A Vacation In My Home (Journey To Me)

In Mid March of 2017 I had what I called “a fast from life.” I took time off work, did not watch television during the day, did not go on social media or the internet, and did a tradition fast of no food except for liquids. It was a time of reflection on life, self searching, and relaxing that lasted 5 days. In that time I wrote the following.

It is about one o’clock on a sunny Wednesday. I hear a bird chirping in the distance and feel a gently breeze pass through my open windows. I am sitting on the ground of my beige living room. My back is leaning against my grey recliner and my fuzzy teal pillow. I have a teal body pillow on my lap and a sense of being home in my heart. This is only a small studio, but it is perfect for me.

The fast that it is beige is broken up with my light wood furniture, grey chair, and silver lamp in my living. My office has no structured definition, but instead of light furniture it has a black desk, a black bookcase, and a dark wood chair, but my art supply storage is a happy turquoise. Plus, there is a gallery wall of my art and the art I have collected.

My bedroom and reading nook are up a ladder in my loft.

The bathroom is huge.

There is also a kitchenette with a stove top, microwave, and an unused toaster oven.

My home is complete and my own.

It is perfect and my own paradise, which is why I’m taking a vacation here. I wanted to take time to figure out myself and a plan for my life. I need direction and to know that I’m on the path God wants me to be on. My original thought was to go away – travel.

I would not be distracted by the fact the grocery store is only 15 minutes away and there is a taco place even closer. If I traveled I won’t be reminded of all the different forms of art I play with. In that same thought I wouldn’t have my art supplies or all the projects I’m working on. Plus, why pay for a hotel when I just want to feel my pen on paper, sleep whenever I want,and read the rest of the time.

It is the first day of my fast from life and already I am liking it. I slept til 8, had a massage, and read 6 chapters in the Bible. I am very relaxed and peaceful. This is how I want to start this experimental fast that will be focused on God’s future for me.

For the next 5 days if my mind wonders I’ll let it. It is free to roam the forest of my thoughts, but I will also put it to work while it is near. This way I will remain calm and relaxed while I pray and search for what God will have me do.

This was the first day of the fast and by the end I had a rough plan. I had things I would be giving up and things that I would be adding to my life.

As I review the list of changes, I am noticing that some of the negative things crept back into my life. Thankfully, all except for one have been removed again. I am working on most of the positives habits. I did slip on them, but once I got back on track with my goals I started to have all, with the exception of one, in my weekly goals.

World Away (A letter)

 

 

 

I normally try to keep the topic of God to my other blog (Salty Light Project), but in hopes that this reaches those who are in great struggle, because of their faith and that they live in a country that does not allow them to believe in the same God that so many take for granted, I am putting this here. 

I hope you are moved by this and if you have any questions or comments, please let me know.
writing

Dear friends, brothers, those who live in a world far away yet pursuing the same truths. To those who are tortured and beaten because they love.

I can do little, but I will pray. I am only one person, but your story has traveled across the world to me. If I can I will help,because no matter what we are made up of the same substances. We both have skin to cover our muscles. We both have eyes to see the world and both have ears to hear the truth. If nothing else is similar we are both humans and we both deserve to love and live in the truth of the world.

I am be only one, but I have a voice and this is me saying I will pray for your bones not to break and for your heart to stay strong. I will pray your soul finds peace in the turmoil and that your spirits stay strong. They can break your bones but not your soul. They can make your life a horrible nightmare with no end, but when you wake up from the nightmare you will be in paradise. Keep that thought, friend, in your mind.

You may live through terrifying ordeals with unending pains, but the life you have to live is not your whole story. You may be broken down and even killed but as long as your soul stays firm on the firm foundation which you planted it on you, dear brother, will last forever.

Please, know that you are loved, you are strong, and you are not alone. Even if the only ones that stand by your side is a random girl across the world and God, you do not stand alone. You are being prayed for. You are strengthening my faith and my prayer life. I know it’s not much, but your strength is strengthening others. Stay strong and know you are not alone. You are being prayed for.

Sincerely,

a sister in faith.

Tears (a monologue)

I’m going to try something new with my youtube channel when I get back from vacation. I will do more original things, like poetry readings, short storytelling, original monologues and maybe even scenes. You will my blog followers will get to read my stuff first and I will be reading the poems that get the most likes per week.

That being said the first original monologue that I will be doing when I get back is title “Tears.” I am hoping to put together an entire script with these different monologues, but I have to start some where, so here you go.

I broke down in tears today. I know you saw. I know you heard. I was praying to you to mend my broken and stressed heart. I was praying for a fix that would happen quick, when you whispered, “the work already has started and I already am doing my part.”

What more can I do? What more do you want, Lord? I cried out in pain, what is my part and where do I fit in? I am lost, angry, and tired of waiting around. Waiting for my real journey to begin. And I know you must have laughed at that because although I didn’t hear you over my crying and doubt I know you said my journey had already begun at the very start.

Look at how far you brought me, while I kicked and screamed. You carried me when I fought you, like a screaming baby all the way. You have great plans for me, or so I hear. They’re plans I do not see, so I scream. Yet, you will never let go of my heart even when I try to push you away.

My soul is a cranky child but you are always patient.I want the sugar and sweets of the world but you have given me the ability to reason instead. I never want to quit playing my own games but you put me to bed so I can rest. I want it all but you show me how. Yes, you show me myself and my life, past, present and future, when my tears come screaming out. So I thank you with dried tears under my eyes.