DreamWard Bound for November 8, 2014

success

Warning: This post is fulled with a lot of excuses, but there is also some happy things in it too.

I hit the wall this week with my schedule. Last Saturday I only did the week’s DreamWard Bound post. I thought I would do some video recording on Sunday, but when it came around I did not feel well. This caused me not to get a monologue recorded for last week.  On Monday I realized I need to re-record step 7 of the goal achieving videos, so was unable to post it. I also was still not feeling great on Monday, so took a nap before writing. Tuesday should have been a day of recording but I just could not bring myself to setting up so I wrote more. I guess I just needed a week devoted to writing.

I also did not go to the gym at all this past week. I don’t really have a good reason or even an excuse for that. I just was so unmotivated that I did not go. I am now wishing I kept going to the gym, because it’s starting to be harder and harder to go. I have forgotten how great my body feels after and how much healthier I felt. It’s been two weeks and already I am forgetting why I go. This also makes it hard to eat right, because my brain goes why bother. I will be going to the gym after I finish this post, which I keep getting distracted away from.

Now on to the no excuse good part of this blog.

I am realizing more and more that I may not be able to do everything every day or every week, but that does not mean I will do nothing. Having my goals are great and I believe I have come far with what I do and how much I do, still I have to remember that I also have a full-time job, friends, and an adult life that will all take time away from my creative self. This is the life I am living now and I have to be flexible with somethings. Also, I shouldn’t beat myself up or put myself down because I didn’t have a twelve or thirteen hour day.

You see when I have my creative days, during the week, I wake up around 5:45 am , get ready, and go to work. After work I usually will  go to the gym (unless it was the last two weeks) then have a quick dinner, which most of the time I eat at my desk while I work. I will then write or edit my videos until at least 9 pm. If I am editing videos I will most likely stay working until 10:30 and then go straight to bed. This makes for a crazy work focused life, but honestly I do enjoy working that much. If I didn’t I would never make it the industry that I actually want to be a part of.

I know that one day I will wake up at 5:45 go to work and come home around 9 or 10 pm. The major difference being that the work will be what I love doing. I will have a creative career one day, but I am not there yet. I do see the journey and the benefits of all these long days and determined attitude. I am happy to do the grunt work that no one in the industry sees, so that I can be better and know more when they do see what I want them to see.

I believe that is all I have to say about my week, so here is the shorter list of the things I did this week.

I Am A Bagel (short story)

A Writing Experiment on Nothing 

Give me Happiness (a poem)

My Future (a poem)

Dream For You (A poem)

How Does My Marketing Show My Uniqueness? (A video)

To Do: (A Poem)

poetry

I have this to do
now that must be done,
sitting still is not doable.
The laundry needs to be done,
my room needs to be clean,
the mess is taking over.
I must do all the things around.
Can you not see the list in my brain.

I have to do this
and that cannot wait.
The list is growing
even as I sit,
even as I think,
I see it growing
like a monster in the swamp
I have too many things to do,
too many ways I must run.
Sitting should be unheard of
and writing should be put away,
this to do list is growing and growing,
consuming my mind.
It’s taking over my life.

I need to do this
and that is so very important.
Creativity needs to be put on pause
and my goals should run and hide.
I need to do all I need to do,
because I have this and that
both need to be done.
The universe will implode
if I do not do what is on the list.

Or maybe this and that can be put on pause,
perhaps my creativity needs to come out and play.
I can put my list away
and meet my goals instead.
The laundry can wait
and the mess can stay.
I need to sit
and create.

you not me (Poem)

poetry
Can you?
Do you?
Will you?
because I can’t.
I won’t.

I won’t be the first to say,
no not even now.
I can’t tell you,
so will you?
I believe you know how.

Do you want to?
Do you know how?
If you do,
please let me know.

I know I’m vague
I know I’m saying nothing
that’s why you have to,
so will you?
Please, tell me
what I want to hear.

Can you?
Do you?
Will you?
because I can’t.
I won’t.