life tag Archives - Page 3 of 15 - Tiffany Joy

Love Nerd: Lessons From A Single’s Life

by tiffanyLove Nerd July 21, 2020July 17, 2020No Comments

You can learn a lot from every chapter of life if you keep an open mind and look for learning opportunities. There are lessons you can learn from a single’s life. There are always lessons. Once you’re comfortable being single, you’ll be able to learn a lot. Among the things I’ve learned while being single, there are two important lessons that stick out in my mind.

Lesson 1

The first lesson is that doing things alone is okay. You won’t spontaneously combust if you go to a restaurant alone. The sky won’t fall if you go to the movies alone. It is a valid choice to be out in public doing things you want to do with no one else. You can go to the beach without other people or go on hikes with just yourself. The more you are alone, the more you’ll realize how nice it is.

Lesson 2

The second lesson is that it is important to take care of yourself. When you are single, you don’t have another person to go on dates with or to pamper you. There isn’t someone making you feel special or talking to you about your issues. The wonderful news is that you can and should do that all by yourself. You can pamper yourself and do most normal date night ideas alone. Self care is important in any chapter of your life. When you are single, it is easier to find time to make self care a part of your life and routine. You can build habits of self care and see that you can do nice things for yourself.

It is liberating to become self-sufficient. It frees you from a lot of things you may assume you need to do or think you can’t do, because you are single. There are no rules against going out by yourself or taking care of yourself how you see fit. If you do, you may even find you are marvelous company.

Want More?

This blog series stems from my book “To Love,” which has a whole YouTube Playlist devoted to it. I will also be posting more in this series on the Love Nerd page of this site.

Love Nerd: Neck Fat

by tiffanyLove Nerd June 16, 2020June 13, 2020No Comments

Story Time

If you read my book To Love, you know I’ve tried online dating. I tried 3 times and technically I am still on a site. I have had little luck with online dating, but I have gotten a couple stories from it.

My favorite story is one that took place during my second round of online dating. I started talking with a guy that lived on the other side of the country. It would be a long-distance relationship, but I didn’t want that to stop me. We both figured we should try to see if a long-distance thing would work.

We talked via texts for about a week, then had a video date. Because of work issues, the video date almost didn’t happen. When the date happened, I already had my pajamas on with messy hair. He was already relaxing in his bed in his pajamas, which did not include a shirt.

We chatted for a little, but he had to get off to help a friend who was texting him. After the call, I texted him to tell him I was getting ready for bed and I would talk to him the next day. He responded with saying he didn’t think we should continue the long-distance thing.

I asked “why.” He acted like it would offend me. My goal was to learn if it was something I should change. I wanted any feedback I could get too, since I don’t date too much. After a bit of prying, he told me his shallow reason.

His reason to stop talking, “neck fat.”

I immediately realized that was all on him. It didn’t offend me and I almost found his reason funny. He acted like he could break my heart. He told me he was aware of his shallowness and that he tried to get over his issues. It seemed like an actual struggle for him.

I suggested working through this struggle with God in prayer and meditation to which he responded with he had, but it’s just how God made him.

I stopped the conversation after that. If you act like something is an issue and want to change it, you can’t also say it’s just who you are. If you don’t like what you see in yourself or who you are, you do possess the power to change.

I love telling the story. I find the specificness with his shallowness funny. He did not care that I was not a twig or that I have a rounder body than he would prefer. It was specifically my neck fat.

I guess I shouldn’t have the phone like this.

Want More?

This blog series stems from my book “To Love,” which has a whole YouTube Playlist devoted to it. I will also be posting more in this series on the Love Nerd page of this site.

Look For Me (A Poem)

by tiffanyPoetry May 19, 2020June 4, 2020No Comments

Do not look for me
in the ashes of who I once was.
I will not be found there.
I am in the memories you hold dear
and the jokes we once shared.
I am in the love you have
and the breeze that moves among the trees.
So, do not look for me 
in the ashes of who I once was.

Note About The Poem

Sometimes I write poetry for fun or to uplift others. Sometimes I write poems to explain something that is going on internally. Most poems that I share are positive or ends with hope. Look For Me is a different kind of poem.

I wrote Look For Me in August 2019, while I was in Massachusetts helping my family prepare for my brother’s memorial service. It may not be happy, but I do hope it comforts you if you are grieving.

Want More

If you would like to read more of my poetry please take a look at my portfolio. You can also watch a few of my poetry readings.

Love Nerd: The Joys and Downside of Singleness

by tiffanyLife, Love Nerd May 12, 2020June 4, 2020No Comments

In the “Chronically Single” post, I mentioned that being single can be a blessing. There are both joys and a downside to singleness.

Instead of being overly wordy I figured I’d list them out for you.

The Joys Of Singleness

I Don’t need to share the bed.
My sleep cycle is not interfered with by someone else’s.
My free time is my own to schedule. I don’t need to check-in with anyone.
I can spend more time learning about myself.
Time with God and growing in a relationship can be priority in my life.
My plans and the life I want to live are my own. I do not have to work around my partner’s desires
My money is my money, not our money, so I can spend it how I see fit.
I don’t have to worry about making food for anyone else. I can make what I want.

Joys of singleness from joys and downside of singleness

The Downside Of Singleness

My plans and the life I am living are my own. I don’t have someone to help me make life choices. It’s all up to me.
There is no real daily support with challenges in my life or other life stuff. If needed I have to actively look for support.
I need to do all the household chores.
My money is the only money I have to survive (there is no extra income from a spouse).
There isn’t anyone to challenge me to grow. At least not within my home.
It can get lonely being single.

downside of singleness from joys and downside of singleness

These are my own lists. If you are single, whether chronically or just temporarily single, I am sure your list is a bit different. I would love to hear what are the joys and downside of being single are for you. Let be know below or on one of my social media accounts (tiffyjoyberry).

Want More?

This blog series stems from my book “To Love,” which has a whole YouTube Playlist devoted to it. I will also be posting more in this series on the Love Nerd page of this site.

Attending church in 2009

by tiffanyGod Shows Up April 28, 2020February 25, 2020No Comments

In 2009, as summer faded, I attended church for the first time since high school. My new interest in Christianity brought me to a large multi-building church with my friends. It was unlike the Catholic churches I had known as a child. This church had modern with chairs instead of pews and different rooms. It even had a bookstore.

The main sanctuary had a stage and screens. The walls were beige, not stone, and there weren’t any stain glass windows. Plus, they had a sound system and theatrical lighting that would change for the different worship songs, that I did not know, yet.

My friends, who I moved out to California with, were going to this church, so one Sunday after I chose to try out Christianity they brought me with them. I still remember the newness of walking into this odd, but normal looking building.

After the first service, I approached the information table and the lady there gave me a mug and information about the church as a welcome gift. She seemed to care that I was there.

A few weeks or months of us going to the morning service passed. We then learned about an evening ministry. It was about to become its own church. It was a smaller, more intimate church named Elevation.

We couldn’t get enough of God and learning about who He is and how to follow Him. We kept going to both churches for a while since the time didn’t conflict. Both churches then also begun Bible studies, so the group went to one from each church. Both Bible studies met during the week in the evenings.

We were on fire for God and supported each other to be more and more involved. Soon I was helping in different ministries for both churches and trying to get as involved as I could. The others were also serving and helping.

God flooded and saturated our lives that first year. We grew immensely in our relationship with Him and our understanding of Christianity. It was a lovely spring board that set up our future paths. It is part of my life that I am truly grateful that God gave me and the group. He was the one that grew us and gave us all the opportunities to grow.

Want More?

For more blog posts in this series, you can visit my God Shows Up page. I also have a YouTube series that goes hand in hand with this written series.

Love Nerd: Chronically Single

by tiffanyLove Nerd April 14, 2020June 4, 2020No Comments

What do I mean by chronically single and what is it like?

I define being chronically single as not going on a romantic date for over 5 years. This means you haven’t been in a romantic relationship or have had a romantic possibility for 5 years.

The short answer of what it is like is that it sucks and it is a blessing.

After you accept being single as the stage of life you’re in you can do a lot of things you didn’t realize you could do.

Going to dinner and a movie by yourself is a treat and becomes less awkward. Simply becoming more independent is a huge blessing that makes me feel free.

After awhile I realized I became happier and happier for my friends who find love. It turned from ‘why not me’ to ‘yay them.’ Happiness and love is not a competition it’s a celebration.

I am also able to see non-romantic love more and cheerish my friends and family more now that I stopped obsessing over my romantic life or lack there of.

Yes, I do still yearn for a romantic partner and someone to share my life with in a special way. However, it’s not the right timing yet.

I do pray for my future husband, whoever he may be. I am trying to keep my heart open to finding him. It’s not my whole life and I’m okay in the stage of life I’m in.

I’m learning a lot from being chronically single and loving what I’m learning, even if it is tough at times.

Want to read more?

This blog series stems from my book “To Love,” which has a whole YouTube Playlist devoted to it. I will also be posting more in this series on the Love Nerd page of this site.

2020 Refocus Retreat

by tiffanyGod Shows Up March 24, 2020February 25, 2020No Comments

2019 had many rough patches, difficult changes, and surprises. That year knocked around. I’m grateful that God held on to me through the struggle. I am also thankful that he allowed me to go to the “2020 Refocus” retreat.

It seemed like every time I got on a healthy habit schedule in 2019 something would knock me off of it. With God’s help, I kept finding my way back to Him and the right path for me.

I went into 2020 with an attitude of being freer to explore what the right path for me is and simply be with God.

The first weekend of the new year I was able to do just that. I went on a 24-hour retreat called “2020 Refocus.” My friends had helped plan it and it was wonderful.

My expectations were low. Really I didn’t know what to expect, but it was amazing. God showed up multiple times for me.

The first session had a lot of good information in it. As I took notes I realized I needed to trust and obey God more and more. That had to be a major focus this year and every day within the year.

God can do such powerful things when we fully depend on Him and trust Him fully.

Another powerful fact that I learned was in my quiet time. I woke early and journaled by myself. Through journaling, I realized that I’ve been focused on earthly things.

Yes, I love God and I am following Him. However, my vision is only for this life and this world. I need to move my focus to eternity and God’s will.

Hearing From God

In the main prayer time, I also heard from God, which if you aren’t familiar with prayer I’m sure sounds weird. “To Love “will be done this year. It’ll be with God and God’s power that I succeed.

With that statement, I’ve changed my focus. When I got home from the retreat I started to work on getting a Kickstarter project up and going. I have also scheduled more time in order to work on “To Love.”

Iron On Iron Activity

The last time I saw God show up, during the retreat, was with an activity called, “Iron On Iron.” It is where 2 people encourage and strengthen the 3rd person, then the roles are rotated until all 3 people are strengthened.

I sat down with my preassigned group and judged them. From their appearances, I thought it was going to be a weird and awkward time. What could we have in common? I figured I’d go first and get it over with.

Well, all 3 of us are artists. True our lives are different, but that allowed us to see things differently and help. It was a great activity. By the end, I really felt connected to them.

I was vulnerable with them. In return, they accepted where I am and who I am. Through them, I felt God’s love and guidance.

It was a truly beautiful weekend and an apt names retreat. I did refocus on God at the beginning of 2020.

Want More?

For more blog posts in this series, you can visit my God Shows Up page. I also have a YouTube series that goes hand in hand with this written series

Love Nerd: Why Am I Single?

by tiffanyLife, Love Nerd March 10, 2020June 4, 2020No Comments

I’ve asked my self one question over and over. Sometimes I have the answer, other times I’m confused and don’t understand. The repeated question is, “Why am I single?”

I’ve answered this question many ways.

First the answer was I don’t see anyone I want to date. There was never the perfect guy that fell right in front of my face. No obvious suitor came calling and there was no fairy-tale meet cute in the movie of my life.

By the time I realized I was fooling myself by waiting for something romantic to fall into my lap, I was writing “To Love” and trying to build my art business. My excuse changed from, ‘it’s out of my control,’ to ‘I don’t have time.’ I thought I couldn’t do or have both my art career and a romantic partner. There just wasn’t enough time in the day or energy in my soul.

All the while I had a little voice of fear in the back of my mind that said I would only get hurt. Part of me didn’t want to find someone, because I didn’t want the pain of a break up. It took me writing “To Love” to realize that fear though.

I’m happy to say now my excuse is that it takes time. I’m once again trying online dating and praying my eyes are open to the different possibilities. It also helps to be able to see that I have love and support from my friends and family. With them I can overcome every pain or fear that life throws my way. Another thing that helps is that I’m working on being the best version of myself.

Want to learn or read more?

This blog series stems from my book “To Love.” For more information on “To Love” you can also watching my YouTube playlist. I will also be posting more in this series on the Love Nerd page of this site.

My First Trip To Africa

by tiffanyGod Shows Up February 23, 2020January 28, 2020No Comments

In 2016 I had a grand adventure with God. I went on my first over seas mission trip. It was to South Africa. It was a big and scary trip for me, but I was excited. I had dreamed about taking a trip to Africa for awhile. Now I was able to take my first trip to Africa.

I learned and grew a lot even before I left the country.

The first thing came months before the actual trip. Did you know it takes a lot to plan for a mission trip? We had meetings and homework in order to plan the lessons and activities. This was on top of planning and organizing the basics of travel. Yes, we had a wonderful leader who did a lot, but we were responsible to get the needed shots, our own packing, work related stuff, and fundraising for the trip’s expenses.

Automobile Issues with God’s help

Once everything was planned I thought things would be easy sailing for me. However, a week before the trip my car broke down in rush hour traffic on a curvy mountain highway. I had just enough momentum to get over a lane and pull over on the tiny shoulder.

God showed up by sending the highway partol tow truck out pretty quickly. He was able to tow it to a turn off, so that I would be safe.

The next issue was finding a tow truck who would bring me all the way back to my home area and to the mechanic I regularly saw. After a few calls and what felt like a long wait a truck finally came to tow my car to my mechanic.

I had to leave it outside their building over night on the street. God showed up that night, because there was no damage to my car. On another visit to my mechanic I did hear about a stranger’s car getting looted.

The car was fixed within a day or two. I had it before I left for my big trip. Yes, in the end everything worked out. However, the whole situation was stressful. It caused stress and anxiety. It was not a fun experience, but God was present in it.

My first trip to South Africa also had many God moments. Each time God showed up could fill up another blog post, which I do plan on writing.

Want More?

For more blog posts in this series you can visit my God Shows Up page. I also have a YouTube series that goes hand in hand with this written series.

Introduction: Love Nerd

by tiffanyLove Nerd February 4, 2020January 21, 2020No Comments

I am a Christian, a sister, and a friend. I’m an avid learner and artist. Also, I am a huge fan of love and a romantic. You can say I am a love nerd. Oh and another thing you should know is that I am single.

Being single is an identifier in my life’s current stage. It is also my blessing and my struggle. It is my freedom and my curse. Singleness has caused me to cry and caused me to dance with joy. Yeah, it’s a bit of an oxymoron, but both sides are true.

Being single has even taught me a lesson or two. It has showed me who I am and given me confidence in being the person I am made to be.

I am grateful that this is the struggle I’ve been given and the life issue that is closest to my life. My health, job situation, or family relations could be a lot worst. I could have actual real struggles, but I don’t.

Of course sometimes not having a partner feels like the end of the world and worst thing possible. During those dark moments I imagine bargaining away my health, a limb, or one of my senses, just to have a partner in life.

If you have been single for any major length of time you know the yearning for a partner comes in waves. Like any emotional thing in life relationships or lack there of are emotional roller coasters. As for right now I’m at the part of the roller coaster where I am at peace with the pain of being alone. It’s not that I’m numb to the loneliness. I’m just use to it.

My Singleness

I have been single for 10 years now. I have only kissed 1 guy in those 10 years and that was about 8 years ago. You can trust me when I say I know the single life.

I am truly chronically single. That does not mean I do not love or that I have not learned lessons about love. It is at the center of everything that is important to me. I just haven’t personally experienced romantic love in a very long time.

I also love learning about love and sharing my thoughts on love.

What are the different definitions of love? What comes first the action of love or the feelings of love? What does it truly mean to love?

I hope to answer these questions and more in this series. I also will share my journey to accepting my life stage with you and how I became a love nerd.

Want to learn or read more?

This blog series stems from my book “To Love” which I until February 13,2020 I have a kickstarter for. I will also be posting more in this series on the Love Nerd page of this site.