I need a vacation
from my vacation
to remember my life.
Funny how things are funny
when you rather work
than relax;
rather long days
than days of nothing,
so give me gifts of projects,
show me love by showing me a plan.
I needed time away
to know how much
I don’t need time away.
Now work is a happy burden
keeping my schedule a pleasant task.
I lost myself
when I ignored myself,
not trusting my heart
not listening to my soul.
The gentle whispering
saying no was dismissed.
I turned away from myself
and hid myself,
so I lost myself.
Now I will find my heart
when I fly to the light
and can be bathing in support.
Will myself snap back in?
Will I come out of my hiding place,
when I am home
and my soul feels safe?
Will I then find my heart.
Here are the chains
I clasp on to my wrists.
Here is the weight
I tie to my heart.
Here is the knife
I slowly stab into my soul.
Here is the prison
I hide myself in.
I cannot unchain myself
from the chains I claimed.
I cannot untie or cute the rope
that holds down the weight on my heart.
I cannot heal the hurt
from the knife in my soul.
I cannot unlock my prison
that I once locked myself in.
So, I give you my chains,
please undo their locks.
I give you the weight,
please cut their ropes.
I give you the knife
please heal my wounds.
And I give you my prison,
please turn it into a home.
Yes, I give you my everything,
please make me whole.
I have not posted in a while. It has been about 2 weeks. One week I was on vacation and the next I was sick. I went to work, since each day I thought I was getting better only to realize by the end that I was exhausted. I had no energy to work on this blog, write, or  do anything really. I am still fighting my lack of motivation and this cold, but I know I need to just start writing again.  I need to get back on the DreamWard bound road, so this is me trying.
After the vacation and new year I am wondering if I actually have the same dreams and plans I did in the beginning of last year. I keep asking myself what do I really want and what really is possible. I am sure when I answer all my questions there will be another post about that. I need to figure out the answers first and seeing how it’s taking me all day just to write this post it may be awhile before I can really answer what is next for my creative life.
Right now, I just know that I need to get back in the rhythm of my life that was before vacation and sickness. I also need this cold to fully go away, so that I can get back to training and actually start Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu classes.
I will be posting all the things I wrote on my flights and during my vacation this coming week. One of the posts will be a start to a series that I hope will be more interactive, but  I will explain all about that later.
Since, I did not write or post anything this last week I will simply end this post. I hope you enjoyed this post which felt more like rambling than a DreamWard Bound Post.