Pain

poetry
First you whisper,
then you walk close.
You talk,
telling me to focus
or maybe it was ‘relax’.
Either way you came
to distract,
although my aim was to ignore
and ignore I did
until the training was brought to its end.

You allowed me to ignore you,
but you were patiently waiting
gathering information for the fight.
You calmly waited
until I was alone.
I was still.
Then you erupted
with a thunderous shout
because I did not move
not how you wanted.
The movement caused you to no longer be ignored
my attention was yours.
As I relaxed you were in the way.
As I lay in bed you preventing sleep.
As I ate breakfast you interrupted.

Thankfully I could dig in my bag
to find earmuffs to your nice
and swallowed them down.
Then heated a towel
to sooth what was left,
eventually freezing you out after.
More ear muffs,
more heat, more cold
and then life was possible.

Feeling DreamWard Bound.

success

I am feeling like I can actually achieve my end goals this week. I published posts that I wrote on my vacation, which meant I did not need to write as much this week. Instead I was able to focus on planning, figure out new ideas, and look forward.

Out of the 5 posts that I did published this week, 2 of them really brought readers to this blog, which is great. I thought they might since the 2 posts were titled, “Meeting Mormons,” and “Elevation.” Elevation is my church so I bet people involved in that would like to read about their tribe. The Mormon post I bet was interesting because it’s an interaction post about a religion/ people group that is usually represented as negative. The people I met were really nice and it was a positive interaction.

I did write a poem, that will be published after all my vacation writings are up. I’m sure I will have more ramblings by the time I’m done publishing my vacation stuff. I might even have a short description of a web-series idea.

I do want to do a web-series, but besides the very, very basics I do not have much. I want to figure out who is willing and able before writing the actual script. Which is backwards, but I want it  to help those involved have the greatest chance for success.

Changing topics, back to why I am feeling like I am moving forward with my goals, dreams, and working towards the life I really want. I sat down and revised my goals this past week and I think these will really help propel me into making some head way. The new thing I did was break down the week into different goals. Now,  I won’t be trying to do everything everyday, which causes me to not really get anything done. It will be okay if I don’t edit my book everyday. It has its own day. This is basically what my schedule will look like now.

Sunday= Bible Study (God Goal day)

Monday= BJJ (health goal) and my blog.

Tuesday/ Wednesday= Acting plan (acting goal)

Thursday = Improv and blog

Friday = Book editing (writing goal)

Saturday = Call family and record kids’ videos (relationship goal). Also Acting planning (acting goal).

It’s nerdy but I am really excited about scheduling and planning. This means that I am really excited to see how I can create a plan of action for my acting career. Maybe I will even do acting stuff in the coming months.

That is really why I am feeling dreamward bound. Now here is the stuff I posted this week.

Poem for Music

Elevation

Meeting Mormons

Makes Me Beautiful

Weekly Writing Prompt

DreamWard Bound With Where I am

success

I took some time today to figure out where I am with my goals, what I am doing, and what I can change. I know that I don’t want to push myself too much. I don’t want to burn out like I did before Christmas. I do want to keep on keeping on with them. I do want to work towards my goals, challenging myself as I do.

I realized that for now I need to have a more relaxed format and although I will be trying to do more and more as time goes on I am only going to do a little with each category of my life that I want to focus on.

With God and the Bible I have been listening to an audio Bible instead of reading it. I allow myself to relax and have even fallen asleep listening to it. I know this is not ideal, but at least I am listening and going through the Bible. Now when I try to read it I will at least have some knowledge of all the books. I am also starting to listening to two podcasts on my way to work. At least I am trying to start listening to the podcasts, but technology is fighting against me.

Next, I did have a goal about my family. I want to talk to them more. I realized though, I want stronger relationships with everyone in my life. That is why I am going to still try to contact my family members at least once a week, something that I still have not mastered, but I am also going to be intentional with the people around me. I going to try to encourage my BJJ classmates more, help my friends, and talk to people more. I am going to try to be intentionally more friendly and more open.

As far as my novel goes I am going to be focusing the most sit down alone time to that. I want to keep my deadline and to do that I have to edit 1.5 chapters a week. I am planning to spend most of this weekend with my characters and story. Hopefully I will be able to polish it up nicely and only have to go over it one or two more times. I want to be finishing up with it this time next year.

My health is next on the important scale. Since I have started Brazilian Jit Jitsu I have found a want and almost need to be healthier. I want to push myself harder to be healthy in my eating and activities. I am not going to jump right over to the super healthy side of things. If I do that I will wind up giving into the not healthy eating patterns that I fall into so often. Instead I will start gradual and listen to my body. I will be eating more salads and vegetables. I am also doing a 100 day exercise  challenge, which I mentioned in another post.  I did revise the challenge, since I did not have enough space to safely do any sort of rolls. As it is I have to reset my shrimps and hip switches at least 3 times. I am doing the challenge though. I am at day 15, so far. My fitness and health will be steps towards being in the best shape that I can be. It will be a long journey, but I am on it.

Now, there is my acting. It is on the back burner and I am not really focused on it as a career or really an actionable goal at the moment. However, that does not mean I am doing nothing with it. I am still going to my improv group almost weekly. I have had to take a few weeks off in this new year. It seemed like I was either sick or burnt out by Thursday. I am getting back in the rhythm of life it seems, though. I am even leading a group this coming week. Since, this is my only outlet for acting I will be intentional with it. I am going to focus on growing my skills, learning more about improv and hopefully leading when needed.

Finally, there is this blog thing that I am trying to do, also. I love writing and seeing people visiting what I wrote. I enjoy the feedback, even if it is mostly just likes. I am learning what people like to read and what is the most interesting to them. I am also learning what pulls them in and how what I say affects the stats of the site. This blog is a learning experience for me just as much as it is about the writing and making me focused on my writing.  Although I am learning and enjoying having this outlet, like I said last week I believe, I need to not have this be my main focus. I will be trying to do at least two posts every week, one being the DreamWard Bound posts and the other being my weekly writing prompt posts, that have been a lot less than weekly.

Those are all the thoughts I have now. I know this post is longer than my recent posts. I am sure I will go back to basically having no updates next week. It is the whole thinking about my DreamWard journey, that makes this one long.

I do hope you enjoyed this and like always, please, let me know what you think.

Talking To My Gym

I may be doing random topic  writings lately. I am enjoying writing them and I hope you enjoy reading them. I find it  a fun challenge to write the ordinary in a poetic way or not typical ways. 

writing

Hello, it’s me again. I was pushed by my goals to come and see you again. Let us get this straight I did not want to see you; I did not want to be here. Still here I am. I am walking in pass these glass doors. Before I start I do want to tell you I am drained, tired and it has been a long day. I am not sure how long I will stay or how exciting this visit may be. Maybe I should just turn away and go back home.

No, I will stay. You’re right I need this and I will feel better once I get started. So, here I go. I am starting this thing, called a work-out. I am moving my body that has been locked behind a desk all day.  I’m not going to think about that. I want to think about something else, something better. I know I will make up a story that is only for me about my future adventures that I may have at some point.

Okay, now I am feeling better. Now, that I have started to move and be active, now I feel alive. I am awake and I think I will be able to stay longer. Yes, I am going to stay longer. I am going to push myself. I may fall asleep as soon as I get home, but I will push myself.

I am starting to feel the sweat come on as I start to enjoy being here. This is starting to feel good, like I am really trying. I think I am making a difference with my health. This is great and I am not even paying attention to the time any more. How long have I been on this machine? The machine says half an hour. I guess I should go stretch.

Stretching feels so good. I have been so tight for being stationary for most of the day. It’s nice to pull my muscles at least for a few minutes.

Right, the stretching is done, so it’s back on to the cardio area. I think I will go on a new machine. I want variety, plus I am paying for all these machines. I should get my money’s worth, right? Alright I have not done this lateral moving one in a while.

Let’s see how does this one work? I want the fat burning work-out. Age, weight, wait is that weight again? No, I did something wrong. Age, oh it was target heart rate, now the weight. Alright I am ready to go. No, how do I change the difficulty? I can’t change the resistance I guess. I’ll just start pushing buttons as I work out and see what happens. Nope that mode will kill me. I’m not even going to try that. How about this last one? Yes, it will work, I guess.

Doo de doo now it’s back to my daydreaming, while I do this. Okay, it may be getting easier. Oh, it is and that is because I am going slower. I see the slower I go the easier it is. I am going to push myself. Let’s see how fast I can go. I am going to try to keep this crazy fast pace for five minutes, okay maybe 3. I can do 3 minutes at maximum. I will do this. I will do 3 minutes at maximum. I can’t do it. I want to stop, but I won’t. For some reason being with you makes it harder to take it easy, so I will push myself. I will get to 3 minutes. I am almost there and it’s getting closer. There I did it.

That actually feels great. After a short break at a slower pace I am going to do that again. You know what, maybe you are alright. I don’t know why I hate you so much when I am not around you. I really do enjoy this time here.  Oh, I am almost done with my work-out. I’ll push myself again. I will go as fast as I can. I won’t give up. I can’t give up. Here we go. I can do this. I will finish this work out strong. I am almost there. I will go out strong and I did finish. Great, I feel great. I am really sweat and gross, but I just kicked my butt.

Thank you for being here. I will be back in a day or two. Next time I will try not to be so against you. I know you are here for my health and that is just awesome. I really am happy that you are around. I feel great now and I somehow have more energy.

Let me know what you think of this post. I  am not even sure what category it should go in, but I like writing it.

Friendship

I am really thankful for my friends today. Nothing major happened. I simply am thankful for them and all the ways they help me be the best me I can be, whether that is apartment search, giving support for my goals, being goofy or answering every question I ask.  Friendships are easy to take for granted, and it is easy to not realize how essential friendships are.

That being said, during my ten minutes of creativity today I wrote them a poem. Even though it does not have the words, “thank you” in it, this is my thank you poem to all the people I call friends (family, friend-family, and friends alike).

 

Why does the sun shine

and the grass grow?

Why does the wind blow

and I breathe?

The answer should be clear.

It is because you are near.

The sun shines bright

and days last longer

when you are smiling,

when you are laughing.

The grass grows greener

and the wind calms the storms for just a bit longer,

when you my friend are living along side me.

Happiness brings the sun out

even on a cloudy day;

the grass grows

even in a drought

when friendship is sought.

I can breathe with ease

because the wind calms the storms

when you stand close.

 

What a wonderful life

when friendship can be seen.