DreamWard Bound (Written on September 13, 2014)

success

I am sitting in my favorite cafe that is just down the road from my home with a hat, striped t-shirt and shorts on feeling like a real artist or at the very least a creative person with a great life. It is interesting since that is not how I woke up. I woke up with the annoying question of, “why?” Why am I even trying to lose weight? Why am do I wrote and force writing upon myself? I also did not want to do any of it. I did not see the benefits of going to the gym when I was not meeting my goal. This morning really was all about the gym. I wanted to be lazy, so I was for a bit, but then I went. I worked out for an hour, pushing myself to burn more calories. Now I feel better and got to relearn a lesson: If you push towards your goals not matter what the outcome is you will be happier than you would if you did not. Also you can’t blame or put yourself down if you try your best.

That was this morning thoughts, but let us get to what I did this week. Since I set up new goals and revised older goals last week this week was really focused on figuring out how to meet them. I found a good reading plan to read through the Bible in a year. I tried really hard to diet and work out almost everyday, which did not really work because I was not tracking what I was eating and I think I ate too little and still worked out. I also tried to be more organized with my time, which was hard since I am changing job positions at my work. I was not as productive with my poetry writing as I would  have liked, but at least I wrote from the heart. Another thing I did was edit my poetry reading of Your Efforts and posted on to my YouTube channel. It was not my best video but at least I did it.

I also have an idea for my  YouTube channel to change all the thumb nails. I want what the audience sees to look professional and informative, not just screen shots of the video or random pictures. That is a thought for the future though.

Now that my rant is over here is the list of what I did this week.

Your Efforts (A Poetry Reading) {video}

Thank You (A Poem)

One More (A Poem)

What To Do? (A Poem)

The Me I Want To Be (A Poem)

 

3/20 to 3/27 (dreamward bound)

success

 

This past week jumbled me up, twisted my insides and spat me out more determined to succeed in my life. After months of job searching I thought my search was over last weekend and I thought that my dreams were coming true. I thought a lot of things that wound up draining me and stressing me out.

I was offered a producing job with an indie film company. I allowed my excitement flow out and did not stop to think about if it was the right match for me. They seemed like great people and wanted to help me reach my career goals. I trusted them without hesitation and it was only after the excitement wore off that I realized that, although they said they did not judge they did. They wanted to change me into what they thought was best. I do not fit into their art scene and do not believe in their project, so I had to end my interactions with them. I had to go back on my word, which I did not want to do.

That being said, I learned a lot through this crash course. The biggest thing I learned is that I have to speak up and be confident. I know who I am, what I know and where I want to go. I do not want to hide who I am just for false success, because even if I was able to make it as an actor/ producer with them, it would not be true success. If I was to work with them I would have to change who I was or lie about myself. Although, I still have a long way to go to succeed in my career I have come too far in becoming who I am to lose myself to people who I just met.

Another thing I learned was that sometimes it is more courageous to take a step back than to keep going forward. I could have gone and worked with these people. I could have allowed them into my life and teach me everything they know. I could have jumped into my dreams, but I didn’t. I took a step back and trusted that there are people out there that see me as a great person, exactly how I am. I trusted that God had a better, more stable plan for me. Yesterday I was given a stable job at a photo lab, no it’s not my dream job, but it is a paycheck. I also have a great idea for an easy first film that I will write and produce myself with my friends.

I also realized after that I accepted the job without knowing anything about them. When they said they were in “this” business for a life time, they meant art not film. They were only starting in on the film business. I also did not read the script, which I realized lacked in personality. These mistakes I made, made me learn that accepting a job with out knowing all the facts is the greatest mistake I could have made. Now that I know that I will not be making that mistake again.

To summarize this whole thing I wrote a list of the things I learned:

  1. I am very trusting and open.
  2. I need to make sure I am 100% and read the script before accepting any job.
  3. Following my heart may be hard but it is necessary .
  4. I have a great support system.
  5. Being brave and courageous isn’t always taking a step forward; sometimes it’s staying still and letting a taxi go by because you know there is a limo.