thoughts Archives - Page 2 of 4

Bury Deep (A Poem)

by tiffanyPoetry April 14, 2015May 23, 2020One Comment

I battle with you
as if the war was needed;
as if I had no feet to stand on.

You tear me down
and I let you,
and I feel defeated.

You whisper awful thing
like I’m not really loved;
like I cannot stand on my own

My heart and happiness is real
but you tell me to ignore it;
but you tell I’m ignorant.

You know my every weakness
and you use it for my harm,
and you use it to keep me down.

But I am strong,
stronger than the war you wage
the defeat you push
the hateful whispers
and stronger than your lies.

I know if you were anyone else
I would push you away
spit in your face
or just turn my back.

If you were anyone else
I would be stronger,
but you are the little voice
the one the is buried deep
trying for weakness to keep.

I can not spit in your face
or turn my back.
I can not push you down
or choke you out.

Yet, there is this little box
it has a lock.
You little voice can go in that
and be buried very deep.

Where you say I’m a fatty
I choice to see a beauty.
Where you see hurt
I see my healing.
You see struggle as failure
I see it as a lesson.
Where you see loneliness
I see self-love.

So go in your little box
and I lock you up.
I will bury you deep
because your lies I don’t want to keep.

Half way to 100 days

by tiffanyother updates, Physically Healthy Me March 26, 2015No Comments

I finished another page of my log for my 100 day challenge, so it’s time for the list of things I thought about while, after or during my workouts.

It’s numbering starts at 1 but really it’s day 27.

Sometimes seeing the tally marks is the only thing to make you/ me to do another day.
If someone, even yourself, says you can’t tell them/ you that you can or show them.
Today I didn’t really know why I was doing my challenge, but that did not stop me from doing it.
Today fun was brought, along with struggle, learning, fighting and sore body. I’m smiling. (It was a class day.)
Forgot to mark I guess I wasn’t thinking only doing.
It’s midnight, I’m not going to be smart. Do it. IT’s easier once it’s a habit.
Another midnight workout. Tired but smiling. I did stuff today. Improv, site and workout.
Not related, but still what I was thinking. Beauty is in the heart and soul not body. New tonight I actually do a sit up fully.
Sometimes you learn from what other people do. I’m smiling. (It was a class day.)
My knee is hurting so I changed things up and did extra of what I could. I didn’t let pain win, I adapted.
Ow, everything hurts, but that doesn’t mean I’m quitting gotta keep fighting on. (It was a class day.)
If I feel my muscles they are solid and great. I’m sore but strong.
I wanted to go for a walk today as if my brain is changing.
I realized today I’m working on being the dream girl for my dream guy which some how means I can’t live in a dream world. (I actually wrote a post about this.)
42% done. (I was a day off). I’m feeling awesome about working out when I wanted to sleep.
Friends make things better. Also experiencing different things. (It was a class day.)
A workout routine or goal routine gets better with momentum so once you start don’t stop.
It always is great when people can see the results of your efforts. (It was a class day.)
Just looking and knowing your progress/ journey helps.
No one really knows where you started only results and what you share.
Just doing what you set out for means something.
I want to be where I want to be but I know once I get there I’ll want to be somewhere else.
Halfway there baby! And almost didn’t even mark it. (Again a day early)
I feel like I had an accomplished day, which I haven’t felt like in a while. It made me want to do more.
Make sure you’re smiling more than you are frowning.
Schedule, plan and remember your goals during the day.
I’m tougher and stronger than I give myself credit for and you most likely are the same.

Crush

by tiffanyrandom ramblings December 20, 2014No Comments

I do have a crush. It is a crush with the knowledge that the name of it is coming. Like an attack on my heart temporarily wounding my soul.

If there were real dating leagues he would be one higher than mine. If you write him on paper he would be the perfect of husband material. I could ignore the league and rip the paper. Yet, I cannot ignore the melting of my heart when he smiles.

I want to be safe in his arms, nuzzling close to his heart. I want to invite him into my world to see the serious turn silly, which I’ve seen glimpses of. I want to join his world and learn how strength feels.

I would invite him, let him know that my heart skips a beat when I see him; tell him that his smile melts my heart. I would tell him anything and everything, except my insecurities creep up. The voice I promised myself I would ignore shouts that he is on a pedestal to high for me to get. The voice of my insecurities and fear yells that I am not worth his love and I think him so grand that I believe it. I won’t let him decide how he feels. I will wait until I can’t take the waiting, worrying and fame of what ifs, become more than I can bear. One I am convinced one way or the other I will buckle down and confess in a way that does really give him a real choice. That is when my heart will be crushed and my feelings will bleed with salt water from my eyes.

Yes, my heart will be crushed or maybe there is another way. Perhaps this time will be different. I don’t know how to flirt or read subtle signs, but I can be bold. I can ask for advice. I can request help in understanding my real options. There is a way to be open in the middle of my fear.

I will try this time and if my heart is crushed than my friends can help me glue it back together. Yes, I will go into battle to fill my heart’s desire with a medical kit if it breaks.

Here I stand (A Monologue)

by tiffanymonologue, my creative self November 18, 2014October 10, 2019No Comments

Here I stand. I stand on my own two feet, wishing that they were not attached, so that I could move around them and see where exactly I am. What am I doing? Where am I actually standing? And why am I standing? Still, at least I am indeed standing on my own two feet. I have the world ahead of me and I am making it on my own. Yes, look at me doing my own thing. I am living my very own adult life, alone. I have many questions and never too sure if I’m doing everything right. Most days I know I’ve done at least one major thing wrong, but still I am making it on my own. I am living this adult life, standing on my own two feet. But you know what? Some time, well most of the time I wish I wasn’t. I wish there was some sort of clear arrow pointing one way or the other. Still I guess that’s not entirely how this adult life thing works, so here I stand. I am here standing on my own two feet.

UPDATE

In November 2014 I did a recording of this monologue. I would like to share that with you know.

Timed (A Poem)

by tiffanymy creative self, Poetry November 17, 2014No Comments

Time me as I tell a tale.
One that takes travelers
to towns untold of
or towers that torn down.
I will tell you timed tales
or tackle a tangled tango of words.
Only using ten tiny minutes of time
my timed tales or tangled tangos
should tell you of terrific feelings
or twist your tongue
till it is its own tangled tango.
Yes, I will tackle and taken down
this twisted tangled tango
and leave the telling of tall tales
to one with more time,
since I only will take ten to write.
Ten minutes to tangle up
Ten minutes to tear down the tango
and leave only a trace of the tale
of travelers taken to a town
or was it that they tackled down tall tower?
Tell me which tale did I tell
in the time before now?
Either way, we and tackling this twisted tango
at least our talented tongues can tackle
the twists and turns taken
with this tangled mess of twisted words
that would turn daytime into twilight
if you took the time to analyze.
For you see you would need
tons of twine to tie logic into this tango.
Simply put this is all but a timed tango
only to see how talented a twisted mind can be
when timed to write a tall tale using mostly T’s.

Sale (creative rant)

by tiffanymy creative self, other updates November 13, 2014No Comments

I am not for sale but you can by small pieces of me. My body, heart, and soul are only mine. You can not buy or bid on them. Yet, I will bleed for you. I will bleed out all my creativity. I will happily give you all of my mind as long as I know where to find it at the end of the night.

Yes, I will give my all to give my art, but you will never buy my heart. I will bleed for you because my love will never end. Still no money and no treasure will be set to claim my very self. I will give you every piece of me and some times those pieces will be free. However, those pieces are the things I can spare, those bits are what needs to come out.

So thank you for collecting the things that I shed, but please know I am not for sale.

What do you artistic people think? Is that how you see selling your art? It was a random creative rant, so I don’t even know what I think.

A Creative Writing Experiment About Nothing

by tiffanymy creative self November 6, 2014No Comments

I will write about nothing. Nothing is what I will write about, but what is nothing except the lack of what you want to be. Perhaps I will write about everything instead of the nothingness that I run from. The nothing that is dark and cold from lack of heat and light. Why would I write about the things that could be considered nothing. Nothing is in fact nothing that I want to write. I will not write about nothing. Nothing is not what I will write about, but I will write about everything instead.

Yes, I will write about everything in my mind. I will jot down notes about my phone turning off, if only for the night, about conversations with groups of friends, and about people being bagels in a tired mind’s dreams. I will think about what I write as the words are typed, not wishing to edit the words on the screen. I will only write and write I will. Yes, I will write about everything in my mind.

Let me fly away on the great big plane that is called my mine, so that I can dream about all the lovely things that come from the nothing being left behind. Who left this nothing, this hole for me to find and can I fill it up again with all the things that it lacks. I will shine the light of consciousness in the dark corners to go exploring into the depths of the unknown, like caves in a familiar mountain that was always left alone. I will fill the holes up with my thoughts, with ideas of love and of what I believe about being home.

I will write about nothing. Yes, I will write about everything in my mind, so let me fly away on the great big plane that is called my mind.

A Reflective Upper Post

by tiffanyLife, other updates October 28, 2014No Comments

You know the last DreamWard Bound post I wrote about how this past week was rough for me. I was not that happy while writing it because on paper, or at least the part of the paper that I was looking at, it was not a good. I believe most of it was because I just needed to completely turn off my brain for three hours, which I did on Sunday.

After my major nap I realized a few important details that my brain left out. During this last month I have met some milestones. I am in the double digits with my creative YouTube channel. My Facebook page reached 50 likes. I have had the most views ever on this blog for the month. Also, the last milestone is one that I am super excited. I haven’t reached it yet, but I am so close it’s worth mentioning. This blog will reach it’s 2,000th view in 8 views. It may have reached it since I’ve written this, but since I am publishing this in the morning, who knows.

The point is both my channel and my blog are growing. They both are getting some traction, so although it is rough at times it’s worth it. I am so happy that I am writing, creating, and learning about how far I can push myself. Even more, I am super thrilled that there are people out there reading and watching my work.

You reading, you are great and I thank you from the bottom of my heart. It is because of you and the others who have found me that I am reaching milestones. I mean I am not the one viewing my blog 2,000 times or watching the videos I upload, at least not every day or in a way that it counts.

Stop (A Poem)

by tiffanymy creative self, Poetry October 13, 2014No Comments

Dear mind,
dear dreaming self,
please stop.
You are walking
at it’s a dangerous path.
I see the briers.
I see the holes,
pit falls,
stumbling blocks
and thorns.
I can tell
where all this thinking,
where all this dreams,
and wishing will lead.
It is clear as a day
without a cloud in the sky
and I am wearing new, clean glasses.
The briers are crisp
and the thorns are bright.
The holes contrast the beauty of the light
the pit falls are almost shouting
with their daunting blackness.

The warning signs are hung
and they are direct,
so mind please stop,
dreaming self wake up.
I know where this is going.
I have been down this road,
journeying around this area,
too many times before.
I have walked to the end of the road
nearly falling off the edge,
so mind please sleep
and dreaming self turn off.

You need to stop,
before you fall into the hole.
Desist unless you trip
into the dark pit falls that are around.
Resist even thinking about the flowers
their steams are thorns.
Turn around before the briers get you.
Mind, please I have had enough.
Dreaming self it is all a dream
one which you control.

Please, self, turn around,
in your mind,
walk down another path.
Do not journey down
the path meant for two.
Do not go on the road
when you are alone.

Thank you.

This week's DreamWard Bound

by tiffanyDreamward bound, Life September 6, 2014May 24, 2020No Comments

This week was a good week for me. I felt like I not only wrote three poems, I wrote three really meaningful and good poems. Plus I wrote two other random posts, that I enjoyed. I also wrote in my second blog that I have not posted on in months. To top it off I went to the gym almost every day and realized some strength improvements today.

I am trying to think about what else I did this week and what else I can write, but honestly I don’t have too much to say.I stayed home more than normal, which was a change. I also wrote about the things that was going on as they went on.

I will be posting a goal update, since I want to review and freshen them up before I start my Goal Getters videos. I have watched YouTube videos as research to make sure there is a need for what I want to do. I think there is, since most of them are either dry, longer, or coming at goals as an expert. I know that I would rather watch videos that are interesting and relational. Goal Getters videos will be a journey not a class. I am working on goals right now, so I may not be an expert but I do know how to achieve them. I could go into more details but all this about Goal Getters will be in a video soon enough.

Alrighty than, here is what I did this week.

Patting Myself on the Back

Traffic (a Rispetto Poem)

Honesty ( A Poem)

Flowing Thoughts of a Poetic Mind

Your Efforts (A Ottava Rima Poem)

There we are. I hope you enjoyed this post and please let me know what you think. Thank you for reading and have a wonderful day.