Wind me up (Song as Poetry)

by tiffanymy creative self, PoetryPosted on No Comments

poetry

Song

A Song is an expression of a poet’s personal emotions, meant to be sung. Lyrics in a song contain verses (lines that make up a song; sung poem) and a chorus (a repeating verse in a song {a refrain}.)

Wind me up and let me go
turn me around and watch the show
’cause I am here then I’m there
never knowing which way to go
So wind me up and let me go
turn me around and watch the show

Oh, I want to live for you;
follow the path laid out.
I want to run with you
and keep on going,
but where did you go.

It’s like you
Wind me up and let me go
turn me around and watch the show
’cause I am here then I’m there
never knowing which way to go
So wind me up and let me go
turn me around and watch the show

I know you are here
I know you are waiting for me
to see you where you stand.
You lead me so mercifully
and I am yours.
These things I know.

Still I feel like you
Wind me up and let me go
turn me around and watch the show
’cause I am here then I;m there
never knowing which way to go
So wind me up and let me go
turn me around and watch the show

Maybe it’s me
maybe I lose sight of all you are
That seems more correct by far
That I stray and look away
I run and run right pass you.

Yes, I
Wind me up and let me go
turn me around so watch the show
’cause I am here then I’m there
never knowing which way to go
So wind me up and let me go
turn me around so watch the show

Wind me up and let me go
turn me around and watch the show
’cause I am here then I’m there
never knowing which way to go
So wind me up and let me go
turn me around and watch the show

DreamWard Bound ( August 16 to the 23rd)

by tiffanyDreamward bound, LifePosted on No Comments

success

 

I want to take a minute to be real. I want this blog to be an honest portrayal of my journey to reaching all my major goals and all the little ones to get there.

Now I have big dreams that are far away and hard to reach for. Sometimes I don’t believe I will ever get there, other times I am so sure that it is a matter of time. Still either way I am thinking I fight on and this week was a fight. I did not want to do anything; I did not want to live the life I am living. Also, all week I felt and well still feel like something is going to change. Something is going to happen in my life, mostly because of the feelings of I can’t continue on the path I am on.

Even with feeling this fight inside of me (the fight for my future) I pushed on. I decided that the one channel on YouTube is not enough, mostly because I am crazy. I was stressed with the load I had, so let’s throw more work on it. Still I think this will help people, because even though I am still on the journey towards my goals and dreams I know there are other people who haven’t even started yet.

Also, even though I did not want to do anything and I seriously was fighting just to be myself, I went to the gym three times (four times if you include today in the week). This is because of my goal to lose weight. I am realizing though I will need to do more than going to the gym four times a week. My goal is to lose 30 lbs and so I have not lost anything in these two weeks, so that is discouraging. I’m still going to push myself and work out.

I am still trying and working towards my dreams, even though it is hard. I am on the road to my dreams, even though they are far. I am pushing forward, even though I do not want to. I wish I could stop some times, but that is not in me. I need to stay on this road and fight for my dreams, because I am done just going with the flow of life and finally am living for all that I can be. It is a hard thing and it I feel like I am swimming up-stream I would gladly swim again the current because it will make every success that much better. Each goal that is this hard to reach will be so worth it.

Struggle makes your goals worth the fight.

 

Things I fought to create this week.

Sped up Painting (post)

Sped up logo Painting (YouTube)

It’s a Poem

Dear Past Self

Voice

Past Never My Future

 

Why? (A Poem)

by tiffanymy creative self, PoetryPosted on No Comments

poetry

Why
Is my heart breaking;
Can I not see the light?
Why
have I lost hope;
Can I not feel the love?
Where is this lost feeling,
this void of hope;
where is this twisted feeling coming from?

Did I not laugh today,
was that a dream?
Did the sun not shine today
and did I not wake again?

Why
is my heart breaking;
is my mood so low?
Why
have I lost my hope
Do I not know which way to go?
Has my path darkened?
Have I lost my way?
Can you tell me?
I need to know.

Did I not see a baby smile
or hear my friends’ laughter?
Was there no jokes today
and did I not enjoy work?
Did the sun not shine today
and I not wake again?

Why
is my heart breaking;
do I feel alone?
Why
have I lost my hope;
can I not figure out?
Where can I find the hole that is inside
What fell out
How do I get it back in?

I guess it is simply one of those nights
after a wonderful day
when the night is darker
and my eyes are heavier.
I guess it is simply one of those nights
when I ask why
knowing the next dawn will be brighter.

This poem was written Wednesday night, after I hung out with a few friends and had a generally good day. I was happy most of it and then on the car ride home I started to think. My mind went off on its own and I wound up feeling a bit depressed by the time I pulled into my driveway. I decided to write as an outlet and to figure out where the feelings were coming from. By the end of the poem I realized it was just me being tired and thinking about everything I have to do.

It is simply one of those nights where I need to go to bed and know everything will be better in the morning.

I hope you enjoyed reading and let me know what you think. Also if you need help, advice, or just someone to talk to, please let me know. I am always willing to help and listen. 

DreamWard Bound (July 2 to the 9th)

by tiffanyDreamward bound, LifePosted on No Comments

success

This week again was focused on my move and settling in. I was able to find time to write and post a couple of poems and found an extra poetry reading that I edited together and posted on YouTube. I believe I am mostly unpacked and settled, so my life should get back to normal. Of course I now have to redefine my normal since it’s been almost 8 months since I’ve been unpacked, in my own space and had a desk to work at. I’m foreseeing more productivity, which I am happy about.

I also feel like I can focus on more of my goals that I had outlined in a much earlier post. I have the publish one post and one video a week down, which was my first goal. I also added to the posts and am now trying to publish one poem a day, so seven poems a week. I am still working on getting that down, especially since I went on vacation, then moved.

One of the two goals that I am adding on is getting my weight down to 150 pounds in 15 weeks, so almost 4 months. If I do I will give myself $60 to spoil myself with, most likely a massage. If  I don’t I will give that $60 to someone else. I am planning on joining a gym that is near my new home, so hopefully that will help. It should also help that the guys at my work are getting in shape or working out, also.

The second goal that I’m going to focus on is my novel. I was thinking that I would just wait until my six months of publishing posts and videos goal was met and then really focus on my novel again. However, now that I have my own desk and space to actually edit and take notes I am thinking I can work on it now. This way when my six month goal is met it can really be a weekend with no responsibilities.

All this means that you will be hearing more about exercise and editing. These are two things I have been putting off since they are not my favorite things to do. I mean I love writing and being creative. I really love to act and be immersed in poetry. I love being creative and bettering my life. These things I like doing, but there is the work side that comes from bettering your life and being creative. In order to better your life when it comes to being an artist you need to be healthy, grow in your creativity and edit your work in order for them to be exactly what you want them to be.  This means I will actually have to do the work side of things more and you will be hearing about it.

I think that is enough babble for today. Here is the list of the few things I did this week. Click the links, reading/ watch and let m know what you think. Also thank you for reading this and any post you read. I really am grateful for any and all your support.

Never repeat (a YouTube video)

Writing process

Fantasies

Yes, it is really short.

Self-Searching

by tiffanyother updatesPosted on No Comments

How do I see myself? Who do I want to be? Where am I now and how do I need to go?

I am still searching, still living the best I know how. I seem to need to be shown a way and to be guided down the right path. The only thing I know is that I am God’s girl.

Maybe I’m where I’m meant to be or maybe I have miles to go. I’m not sure so I will let God lead my way. I just want to end my journey at his home.

*

I would not be who I am without taking the steps I took. I would not be me if I found what I was looking for in the beginning. If there was an easy way to go, an easier path to take. I would not be the same person if there was not fight, no struggle to get the things I really want.

If I found my true love in college or at a bar I would try to hold on too tight and be forced to watch it crumble apart, broken by the pressure my heart would cause. I would not have known who I was, if I was not forced to learn about me on my own.

If I meant a producer or director on an airplane and he gave me the best role ever I would not know what to do. My nerves would wreck the abilities that are growing inside and I would be laughed out of my career. If I got it the easy way I would not have realized how much I really wanted it. If my art was not a fight I would not know how much I love it.

Yes, if my dreams would come true with ease in a moment I would ruin it too much for me  to bear. So I will be happy working and striving towards my goals. I will take one step after the other and work on being me. That way my dreams will not be my dreams, but goals that I will earn and work towards. If I work for them I will not be overwhelmed and I will be the person I am working towards being. They will be milestones in my path instead of the end of a dream.success

DreamWard Bound (week of June 14- 21, 2014)

by tiffanyDreamward bound, LifePosted on No Comments

success

I feel like this week was very focused on this blog. I kept a close eye on my stats, reviewed them, and took note every time some one liked a post or started to follow the blog. I started to really look into the blog on Monday, which after I did I wrote, “I am loving the fact that for very post I have published some one has started to follow the blog. Now, some posts go unread or not liked as much as others, which is fine and will happen. – I’m not perfect and do not fool myself into thinking I am. –  Still I am so happy and thankful that you guys have at least found one post you liked enough to follow.”  When I say that for every post published some one started following my blog, I mean I have published 114 posts now and have 115 followers. On Monday these two numbers were the same.

I did not take any notes on Tuesday. I had apartment searching stuff to do and then went over a friend’s house. Thankfully I had written and scheduled a poem to be published already, so although I was not creative my creative journey still charged on.

On Wednesday I wrote and posted Free. I then looked at my stats, again,  and realized how many more visitors are coming to my site, since last year. I had months when no one would visit and others where only one would visit. Now I’m surprised if no one visits in a day. That just shows you what regular work will do. That little encounter with stats, reminded me that my creative life is a journey and I am walking/ working on it.

Thursday was improv day. I did find time to write a poetry post after the group though. It was actually made up of two poems, which I didn’t think I did that well with, but it got likes, so what do I know.

Friday I wrote the poem Talk, before going over a friend’s house for game night.

Saturday I recorded this weeks video, which is of me doing a Cock-eyed Optimist from South Pacific. It is a stated song that I really love, because I am an Optimist and can not be anything but an Optimist. I hold too tightly to hope and faith.

I also wrote this post on Saturday, but I only like to post once a day.

I want to close this post with a thought that, while writing keeps popping back into my mind. Being an artist and being creative is a journey and a life style. If you really are an artist you will create a life that helps you blossom in your art, but it is work to find the balance. Some days you will not see the fruit of your work and feel off-balance, others you will be thriving and feeling amazing. The real work is to find out how to work through your feelings, maybe even use the discouraged and alone feelings to make your art. I know a bunch of times this week I felt like I wasn’t going anywhere, that is the reason I looked at the stats so much.

Maybe I am just talking to myself right now and that is okay, but you need to find what works for you and work at it. You will be happier and live a more full life when you do live a balanced life. You will be more you, (if that is a thing) when you work towards goals that truly make you happy, because when you work towards the goals you start a journey and at least I realized that the fun is in the journey and the reward is the goal.

Here is a list of what I did this week:

Cock-eyed Optimist

Talk

Haiku

Free

My Tombstone

Epigram

DreamWard Bound

by tiffanyDreamward bound, LifePosted on No Comments

This week was different for me. I had Monday off, so I recorded an extra video. I then went and had fun with my friends. It was a great day and really relaxed me. I was in such a great mood and felt like everything was awesome.

Tuesday morning came, and I went to work. I worked longer than normal, because I had to pick up Kateland, from the airport. I knew that I would not have time to be creative after work, so I decided to listen to this week’s song on repeat as I worked. I hoped that listening to it so much would help me memorize it. Plus it’s Carry On My Wayward Son, so it is at least a good song.

On Tuesday I also starting to talk with friends about starting a book club, which will be even more incentive to read more.

Wednesday I wound up staying late at work also and went to play disc gold with co-workers for the first time. This surprise outing made it so that I did not have time for my creative time or read. It was still an awesome time and I am glad I went. It is nice to break from normalcy sometimes.

Thursday came after Wednesday (in case you are not sure how the week goes). After work I went to improv, read a few pages in my How to edit book, and had an idea about reviewing comics. Now I am just starting to read comics, so the reviews (which will be recorded as video) would be coming from the view-point of a noob. I think it may be interesting. I also wrote a couple of poems.

Friday was a pretty awesome day. Work went awesome and I got a bunch done. When I got home I came on here and realized I now have 100 followers. 100!!! Yeah I’m pretty excited about that. I may have even done a happy dance, because of it. On Friday I also posted my 100th post. That’s right two milestones in one day! I’m thrilled with this fact. I am also super happy, because my 100th post was actually two poems, one about bacon and the other about Hackers.( Yeah, I’m cool like that.)

Another happy note, I just started to walk and set a goal for myself. I will walk 5 miles every week, when I have done this for a month I will get nice exercise sneakers. Well I walked exactly 5 miles this week.

This week was very different for me, because I did not have time to meet every goal every day this week, but I still met milestones, did an extra video, had fun with friends, and found time to write. I was brought out of my comfort zone a little, with not having my normal week. This is a good thing, because life can not be lived in comfort zones and strict schedules. Although, I love planning, scheduling, and staying in my own little life, I actually don’t want that. You can live, so much more when you stretch yourself and let opportunities  happen organically.

 

success

 

DreamWard Bound (5/11-5/17/14)

by tiffanyDreamward bound, LifePosted on No Comments

This week was a busy week for me. Two days this week I went straight to different social things after work and on Monday I went to the DMV and an open house before work, which meant I had to work late. By Friday night I was exhausted, so of course Friday was one of the days I went straight out. I also had an event to go to this morning. I am not complaining about my busy week. It is just a lead in and explanation why this weeks goals mean more than most.

Even with my busy week I found time to be creative and read. I hardly watched television and practiced more of my monologue, that I will record tomorrow (in between serving at my church’s two services).

I also think I figured out a new fitness plan. I will take 2 fifteen minute walks a day during my work day and I will eat healthier. I also realized that it is better to do weight lost, since it is a more definite  tracking. After I lose 10 lbs I will get a new outfit, so the reward will be the same and the method is almost the same, but the tracking and when/ how I exercise is different.

I don’t have too much else to write. This week was more focused on living where I am at right now, rather than focused on the future and goals. I still meant most of my goals. I am becoming more relaxed with tracking my goals, yet I am still meeting them.

Looking back to help me go forward.

by tiffanyLife, my creative selfPosted on No Comments

I always like looking back at my past. I do not look back to dwell on my past mistakes or my past hurts. I do not like putting energy into the negative things that could hold me down. Instead I look back to see how far I’ve come. I enjoy seeing my progress and realizing what I have left behind. I also review my past to see what else I need to let go of.

The first thing I realized you may not care about. It has does not have a obvious correspondence to my art or this blog.However,  it is a big realization for me and important. I recently realized I’ve stopped looking for romance. Like I mentioned in my DreamWard Bound post this week I went through old journal entries. I realized how much I thought and wrote about romance before and how little I think about being in a relationship or finding my one true love. Yes, if some one comes along and sweeps me off my feet I will go with it.The difference is that  I am not looking for that person. I am so happy, complete and fulfilled in my life right now, that I do not feel the need to add another person into it. Plus I realized how free I truly am without romance in my life. I can do what I want when I want, I can make future plans without worry about another person, and I do not  have to be any one’s life partner. Again, when the right guy finds me I will be happy to do all that relationship stuff with him. I’m just glad it’s not right now.

I also wanted to reflect on my internet presences. First let’s start with this blog. I just read over the first blog that I ever posted. It is an outline and a plan for movie reviews. You see this blog was going to be dedicated to reviewing movies. It has since changed. It has actually changed a few times now. I would like to go back to reviewing movies, but that will be a goal for the future. I have grown to realize that doing, creating and growing as an artist is more important to me, than growing as a critic. I also realized that I would share art and thoughts rather than movie reviews. I just enjoy it better, at this point in time.

Now a fun look back: My first video that I uploaded to youtube.

Oh and now the first art piece I posted on this blog. This painting took me at least a few days as opposed to the couple of hours my last 3 paints took.(I really hope you are enjoying this, because I am having a blast!)

solo tree

 

In addition to (at least  perceived growth) I have posted more regularly and have more followers visit this blog. I actually looked at wordpress’ stats recently and mine are slowly rising, which makes me happy. All this makes me want to do more, share more, create more. Hopefully all my writing, sharing, and creating wants you, my reader(s) to read and see more.

Feel free to comment below or check out my youtube channel to see more recently videos, my website to see better paintings, or follow me on twitter so that you do not to do any of those things to stay up to date with my going ones.

I have another few posts that I will be working on today and posting through out this week, so stayed tuned/ focused/ on the look out.

4/6/14-4/13/14 (DreamWard Bound)

by tiffanyDreamward bound, Life, random ramblingsPosted on No Comments


I started my new job this week. I went in bright and early on Monday and then even earlier every other day. I did my training and went through Human Resources things. By the end of the week I was actually working on a few real sites. You see my not lame day job, that I mentioned in last week’s DreamWard Bound post, is that I’m an ethical hacker. I will be working on client’s sites to find their weaknesses, so that the bad guys can’t. It is technically called web security, but ethical hacker sounds much cooler.

Since most of my time, energy, and brain power went to just surviving the first week of waking up early, and working 8 hrs a day, I do not have an art updates. This post is the closest thing to writing I have done all week, which actually brings me to my first realization. I need to do something art based every week. I was so wiped by the time the week ended and it took me until today, Sunday, to realize how drained I was. You see, art is how I charge my brain’s battery. I turn off reality while I create. I turn off what is going on in my life. I turn off myself. I step outside of who I am to create and in creating I learn either more about God or more about myself, some how. This may not make sense, but art doesn’t always make sense. Just know that art is a release and I now know that I 100% need that release in my daily life, or at least in my weekly schedule.

Another thing I learned, well kind of learned or rather something I want to make sure you know. The web security industry is awesome. What I have seem of it, is super cool. Most of my co-workers are nice people who want to help. Some have felt the sting of being on the outside of society (ie they’re nerds). Others are what society would call normal, or at least can fake normalcy for the most part. What it comes down to is that I know work with nerds, geeks, and just smart guys, who are real. The entire company seems to be made up of normal people working comfortably. Even the upper managers are just normal people, working in a company that promotes openness and a relaxed yet productive culture. In other words I work at an awesome tech company, that is like the tech companies you may hear about.

Now, I may be working a day job to support my passions, but my friend/ roommate will not be. I am sure I mentioned Kateland before. I may have only mentioned her blog. Any ways I am super excited for her, because we are both focused on our dreams right now and she is taking a giant step towards her dreams. She will be working with a musician for the next month or so. She is going to travel with him and sell his merchandise, which will help her experience tour life, network with people, and be around the music she loves. She has a passion for music and this job will surround her in music. I am very excited for her and happy that she will be able to have a taste of her dreams. I have been telling everyone I can, because this will affect my life, also. I will be watching and learning from her experience.

I believe that is all that went on this week. I hope to post more about my art in the coming week, but for now it’s all about my not lame day job.

success