I am not lost
Yet I will journey on.
My path leads into the depths,
into the forest of understandings;
Like a tree rooted in family
but growing towards the sky with each passing experience.
A bird who has freedom to fly
still returns to her nest.
I walk on, learning more of me,
seeing different sides.
I am a diamond with a multitude of facets,
a puzzle I’m piecing together.
I am not lost,
yet I still journey on.
I do regularly publish poems on my site and post poetry readings on YouTube.
My true Christian life started on the cliffs in California.
I had moved to California with four friends after I graduated from college. We moved here for freedom, fun, and the beautiful weather. There was no positive thoughts of God or religion. The group of us didn’t really talk about that stuff much.
After 3 months of living in a pretty chaotic house together and struggling, things began to change. We all smoked and I did not think much about what at the time was a random stoner conversation that would eventually be the catalyst for the change. The group decided it would be good to do a spiritual exploration study. Each of us were going to study a religion to find out what they all had in common.
Only the person who took Christianity actually studied. He soon decided to go to a local church.
One night he and another housemate had a conversation. By the end of the night God showed up and made Himself real to that friend.
The next day we walked to the cliffs that over looked the pacific ocean. While meditating I asked the universe for a sign. I made it a point to myself that I was meditating and not praying. I didn’t really want Christianity to be true. After a moment I heard a whisper of a thought suggest opening the Bible that my friend brought.
My friend brought a Bible with us, so I got up and asked him if I could use it. With the Bible in my possession I sat back where I originally was. I wasn’t to going to actually open it to a certain page or passage. How could I? I never really read the Bible before, so I didn’t know where to find any good scriptures.
The wind played and flung the pages. The breeze died down momentarily and stopped at Psalm 64, which in the New King James version says, “Hear my voice, O God, in my meditation.”
It was the word meditation that got me. Then it was as though my soul breathed for the first time.
Through out my life I have worked for 10 very different companies and had 11 different jobs. In college I also had a bunch of different career oriented experiences, primarily in the theater.
Notice that each of the companies had jobs, not careers. I could have turned any of those jobs into careers if I wanted to. However, besides working in my college scene shop and at a theater after college I knew they would be just jobs. I would not build a career around cleaning kennels or canvasing for a non-profit campaign.
Each of the very different jobs helped my journey. I learned lessons in each role I performed. The lessons ranged from learning what a toxic environment looks like to how I could truly motivate and support people.
Each job and role brought me down my life’s path and gave me experiences I can use in my art.
For years I thought I was starting my journey too late. I was behind in life and failing at being on my path. I was looking at my life and saying it wasn’t enough. In my mind I was stationary and stuck.
I now see I was always on my path; moving along in my life. I’m not behind in anything, because there are no markers for my life. I cannot compare my journey to anyone else’s or even my imaginary milestones, because that has nothing to do with my life or journey.
If I had different life experience my art would be different; my life would be different. I would be different.
If we all were on the same path expressing your heart and soul through art would be pointless. It would all be the same and devalue art itself. Even if only artist had the same path and learned the same things at the same time art would then loose something important.
It is because we are all on our own individual journeys that sharing our stories is important. We are telling people they are not alone in creative ways. Artists also show their audiences that it is okay to be different. You can still connect with people even if you’re odd.
All that to say, I now know the value of my struggle to claim my art and life. I now know the pleasure of readying myself to be a full time professional artist, because I’ve known all the other types of jobs I could fall into.
I’m ready for my creative career and that is a leap dreamward bound.
Sometimes I feel like I should have already started a more creative life. I want to be further along in my creative career. This makes me feel like my life is passing me by. I forget to look at all the great stories I now have to pull from. I ignore the fact that each year, month, week, and day have shaped me into the unique artist that I am.
It frustrates me to see where I want to go and not be there. It is also frustrating not having a clear path laid out before me. If feels like I’m in Californian traffic during rush hour and I’m not even sure if my gps/ plan is actually correct. Perhaps there is a better path for me, or at least better steps that I can be taking.
If you want to be a doctor there is a clear plan. You go to college, then med school. Then I believe there is an internship or residence. After that you are a full on doctor. You apply to jobs, go on interviews and get a job.
If you want to be a lawyer, you go to law school, take the bar exam, and apply to jobs. Then you are a lawyer.
Being a professional artist is a bit different. You can go to school, but you don’t have to. Some people apply to jobs or get freelance jobs, but other do not go that route. Some will work on finding commission jobs, others will not take commissions.
You basically do what fits you and your art the best, but it takes time to figure that out. Of course, more and more I believe a lot of life is just like that. You need to figure out what works best for you and your life.
Sometimes it’s learning from others that will help you down your path in life. Other times it’s trial and error.
I think as long as you are moving towards your life goals, no matter how slow or sloppily, you are still going down your path and that is a good thing. This is one thing I need to remind myself when I think I’m going to slow or not seeing enough progress.
If you would like to read more about my Journey To Me there is a full series on the topic. I also have more portfolio writing available too. If you want to get to know me better you can do so on Instagram , Twitter, or Facebook.
Welcome to a journey I am taking to answer the question “Who is Tiffany Joy?” I’ll show you who I am and how I became this person mostly through stories. This is a series of blog posts filled with self-reflection and stories of my past.
This journey started with me asking if the person I’ve become is someone I want to be. Can I be a better version of myself? If I can what would that look like? Also, can I be happy with who I am and still desire to be a better me, whatever I define ‘better’ as?
Before I can really think about becoming a better version of myself I first have to define where I am. How do I see myself. Just like getting directions on your gps for a vacation, I need to know where I am starting on this journey.
I am a 30 year old single female Chris follower, who is also a writer, painter, and aspiring actress.
I identify as an actress and theater person, even though I haven’t been on a stage for a long time or worked on a show in years. Still, I see myself as a theater person. There is a yearning to be noticed as an actress. My desire is to learn and embody a new character. I want to learn about myself through a fictional character, like seeing through a different pair of eyes.
It brings me happiness when someone refers to me as a writer, artist or creative person. I feel love when people notice me for these things. Being creative is a passion of mine and part of who I am. When you notice my creativity you are noticing me.
It is easy for me to think little of myself and my art, since I don’t make a living off of it yet. People could very easily say it is just a hobby. I also feel like I keep most of my art to myself. At the very least I don’t promote it as much as I should. It just goes on the internet and then it is forgotten. Some paintings just go on my wall where only I can see them.
Promoting and selling my artwork is one area I would like to improve on. I am taking steps for improving my online art life. Currently, I am posting more on my Instagram. Also, I am planning on setting up a society6Â shop to sell prints of my paintings and even some digital pieces I’ve been working on. I have also been toying with the idea of selling the original paintings on eBay or Etsy, again. We shall see about that though. My main focus will be getting something on society6.
No matter what I will still create. I am an artist; that is who I am. That is where I will start this journey to understanding myself better.
I have more stories that shows how I became who I am. They are in the Journey to Me series. I also have stories specifically about God and of course I wrote a book about my views and experiences with Love called To Love.
I walk multiple paths in life.
My life is a combination of journeys,
all taking place at the same time
all taking their own time.
I look at the journeys I walk
and try to see where I’ve been
to see where the path leads.
I look back to see where I’m going
seeing the past as hints to the future.
On one journey
I am an artist;
dancing towards acting
while I write my paintings,
soon I’ll sculpt my imagination
trying new ways to shine my mind,
but always keeping pen near paper
to pour my emotions out with ink.
On one journey
I walk and journey
alone and with friends.
We talk in the silence
and let the silence talk for itself,
with my voice starting soft
growing as I crawl along,
only being able to be heard
when I discover myself around a bend.
Then love like a flood starts to pour out
and I learn to love by loving;
I learn to be loved.
On one journey
I am alone.
friends beside me,
Family supporting behind me
and God leading ahead of me,
but no one of my own.
On this journey there is an air of not knowing.
not knowing,
Is this how it will always be?
I look at the journeys I walk
looking back to see where I’m going
seeing the past as hints to the future.
I see a loved artist,
a strong, loyal friend,
and a happily single adventurer.
A while back I gave myself a challenge and it was a few days, maybe a week or so before I actually accepted the challenge but I did. I mentioned in the post where I shared the challenge that I was going to be keeping a log about the journey this challenge would be. I wasn’t sure at the time how I was going to do it. I just knew that I wanted to be able to share real thoughts that I had through this process. This was to both share with people about my journey and goal achieving, but also to help me. I wanted to motivate myself to keep on doing this challenge.
I decided when I started to actually do the short work out that I would keep track on a piece of paper tapped to my bathroom mirror. I also tapped a page above that and with each tally mark I wrote one line. Some days I squeezed in as much as I could others I just wrote 3 large words. I want to share that log with you now.
You can see some days I was stereotypical in my motivation, other days it was more aimed towards keeping track of my main thought. I hope you enjoyed it and let me know what you think.
I walk down a hard grey path that has tiny bumps that would be unpleasant to walk barefooted on. There are dwelling places on both sides of this path with some green ground coverings. I walk down until I see an artificial looking hill that uses a combination of flat surfaces and tiny smooth cliffs. I walk down this built hill and find that the land below it is different.
This land has no path and is not as solid as the path or artificial hill. Â Tiny grains of tan, white, and brown move under my feet as I walk. I am moving the land under me as I hear a rhythm of strange movement. There is a massive body of liquid creating this musical noise. The liquid mass stretches far beyond my sight and moves up as it sounds its rumbling music, but then it is pulled away. I pause and the clear liquid rushes over my feet. It is cold and I do not dare go in any further. Although what rushed over my feet was clear as the volume grows it becomes hard to see the ground or what is in the liquid.
I stay on the moving land before going back to the artificial hill and down the grey path.
Dear mind,
dear dreaming self,
please stop.
You are walking
at it’s a dangerous path.
I see the briers.
I see the holes,
pit falls,
stumbling blocks
and thorns.
I can tell
where all this thinking,
where all this dreams,
and wishing will lead.
It is clear as a day
without a cloud in the sky
and I am wearing new, clean glasses.
The briers are crisp
and the thorns are bright.
The holes contrast the beauty of the light
the pit falls are almost shouting
with their daunting blackness.
The warning signs are hung
and they are direct,
so mind please stop,
dreaming self wake up.
I know where this is going.
I have been down this road,
journeying around this area,
too many times before.
I have walked to the end of the road
nearly falling off the edge,
so mind please sleep
and dreaming self turn off.
You need to stop,
before you fall into the hole.
Desist unless you trip
into the dark pit falls that are around.
Resist even thinking about the flowers
their steams are thorns.
Turn around before the briers get you.
Mind, please I have had enough.
Dreaming self it is all a dream
one which you control.
Please, self, turn around,
in your mind,
walk down another path.
Do not journey down
the path meant for two.
Do not go on the road
when you are alone.
Thank you.
That quote seems to fit this moment. I just published my 200th blog post. It seems fitting to talk about the journey and how much I have changed in the 200 posts. I will try to make it interesting and not lame.  I am going to be going through the old posts that I made. Hopefully  I find a good sampling.
This blog started as an outlet for my reviews. I had an idea that I would watch and review over 300 movies. I mean I had reviewed a few movies for a class I had taken in college, so I should be able to right 300 hundred of them. I did give myself 6 years to complete it and I still have a few years before that is up. I still have the list, but my life will have to dramatically change to find time to write reviews.
I also started this blog, because I did not think I would have any other outlet for my love of movies and entertainment. I did not think a ‘real career’ in the entertainment industry was an attainable dream. Now, it may still be far off, but I don’t believe it is unattainable. It will take hard work, struggle, time and sacrifice, but I can do it. That is why I started to write the DreamWard Bound series. I honestly believe my creativity will one day be my only job.
Next, I added Story Time With Pink Sunshine. It was supposed to be short stories that could be transformed into chapters in a book. I did not get very far with that, though. It was a big story with lots of details to write. I still plan to tell this story. It will always be in my heart yearning to get out, but I will a solid amount of time to actually write it out.
It seems with the starting of Story Time I started to branch out with my creativity on this blog. I started to write poems, Â updates, thoughts, and even a few short stories. It seems like once I gave myself freedom to do anything on this blog I did do anything. I have grown with this blog in my creativity and have changed my life, because a few people read my writings and my thoughts.
It may still be a small blog, but hey I wrote 200 posts and I am pretty sure each one was read by some one. I think that is enough minds touched to celebrate and change your life a bit for. So, thank you for taking this journey with me and if you want to compare my journey through my creativity I will leave you a few links that you can compare.
First poetry.
First Poem Post (Dream of plans)
Last Poem I posted (Poetry Of Words)
Short Stories
Last Short Story I Posted (Free Lobster)
Funny both are true stories
Review:
Updates / talking about what was going on in my life
Last (This Past week’s DreamWard Bound)
Okay I am done boring you with lists. Let me know what you think though. Can you see the change?