A Vacation In My Home (Journey To Me)

In Mid March of 2017 I had what I called “a fast from life.” I took time off work, did not watch television during the day, did not go on social media or the internet, and did a tradition fast of no food except for liquids. It was a time of reflection on life, self searching, and relaxing that lasted 5 days. In that time I wrote the following.

It is about one o’clock on a sunny Wednesday. I hear a bird chirping in the distance and feel a gently breeze pass through my open windows. I am sitting on the ground of my beige living room. My back is leaning against my grey recliner and my fuzzy teal pillow. I have a teal body pillow on my lap and a sense of being home in my heart. This is only a small studio, but it is perfect for me.

The fast that it is beige is broken up with my light wood furniture, grey chair, and silver lamp in my living. My office has no structured definition, but instead of light furniture it has a black desk, a black bookcase, and a dark wood chair, but my art supply storage is a happy turquoise. Plus, there is a gallery wall of my art and the art I have collected.

My bedroom and reading nook are up a ladder in my loft.

The bathroom is huge.

There is also a kitchenette with a stove top, microwave, and an unused toaster oven.

My home is complete and my own.

It is perfect and my own paradise, which is why I’m taking a vacation here. I wanted to take time to figure out myself and a plan for my life. I need direction and to know that I’m on the path God wants me to be on. My original thought was to go away – travel.

I would not be distracted by the fact the grocery store is only 15 minutes away and there is a taco place even closer. If I traveled I won’t be reminded of all the different forms of art I play with. In that same thought I wouldn’t have my art supplies or all the projects I’m working on. Plus, why pay for a hotel when I just want to feel my pen on paper, sleep whenever I want,and read the rest of the time.

It is the first day of my fast from life and already I am liking it. I slept til 8, had a massage, and read 6 chapters in the Bible. I am very relaxed and peaceful. This is how I want to start this experimental fast that will be focused on God’s future for me.

For the next 5 days if my mind wonders I’ll let it. It is free to roam the forest of my thoughts, but I will also put it to work while it is near. This way I will remain calm and relaxed while I pray and search for what God will have me do.

This was the first day of the fast and by the end I had a rough plan. I had things I would be giving up and things that I would be adding to my life.

As I review the list of changes, I am noticing that some of the negative things crept back into my life. Thankfully, all except for one have been removed again. I am working on most of the positives habits. I did slip on them, but once I got back on track with my goals I started to have all, with the exception of one, in my weekly goals.

Talking To My Gym

I may be doing random topic  writings lately. I am enjoying writing them and I hope you enjoy reading them. I find it  a fun challenge to write the ordinary in a poetic way or not typical ways. 


Hello, it’s me again. I was pushed by my goals to come and see you again. Let us get this straight I did not want to see you; I did not want to be here. Still here I am. I am walking in pass these glass doors. Before I start I do want to tell you I am drained, tired and it has been a long day. I am not sure how long I will stay or how exciting this visit may be. Maybe I should just turn away and go back home.

No, I will stay. You’re right I need this and I will feel better once I get started. So, here I go. I am starting this thing, called a work-out. I am moving my body that has been locked behind a desk all day.  I’m not going to think about that. I want to think about something else, something better. I know I will make up a story that is only for me about my future adventures that I may have at some point.

Okay, now I am feeling better. Now, that I have started to move and be active, now I feel alive. I am awake and I think I will be able to stay longer. Yes, I am going to stay longer. I am going to push myself. I may fall asleep as soon as I get home, but I will push myself.

I am starting to feel the sweat come on as I start to enjoy being here. This is starting to feel good, like I am really trying. I think I am making a difference with my health. This is great and I am not even paying attention to the time any more. How long have I been on this machine? The machine says half an hour. I guess I should go stretch.

Stretching feels so good. I have been so tight for being stationary for most of the day. It’s nice to pull my muscles at least for a few minutes.

Right, the stretching is done, so it’s back on to the cardio area. I think I will go on a new machine. I want variety, plus I am paying for all these machines. I should get my money’s worth, right? Alright I have not done this lateral moving one in a while.

Let’s see how does this one work? I want the fat burning work-out. Age, weight, wait is that weight again? No, I did something wrong. Age, oh it was target heart rate, now the weight. Alright I am ready to go. No, how do I change the difficulty? I can’t change the resistance I guess. I’ll just start pushing buttons as I work out and see what happens. Nope that mode will kill me. I’m not even going to try that. How about this last one? Yes, it will work, I guess.

Doo de doo now it’s back to my daydreaming, while I do this. Okay, it may be getting easier. Oh, it is and that is because I am going slower. I see the slower I go the easier it is. I am going to push myself. Let’s see how fast I can go. I am going to try to keep this crazy fast pace for five minutes, okay maybe 3. I can do 3 minutes at maximum. I will do this. I will do 3 minutes at maximum. I can’t do it. I want to stop, but I won’t. For some reason being with you makes it harder to take it easy, so I will push myself. I will get to 3 minutes. I am almost there and it’s getting closer. There I did it.

That actually feels great. After a short break at a slower pace I am going to do that again. You know what, maybe you are alright. I don’t know why I hate you so much when I am not around you. I really do enjoy this time here.  Oh, I am almost done with my work-out. I’ll push myself again. I will go as fast as I can. I won’t give up. I can’t give up. Here we go. I can do this. I will finish this work out strong. I am almost there. I will go out strong and I did finish. Great, I feel great. I am really sweat and gross, but I just kicked my butt.

Thank you for being here. I will be back in a day or two. Next time I will try not to be so against you. I know you are here for my health and that is just awesome. I really am happy that you are around. I feel great now and I somehow have more energy.

Let me know what you think of this post. I  am not even sure what category it should go in, but I like writing it.

the last forty days

41 days ago I was feeling pulled in all directions. I did not know what I was doing wrong, but could not make time for all the projects I wanted to do. I had no time to follow my dreams. It was draining just to live life because I never really recharged. Life just was not going my way it seemed.

That was when I decided to change something. I did not know how or what exactly needed to change, but I went on a fast from television. I figured I would pray and ask God for help instead of watching shows or movies. I started this no television thing forty days ago and told myself and God that it would be for forty days. I felt like what I learned may help people, but mostly want to share what happened to me.

I want to make sure that I am clear in my reasons for writing this blog. I am not writing it as a, ‘look at me,’ type of thing. I am sharing with you part of what did happen and not saying either way whether you should try this fast or not. This was helped me at this point in time and I have learned things from it. I am hoping to simply share what I have learned and not what I have done.

Now, what I learned first was within the first week. I realized just how much t.v. I was watching. I would get home from work and plop myself in front of a television or my computer. I would zone out, never really mentally resting but not active either. Television was not refreshing my mind or soul, but I was still watching hours of it. I would stay up late just to watch another episode or because the one I told myself was my last, was not a good one to leave off on.

You may watch a lot of television or a lot of movies over the course of the week. Or perhaps you have another hobby that takes up most of your time. What I learned from realizing how much television I was actually watching was that I had elevated entertainment to a level higher than most things in my life. I had always been a dreamer and a planner, but none of my plans or dreams were coming true. I was stuck, because I was actually saying, with my time, that television was more important than my dreams. Watching that much television told me that I either did not actually believe I could achieve my dreams.

Well, I really do believe that I can achieve my dreams and now I know it. I had a lot of time on my hands, after cutting television out. I have made three necklaces, most of a puppet (I just need two little things to complete her), have written multiple poems (some of which are up on this blog), have done a mini Bible study on proverbs 31 (again on this blog), and have written 37,147 words of a novel I had been putting off. All of this was within the last forty days.

Each of these projects taught me something different. First the Proverbs 31 one taught me that I must work hard and be strong in order to be a godly woman. This does not mean I do not enjoy my life. The work I work hard and long on is my writing, which I love to do. This piece of scripture is giving me strength and determination to follow my dreams full heartily.

The next project, the puppet, made me realize how much talent God has. He shapes us all and is focused on each detail. I hardly could get the face done and almost gave up multiple times, because the detail work was so hard. She is a tiny puppet and I just did not have the skill to finish her… Or so I thought. After putting her down and picking her up many times, I finally felt her face was finished. I then worked on her hands which again I almost gave up on. I could not figure out her tiny fingers. Again after picking them up and putting them down I figured out how to do the fingers. I realized after she was baked and ready to assemble that some connecting loops were closed. I had moved the clay too far down the wire that I was working on. I almost thought I would have to make a few parts over again, but found a way to save them. Finally yesterday I basically completed her. She is now wearing a black dress. I only need to attach her head, but need to buy something for that. So, now that she is done, I look at her and she looks like a real mini puppet. It took a lot for me not to give up on all the detail and during the process I kept telling myself that I would never do another puppet this small. Looking at her I bet I will do another one this small again, maybe soon.

I bet God looks at us the same way. People are more complex and hard to figure out than puppets, yet he has made billions and will make billions more. He does not give up on any of us, even when we do not believe he is real. He loves us no matter what.

The other project that taught me something was my writing. This includes my poems and my novel. I realized during the writing many things. One, God is with me while I write, so I should let him shine through. Also writing and becoming a full time author is my dream. At least the main dream I want to pursue at this time. Once I can survive as an author, which I know may be never, I may pursue my other dream as an actor. Right now I am only a write though. Right now writing is my main dream. This will be my focus. Yes I still love acting, theater, and movies, but what really is important to me is God, my family, friends, and writing. I need to focus on what is important. I stretched myself thin only thinking of the many different areas I want to make a career in. Truth be told I wanted seven careers at one point and I wanted to pursue them all at the same time. What has stuck over time, what I always did even before I realized it could be a career, was writing. I started writing when I was ten and never really stopped. I wrote stories, poems, novels (with no endings), journals, plays, and songs.

I love to write and love is its own reward. I do not need anything in return. I spent years without some one reading anything I wrote and it did not matter. I still wrote. I hope people will read my things now, but approval for this art form is not required.

As for the jewelry I made. That is a hobby, that I hopefully will make a few extra bucks at. I will be selling some pieces soon on Etsy (www.etsy.com/shop/tiffyjoy). This will not be my main career though. I enjoy it and if I sell enough I may think of making it a full time thing, but I will always be a writer at heart. If I can make a living as a jewelry maker and a writer I will be happier than I can imagine. It would mean I could just have fun for most of the day and make my own schedule. We will see though. I will not get ahead of myself, which I have a tendency to do.

All of these things happened during my forty days of no television. I realized and learned everything within those days, because I was opened to learning and could focus on what was really important. My simple advice for you, my reader, is if you feel stressed or stretched thin, if your dreams are not coming true and you do not see anything happening with them, ask yourself is there something I could give up or change. Is there something in your life that is taking up your time or not revitalizing you? Prioritize your time, work for your dreams, and know you can do it.