Sub-letter #30 To love excerpt

Sub-Letter #30 (To Love Excerpt)

by tiffanyTo Love UpdatesPosted on No Comments

Sub-Letter #30 is the last excerpt from To Love. All the excerpts of To Love can be found on the To Love section of my site. You can purchase the book on Amazon.

Please know that the headers are placed for blog readability and highlighting certain parts. They do not appear in the book.

Sub-Letter #30

Dear Dearie,

It has been about 2 weeks since I wrote about online dating. It feels like it was longer. Perhaps it was longer. I didn’t mark down the exact date that I signed up. It doesn’t matter, because I stopped.

Online dating felt like work and more than I wanted to do. My brain related it to searching for a job or a house. It differed from a job or house search tough. Instead of sending a couple emails, then going to an interview that is scheduled days in advance, I found that there should be at least one message a day. Sometimes the guy attempted to schedule them on the same day. That method brought out anxiety and fear for me.

I need to prepare and free up time. I can’t change my plans easily in my mind, so can’t drop everything to meet a stranger at a coffeehouse on the same day of being asked.

Still, although I did not like online dating, I learned from it.

The first thing I learned is obvious. Online dating is not like You Got Mail. It is not romantic or fun for me.

I am sure it is great for others. There are success stories. It is just not for me, at least not for me right now.

Also, I learned that even though I want to find you and start that part of my life, I can wait. I would rather wait with high standards than lower or change them and marry someone now.

What I need

There is no rush, I do not need you right now. What I need is the right you. I am okay with being single. This chick is awesome and a hoot to be around. I can entertain myself and make decisions on my own. Plus, my friends can give me advice and support. My point in saying all of this is that I appreciate that I am loved and I love myself. One day, you will love me and love you. I can have patience and wait for that day.

After I stopped looking for you on the dating app, I thought about how I want to describe you when I am certain you are you. How I would know you are you? In my mind, I was being interviewed. I made it into a daydream that took place after we met and everyone was aware we were in love.

In this daydream, you are the interviewer.

I guess you don’t really need to be an interviewer in this daydream, but that is how this daydream goes. We are both successes and we are doing an interview together, where you are interviewing me. You ask how I knew you were the one for me.

I answer with, “You are the only one for me because you are not perfect, but you are perfect for me. Just like every other human, you are broken and flawed. Your broken pieces do not match mine, just like your flaws are not mine. Instead, your flaws and brokenness complement mine and my flaws and brokenness complement yours. It is like a complicated puzzle. Your flaws either challenge me or are like a puzzle piece that my flaws interlock with and strengthen us together.”

Our life together will not be a “happily ever after” type of life. Yet, we will support each other, push each other, learn from and with each other. Most important, we will journey down the path of life together. We will go through hard times on that journey, but we will also enjoy great times.

The start of our journey together excites me. I look forward to working on our wedding vows and vowing them in front of family and friends when they are done. I can’t wait to find out how your flaws interlock with mine and learn how you will help me grow.

As I write this sub-letter, you are 100% percent real to me. There is no doubt and no fear in my mind. I am enthralled because I get to meet you and love you one day. Finding out who you are overwhelms me with excitement.

Okay, enough about that for now. I don’t want to fly away, and I may with all these happy thoughts. I have another poem to share.

Want More?

To Love is sold on Amazon and if you would like to read more excerpts you can go the To Love Updates section of this site. Also, I created some fun promotional videos on Youtube.

Chapters of Life – DreamWard Bound

by tiffanyDreamward bound, Life, Non-fiction and Articles PortfolioPosted on No Comments

Every few years my life changes. Each change is the start of a new chapter and a new part of my epic story. Most of the time it also comes with a change in location, but not always.

I try to prepare for each change in my life the best I can. I look at it like almost like a new story. What will the plot be? What new characters may I encounter? What will the theme or message be for this chapter of my life? Each time my life changes I think I answer these questions, but God or life always has at least one different answer. The changes are never fully what I expected.

This chapter in my life is like the others. It is not what I expected.

My goal for this chapter is to pursue my ideal life, my passions, and God’s will for my life.

At the moment I am being torn down in negative areas of my personality, struggling with my motivation, and I’m learning to be more flexible in multiple areas of my life. It is a trying point in my life. I do not want to face the areas of myself that I don’t like and should change. It is not easy to let things go that annoy me or frustrate me.

I do know that the reward for going through all this will be worth it. I will hopefully rid myself of the parts of me I do not like and become more flexible with things that don’t actually matter in the long run of things. I’ll be a better version of myself and living a better version of my life.

Also, although it is tough I am still less stressed and not emotionally drained each night. It is a better life for myself already.

Plus, I can actually have a full day to rest, which is a new thing and one I’m still relearning how to do. It is strange that stopping and relaxing is hard for someone. It seems like it should be easy to do, but I’ve spent years only really stopping on vacations. If I was not on vacation I had something to do; I had something to create or a to-do list item to check off. Now I have a day for that stuff and a day to stop and take care of myself. I still want to keep going and going, but I know we all have to take a break now and again, so that is what I’m doing. I will learn how to do it well eventually.

 

Leap Towards My Dreams – DreamWard Bound

by tiffanyDreamward bound, LifePosted on No Comments
leap-towards-my-dreams-dreamward-bound

It is April; only the fourth month of this year, and already it has been a life changing year for me.

At the end of 2017 I decided that I would make a major change to my life. I needed to share up my life in order to truly pursue my dreams.

The decision I made was to leave my full time job in order to work towards my ideal life. I never meant to stay there as long as I had, but it was safe and seemed comfortable. However,  my unneeded stress was growing and the enjoyment of the actual work was shrinking. I realized it had become just a paycheck and if I was to work for just a paycheck there are less stressful jobs closer to where I live.

In fact, before I even left the full-time job I started a new part-time job with my church. I am now my church’s admin. That job started in January of this year and I left my full-time job at the end of February.

At the end of February, the Tuesday after my last day, I went on a 2-week mission trip to South Africa. I got back mid-March and had to adjust to this new amazing chapter in my life.

I am excited to see what new adventure lay in front of me and what opportunities await me. Whatever my future holds it will be worth the leap because for the first time in a very long time I feel like I’ve taken a significant step towards my ideal life.

I am truly dreamward bound.

Want More?

In 2019 I retired my DreamWard Bound Series. As of 2020, I have a few other series and a Youtube channel. I also have published my book To Love, which is for sale on Amazon.