Choice and Action (A Poem)


Joy is a choice.
Love is an action.
How can you choose
Joy when you’re drowning?
What loving action can you take
when your soul is fighting to survive?

I escape from a self-inflicted prison,
now able to see
to breath
but still hurt by hits
fired from one who knows
where the wounds will be effective.

Still I will love
and find a way to choose joy.
The hurt will heal.
I will not cage my caring or my calling.
Joy is a choice I am choosing.
Love is an action I will do.

The Whole 100 Day Challenge Thoughts

ocean walk 192


101 days ago now I started a challenge that I challenged myself to. This challenge was to create an exercise routine that I can do everyday for 100 days.

I got this idea from a friend at work who is doing a 100 day challenge for herself. She has her 15 minute routine that she does every day. She found this “century” challenge first from a sword fighting challenge she heard of or did. It was basically 100 strikes for 100 days. She took the idea and made it into a workout challenge.

I took this idea and made it my own.

Here is my challenge that I started to refer to as the workout. It’s 10 reps of 10 different exercises

  • 10 Squats (and hold for 10 seconds after)
  • 10 Russian Twists
  • 10 push ups (hold in plank for 10 seconds after)
  • 10 crunches
  • 10 shrimp/ hip escapes (each side)
  • 10 hip switches (another shrimping move)
  • 10 bridges
  • 10 bicycles (to each side)
  • 10 leg lifts
  • 10 Cross-body mountain Climber (That may not be the name, but I know what it means)

The catch with this challenge is that I would do these exercises for 100 days and if I missed a day I would reset the day count. This means if I am at day 66 and missed a day I would have to reset the day count, so the next day I will be at day 0 or 1 depending if I actually workout.

If you read my first challenge post the challenge did change a little. I realized that I could not do any sort of roll in my room, where I did the workout. I also marked the bicycles differently because I counted the right way (1 meant both sides) and wanted to keep it consistent with the other counting.

I did mention that I was going to keep track of the challenge with a log of some kind. It turned out to be a paper taped to my bathroom mirror. I wrote a line a day and posted the thoughts throughout the challenge after I filled up a sheet.

Here is the full 100 day list of thoughts as I did this challenge.

  1. It does not matter when you start, just that you start.
  2. Starting is the hardest and scariest part of the journey but needed. (I also wrote see twitter for 2.2.15, which says, “One day I will be able to submit someone in a fight, today is not that day, but it was a learning day closer”)
  3. Change, goals, and dreams don’t happen overnight, work towards them day after day.
  4. Convincing yourself you’re worth the work is work but worth it.
  5. Little by little and step by step is what it takes to see massive changes.
  6. By pushing yourself to do something you don’t think you can do you may find out you can.
  7. Fighting for tomorrow mean giving up you’re today. Also there is 2 parts of you the cannot and the can learn how to make the can side win. (That was after a 2 am workout, because I stayed out late with my friends)
  8. If you know how you learn, you will learn more. (This was a class day.)
  9. Working for what you want will pay off if you are constant.
  10. You know you’ve found your thing when the pain is worth it. (This was followed by a side note of  “yay, chokes. :-)”)
  11. Sometimes you just need to take way the options, make your step towards success mandatory.
  12. Starting is the worst, it’s hard and sucks, but shows you what you can do. Stick with it. You got this.
  13. I may be tired; I may not be clever, but I am doing what I set out to do.
  14. Your goals should be fun, educational and worth the pain. (This was another class day.)
  15. Making a goal a need makes it easier to do, even if it’s by force.
  16. Friends should make the goals easier. (This should be a class day note.)
  17. It’s getting easier.
  18. You know you’re doing something different and hard when you start to question seeming random choices in your life.
  19. I guess some days you just do and not learn.Doing is valuable too
  20. Some days you just have to make time. It’s worth it.
  21. Pushing yourself forward is just walking on a path or journey towards your goals. (This was a class day, also.)
  22. You can do anything as long as you work for it.
  23. People will notice your efforts. Keep on to show yourself your efforts. (This was a class day, I  know because people are starting to see my efforts in class. I don’t yet see my improvements, though. I still feel like a newbie who knows nothing.)
  24. Strength is worked at not given.
  25. You can still work even if you are tired. It will be more of an accomplishment.
  26. Sometimes realizing it’s the last part of the day makes the rest worth it.
  27. Sometimes seeing the tally marks is the only thing to make you/ me to do another day.
  28. If someone, even yourself, says you can’t tell them/ you that you can or show them.
  29. Today I didn’t really know why I was doing my challenge, but that did not stop me from doing it.
  30. Today fun was brought, along with struggle, learning, fighting and sore body. I’m smiling. (It was a class day.)
  31. Forgot to mark I guess I wasn’t thinking only doing.
  32. It’s midnight, I’m not going to be smart. Do it. IT’s easier once it’s a habit.
  33. Another midnight workout. Tired but smiling. I did stuff today. Improv, site and workout.
  34. Not related, but still what I was thinking. Beauty is in the heart and soul not body. New tonight I actually do a sit up fully.
  35. Sometimes you learn from what other people do. I’m smiling. (It was a class day.)
  36. My knee is hurting so I changed things up and did extra of what I could. I didn’t let pain win, I adapted.
  37. Ow, everything hurts, but that doesn’t mean I’m quitting gotta keep fighting on. (It was a class day.)
  38. If I feel my muscles they are solid and great. I’m sore but strong.
  39. I wanted to go for a walk today as if my brain is changing.
  40. I realized today I’m working on being the dream girl for my dream guy which some how means I can’t live in a dream world. (I actually wrote a post about this.)
  41. 42% done. (I was a day off). I’m feeling awesome about working out when I wanted to sleep.
  42. Friends make things better. Also experiencing different things. (It was a class day.)
  43. A workout routine or goal routine gets better with momentum so once you start don’t stop.
  44. It always is great when people can see the results of your efforts. (It was a class day.)
  45. Just looking and knowing your progress/ journey helps.
  46. No one really knows where you started only results and what you share.
  47. Just doing what you set out for means something.
  48. I want to be where I want to be but I know once I get there I’ll want to be somewhere else.
  49. Halfway there baby! And almost didn’t even mark it. (Again a day early)
  50. I feel like I had an accomplished day, which I haven’t felt like in a while. It made me want to do more.
  51. Make sure you’re smiling more than you are frowning.
  52. Schedule, plan and remember your goals during the day.
  53. I’m tougher and stronger than I give myself credit for and you most likely are the same.
  54. Feeling pooped and icky is not an excuse. You can still reach for your goals. ( I was happy with this day, since there was a smiley face after it.)
  55. I’m so ready for bed, but I did my exercises so won’t be angry with myself tomorrow.
  56. Good day, good training and good fun. (It was a BJJ class day and I was smiling.)
  57. I feel like a warrior. A sneezing warrior, but still I’m a fighter now.
  58. I took the day off get stuff done and did everything and them some with a smile on my face. (It was another smiling BJJ class day.)
  59. I am becoming a better me at least with fitness. Life is a process.
  60. Only 40 more days until a new goal or challenge. I’m excited.
  61. I’m realizing the scale is not my friend. I am tougher than it tell me since I am not used to muscle.
  62. I didn’t think about working out I just did it. That’s what happens when goals become habit.
  63. You can learn anything, just try and ask questions. ( It was a BJJ class day. )
  64. New goals, new challenges and dreams combine beautifully.
  65. Pushing yourself when you think you can’t won’t only prove the negative thought bit also put a smile on your face.
  66. Always looking back may be a bad thing. Yet being reminded of how far you’ve come is good.
  67. Even if you don’t feel like you can do it doesn’t mean you can’t. You can do it.
  68. You really do control your attitude and mood so believe you can and be happy.
  69. It’s hard to do your daily goals when your routine is off; hard not impossible.
  70. Pushing yourself is always good. ( I went to my first BJJ tournament on this day.)
  71. No matter what you think you are awesome. (I went to the tournament again and decided I wanted to start working towards competing.)
  72. I may have shown up lat to class but I showed up. (I showed up half an hour late to class because of traffic and work. I still showed up though.)
  73. You life is yours so live you life and achieve your goals.
  74. Being positive and thinking positive changes everything.
  75. I’m pretty sure I can do anything I set my mind to and you can too.
  76. Since I danced and did kick boxing I did my workout a bit different but I did it.
  77. The challenge is paying off. I’m seeing physical, mental and endurance changes. (I went to class that day. I must have been able to do more than normal.)
  78. Always be honest with yourself and know what motivate you.
  79. Hobbies and goals should be fun work. If not why do them. (I went to class and it must have been a fun one, since I was thinking about fun work.)
  80. Woot! It’s tough but I keep going (This was on day 80).
  81. Support is great and needed to have. Be grateful for your support system.
  82. It amazes me what a little bit of happiness can do sometimes. (Meaning some times it amazes me.  A little bit of happiness can do so much.)
  83. I can do anything because I keep the right attitude.
  84. A little encouragement can go a long way. (This was a class day.)
  85. I really fought with myself to do the workout but I did it and I am happy I did.
  86. I have the biggest smile on my face because I learn so much and felt the workout like crazy. (I had a Monday class, so yeah it was a workout.)
  87. The mind is powerful don’t waste it.
  88. I can tell this is still just the beginning of my healthy journey, but I’ve already come so far.
  89. It all seems like a mind game right now, and I am winning.
  90. 2 classes =2.5 hours is a great way to celebrate day 90.
  91. Only 9 more days and I’m feeling great. (Said with two smiles worth of happiness after another class.)
  92. Today seemed like a long day, good but long. Also I am loving BJJ more and more.
  93. I pulled something at class, so the last 7 days will be interesting.
  94. The pulled muscle/ part of leg is feeling better, still modified my workout. I’m happy with the results. I keep on going.
  95. Still modified the workout, but did more of what I can do. Only 5 more days now. Time to finish strong.
  96. Still modified the workout, still doing workout plus a little extra. I’m feeling positive with 4 days to go.
  97. I still modified the workout, but did even more of what I can do. Also I use to not be able to do 10 crossovers/ Russian twists. Now I can do 30 non-stop which makes me smile.
  98. I had a great class and really happy with my improvements.
  99. One more day. I’m feeling like a warrior. (Said with a smile on my face.)
  100. Woot! Woot! Yeah Buddy! I did 100 days and ended with an awesome class.

My final thoughts of this challenge was that it is great. I can do more of the basic exercises and can do my shrimping moves better. While doing what the workout I also stretched before hand on most days. This started as a bonus but is actually the part that I can see myself carrying still.

More than being better at the basics of BJJ this challenge showed me that I am determined. It also taught me that my brain is powerful and can over come my body. If I push with my brain and heart my body will follow; If I try to push with my body my brain will turn my will off.

If nothing else I will take away the strength of my brain.

Now it is on to my next 100 challenge that will be focusing on that brain of mine. More details will come in a different post. I’m pretty sure you are done reading this, just like I am done writing this.

Lastly, again YAY! I finished.

you not me (Poem)

Can you?
Do you?
Will you?
because I can’t.
I won’t.

I won’t be the first to say,
no not even now.
I can’t tell you,
so will you?
I believe you know how.

Do you want to?
Do you know how?
If you do,
please let me know.

I know I’m vague
I know I’m saying nothing
that’s why you have to,
so will you?
Please, tell me
what I want to hear.

Can you?
Do you?
Will you?
because I can’t.
I won’t.

At the Windmill (a poem)

poetryThere is a little cafe near my house that I believe I am becoming a regular at. Today I went by myself and had breakfast. I decided to write a little as I waited. This is one of the poems I wrote while enjoying their food. It really is a great place.

With painted wall,

warm and inviting

art hangs welcoming guest

saying be who you are

do what you will

and enjoy the good that is served


With the sky on the ceiling

bright and pleasing

curtains hang to welcome guest

saying come near or far

do what you will

and enjoy the food that is served


So I write and dream

sitting in the corner so I can watch

the couples eat

The students study

and an other lone female reading the paper

I sit, watch and writing

doing what I will

and enjoying the food that is served.