Paradox of Life (poetic random thoughts)

by tiffanymy creative self, other updates, PoetryPosted on No Comments

writing

I love my life
yet I fight for it to change.
I work towards my dreams
that may force my loved ones away.
I am happy with myself
but am always changing.

It’s like
the night wishing to be the day,
sunshine wishing to be the rain,
the light wishing to be darkness.

I strive to change
when there is no need.
I work towards a new life
when my own is wonderful.
It must be how I am wired
always looking for better
when I already have greatness
searching for more love
when love is already overflowing
and looking for sunshine
when there is not a cloud in the day’s sky.

Yes, I love my life
yet I fight for it to change.
I work towards my dreams
that may force my loved ones away.
I am happy with myself
but am always changing.

This is what is going on in my head right now. It’s part wondering and part simply realizing, I have a good life, yet I still am looking for more. 

Dreams (A Poem)

by tiffanymy creative self, PoetryPosted on No Comments

poetry
You are so far away
I am so close.
I see my flaws;
my short comings are staring.
They stare at me,
scare me,
while you are far away.

Like a castle in the distance,
the gold at the end of the rainbow,
the bed after a long day,
you are out of reach
some where in the distance.

I want to grasp you,
hold you tight,
and never let you go,
showing you that you are mine
and wrapping you in hugs.

This is why I fight
why I write,
because one day you will be near,
one day the tears will be
for how close you are
not how far away.

you not me (Poem)

by tiffanymy creative self, PoetryPosted on No Comments

poetry
Can you?
Do you?
Will you?
because I can’t.
I won’t.

I won’t be the first to say,
no not even now.
I can’t tell you,
so will you?
I believe you know how.

Do you want to?
Do you know how?
If you do,
please let me know.

I know I’m vague
I know I’m saying nothing
that’s why you have to,
so will you?
Please, tell me
what I want to hear.

Can you?
Do you?
Will you?
because I can’t.
I won’t.

DreamWard Bound ( August 16 to the 23rd)

by tiffanyDreamward bound, LifePosted on No Comments

success

 

I want to take a minute to be real. I want this blog to be an honest portrayal of my journey to reaching all my major goals and all the little ones to get there.

Now I have big dreams that are far away and hard to reach for. Sometimes I don’t believe I will ever get there, other times I am so sure that it is a matter of time. Still either way I am thinking I fight on and this week was a fight. I did not want to do anything; I did not want to live the life I am living. Also, all week I felt and well still feel like something is going to change. Something is going to happen in my life, mostly because of the feelings of I can’t continue on the path I am on.

Even with feeling this fight inside of me (the fight for my future) I pushed on. I decided that the one channel on YouTube is not enough, mostly because I am crazy. I was stressed with the load I had, so let’s throw more work on it. Still I think this will help people, because even though I am still on the journey towards my goals and dreams I know there are other people who haven’t even started yet.

Also, even though I did not want to do anything and I seriously was fighting just to be myself, I went to the gym three times (four times if you include today in the week). This is because of my goal to lose weight. I am realizing though I will need to do more than going to the gym four times a week. My goal is to lose 30 lbs and so I have not lost anything in these two weeks, so that is discouraging. I’m still going to push myself and work out.

I am still trying and working towards my dreams, even though it is hard. I am on the road to my dreams, even though they are far. I am pushing forward, even though I do not want to. I wish I could stop some times, but that is not in me. I need to stay on this road and fight for my dreams, because I am done just going with the flow of life and finally am living for all that I can be. It is a hard thing and it I feel like I am swimming up-stream I would gladly swim again the current because it will make every success that much better. Each goal that is this hard to reach will be so worth it.

Struggle makes your goals worth the fight.

 

Things I fought to create this week.

Sped up Painting (post)

Sped up logo Painting (YouTube)

It’s a Poem

Dear Past Self

Voice

Past Never My Future

 

It's A Poem

by tiffanymy creative self, PoetryPosted on No Comments

poetry

Shh, don’t tell me
these feelings are inside.
I do wonder if you can see
this thing that I almost try to hide.

You have to know
why I’m not shouting it.
I don’t know how this feeling will grow
and I may be shy a bit.

I thought this would be a longer poem, but it’s not. I said what I needed to and hope you enjoy it.

Past never my Future

by tiffanymy creative self, PoetryPosted on No Comments

writing

I can see what people search for when they find my blog, or what they search for to find my blog. Today I saw a very cool sentence that I am sure is from something, but I’m not sure what it is from. I am going to use it as a writing prompt for this post. The quote is. “you can only narrate my past but you can never write my future.” 

I hope you enjoy.

You can narrate my past.
Please do,
and tell me all the things I went through.
Speak the words that you believe
the words that will add up to my story.
How do you see my life?
How will you narrate my past?

I ask you to narrate my past,
but you can never write my future.
I myself can only plan the unseen.
I do not write my story,
so you cannot either.
Let the future be
and tell me all about what has been.

Yes, You can narrate my past
but you can never write my future.
You can tell me my story,
but will not be able to force the unseen.

I'm DreamWard Bound (August 9th to the 16th)

by tiffanyDreamward bound, LifePosted on No Comments

success

I’m feeling good with how my week turned out. I wrote poems and posted videos this week. I also joined a gym that is near my house today. Things seem to be going well for me as I sit and write this blog. I mean I was a bit drained and stressed from work along with everything else by Friday, but playing Pathfinder with my friends helped that. I was able to relax and be a bit crazy. It amazes me sometimes how much laughter can help wash the week’s stress away.

I am super excited about the ideas for this coming week and the fact that I will really be starting on my fitness goal. I also have a few poems brewing in my mind that are asking to be shared with you. I will share the new poems with you unless there are explosions around me, which I do not foresee happening.

Yes, I am in a weirder mood as I update you on this week and a bit all over the place. I may not be stressed from the week anymore, but that does not mean that I am not thinking about everything going on whether it is something random or otherwise. I have many plans and many ideas floating around in my mind. I am still not sure how to do everything I want to do, but I at least know what I can do for the time being.

I should write more and tell you more about my week. I am being a space shot though and so very easily distracted that I will just leave you with a list of things I did this week. At other points in the week I will write more about my journey and life.

Writings:

Poem for Robin Williams

Why? (A Poem)

Crumble Down (a poem)

Stay (a Poem)

Windmill 

Connecting with a Character (write-up)

Robin Williams' Monody poem

by tiffanymy creative self, PoetryPosted on No Comments

poetry

Monody

A monody is a poem in which one person laments another’s death, as in Tennyson’s Break, Break, Break, or Wordsworth’s She Dwelt Among the Untrodden Ways. (Also see Dirge, Elegy, Epitaph)

I have put this one off for a while. Honestly, I’ve put all the structure poems off for a few weeks, now. With Robin Williams’ passing I thought I would write one to honor him. He was one of my favorite actors and I know I am not alone. 

Laughter and Smiles
Fill the room
when your voice fills the air
Now only recorded
now only memories.
There are so many memories
of stand up
of comedy
and of moments meant to move.
With a voice meant to change
with every character
with every scene.

You were a light
you were comedy
you were a hug in a movie form
a smile when I needed one.
You touch my heart
and lightened my soul.

Now a legend
Now I hope you find your bliss.
Lay in rest
be at peace
and know you are missed.

Why? (A Poem)

by tiffanymy creative self, PoetryPosted on No Comments

poetry

Why
Is my heart breaking;
Can I not see the light?
Why
have I lost hope;
Can I not feel the love?
Where is this lost feeling,
this void of hope;
where is this twisted feeling coming from?

Did I not laugh today,
was that a dream?
Did the sun not shine today
and did I not wake again?

Why
is my heart breaking;
is my mood so low?
Why
have I lost my hope
Do I not know which way to go?
Has my path darkened?
Have I lost my way?
Can you tell me?
I need to know.

Did I not see a baby smile
or hear my friends’ laughter?
Was there no jokes today
and did I not enjoy work?
Did the sun not shine today
and I not wake again?

Why
is my heart breaking;
do I feel alone?
Why
have I lost my hope;
can I not figure out?
Where can I find the hole that is inside
What fell out
How do I get it back in?

I guess it is simply one of those nights
after a wonderful day
when the night is darker
and my eyes are heavier.
I guess it is simply one of those nights
when I ask why
knowing the next dawn will be brighter.

This poem was written Wednesday night, after I hung out with a few friends and had a generally good day. I was happy most of it and then on the car ride home I started to think. My mind went off on its own and I wound up feeling a bit depressed by the time I pulled into my driveway. I decided to write as an outlet and to figure out where the feelings were coming from. By the end of the poem I realized it was just me being tired and thinking about everything I have to do.

It is simply one of those nights where I need to go to bed and know everything will be better in the morning.

I hope you enjoyed reading and let me know what you think. Also if you need help, advice, or just someone to talk to, please let me know. I am always willing to help and listen.Â