Sub-letter #30 To love excerpt

Sub-Letter #30 (To Love Excerpt)

Sub-Letter #30 is the last excerpt from To Love. All the excerpts of To Love can be found on the To Love section of my site. You can purchase the book on Amazon.

Please know that the headers are placed for blog readability and highlighting certain parts. They do not appear in the book.

Sub-Letter #30

Dear Dearie,

It has been about 2 weeks since I wrote about online dating. It feels like it was longer. Perhaps it was longer. I didn’t mark down the exact date that I signed up. It doesn’t matter, because I stopped.

Online dating felt like work and more than I wanted to do. My brain related it to searching for a job or a house. It differed from a job or house search tough. Instead of sending a couple emails, then going to an interview that is scheduled days in advance, I found that there should be at least one message a day. Sometimes the guy attempted to schedule them on the same day. That method brought out anxiety and fear for me.

I need to prepare and free up time. I can’t change my plans easily in my mind, so can’t drop everything to meet a stranger at a coffeehouse on the same day of being asked.

Still, although I did not like online dating, I learned from it.

The first thing I learned is obvious. Online dating is not like You Got Mail. It is not romantic or fun for me.

I am sure it is great for others. There are success stories. It is just not for me, at least not for me right now.

Also, I learned that even though I want to find you and start that part of my life, I can wait. I would rather wait with high standards than lower or change them and marry someone now.

What I need

There is no rush, I do not need you right now. What I need is the right you. I am okay with being single. This chick is awesome and a hoot to be around. I can entertain myself and make decisions on my own. Plus, my friends can give me advice and support. My point in saying all of this is that I appreciate that I am loved and I love myself. One day, you will love me and love you. I can have patience and wait for that day.

After I stopped looking for you on the dating app, I thought about how I want to describe you when I am certain you are you. How I would know you are you? In my mind, I was being interviewed. I made it into a daydream that took place after we met and everyone was aware we were in love.

In this daydream, you are the interviewer.

I guess you don’t really need to be an interviewer in this daydream, but that is how this daydream goes. We are both successes and we are doing an interview together, where you are interviewing me. You ask how I knew you were the one for me.

I answer with, “You are the only one for me because you are not perfect, but you are perfect for me. Just like every other human, you are broken and flawed. Your broken pieces do not match mine, just like your flaws are not mine. Instead, your flaws and brokenness complement mine and my flaws and brokenness complement yours. It is like a complicated puzzle. Your flaws either challenge me or are like a puzzle piece that my flaws interlock with and strengthen us together.”

Our life together will not be a “happily ever after” type of life. Yet, we will support each other, push each other, learn from and with each other. Most important, we will journey down the path of life together. We will go through hard times on that journey, but we will also enjoy great times.

The start of our journey together excites me. I look forward to working on our wedding vows and vowing them in front of family and friends when they are done. I can’t wait to find out how your flaws interlock with mine and learn how you will help me grow.

As I write this sub-letter, you are 100% percent real to me. There is no doubt and no fear in my mind. I am enthralled because I get to meet you and love you one day. Finding out who you are overwhelms me with excitement.

Okay, enough about that for now. I don’t want to fly away, and I may with all these happy thoughts. I have another poem to share.

Want More?

To Love is sold on Amazon and if you would like to read more excerpts you can go the To Love Updates section of this site. Also, I created some fun promotional videos on Youtube.

Sub-letter #11 to love excerpt

Sub-Letter #11 (To Love Excerpt)

Sub-letter # 11 is another excerpt from my book To Love. All the excerpts of To Love can be found on the To Love section of my site. You can purchase the book on Amazon.

Please know I have added headers to this post that are in the book. It is simply for the blog formatting.

Sub-Letter #11

To my impending pookie,


I’m not writing in the coffee shop today. I am writing in my little studio apartment that overlooks a valley. Well, it would overlook a valley if trees were not in the way. It is still an amazing view.

It is nice writing here. I don’t have people walking by or people talking to distract me from my work. I am doing the distracting all by myself.


A squirrel will run up a tree near my window and I will then stare at the rough muted brown bark of the tree. When the wind rustles a small sapling that lives on the hillside, I will get lost in how the light and shadows make different shades of green. Sunbeams that hit the leaves make a light, happy green that I’m almost positive they bottled to create one of my bottles of paint. The shadows cool the green and adds touches of dark blue into the hue.

Middle School Romance

I will fight the distraction by telling you a story from my childhood.
When I was in middle school, I had a crush on a cute boy who was shorter than me. That made no difference to me. He was popular and was a cool kid. My little tween heart thought he was great.

One morning before class started, he walked up to me near our lockers. He had a question for me. This meant he noticed me, and my answer was at least interesting to him. I was excited to give him whatever answer he needed.
He asked me if I would be his best friend’s girlfriend. That wasn’t the question I wanted him to ask. I still said yes.

By lunch it seemed like everyone knew. I sat with my friends at our normal lunch table. One friend asked me if I was planning on sitting with my boyfriend. My answer to them was no and explained that he could come to me. I didn’t care enough to go to his table and felt as though if he wanted to be my boyfriend, he could put forth the effort.

In my mind there is a question if I ever talked to him again; I don’t remember talking to him. In all honesty, I can’t even remember his name. Maybe it was Pete, perhaps Paul, or it could have been Dave. Paul sounds almost correct, but I don’t think it was that. I even tried asking Ms. Music who was my friend and should have known his name. She came up blank though.

Present day distraction

In the present time there is a fly on the window sill that my desk faces. The little black fly is right in front of my desk. He seems to want to talk or he can’t find the opening of my crank window. Mr. Fly has a good size escape route, but can’t seem to figure the right route.

He found the opening. He just escaped the prison of the window sill. Perhaps he just needed a break from flying and was not stuck. I would like to think he is now off on a journey. No! A hero’s quest; in order for him to fulfill his life’s mission. He must now find the stinkiest pile of fly food and share it with his one true love. I am assuming in this random train of thought flies do have love. I know this may be significantly flawed, but whatever. It is how my mind is distracting me.

I will fight the distractions again with another story from my childhood.
This story is even older than my first boyfriend story. Truth be told, it’s more of my memèrè’s story. I only know it, because she’s told me it multiple times as if I remember.

The Neighbor Boy

I must have been around five. You should know I was never a girly girl and hardly ever wore skirts on my own accord. These facts are relevant to the story.
When I was young, I lived across the street from my grandmother, who I call memèrè, and the family pig farm. My memèrè was watching me, but I ran across the street to my home. I put on a nice, pretty skirt. It was white with little pink flowers and made of tough material, like denim. They may have been cherry blossoms, but they were on a vine. It is the one skirt I remember owning when I was a kid.

When I came back to my memèrè’s, I was in the skirt. She asked me why I changed. My answer was that I wanted to go play with the neighbor boy, and I wanted to make sure he noticed me. I guess I had a little crush on him.

If you get to meet my memèrè, it won’t surprise me if she tells you this story. She’ll also point out I still had shorts on underneath the skirt.

The only time I remember wearing a skirt when I was a kid is when I wore one while playing kickball. I slid into home plate and skinned my knees. I’m pretty sure you aren’t supposed to slide into any plate in kickball, but I did. My memory has me wearing the same white skirt with pink flowers.

It may have been my favorite skirt as a kid. More likely the details of the skirt were not important enough to save correctly, and my memory is adding a likely detail.

More Distractions

Okay, I just got distracted because I looked at my television. The different shows I could record popped into my mind. I also have shows recorded and others I could stream. Maybe I should restart the show about a mad man in a box or the show about two brothers and an angel.

Even the way I stacked the two used tea bags from my earlier drinks is making my mind wander. I wonder if they will fall or if I could use them for some weird art project. Perhaps I can just use them to stain a canvas as a base color. I’ve only used tea to stain paper to make the paper look old and distressed. Using tea bags to stain or paint a canvas is something I’ve never tried.

I think I need to share my writing with you and go do something else for a little while.

Want More?

To Love is sold on Amazon and if you would like to read more excerpts you can go the To Love Updates section of this site. I also created some fun promotional videos on Youtube.