening inside. It is like the neural pathways  connecting my voice and thoughts are missing. With every trauma or change they are erased and I must relearn how to make sounds that would be considered words. To make matters worst my memories are misplaced. They are not lost, just misplaced. This makes it hard even know what I know. All my memories are intact, but they are hidden from me and it seems like just when I find a memory or way to connect my vocal cords and thoughts together they are erased or jumbled up.
I hope you understand that I am doing my best. Your smile makes me think you know, but how? I never know until I start reconnecting things. Maybe that is why you’re with me; to help me remember that I am not permanently broken just different with misplaced memories.
Hopefully one day I will get to thank you. Hopefully one day everyone will understand. I am smart and I am worthy of helping. It may be a long time, but I do hope.
I hope you like this and if you follow my blog you will learn more about the characters of  Duality, since I am pretty focused on it. At least I am trying to be really focused on it.Â
Do you ever feel your other side; the side that you try to hide? Do you ever try to push it down lower, because that is not the side you want shown? Do you ever wish to get rid of the part of you that should not have any part of you? And do you feel like that side, that part, could create a whole other you?
I once wrote, “I am Jekyll, but there is a Hyde.” I thought I got rid of that side, but in fact it just ran to hide. You see I am me and who I want to be. I am happy to love and love to be happy. I wish to be the sunshine in anyone’s day and want to try to see a smile on another person’s face. I am Jekyll but there is a Hyde, who hides.
She comes creeping out when I forget that she exists. When the sun is shining and my heart is filled she comes out to remind me of all the things that went wrong, scratching at the surface of my pain and playing with my fears. Reminding me with daydreams of the perfect man and the future that may never be. Wanting me to take an easier way with wider possibilities.
She forces me to look deep inside of me into the dark places that I have forgotten about, but where she lives. Like a vampire this other part of my sucks my joy and my identity away, trying to make me keep her out. She wants to play. She wants to drag others down with her, so that she can say that every one is sad and no one wants to be around.
I turn away from this darker side of me. She is not who I want to be. I do not want to worry about a future that may never be or focus on the fears that only scare. I do not want to work for nothing and live a zombie like life. No I want to be the happy version of me. The version that hears the laughter of friends and the love of family. I want to be the one striving and working towards my goals, not just sitting wasting my life.
The question remains. Do you ever feel your other side; the side that you try to hide? Do you ever try to push it down lower, because that is not the side you want shown? Do you ever wish to get rid of the part of you that should not have any part of you? And do you feel like that side, that part, could create a whole other you? I do.