Tiffany Joy

Mentally Healthy Bagel

by tiffanyHealthy Bagel, Life September 5, 2019September 22, 2019No Comments

I have primarily talked about physical health and my journey with weight loss. However, that is not actually the main focus of this journey. Instead of working towards a physical health goal, like weight loss. I have been trying to be mindful of the reasons behind my habits and my mindset that caused me to not be my physical best. Basically I am working on the inside out this time.

Your mind is where every action or inaction stems from, so you should pay attention and take care of it. Why am I eating what I eating? It is because some part of my brain said, “Yes, tuna fish is what you want to eat right now.” It could have very easy decided that I actually should go to the store and buy a large thing of ice-cream, but it didn’t. Looking at the reason behind your actions or inaction can teach you so much about yourself.

Once I fully grasped the concept that every action or inaction comes from my brain, I realized that I can control and change my mind. I didn’t have to stay stuck with the same thought patterns or reactions. This is really when I started my health journey.

Why I think Dieting fails

Yes, I had tried dieting before and living a healthier lifestyle many times. I would typically fail, because I was just doing what I thought I should be doing and not looking at the reasons. The reasons didn’t resonate deep enough for me to keep with it and what I truly wanted to change was not actually being changed.

Most of the time the reasons we want to change our outward appearance has more to do with how we see ourselves and inner minds. That is why I never saw lasting change. I wasn’t changing the foundation or inner life, so my outside appearance was only always temporary.

Let me rephrase that for you:

If you don’t change the inside your outside appearance will only be temporary.

A few months ago

I realized the need to change my inner life and thought pattern a few months or maybe even a year ago, so I started my deep dive. That is when I started “Healthy Bagel.” I wrote the first blog post, but didn’t publish it and then backed away. Something was holding me back. I realize now I didn’t really want to do the deep dive into my mind. However, that was the only way real change would happen.

When I finally did look honestly at myself I realized the real reasons why I wanted to get ‘healthy.’ I use quotes, because I have no chronic illness, I’m hardly ever sick, and can be pretty active.

Here is what I realized about my reasons for being physically fit

My BMI (Body Mass Index) defined my health in my mind and I used the BMI system as a way to keep my confidence down.
My desire is to be more attractive
I want to feel better about my physical body.
Mainstream society’s weight limits and attitudes dictated my own.
If I was a smaller size it would be easier to find a bra.
Finally, I want to prove to myself I can be as fit as I want.

To put it simply I want to feel good about my body and increase my confidence.

How am I using my reasons to get healthier?

First I am looking at the beliefs behind the reasons. Why do I equate BMI with health? Why am I not feel great about my physical body? Why do I want to prove that I can be more physically fit? Why is my confidence tied to my physical appearance?

Some of beliefs are influenced by the society and culture I am a part of; others are more personal. I’m still explore which ones are which and how to overcome the limiting beliefs.

I do know that being physically active is a good thing and I do feel better when I’m taking care of myself, so that won’t change. I want to be the best version of me and currently that involves taking a journey towards being the healthiest I can be.

For more on my health journey check out the previous blog posts.

main UnZipped Surrealism painting art write up

Unzipped (Art Write-Up)

by tiffanyVisual art August 30, 2019August 28, 2019No Comments

Title: Unzipped
Size: 14 x 11
Medium: Acrylic paint on Canvas
Finished Date: Early 2017
Summary: Unzipped is my first surrealism painting came when rains came after a long drought. The change in weather gave new life to the land and showed me that life can be renewed even after a long rest and struggle.

Write Up

Inspired by surrealism I painted an image that came to be while driving home after a rain storm.

California was is a drought and before the rains came everything looked dead and dry. We then had heavy rain fro at least two weeks. It seemed like the days the rains stopped nature came back to life. Everything was green and colorful again.

It was as though the sky unzipped and brought life back.

In this painting I captured the wonderful feeling that the rain brought. It was as though we were transported to a different land.

Over half the painting has blues and greens with touches of red, yellow and a bit of brown. The other half, where the rain has not reached, is filled with gray and tan. There is no life vegetation where there is no rain.

The could that is being unzipped also takes up a large portion of the dry section. It gives a hope that the rain is coming, but also shows that more focus is on the rain when there isn’t any.

This painting is split, but should give you hope. Rain will come when it is needed and breath new life into the same land, so even if things seem gloomy, dark, and dead keep the hope alive. Life can be renewed.

More information

This painting it is for sale on eBay.

I have a section on this site if you would like to explore more of my visual art.

Not Lost (A Poem)

by tiffanymy creative self, Poetry August 21, 2019January 3, 2020No Comments

I am not lost
Yet I will journey on.
My path leads into the depths,
into the forest of understandings;
Like a tree rooted in family
but growing towards the sky with each passing experience.
A bird who has freedom to fly
still returns to her nest.

I walk on, learning more of me,
seeing different sides.
I am a diamond with a multitude of facets,
a puzzle I’m piecing together.
I am not lost,
yet I still journey on.

I do regularly publish poems on my site and post poetry readings on YouTube.

Getting Confirmed – God Shows Up

by tiffanyGod Shows Up, Life August 13, 2019September 22, 2019No Comments

The lead up to The confirmation process:

I grew up with a base knowledge of Christianity through Catholicism. I would go to St. John’s Catholic church most Sundays. I don’t remember ever paying attention. Instead, I would sit in the pews and doodle back and forth with my sister.

When I started high school I was given the option of to be confirmed into the Catholic church. That seemed like the thing you were suppose to do, so in 9^th grade I started the process.

I went to the classes that taught us the prayers and I guess religious knowledge. Nothing stuck. I do not know what I actually learned during those classes. I do remember that the classes took place in the basement of the school across the street from the church, and most of the time I felt pretty alone. I didn’t know anyone and I was shy. They all either went to the Catholic school or the public highs school. I went to a vocational high school and no friends from my junior high school went to these classes. I was the shy outsider.

In order to get confirmed you also had to do a certain amount of volunteer hours. I volunteered at a soup kitchen for community hours. Again, I didn’t feel like I quite belonged and didn’t know what I was doing. I just knew it was part of the process.

I finished all the requirements, but due to a scheduling issue I could not actually get confirmed with the classmates I had learned with. I was confirmed at my Memere’s church instead.

What happened shortly after confirmation:

Shortly after my confirmation I decided to look into my friend’s religion. I thought that if my faith was real it wouldn’t matter and I would be able to learn a different aspect of my friend. I soon found interest in this new religion and even started to believe in it. I chose to believe in what Wicca taught and became a pagan.

It took many years before I would even think about revisiting a church or remember that I was confirmed as a Catholic.

Looking Back:

Looking back, I turned away from Catholicism and Christianity, because I didn’t have a real faith. I also didn’t have a community that I could call my own. I felt more of a belonging with my Wicca friends, rather than my Catholic church.

My Catholic faith wasn’t really mine. I focused on what I ought to do with my Catholic faith. In contrast I focused on what I wanted while practicing Wicca. Both paths led me to finding who I truly am.

I needed to give away the gift of my faith to another religion, before being able to accept the gift of Christianity.

I do see God in all of this. He protected me through the years of disobedience and showed me the way to my own path.

If I didn’t go astray I wouldn’t be walking the path I am on now and would not have a deeper understanding of God or an actual relationship with the creator of the universe.

Shoe (A Poem)

by tiffanymy creative self, Poetry July 16, 2019January 5, 2021No Comments

I once had a shoe.
Well, I had two.
The one that stayed lost her boo.
I do not know what to do.
I think it got on a plane and flew.
It must have gone all the way to Timbuktu.
I looked high and low, even under a tutu,
but nowhere could I find my other shoe.

Want More?

If you would like to read more of my poetry please take a look at my portfolio or watch a few of my poetry readings.

Testimony – God Shows Up

by tiffanyGod Shows Up July 7, 2019April 9, 20202 Comments

My true Christian life started on the cliffs in California.

I had moved to California with four friends after I graduated from college. We moved here for freedom, fun, and the beautiful weather. There was no positive thoughts of God or religion. The group of us didn’t really talk about that stuff much.

After 3 months of living in a pretty chaotic house together and struggling, things began to change. We all smoked and I did not think much about what at the time was a random stoner conversation that would eventually be the catalyst for the change. The group decided it would be good to do a spiritual exploration study. Each of us were going to study a religion to find out what they all had in common.

Only the person who took Christianity actually studied. He soon decided to go to a local church.

One night he and another housemate had a conversation. By the end of the night God showed up and made Himself real to that friend.

The next day my life truly changed

The next day we walked to the cliffs that over looked the pacific ocean. While meditating I asked the universe for a sign. I made it a point to myself that I was meditating and not praying. I didn’t really want Christianity to be true. After a moment I heard a whisper of a thought suggest opening the Bible that my friend brought.

My friend brought a Bible with us, so I got up and asked him if I could use it. With the Bible in my possession I sat back where I originally was. I wasn’t to going to actually open it to a certain page or passage. How could I? I never really read the Bible before, so I didn’t know where to find any good scriptures.

The wind played and flung the pages. The breeze died down momentarily and stopped at Psalm 64, which in the New King James version says, “Hear my voice, O God, in my meditation.”

It was the word meditation that got me. Then it was as though my soul breathed for the first time.

Healthy Bagel Confession

by tiffanyHealthy Bagel June 20, 2019January 3, 2020No Comments

I have a confession I must share with you. I’ve already had set backs on this journey.

In the past month I’ve wanted to quit . My mental focus has been on my setbacks. It’s hard to start a new lifestyle. It’s hard to continually put the effort towards being healthy. That is what this whole thing is about. I’m really on a quest to find and live the healthiest lifestyle for myself.

I want to be healthy and be the type of person who just naturally chooses the healthy options. It would be great if I just naturally ate less sugar and less carbs. I would be happy if it was easy to decide to go for a run every morning.

Of course if that was the case then I wouldn’t be writing this blog or on this journey. I’m sure I will learn more and more things as I decide to do the hard, but healthy things.

The end result and quest itself may look different for you, but I hope you jump on this band wagon with em. It’s hard and the wagon may break down sometime, but it is worth the journey.

Even with the stumbles and set backs I have noticed a few changes, that no one else has noticed, yet. The changes have been slight, but they’re there. I’ve starting to see that my muscles have the desire to show themselves. They’re still shy and hiding behind a couple layers of fat. I’m also noticing my clothes are growing.

I’m still in the orange zone (191-199lbs), but honestly feeling okay with my progress at this moment. I currently have a great amount of energy, which is why I am feeling good about my progress.

1st Thing I’ve learned

Being emotionally, physically, or mentally drained are the cause of my setbacks. Willpower does take energy, so it makes sense that when I don’t have a lot of energy my willpower depletes quickly.

2nd Thing I’ve learned

I have also learned that when I eat like crap I feel like crap. If I eat sugar or carb filled stuff at night I’ll wake up feeling low or emotionally heavy, which makes me want to grab for a quick fix. The quick fix of course is sugar and carbs, which will help for a bit, but just repeats the blah feeling.

It’s also easier for me to continue to eat things I know is not healthy, because I swear sugar and carbs mess with my sleep.

I was eating clean, or clean for me, for a week; checking the sugar and carbs in everything and restricted my carb intake. I felt great and woke up fully refreshed, which I didn’t even realize was an issue.

Why Being Nice To Yourself Is Important

I had one or two slip ups, but regained control after my clean eating week. I still had plenty of emotional and mental energy to pull myself together.

Things were going well for about a week after that and then outside forces emptied my tanks of their energy. I’m slowly refilling my energy tanks, but as they fill I’m focusing on being kind to myself.

I don’t want to forgive myself for eating a pint of ice cream in one sitting or having pancakes with extra honey, but I know I should.

After I convince myself I need something unhealthy or eat too many desserts I need to forgive myself and move on. Holding on to regret or guilt, only makes me want to eat junk food more. Junk food can be a quick fix and fast comfort, but it’s fix and comfort fades just as fast.

I’m not giving up on my health though. I am re-evaluating and adjusting what I’m doing.

Like any goal or achievement you aim for you need to stay focused on the achievement, but be flexible on how you get there.

Relax Your Face (A Poem)

by tiffanyPoetry June 14, 2019January 3, 2020No Comments

Let the sun shine on your face
feel my warm embrace,
as I smile and say
‘You can breathe
life is not a race.’

Relax with who you are.
Do not set high the bar.
You have your dreams,
you hold tight to your standards
yet true happiness and joy is not that far.

So let the sun shine on your face
and relax with who you are.

I do regularly publish poems on my site and post poetry readings on YouTube.

Introduction to God Shows Up

by tiffanyGod Shows Up June 9, 2019May 14, 2019No Comments

To those who do not believe in God He may be a fictional character, distant, or dead. To those who have experienced the real and true God He is very much alive, real, and desires a relationship with His followers. Those who believe in God are His children and each have a different experience with Him.

I have experienced the God of the Bible, and I have a relationship with him. I know He hears my prayers, because He has answered them in His perfect timing.

For a while I’ve wanted to share the love I feel and the experiences I’ve had with God. I was not sure how I would do this. What would be the best way of spreading God’s love? How should I explain the truths of the Bible that I know first hand?

I finally asked an important question. What do people I know want to read? The answer was that at least one person wanted to read about the experiences I’ve had with God.

In this series I will start with that idea, but also expand it. I will be writing stories of answered prayers, times God showed up in my life, and what my spiritual life looks like. Eventually I may even branch out and write about God showing up in other believers’ lives.

Some weeks I will focus on telling a story about my experience, other weeks I will focus on explaining an important area of my spiritual life, and finally other weeks there will be a combination of those styles.

I do hope you enjoy the story of how I see God show up and please, let me know what you think.

Thank you for reading.

Good-Bye To The Dreamward Bound Series

by tiffanyDreamward bound, Life, Non-fiction and Articles Portfolio June 4, 2019October 29, 2019No Comments

Dreamward Bound was one of the first series started on here and it is the longest series. I have 90 posts in this series that range from 2014 to last month. Over the years it has morphed and grown along side me. The series has been filled with life updates, struggles, and insights to my creative life.

Dreamward Bound will always have a place in my heart. It is part of my life’s journey, but it has reached its end.

I am on Instagram and Twitter more often now. You can follow me those social media platforms and stay informed about my life there. I am also starting a monthly newsletter, which will be most like the early days of Dreamward Bound. The newsletter will have life updates and creative work updates, also.

In the coming months you will also see a few different blog series on this site. Each of the new series will have their own specific topic. They will be shorter series with the average being about a year long. The blog series will also be aimed towards helping the audience I am attempting to grow.

With this more focused and structured approach to my writing and art life I should gain more traction in my journey towards my dreams.