3/28 to 4/4 (DreamWard Bound)

by tiffanyDreamward bound, LifePosted on No Comments

It amazes me at all that is happening in my life right now. It may seem small to an outsider, but it is changing me. I am feeling more confident with the direction of my life.

One of the small things was that I saw a friend’s premier film (Redux). You see this film is his first major film and I was blown away with it. If last week’s mishaps taught me to guard myself and that untalented script writers are out there, this week taught me that there is talent and trustworthy people filming movies. I already knew that my friend was good at filming and that he was a good person. Seeing his movie taught me that talent, skill and being a trustworthy person does not come with age, but hard work and a mind that wants to learn.

Another thing that happened this week was that I declined a day job, because I was offered a better one.  After three months of not working and trying to figure out life this was a major relief.  Being able to pick between two jobs is new to me, but it was an easy choice. I chose the one where I will be able to fund my art, work with friends, and have a cool job.  The other awesome thing with this is that I will be starting Monday.

I am doing this recap of my week in chronological order, so this is not bigger than my job. It just happened later in the week. I went to two music shows this week. I saw Beats Antique and Emancipator.  They both were awesome shows and I found a new band to follow (Slow Magic). Beats Antique was my favorite out of the two. I enjoyed Emancipator’s show it was simply Beats Antique was theatrical, amazing and awesome.  It was a stunning show that I was not expecting.

I also started to record readings of my poems. I hope to have all my poems recorded in the future.

This post may not seem focused towards living my dream or trying to but trust me it is to me.  You see watching Redux showed me I can be who I am in the film industry and have my films mean something. Getting a job will be a step to funding the films I want to make. Going to a show inspired me to be my type of artist and allowed me to release emotions in a different way. Also, going with my friend, Kateland, taught me a little more about being friendly and at least trying to be extroverted at times, which is needed in networking. And recording my poems, well that’s just another way to get my name out there.

Now, things I learned this week is:

  1. There is good film makers around
  2. I may have to have a non-art job, but that does not mean it has to be a lame non-art job.
  3. People like nice people and I can show them I am a nice person… I can actually talk to strangers, even though I may not like to.

success

3/20 to 3/27 (dreamward bound)

by tiffanyDreamward bound, LifePosted on No Comments

success

 

This past week jumbled me up, twisted my insides and spat me out more determined to succeed in my life. After months of job searching I thought my search was over last weekend and I thought that my dreams were coming true. I thought a lot of things that wound up draining me and stressing me out.

I was offered a producing job with an indie film company. I allowed my excitement flow out and did not stop to think about if it was the right match for me. They seemed like great people and wanted to help me reach my career goals. I trusted them without hesitation and it was only after the excitement wore off that I realized that, although they said they did not judge they did. They wanted to change me into what they thought was best. I do not fit into their art scene and do not believe in their project, so I had to end my interactions with them. I had to go back on my word, which I did not want to do.

That being said, I learned a lot through this crash course. The biggest thing I learned is that I have to speak up and be confident. I know who I am, what I know and where I want to go. I do not want to hide who I am just for false success, because even if I was able to make it as an actor/ producer with them, it would not be true success. If I was to work with them I would have to change who I was or lie about myself. Although, I still have a long way to go to succeed in my career I have come too far in becoming who I am to lose myself to people who I just met.

Another thing I learned was that sometimes it is more courageous to take a step back than to keep going forward. I could have gone and worked with these people. I could have allowed them into my life and teach me everything they know. I could have jumped into my dreams, but I didn’t. I took a step back and trusted that there are people out there that see me as a great person, exactly how I am. I trusted that God had a better, more stable plan for me. Yesterday I was given a stable job at a photo lab, no it’s not my dream job, but it is a paycheck. I also have a great idea for an easy first film that I will write and produce myself with my friends.

I also realized after that I accepted the job without knowing anything about them. When they said they were in “this” business for a life time, they meant art not film. They were only starting in on the film business. I also did not read the script, which I realized lacked in personality. These mistakes I made, made me learn that accepting a job with out knowing all the facts is the greatest mistake I could have made. Now that I know that I will not be making that mistake again.

To summarize this whole thing I wrote a list of the things I learned:

  1. I am very trusting and open.
  2. I need to make sure I am 100% and read the script before accepting any job.
  3. Following my heart may be hard but it is necessary .
  4. I have a great support system.
  5. Being brave and courageous isn’t always taking a step forward; sometimes it’s staying still and letting a taxi go by because you know there is a limo.

For you

by tiffanymy creative self, PoetryPosted on No Comments

Like a roaring river caught,

Like a devastating storm stopped,

Like a burning fire in a jar,

my soul was for you.

You released the flood waters of my heart

You control the storm inside my mind.

And you tell me how to burn.

You show me your way.

You show me my way to you Lord.

You open my heart,

you unlock my mind,

and free my soul,

all so that I can love you more.

Let me pour out for you

so that you can fill me up again.

Let me be emptied by you

so that I know where I stand.

Lord, your the lover of my soul;

the only one worth living for.

I was a roaring river caught

and you unleashed me,

for your glory.

I was a devastating storm,

to my own being,

but you calm the rage

that laid deep inside of me.

I was a spark in the night

before you showed me how to burn;

now I burn for you.

only for you, Lord.

Now I live for you

only for you, Lord.

Life's poem

by tiffanymy creative self, PoetryPosted on No Comments

Life pushes,

it pulls;

whirls and rushes

like a dance

every step wishes

changing and turning.

Switching the rules

swapping the characters

redirecting the plot.

Once settled it’s time to rush and whirl

Time to chase another dream

find another way

wish for another day

because why live one life

when you can dream up twenty?

The world and my path (a poem)

by tiffanymy creative self, PoetryPosted on No Comments

In the noise of the world

how do you quiet your soul

to listen to where you belong

to what you need?

With the world whirling around you

how do you stand still

to see your path

to trust your feet?

When the world whirls and shouts to conform

how do you stand apart,

how do you go down a path less traveled?

 

Be silent and I will tell you,

because every life has a quiet spot,

amidst every storm there is a tree to hold on to.

And you trust your feet

when you hold the hand of another who believes

in the path you walk down

in the life you live.

 

You see life is loud

but you can find quiet.

Life is a storm

but there is sunshine.

And living life is a journey

but worth it.

Two Paths

by tiffanyVisual artPosted on No Comments

 

Today’s art is my first and(at this time) only painting set.

two pathsTwo Paths is two 11 inch by 14 inch acrylic paintings, both on canvas. They were completed in early 2013. These paintings are meant to be placed next to each other to create one art piece with a tree in the center of it. It symbolizes a choice that everyone has to make, at  least once in their life. The choice is, what life do you want to live? Where do you want to live? This decision can shape your life and shape the person you become. In this painting this vast choice is broken down into two simple paths. One leads to a simple hut; a home in a meadow. The other path leads to a city in the far distance.

broken strength

by tiffanymy creative self, PoetryPosted on No Comments

I whisper stay steady

because I was told to stay strong.

With all the world pushing me down

I stay steady.

When I’m weak, I’m told to stay strong.

When I’m broken, I’m told to hold on,

because the world does not see

because I am free.

I can be strong in my weakness

I can hold on when everything is broken.

And I will walk when my path is dark.

 

Search

by tiffanyPoetryPosted on No Comments

I came to search,
And search I did;
To find myself
And how to live.
I looked for my path
And found it safe
Locked away in my heart.
Now the search
For who I am
And what to do
Finally reached its end
Where do I go?
What do I do?

I will go to search,
Yes search I will do,
Not for dreams
Or what could be,
Not for goals
Or what lies beyond.
I will go and search,
Search for you.

My Tesitmony

by tiffanyReal Life, short stories, Stand Alone Short StoriesPosted on No Comments

I have not shared my testimony/ story in a while so I figured I would share it with everyone.

I grew up in a small town with a rather large family, which included 3 sisters and 4 step-siblings. I would only see my father on the weekends and my relationship with him was not ideal.

After graduating high school I went to college 2 hours away. I felt what I thought was freedom. I could do pretty much anything and not fear my mother finding out. I still got good grades and still graduated on time, but I partied and stayed up till all hours of the night. Some nights the sun would rise before I left my friend’s house.

Like I said I graduated on time from college and then the question was raised, ‘Now what?’ I decided to go to California with a group of friends. We wanted to live the Californian life. We wanted to own a night club, computer business, and whatever else seemed like fun.

We drove for six days to get to our new home that just fell into our laps. It was a great big house close to the ocean. Everything was looking good, for a time.

Of course, it was not long before things went down hill. Our friend that we moved out there for found himself needing to move to New York, very badly and within a month of the move he went to live with his parents. The five that moved out there were now on our own. We did not have jobs or friends out there. We only had the four bedroom house.

Things started to get rough and we started to fight with each other. At one point my friend, Ryan threatened to move out. He did not actually move out but we all were not happy campers.

Someone one day came up with the idea of studying all the different religions to find the one main truth. We
figured there must be a through line in all the religions. It’s not like we thought knowing the different religions would help, we were more curious. We assigned the different religions among our group. However, the only person that actually looked into his assigned religion was, Justin, who chose Christianity/ the Bible, since he already had one from his grandmother.

One or two others in the group talked with Justin about God before my encounter with God. The time line gets a little blurry because once God came into our group He came rushing in. The time in between each of us accepting God and the Bible to be true was no more than two months, maybe even shorter. That is five friends in two months.

Each one of us had a very clear moment when God came into our hearts. Notice I do not say, ‘When I found Jesus.’ I did not find Jesus, I did not find God. I was not looking for God or Jesus. I did not want that boring religion filled with self-sacrifice and rituals to be true. Thankfully God is not a god of religion or rituals. He is the God and so much more than anything we can fully understand.

He found his way into my heart one day as I was meditating on the cliffs in Santa Cruz, California. I did not think I was praying and did not bring anything. I had taken the walk with my friend and roommate Marc, who had brought Justin’s Bible (the only Bible in the house). After I asked the universe to send me a sign about what is true, something like a small voice in the back of my soul told me, ‘Pick up the Bible.’ I stood walked over to Marc and asked him to see the Bible that was next to him. He handed it to me or I picked it up and walked back to my area.

I did not flip through the pages or pick a verse to read. I did not want this to be true. I let the wind blow the pages. When the wind died down enough for the pages to stop flapping, the Bible was about open about half way. My eyes did not fall on the first line of either page though. I remember it was about half way down the page that I started to read. I read the verse, “Oh, hear me Lord in my meditation and deliver me from the evil doers.” It was Psalm 64 in the New King James Bible. The Lord did hear me in my meditation. Than as I accepted the Bible to be true something like a light or breath or a new life came into. I could have ignored it and said that it was nothing, but it was something special. It was indeed a new life and it was because I was open to any idea, even the ones I did not want to be opened to.

Since that day I’ve taken leaps and bounds in my journey, but have fallen and slipped. I pray honestly, earnestly and full hearten at times, yet other times I hardly pray at all. My life is not prefect, actually it’s far from it, but it is a true and full life. I do not have a husband or stable career path. I am not saved from the dangers in the world, but I am alive and have a God who I can lean on. I do not know where my life is going. I only know the next step I need to take is because life is a journey filled with little steps and you may trip and stumble but God will catch you, all you need to do is trust in him.

If I could tell you one thing I’ve learned it’s just that; life is a journey filled with steps and the only way you can get to your destination, your destiny, is to trust is the Lord our God, who loves you and has saved the world. All you need to do is be open to his guidance and love.

Following God

by tiffanyrandom ramblingsPosted on No Comments

Over the three years and some odd months that I’ve called myself a Christian and have followed God He has spoken to me in different ways. Whether its through prayer, a pastor’s message, reading the Bible, talking with friends or simply looking at the world around him. Sometimes God whispers through nature, pulling your focus to the different seasons or the life of a lovely flower, which whispers there is a time for everything and God makes beautiful life like art.

Little signs and whispers are sweet and loving. Yet, that is not the only way God speaks He also can shout with a flood of tweets saying “be brave”, friends saying that any dream is scarey but it is worth it, reading Bible versions saying trust in God, and pastors’ messages saying God has a plan and we must follow it. Yes,  it seems like God is shouting to me “follow my plan” and that is scarey, because no where in the Bible does it say God is safe or comfortable.

God is loving, awesome, just and powerful, but his wisdom, power and love is not worldly, it is above the world’s understanding. This causes his plans to bigger than we can imagine. We can not understand His plans.

If we trust and follow God we cannot rely on our own understanding. We have to trust that God really knows what he is doing, although our path may be dark he will bring you through it, and God’s plans is the best path for you. If you truly follow God you have to fully trust him and believe in him 100%.

That is what he is telling me right now and my thoughts on it. So prepare for more blogs about my adventures and poems about hard paths and struggling towards my dreams.