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Love Nerd: Why Am I Single?

by tiffanyLife, Love NerdPosted on No Comments

I’ve asked my self one question over and over. Sometimes I have the answer, other times I’m confused and don’t understand. The repeated question is, “Why am I single?”

I’ve answered this question many ways.

First the answer was I don’t see anyone I want to date. There was never the perfect guy that fell right in front of my face. No obvious suitor came calling and there was no fairy-tale meet cute in the movie of my life.

By the time I realized I was fooling myself by waiting for something romantic to fall into my lap, I was writing “To Love” and trying to build my art business. My excuse changed from, ‘it’s out of my control,’ to ‘I don’t have time.’ I thought I couldn’t do or have both my art career and a romantic partner. There just wasn’t enough time in the day or energy in my soul.

All the while I had a little voice of fear in the back of my mind that said I would only get hurt. Part of me didn’t want to find someone, because I didn’t want the pain of a break up. It took me writing “To Love” to realize that fear though.

I’m happy to say now my excuse is that it takes time. I’m once again trying online dating and praying my eyes are open to the different possibilities. It also helps to be able to see that I have love and support from my friends and family. With them I can overcome every pain or fear that life throws my way. Another thing that helps is that I’m working on being the best version of myself.

Want to learn or read more?

This blog series stems from my book “To Love.” For more information on “To Love” you can also watching my YouTube playlist. I will also be posting more in this series on the Love Nerd page of this site.

Poetry visual image for poem

The Road (A Poem)

by tiffanyPoetryPosted on No Comments
The road is long.
The path is hard,
and I keep thinking
I haven't gone far yet.

Maybe I'm good,
but need to be great.
Perhaps I'm struggling in vain
and being an artist is not my fate.

I could run.
I could hide,
but then there'd be
a deadly gnawing inside.

So I'll stay my course
and walk my path.
Perhaps one day I'll look back,
see my struggles, and laugh.

I do have more poetry in the poetry section of my site and poetry readings on YouTube.

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Introduction: Love Nerd

by tiffanyLove NerdPosted on No Comments

I am a Christian, a sister, and a friend. I’m an avid learner and artist. Also, I am a huge fan of love and a romantic. You can say I am a love nerd. Oh and another thing you should know is that I am single.

Being single is an identifier in my life’s current stage. It is also my blessing and my struggle. It is my freedom and my curse. Singleness has caused me to cry and caused me to dance with joy. Yeah, it’s a bit of an oxymoron, but both sides are true.

Being single has even taught me a lesson or two. It has showed me who I am and given me confidence in being the person I am made to be.

I am grateful that this is the struggle I’ve been given and the life issue that is closest to my life. My health, job situation, or family relations could be a lot worst. I could have actual real struggles, but I don’t.

Of course sometimes not having a partner feels like the end of the world and worst thing possible. During those dark moments I imagine bargaining away my health, a limb, or one of my senses, just to have a partner in life.

If you have been single for any major length of time you know the yearning for a partner comes in waves. Like any emotional thing in life relationships or lack there of are emotional roller coasters. As for right now I’m at the part of the roller coaster where I am at peace with the pain of being alone. It’s not that I’m numb to the loneliness. I’m just use to it.

My Singleness

I have been single for 10 years now. I have only kissed 1 guy in those 10 years and that was about 8 years ago. You can trust me when I say I know the single life.

I am truly chronically single. That does not mean I do not love or that I have not learned lessons about love. It is at the center of everything that is important to me. I just haven’t personally experienced romantic love in a very long time.

I also love learning about love and sharing my thoughts on love.

What are the different definitions of love? What comes first the action of love or the feelings of love? What does it truly mean to love?

I hope to answer these questions and more in this series. I also will share my journey to accepting my life stage with you and how I became a love nerd.

Want to learn or read more?

This blog series stems from my book “To Love” which I until February 13,2020 I have a kickstarter for. I will also be posting more in this series on the Love Nerd page of this site.

Poetry visual image for poem

Depart Oh Darkness (A Poem)

by tiffanyPoetryPosted on No Comments
Depart oh darkness.
You are not welcomed here.
Storm I will not surrender to thee.
You can let me be.

I am not a flower.
I am a tree.
Though you may try
I will not bend, break, or die.
 
I am here to stay,
so depart oh darkness.
You are not welcomed here.
Storm I will not surrender to thee.
You can let me be.

I do have more poetry in the poetry section of my site and poetry readings on YouTube.

Poetry visual image for poem

Without You (A Poem)

by tiffanyPoetryPosted on No Comments
A tiger can be caged.
A bird can live without flight,
and I can live without you.

He can hold his breath.
She can close her eyes,
and I can live without you.

Life will go on.
I will see the storms and sunshine,
and I can live without you.

But something inside longs to thrive.
Something inside longs to be free
and can only be when I live with you.

This was written on August 1, 2019.

I do have more poetry in the poetry section of my site and poetry readings on YouTube.

Tiffany Joy Poetry Readings

Poetry Readings

by tiffanyPoetry, recordedPosted on No Comments

I, Tiffany Joy, have started a new YouTube project. You must all be absolutely shocked! I do always feel like I’m starting new projects. This one is part of my efforts to promote what I’ve already written, by recording readings of my work. I’ve started by recording my poetry readings.

Most of the poems are from my book Growing Poems. I am starting to mix in my newer poetry that I published here.

I figured that I would share my favorites with those who either have stumbled on my site or frequent it more that Youtube. I’ll also be sharing this on my social media accounts, so I guess the post will just be spreading the word more.

Now onto the Poetry Readings

The first is one of my newer poems, but the first reading. It is called, “To Those Who Struggle.” For personal reasons, I needed to share this first. After all I always meant to have it as a reading.

Poems and Memories is a poem I wrote right after I realized what I was going to be calling my first poetry book. It reflects the idea of poems growing and being part of me.

Lady Isabella is again from my poetry book and is about my dog. I wrote it as her life was ending and it has always been a hard one for me to read. However, I do love it.

The last poem is Power. It is also from my poetry book. It is a 3 stanza poem that I wrote in college about a relationship.

There is a complete playlist of all my poetry readings, including older ones, on YouTube.

Note: This is the entire playlist.

I hope you enjoyed my poetry readings, as much as I enjoyed making them. Feel free to give me any feedback you have. All is welcomed.

Blog on Vlogs

by tiffanyLife, my creative self, other updatesPosted on No Comments

In November 2018 I started to do weekly vlogs. They are short unedited videos of how my week went, lessons I’m learning, or random ramblings. They are not planned out and are not high quality, but they are fun to do and hopefully helpful.

I started them, because I wanted to have a presence on youtube. I also wanted to get into the habit of publishing weekly videos.

One aspect of my dream/ ideal life is to be comfortable in front of the camera and to do promotional videos for my projects.

I had 2 options to make this aspect of my ideal life a reality.

The first was to wait until I had time to plan and edit videos. Time that may never come.

The second option was to make time and start where I was. I can start with what I can do now and grow on that.

One thing I’ve learned by going down the second path is that I have to fight with myself. Some weeks the video isn’t perfect. I’ve looked at the thumbnails and I’ve noticed the lighting isn’t great. Most weeks I also don’t like an aspect of my appearance or how I sound.

If I was doing this for the views or an outside factor I would have stopped after the first few videos.

The wonderful thing is that I’m not doing this for the views. This is something I’m doing for myself. It is practice and habit forming.

I have noticed that I’m frequently giving advice and sharing the life lessons I’m learning. It is turning into a verbal version of DreamWard Bound. I am okay with that and enjoying sharing what I’m learning. (I have found a passion for advice giving).

Here are a couple more videos for you to get an idea of what I’m talking about. I hope you enjoy.

I Will Know (A Poem)

by tiffanymy creative self, PoetryPosted on No Comments

When I see you
I will know.
You’re face will light up
and I will glow.
Our broken pieces
will match together;
not the same,
but will act as a tether.
We will not be perfect
but our love will fit.
When we find each other
the flame of love will be lit

Photo by Anton Darius | @theSollers on Unsplash

Speak I’ll Retreat (A Poem)

by tiffanymy creative self, PoetryPosted on No Comments

Speak I'll Retreat (A Poem) poetry image

I want to speak,
but I’ll let you go.
One word of mine will escape
before it’s your words that flow.
Each time I shrink.
I retreat.
I see your need
to be loved
to be heard.
I want to speak,
but instead I’ll simply retreat.

 

Photo by Anton Darius | @theSollers on Unsplash

Want more?

If you would like to read more of my poetry please take a look at my portfolio or watch a few of my poetry readings.

To Those Who Struggle Visual poetry picture

To Those Who Struggle (A Poem)

by tiffanymy creative self, Poetry, Poetry PortfolioPosted on No Comments

 

I see the beauty that you call ugly,
The scars of the past
healed by your own actions,
the love for self
that you think needs to hide.
In your eyes
I see the stories
ashamed to be told;
the climb from rock bottom
conquering the ugly side of self
cleaning your soul.
I see your struggles staring back at me
and all I can say,
“You are loved.”
You can connect with me.
I see the pain behind your eyes,
but you are courageous and strong.
You have survived this long.
Now with serenity
You can attempt to thrive
and beyond your beauty
beyond your strength,
I plead you to know
You are loved.

 

Photo by Anton Darius | @theSollers on Unsplash

Want More?

If you would like to read more of my poetry please take a look at my portfolio or watch a few of my poetry readings.