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Love Nerd: Why Am I Single?

by tiffanyLife, Love Nerd March 10, 2020June 4, 2020No Comments

I’ve asked my self one question over and over. Sometimes I have the answer, other times I’m confused and don’t understand. The repeated question is, “Why am I single?”

I’ve answered this question many ways.

First the answer was I don’t see anyone I want to date. There was never the perfect guy that fell right in front of my face. No obvious suitor came calling and there was no fairy-tale meet cute in the movie of my life.

By the time I realized I was fooling myself by waiting for something romantic to fall into my lap, I was writing “To Love” and trying to build my art business. My excuse changed from, ‘it’s out of my control,’ to ‘I don’t have time.’ I thought I couldn’t do or have both my art career and a romantic partner. There just wasn’t enough time in the day or energy in my soul.

All the while I had a little voice of fear in the back of my mind that said I would only get hurt. Part of me didn’t want to find someone, because I didn’t want the pain of a break up. It took me writing “To Love” to realize that fear though.

I’m happy to say now my excuse is that it takes time. I’m once again trying online dating and praying my eyes are open to the different possibilities. It also helps to be able to see that I have love and support from my friends and family. With them I can overcome every pain or fear that life throws my way. Another thing that helps is that I’m working on being the best version of myself.

Want to learn or read more?

This blog series stems from my book “To Love.” For more information on “To Love” you can also watching my YouTube playlist. I will also be posting more in this series on the Love Nerd page of this site.

Introduction: Love Nerd

by tiffanyLove Nerd February 4, 2020January 21, 2020No Comments

I am a Christian, a sister, and a friend. I’m an avid learner and artist. Also, I am a huge fan of love and a romantic. You can say I am a love nerd. Oh and another thing you should know is that I am single.

Being single is an identifier in my life’s current stage. It is also my blessing and my struggle. It is my freedom and my curse. Singleness has caused me to cry and caused me to dance with joy. Yeah, it’s a bit of an oxymoron, but both sides are true.

Being single has even taught me a lesson or two. It has showed me who I am and given me confidence in being the person I am made to be.

I am grateful that this is the struggle I’ve been given and the life issue that is closest to my life. My health, job situation, or family relations could be a lot worst. I could have actual real struggles, but I don’t.

Of course sometimes not having a partner feels like the end of the world and worst thing possible. During those dark moments I imagine bargaining away my health, a limb, or one of my senses, just to have a partner in life.

If you have been single for any major length of time you know the yearning for a partner comes in waves. Like any emotional thing in life relationships or lack there of are emotional roller coasters. As for right now I’m at the part of the roller coaster where I am at peace with the pain of being alone. It’s not that I’m numb to the loneliness. I’m just use to it.

My Singleness

I have been single for 10 years now. I have only kissed 1 guy in those 10 years and that was about 8 years ago. You can trust me when I say I know the single life.

I am truly chronically single. That does not mean I do not love or that I have not learned lessons about love. It is at the center of everything that is important to me. I just haven’t personally experienced romantic love in a very long time.

I also love learning about love and sharing my thoughts on love.

What are the different definitions of love? What comes first the action of love or the feelings of love? What does it truly mean to love?

I hope to answer these questions and more in this series. I also will share my journey to accepting my life stage with you and how I became a love nerd.

Want to learn or read more?

This blog series stems from my book “To Love” which I until February 13,2020 I have a kickstarter for. I will also be posting more in this series on the Love Nerd page of this site.

Slow Down Sunshine (A Poem)

by tiffanyPoetry November 13, 2019June 4, 2020No Comments

She said slow down sunshine
you have all your life to live.
Slow down sunshine
you have all your love to give,
so slow down sunshine
let your mind be inactive.
Simply slow down sunshine.

This is a journey not a race,
there is no medal to win;
no champion to face.
You can do all you want
in time you will see.
Enjoy what you have now
before it becomes a memory.
All you need to do is slow down.

She said slow down sunshine
you have all your life to live.
Slow down sunshine
you have all your love to give,
so slow down sunshine
let your mind be inactive.

This is another poem that started it’s journey as a song.

I do have more poems on my site and poetry readings on YouTube.

Seasonal (A Poem)

by tiffanyPoetry October 9, 2019June 4, 2020No Comments


 I don't want a seasonal type of lover
 one whose love will change and fall.
 No, I don't want a seasonal type of lover.
 I want nothing or I want it all,
 so jump into my river.
 I'll take you to the ocean of me.
 
 
 I don't want a seasonal type of lover
 one whose love will change and fall.
 I want someone who will stay
 a love whose love will be strong,
 so come behind my mask
 and watch my wall crumble down.
 
 
 I don't want a seasonal type of lover  
 one who's love will change and fall.

This was originally written as a song and in the future it may become one again. For now I hope you enjoy it as a poem.

I do have more poems on my site and poetry readings on YouTube.

Blessed Are ( A Poem)

by tiffanyPoetry September 11, 2019January 3, 2020No Comments

Blessed are the broken

for they get to be fix.

Blessed are the outcasts

for they’ll learn true love.

Blessed are the reformed hurtful

they’ll know forgiveness.

Blessed are those with a surrendered and dirty heart

they are in the Lord’s arms.

Blessed are those with clean hearts

the Lord will call them home.

Blessed are those who bless others

they will shine the Lord’s love.

Blessed are those who forgiveness

they will share the Lord’s compassion.

Blessed are you

for you are beautifully alive.

I do regularly publish poems on my site and post poetry readings on YouTube.

My End Goals And Dreams

by tiffanyLife, other updates, random ramblings June 14, 2015No Comments

I mentioned in this week’s DreamWard Bound post that I was going to sit down and revise not only my goals but my dreams or end goals. I wanted to start from scratch and figure out where I actually want to go from where I am.

I have done this at least one other time and I do not believe I shared the entire thing that I wrote about my goals and dreams. I have big dreams and sometimes I wonder if I share them if that will hurt my chances of getting them. Well, more and more I am realizing that dreams are just goals without actionable steps being taken. My dreams might be larger than my life, but I do have small steps to walk towards them. I am creating goals for my life to bring me to my dreams.

Since my ideas of dreams and goals have changed, I would like to share with you my end goal and what I imagine my perfect life to be. I am not saying that my life will be perfect. It will just be perfectly suited for me. I know there will be hard times and sacrifices that I must make along the way, but it will be worth it.

Here you go.

Goals and Dreams:

Where do I start? In my dreams I am a happy artist.

My main focus is writing and acting. I wake up early most days and work long hours when I am on set. I am warm and friendly to both cast and crew. People Enjoy working with me. I work on either faith-based of sci-fi/ fantasy based movies or television shows portraying strong women, dorky side kicks, independent women or other roles that break false images of women or Christians. My main focus with acting is to shine the light of God’s love and the strength he gives his daughters. I want mainstream media to stop putting down or giving a false image of Christian women.

I want to be a part of a movement where we bring Christian morals back to entertainment and art. I want to help people see that Christianity is about loving each other and God’s love. I want to show and teach people that religion for religion’s sake is wrong, but a loving relationship with God is the way to live. He is the one who can save the world and he is the reason for love. Jesus came to the world not to condemn it but to save it and the world should know that. I want to help the world learn that kind of love.

Sorry for that little rant. Let me continue with the other areas of my future life.

I have a fan base that feels comfortable around me and who I actually help. They find support along with a distant friend in me.

I am more than an actor though. I also write and publish books. I have my blog, but my books are my main writing focus and means of income as far as writing is concerned.

I also work towards crossing 1 item off my bucket list each year.

When I am not writing or acting I want to be training BJJ or even another martial art. I want to be able to learn from every aspect of my life and use it towards acting, writing or any other art form I may take up. BJJ helps me prepare for fight scenes and give me confidence and friendship. My end goal with BJJ is to be physically healthy, able to protect myself, and perhaps even become a black belt.

For my family I imagine that I am close and talk often to both my real family and my church family. I know that they will always be there for me and they support me the best way they can. I want to be able to support them also with the needs they have. I also want to become as open as possible with each and every family member, creating relationships with no walls.

I know that I can do all this because I am focused on God. He is the only way that I will stay on track. I will grow my relationship with him daily either by prayer, podcasts, books, sermons, audio-books or conversations directed towards God.

My goals that I have are as follows:

Spiritual: In order to focus on God more fully I will not watch tv or YouTube, unless with friends or it’s teaching on God, for the next 3 months (until September 13th) and with that extra time I will listen to a podcast or read a Biblical based book. This time will be focused on growing my understanding about God and exploring where he might be leading me.

Relationship: I will tell one person that I love them every day for the next month (until July 13th) and try to start a conversation with them. I am doing this to strengthen my relationships and spread my love.

Physical: I am going to train BJJ at least 3 days and do bed-room workouts 2 other days every week. In addition I am going to eat 1 organic meal a week and at least 1 healthy meal every day. I will do this for the next month (until July 13th).

Editing: I will spend 30 hrs in the next 30 days editing my book (July 13th), keeping in mind that my new deadline for the second draft is November 1st.

Acting/ Writing: I will write 1 monologue a week and record at least 1 monologue a month. I will post every monologue that I record to YouTube to help grow my audience and receive feedback. I will do this for 3 months (until September 13th).

Where Magic May Grow (Kyrielle Sonnet)

by tiffanymy creative self, Poetry July 25, 2014No Comments

Kyrielle Sonnet

A Kyrielle Sonnet consists of 14 lines (three rhyming quatrain stanzas and a non-rhyming couplet). Just like the traditional Kyrielle poem, the Kyrielle Sonnet also has a repeating line or phrase as a refrain (usually appearing as the last line of each stanza). Each line within the Kyrielle Sonnet consists of only eight syllables. French poetry forms have a tendency to link back to the beginning of the poem, so common practice is to use the first and last line of the first quatrain as the ending couplet. This would also re-enforce the refrain within the poem. Therefore, a good rhyming scheme for a Kyrielle Sonnet would be:

AabB, ccbB, ddbB, AB -or- AbaB, cbcB, dbdB, AB.

Can I fly over the green trees?
Can I swim pass the open seas
To a land I do not yet know
Where magic may live and may grow.

What wonders and what sounds may be sung?
What treasures and gems may be flung
on the land where I want to go?
Where magic may live and may grow.

Will you take me some where magical?
Can we try to be radical
living where music freely flows
Where magic may live and may grow.

Can I fly over the green trees
Where magic may live and may grow.

5/31-6/7 (DreamWard Bound)

by tiffanyDreamward bound, Life June 7, 2014No Comments

Monday was a Monday. I worked and worked and wish I was not working at my not lame day job. I didn’t feel all that great so when the day finally ended I came home and flopped on my bed. My nap was longer than it should have been, and after the nap I did not feel like doing anything productive, so I did not.

Tuesday was a lot better. I did a little creative work after my not lame day job and then hung out with friends. It was a simple and good day.

Wednesday I was on fire. I started an epic poem. Really that is the style I was writing in. I’m not sure how epic I can get it, but I started it and will be trying to make it as epic as I can. I also wrote another poem that I posted.

I really am liking my post a poem every day that I’ve been trying to do. It is mostly because Sunday nights I write a bunch, then schedule them to be posted throughout the week. I figure this is a win-win for everyone though. This way you, my reader, are not overwhelmed by four or five posts all at once, and I get more poems out.

Thursday, I went to my improv group, which was smaller this week. The tiny turn out number made for an interesting experience and I believe we were all more creative and free because there was hardly any one there. I also worked on my stated song project, after improv.

Friday came around and I was glad my week, because although my job is not lame it is a job. I came home and tried to dye my hair, I guess it’s darker than I thought, so the dye did not work right. I then tried to make pie pockets and realized I did not know what I was doing, so I made a mess of weird deliciousness. After that it was supposed to be ‘party’ time, but Kateland came home a bit late. All three things distracted me and rubbed me the wrong way, so I did not do anything creative. I did have fun at the party though. My friends are crazy, weird, awesome, and ridiculous.

Today, Saturday, I brought two friends to the airport at 8 (which I don’t recommend doing after you stayed out til 2 the night before ). Although it was early for a Saturday it was a good thing. I wound up getting a hair cut, new books, and new running shoes. I got home at noon and took a nap. Now, I’m ready to really start my Saturday.

As far as goals go this week. I did not do well. I only walked 3 out of my 5 miles, of course I do have all of tomorrow to walk. I had more than one day where I did not do anything creative. Oh and I hardly read anything, well I hardly read anything besides comic books.

On a positive note I did write a few poems this week and will be posting my stated song at some point.

In case you did not get a chance to read the poems and things I did this week here is the list.

Otis

Recipe for Love

Untitled Clerihew Poem

The Opposite of Family is Enemy

Stated Song: Carry on Wayward Son

I hoped you enjoyed my rambling and I’ll get this week’s Stated Song up at some point tomorrow.

DreamWard Bound (5/18-5/24/14)

by tiffanyDreamward bound, Life May 25, 2014No Comments

I’m going to try something new this week. Instead of trying to think of my entire week all at once, I have taken notes and editing them together. My thinking is that you will get a more detailed and dynamic post.

On Monday I finished reading the shooting script of “When Harry Met Sally.” It was really great and I loved being able to see what a real movie script looks like. I have read a lot of play scripts and my brother-in-law’s script, “Empty.” This was one that I already knew the movie to and read because of that fact. It was a great read and I could see the writer’s voice, even in the shot set ups which I really enjoyed.

I also wrote on Monday, “I am excited about picking and working on my next monologue/ stated song.” And that “I will also be starting a new challenge and facing my fears more… With the exception of escalators and birds, because come on stairs should not move and birds are evil.” As far as facing my fears goes, I did not see any fears to face. I will be keeping this fear facing in mind as I go on with my life though.

Well as you can see from the video I did work on the monologue all week. I most likely should have worked on it more, but this is a process of growth. Not Every video will be amazing. I just hope you like one or two that I do.

I also spent Monday looking for and organizing more monologue/ songs.

On Tuesday I walked around my work with some co-workers for 15 minutes. I did not do anything creative, but since I spent all night on Monday working on my monologue I was not too worried or upset.

On Wednesday I went walked again for another 15 minutes, wrote for about 10 (most likely more) and went to an open house, that ended poorly. Another thing is that I read for most of the car ride to work and part of the way home also. That was the day I started to read Self-Editing For Fiction Writer, which is the book I mentioned in In The Diner.

Thursday I wrote, “I love when monologues come together and you make discoveries. I also think I figured out how to introduce the video.”

Friday I spent the night in, which let me write, work on my monologue and relax.

I’m writing this on Saturday, even though you most likely are reading it on Sunday. I would rather spread out my posts, so that they don’t get lost in your reader, twitter feed, or FB news feed. Also, I do not like getting a bunch of notices/ tweets from the same person all at once, so I won’t do that to you.

Now as far as today goes I walked for a little over half an hour, which meant I walked for 2 miles. I also weighed myself and am down about 2 lbs, which is mostly due to not eating candy or chips at work and walking a little every day. I also posted my weekly video, wrote this post, and read a bunch in my Bible.

After all that is said and written, the real question is what shall I do now?