Winter fears on a summer day

I worry about winter
When summer is near,
When spring only now
Is fading into a sweet memory.
Yes, I fear the cold frigid storms
When the Sun shines bright
Warming the already hot air.
I worry and fear
But I convice myself not tonight.
For the night must be for dreams,
dream that could turn into reality.
Oh,  how I want to force
my reality into my dreams,
Push my hopes into a cage
Or wish my life far far away.
Yet, there must be a different way
A new path, a strange way.
A road away from the fears
Of freezing on the road
Of needing to stop because of the cold.
How can I force summer to stay?
Is there a way
To stop seasons from changing
to stop life from living?
No, I suppose there is no way
Of stopping the world from turning and life from living,
But reality does not need to stay
And the life lived can be what dreams make.

Being led.

Calm the calamity in my mind,

Because I know you’re here.

And, I know I’m right.

This path may look

the wrong way,

seem to go no way,

a dead-end

or have a brick wall in the way.

Yet, this path is

the one I’m on,

the one you lead me down,

the right road for me,

so I will walk this path

that some think leads no where.

Because I know

I will get where I going

and know that I’m being led.

My Dance to Alone

I am sure that everyone on this blog understands that I am a single woman who is also an artist. I love creating art using different mediums. I’ve been practicing my dancing and have made a danced that I recorded today. I also edited this video, partly to play with editing but also partly because my camera would not record the full dance. This actually made the dance more interesting in my opinion.

The song I set it to Alone, off of Colorful of the Stereo by The Crashtones which was released in 2006.  For more information about this wonderful band you can go to SamWitwer.com .

Puppet

mini1 mini2 mini3 mini4

I was looking through old posts and realized that I had not share with you my puppet. This is my second completed puppet and first mini-puppet.

Her name is Mini (I know so creative). She is supposed to be a miniature puppet of myself.

I’m sure one day I will edit this post to make it more interesting or perhaps Mini will get another new post all together, but for right now here she is. Well, here are pictures of her and my sculpting skills (or lack of them).

In the End

In the End

In the end

I may feel silly,

everything may be lost,

my heart may break.

In the end

it may not be worth it,

I may have to be a terrible cost,

my soul may bend.

In the end

I may wish

I never had this dream in mind.

I may want someone else to be mine.

In the end

this dream may die,

my world may change,

my heart may run away.

But in the end

my soul will not break,

my heart will mend,

and life will go on,

so I will try,

and I will struggle.

I will fight for this dream.

whether I win or lose

I will try so that

in the end

I can say

this was the best way,

this was my way,

my dream to live my life,

my life to work for my dreams.

In the end

my soul will not break,

my heart will mend,

and life will go on.

(Just a fast poem in the morning. Please let me know what you think)

God is

Some times I feel like I have a super power and it’s God. Although I have never lifted a car, or ran faster than a train I can see things people can not. I see hope in the darkness and hurt in anger. I can see where I go wrong and the way out of pain. I know that anger in the darkness and past wrongs will never keep me or anyone from God’s love. He uses all things for his good plan.

Yes it does seem like God is so far away when you first start looking at him. He is an unreachable, unthinkable entity that some think can not exist. Once you start to learn and have an actual relationship with him God comes in focus. He is the light that can guide a life to completely change even if outsiders can not see. God is the love that the world is searching for in darkness. He can be any one’s everything. But most importantly to know is that God is.

God is not a past fantasy once believed in. God is not just written in a book. God is the unexpected kindness from a stranger. He is a father’s love and a friend’s helping hand. God is love and light. He is a father to all who seek and a provider for his children. God is the builder and creator of all things. God is love. Most importantly, God is.

Yes my super power is the fact that I know that God is.

the last forty days

41 days ago I was feeling pulled in all directions. I did not know what I was doing wrong, but could not make time for all the projects I wanted to do. I had no time to follow my dreams. It was draining just to live life because I never really recharged. Life just was not going my way it seemed.

That was when I decided to change something. I did not know how or what exactly needed to change, but I went on a fast from television. I figured I would pray and ask God for help instead of watching shows or movies. I started this no television thing forty days ago and told myself and God that it would be for forty days. I felt like what I learned may help people, but mostly want to share what happened to me.

I want to make sure that I am clear in my reasons for writing this blog. I am not writing it as a, ‘look at me,’ type of thing. I am sharing with you part of what did happen and not saying either way whether you should try this fast or not. This was helped me at this point in time and I have learned things from it. I am hoping to simply share what I have learned and not what I have done.

Now, what I learned first was within the first week. I realized just how much t.v. I was watching. I would get home from work and plop myself in front of a television or my computer. I would zone out, never really mentally resting but not active either. Television was not refreshing my mind or soul, but I was still watching hours of it. I would stay up late just to watch another episode or because the one I told myself was my last, was not a good one to leave off on.

You may watch a lot of television or a lot of movies over the course of the week. Or perhaps you have another hobby that takes up most of your time. What I learned from realizing how much television I was actually watching was that I had elevated entertainment to a level higher than most things in my life. I had always been a dreamer and a planner, but none of my plans or dreams were coming true. I was stuck, because I was actually saying, with my time, that television was more important than my dreams. Watching that much television told me that I either did not actually believe I could achieve my dreams.

Well, I really do believe that I can achieve my dreams and now I know it. I had a lot of time on my hands, after cutting television out. I have made three necklaces, most of a puppet (I just need two little things to complete her), have written multiple poems (some of which are up on this blog), have done a mini Bible study on proverbs 31 (again on this blog), and have written 37,147 words of a novel I had been putting off. All of this was within the last forty days.

Each of these projects taught me something different. First the Proverbs 31 one taught me that I must work hard and be strong in order to be a godly woman. This does not mean I do not enjoy my life. The work I work hard and long on is my writing, which I love to do. This piece of scripture is giving me strength and determination to follow my dreams full heartily.

The next project, the puppet, made me realize how much talent God has. He shapes us all and is focused on each detail. I hardly could get the face done and almost gave up multiple times, because the detail work was so hard. She is a tiny puppet and I just did not have the skill to finish her… Or so I thought. After putting her down and picking her up many times, I finally felt her face was finished. I then worked on her hands which again I almost gave up on. I could not figure out her tiny fingers. Again after picking them up and putting them down I figured out how to do the fingers. I realized after she was baked and ready to assemble that some connecting loops were closed. I had moved the clay too far down the wire that I was working on. I almost thought I would have to make a few parts over again, but found a way to save them. Finally yesterday I basically completed her. She is now wearing a black dress. I only need to attach her head, but need to buy something for that. So, now that she is done, I look at her and she looks like a real mini puppet. It took a lot for me not to give up on all the detail and during the process I kept telling myself that I would never do another puppet this small. Looking at her I bet I will do another one this small again, maybe soon.

I bet God looks at us the same way. People are more complex and hard to figure out than puppets, yet he has made billions and will make billions more. He does not give up on any of us, even when we do not believe he is real. He loves us no matter what.

The other project that taught me something was my writing. This includes my poems and my novel. I realized during the writing many things. One, God is with me while I write, so I should let him shine through. Also writing and becoming a full time author is my dream. At least the main dream I want to pursue at this time. Once I can survive as an author, which I know may be never, I may pursue my other dream as an actor. Right now I am only a write though. Right now writing is my main dream. This will be my focus. Yes I still love acting, theater, and movies, but what really is important to me is God, my family, friends, and writing. I need to focus on what is important. I stretched myself thin only thinking of the many different areas I want to make a career in. Truth be told I wanted seven careers at one point and I wanted to pursue them all at the same time. What has stuck over time, what I always did even before I realized it could be a career, was writing. I started writing when I was ten and never really stopped. I wrote stories, poems, novels (with no endings), journals, plays, and songs.

I love to write and love is its own reward. I do not need anything in return. I spent years without some one reading anything I wrote and it did not matter. I still wrote. I hope people will read my things now, but approval for this art form is not required.

As for the jewelry I made. That is a hobby, that I hopefully will make a few extra bucks at. I will be selling some pieces soon on Etsy (www.etsy.com/shop/tiffyjoy). This will not be my main career though. I enjoy it and if I sell enough I may think of making it a full time thing, but I will always be a writer at heart. If I can make a living as a jewelry maker and a writer I will be happier than I can imagine. It would mean I could just have fun for most of the day and make my own schedule. We will see though. I will not get ahead of myself, which I have a tendency to do.

All of these things happened during my forty days of no television. I realized and learned everything within those days, because I was opened to learning and could focus on what was really important. My simple advice for you, my reader, is if you feel stressed or stretched thin, if your dreams are not coming true and you do not see anything happening with them, ask yourself is there something I could give up or change. Is there something in your life that is taking up your time or not revitalizing you? Prioritize your time, work for your dreams, and know you can do it.

You (unedited)

Calm my mind,

like a gentle breeze.

Please, wash away my insecurities

in a loving river.

Teach my how to sing the songs

that the care free birds sing.

Do not want to worry about tomorrow?

 I will try to let tomorrow worry about itself.

Breathe your calming spirit in

and I will breathe my anxiety out.

Today I will remember your gentle breeze,

your loving river,

and live.

Please, feel free to give feedback or comments below.

Proverbs 31

When I lived in California I had a mentor/ friend who gave advice that was simple to say, but hard to follow. Just recently  this friend, Janet, went to be with her heavenly Father in heaven. I know that she is with God because she did not only give this advice but lived it. She was a proverbs 31 woman and wanted me to be one too. That was her advice, “Be a proverbs 31 woman.” It was a simple, after reading the scripture I knew what she meant. You see proverbs 31 describes a strong, energetic, hard working woman who gets up early and stays awake working late.

For a while I have been saying, one day I’ll be that way, one day I’ll change into that. I had been saying that for more then a year; thinking I had all the time in the world to grow into kind of woman. However, when I heard that she had passed away from this life, I realized I did not have all the time in the world.  No where in the Bible does it say to wait until you are ready to follow God. It may say wait on God’s timing, but I was waiting for my own timing.

Realizing that time is short and knowing that I wanted to live for God fully. I started to read Proverbs 31 over and over. I have read it in at least 3 different translations. As I have studied it, almost every day, I have realized I am finally starting to realize what it means and  am becoming that type of woman.

I have posted the entire passage below, but there are a few verses that stuck out at me (these are from the ESV translation).

 

The first is only the first half of verse 15 which states, “She rises while it is yet night.” She is an early riser. I have not been too fond of this, but have been trying to wake up earlier and to my surprise it makes all the difference. I am not just waking up when I get to work, but already awake and ready to work. This allows me to be in a good mood for most of the day. I also realized that I have more time in the day. I can even write this blog right now, because I woke up early.

The second is “17 She dresses herself[b] with strength and makes her arms strong.”   She is strong. In the NLT the same verse says “She is energetic and strong, a hard worker.”  I sometimes feel society wants women to be girly and not strong. It always seems to surprise people when I don’t mind doing the hard work that takes muscle. I’ve never been a girly girl and thought that Christian women were suppose to be ‘lady’ like. Although, I have meant non-lady like Christian woman, who I love, I had thought that they were suppose to seem weaker. This is not exactly true though. We are suppose to be strong, hard working women. We should have a strong drive to work and help out physically.

The next verse that stood out to me was the second half of 18. “Her lamp does not go out at night.” This was easy for me and I was really happy to see this. I am a night owl and love staying up late. Of course it is harder to do when you remember verse 15 which says you should also rise early. Still this means more time for everything you want/ should be doing.

My favorite chunk of verses, the one I think sums the whole passage up is 25-26. “25 Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come. 26 She opens her mouth with wisdom,  and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.”  A proverbs 31 woman is smart, dignified, kind and laughs. This paints a picture of happiness and contentment for me.

Studying this has begun to change my life. I can see the changes and feel them. I am taking charge with my writing and art work. I am working harder to be the woman God wants me to be, which is all that can be asked. I hope that by sharing this it will strengthen you and teach you that being a Biblical person is being strong, smart and awesome.

Here is the scripture I am referring to:

The Woman Who Fears the Lord

10 [a] An excellent wife who can find?
She is far more precious than jewels.
11 The heart of her husband trusts in her,
and he will have no lack of gain.
12 She does him good, and not harm,
all the days of her life.
13 She seeks wool and flax,
and works with willing hands.
14 She is like the ships of the merchant;
she brings her food from afar.
15 She rises while it is yet night
and provides food for her household
and portions for her maidens.
16 She considers a field and buys it;
with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard.
17 She dresses herself[b] with strength
and makes her arms strong.
18 She perceives that her merchandise is profitable.
Her lamp does not go out at night.
19 She puts her hands to the distaff,
and her hands hold the spindle.
20 She opens her hand to the poor
and reaches out her hands to the needy.
21 She is not afraid of snow for her household,
for all her household are clothed in scarlet.[c]
22 She makes bed coverings for herself;
her clothing is fine linen and purple.
23 Her husband is known in the gates
when he sits among the elders of the land.
24 She makes linen garments and sells them;
she delivers sashes to the merchant.
25 Strength and dignity are her clothing,
and she laughs at the time to come.
26 She opens her mouth with wisdom,
and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.
27 She looks well to the ways of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children rise up and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
29 “Many women have done excellently,
but you surpass them all.”
30 Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain,
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
31 Give her of the fruit of her hands,
and let her works praise her in the gates.