DreamWard Bound With Where I am

success

I took some time today to figure out where I am with my goals, what I am doing, and what I can change. I know that I don’t want to push myself too much. I don’t want to burn out like I did before Christmas. I do want to keep on keeping on with them. I do want to work towards my goals, challenging myself as I do.

I realized that for now I need to have a more relaxed format and although I will be trying to do more and more as time goes on I am only going to do a little with each category of my life that I want to focus on.

With God and the Bible I have been listening to an audio Bible instead of reading it. I allow myself to relax and have even fallen asleep listening to it. I know this is not ideal, but at least I am listening and going through the Bible. Now when I try to read it I will at least have some knowledge of all the books. I am also starting to listening to two podcasts on my way to work. At least I am trying to start listening to the podcasts, but technology is fighting against me.

Next, I did have a goal about my family. I want to talk to them more. I realized though, I want stronger relationships with everyone in my life. That is why I am going to still try to contact my family members at least once a week, something that I still have not mastered, but I am also going to be intentional with the people around me. I going to try to encourage my BJJ classmates more, help my friends, and talk to people more. I am going to try to be intentionally more friendly and more open.

As far as my novel goes I am going to be focusing the most sit down alone time to that. I want to keep my deadline and to do that I have to edit 1.5 chapters a week. I am planning to spend most of this weekend with my characters and story. Hopefully I will be able to polish it up nicely and only have to go over it one or two more times. I want to be finishing up with it this time next year.

My health is next on the important scale. Since I have started Brazilian Jit Jitsu I have found a want and almost need to be healthier. I want to push myself harder to be healthy in my eating and activities. I am not going to jump right over to the super healthy side of things. If I do that I will wind up giving into the not healthy eating patterns that I fall into so often. Instead I will start gradual and listen to my body. I will be eating more salads and vegetables. I am also doing a 100 day exercise  challenge, which I mentioned in another post.  I did revise the challenge, since I did not have enough space to safely do any sort of rolls. As it is I have to reset my shrimps and hip switches at least 3 times. I am doing the challenge though. I am at day 15, so far. My fitness and health will be steps towards being in the best shape that I can be. It will be a long journey, but I am on it.

Now, there is my acting. It is on the back burner and I am not really focused on it as a career or really an actionable goal at the moment. However, that does not mean I am doing nothing with it. I am still going to my improv group almost weekly. I have had to take a few weeks off in this new year. It seemed like I was either sick or burnt out by Thursday. I am getting back in the rhythm of life it seems, though. I am even leading a group this coming week. Since, this is my only outlet for acting I will be intentional with it. I am going to focus on growing my skills, learning more about improv and hopefully leading when needed.

Finally, there is this blog thing that I am trying to do, also. I love writing and seeing people visiting what I wrote. I enjoy the feedback, even if it is mostly just likes. I am learning what people like to read and what is the most interesting to them. I am also learning what pulls them in and how what I say affects the stats of the site. This blog is a learning experience for me just as much as it is about the writing and making me focused on my writing.  Although I am learning and enjoying having this outlet, like I said last week I believe, I need to not have this be my main focus. I will be trying to do at least two posts every week, one being the DreamWard Bound posts and the other being my weekly writing prompt posts, that have been a lot less than weekly.

Those are all the thoughts I have now. I know this post is longer than my recent posts. I am sure I will go back to basically having no updates next week. It is the whole thinking about my DreamWard journey, that makes this one long.

I do hope you enjoyed this and like always, please, let me know what you think.

Not For you

poetry

I just found an interesting top search for this blog, so will be doing a poem inspired by, “may be am not the one for you .”

Maybe I am not the one for you.
Maybe you are not the one for me.
Maybe you are nothing but a dream,
wanting me to wake.
Yet, I open my eyes and see your face.
You are standing right in my happy place.
You showed me it and told me to come.
Yet, you are not the one.

My one will come
and I did wish you were him.
Now, I wish I did not make that wish.
I know you do not see the possibility,
so maybe I am not the one for you
and maybe you’re not the one for me.
Yet, I wished the wish
and it’s now flying on the stars.
I can not reel it back in,
even though I try.

You opened my eyes,
and now I can’t stop dreaming.
You welcomed me in to your happy place
and it became my mine.
Still, maybe you are not the one for me.
Maybe I am not the one for you.

You know it’s really interesting, when I see something on the search and  it winds up being something I needed to write. So, thank you who ever searched for that.

Five minutes more ( A Morning Poem)

encouragement

Writing Prompt
How do you wake up? Do you spring out of bed, almost always fully rested or do you hit snooze? What is it like for you to wake up on a typical morning?

Five more minutes,
please just five more minutes,
well five or ten;
fifteen minutes tops.
I just need to be curled up
in my nest of blanks and pillows.
Let me relax for a little longer
I promise I will wake up
I will get up and shower.
I just need to be in bed
just a little big longer.
If I could I would
just stay in bed
with my covers over my head,
but no I promised.
I will wake,
but I need five minutes more.

 

Are The Words (A Poem)

poetry

Are all the words already said?
Did they fly out of someone else’s head?
I can’t see and I can’t find
Any words that are inside.

Are all the words already made?
Did they already create all the new means?
I don’t have any to call my own.
No new words have been shown.

Are all the words claimed?
Can they never be changed?
If I use a word a certain way;
If I tweak the meaning in a different way,
will some one complain?

Are all the words already said?
Are all the words already made?
Are all the words claimed?
I think not;
you just have to look beyond.

Realization

success

I’m realizing I want to be an actor, but I cannot not be an author. I will write even if no one reads. I will create stories even if a pen and paper are not near. Characters come into my mind and I see stories without trying. The only real hard part with writing is getting everything written so that others can understand the things I find beautiful.

That is why this year I will be focusing on my writing. I will still try to post videos, but acting and media will be on the C/ last tier of goals. Writing either this blogs or my novel will be A/ first tier and the most important goals this year.

I want to get this draft done and polish my novel up to get editors or friends to give me their input. Plus, the deadline for this draft that I set for myself is fast approaching.

As it stands now God and my family (both blood and tribe) are the two most important things.  I’m going to be trying to find different more effective ways to connect with them this year and build stronger relationships. I haven’t written that down all nicely, though.

Next will be my Novel, which means I may not get all five posts published every week. I will try hard to do that, but my main focus will be the whole reason why I write as much as I do. I want to get better and get a book I wrote into readers hands. I don’t care about having a publisher’s stamp of approval now. I just want people to read my stuff.

And I would love people to read my book. I love the story and characters. I just hope the people who will read the book, well books (it is a series), will love them just as much. I mean I see them so clearly and the story is so real to me, but I’m still making it readable and well written.

Well, that was a bit of a ramble.  Basically what I’m saying is I will be writing more and acting less. Acting will go on the back burner until I finish editing my book. I need to focus on one dream/ goal at a time.

Imagine Dragons And Airplanes (a Short Story)

encouragement

She stood at the airport waiting for her ride wearing her green dress that flared at her hips. She waited as cars picked up loved ones and unicorns picked up their masters. She waited and waited.  She almost went back inside to call a taxi cab when a loud crashing sound and a terrifying roar of pain came blasting down the road where people were being picked up.

The lady looked towards the crash and saw a miniature dragon clumsily coming down a lane trying not to hit or even crush the cars in the other two lanes. Although he was a miniature dragon, he was still as long as a truck and each of his wings stretched out would also be as long as a truck. The lady gasped out of fear for the creature and for the people in the cars that he was trying so hard not to hit.

She feared for them until she saw who was riding the dark green scaled animal. Her husband rode on the dragon’s two person saddle. She smiled and rolled her eyes, “This is your surprise? We can’t afford a dragon!”

Finally her husband was close enough to climb down the great beast and hug his wife. He gave her a kiss in which he dipped her in his arms. When they parted he smiled his charming smile that made her fall in love with him so many years before. That is when he stated, “No, my new job is the surprise. This is just a little reward.”

“Nothing about a dragon is little.” The lady said and as she did the dragon leaned down to sniff her. He then lightly licked her as a sign of affection. She stared at the dragon’s purple eyes not wanting to like the animal, but finding that hard. “Just don’t fly too high, okay? I just got off a plane I don’t need to feel like I’m back on one.”

“Don’t worry honey. Bae, can’t go that high with two of us. One day soon, we should take him to a field, so that you can see how high he can go.”

She nodded and he loaded her two bags onto Bae’s back before helping her into her side of the saddle. They were then off flying a few feet over traffic; happily in between the airplanes and cars.

 

 

Crush

writing

I do have a crush. It is a crush with the knowledge that the name of it is coming. Like an attack on my heart temporarily wounding my soul.

If there were real dating leagues he would be one higher than mine. If you write him on paper he would be the perfect of husband material. I could ignore the league and rip the paper. Yet, I cannot ignore the melting of my heart when he smiles.

I want to be safe in his arms, nuzzling close to his heart. I want to invite him into my world to see the serious turn silly, which I’ve seen glimpses of. I want to join his world and learn how strength feels.

I would invite him, let him know that my heart skips a beat when I see him; tell him that his smile melts my heart. I would tell him anything and everything, except my insecurities creep up. The voice I promised myself I would ignore shouts that he is on a pedestal to high for me to get. The voice of my insecurities and fear yells that I am not worth his love and I think him so grand that I believe it. I won’t let him decide how he feels. I will wait until I can’t take the waiting, worrying and fame of what ifs, become more than I can bear. One I am convinced one way or the other I will buckle down and confess in a way that does really give him a real choice. That is when my heart will be crushed and my feelings will bleed with salt water from my eyes.

Yes,  my heart will be crushed or maybe there is another way. Perhaps this time will be different. I don’t know how to flirt or read subtle signs, but I can be bold. I can ask for advice.  I can request help in understanding my real options. There is a way to be open in the middle of my fear.

I will try this time and if my heart is crushed than my friends can help me glue it back together. Yes, I will go into battle to fill my heart’s desire with a medical kit if it breaks.

Clouds (A Poem)

 

 

I flew back east to be with my family on Tuesday and have been focused on this trip all week, which is why I have not posted anything most of the week. I am now back on my computer and have a bunch of writing from my flight to publish. Here is the first poem.
poetry

Magical puffs
of frozen fluff
drifts gently,
drifts gracefully by
as I sit yet fly
with the Sun beaming in
as I travel to see my kin.
I simply sit
and see where the puffs’ shadows hit
over the hills and farms
and over the homes with alarms.
Yes, I sit yet fly
as the graceful fluffs drift on by.

Starting a journey

writingI started a journey last week, maybe you noticed. It is a life long quest to be my best. It will be a struggle see how this makes sense, showing some one or at least me something similar to growth. It is a journey that I have embarked as surprise to myself. This surprised journey, the sudden change in my seeing things is a surreal change in my path.

You see this new journey and sudden changed, changed more than a day like I thought it would. The first step was not really the true beginning. I thought it would be stepping into the hot sweaty gym, but no. The true beginning was asking the simple question, “Can I?” When the answer was yes, I was given a chance to step into the steam filled, rectangular room that was filled with blue and green mats.

My first class lasted all week within my muscles as an excited reminder that I did something impossible. What was that impossible thing I did, you may ask. I put down myself as I took off my shoes and learned my strength. I learned a new love. It is an impossible love that I told myself I would never find. It is the love of something that pushes you to the brink of your limits, but leaves you wanting more. It is a love that build you up, shows you the strength within you and tells you everything can be learned from. It is a love of Brazilian jiu jitsu and yes after only one class I was in love. After two classes I confident enough in this new journey to write about it.

You will hear more about my training and journey. This is only the start.

 

Pain so good (A Poem)

poetry

 

This pain
is so freeing.
This ache
is very much relaxing.
Let this flame
keep burning,
this fire
never die.

The pain pushes me.
The ache shows I am alive
The fire,
oh the fire
it keeps me from looking back
from slowing down
because if I stop
the warming fire may die out
cool my heart until it is ice.

So let the pain hurt
the ache be uncomfortable
and the fire burn on.