DreamWard Bound, Another Week Another Post.

by tiffanyDreamward bound, LifePosted on No Comments

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How do I start this post? I always find it hard to actually start either writing something or starting a goal. It seems like starting is always the hardest part. Once you have momentum or get in a rhythm of either writing or goal achieving it is gets easier. Things start to flow and progress is made. Sometimes, like now, you just have to start and hope that you’ll keep going, keep writing.

So, I’ve started writing I guess I should continue you and tell you about my week. It seemed like a long week. At work I was doing a role called support, which is where I answer client’s questions and figure out issues that are more client facing and not the tech side of things. It is dealing with people, which I don’t think I am too good at and do not enjoy. I mostly don’t like it because it’s a combination of juggling acts, waiting games, and trying to translate my brain into something that the client will understand.

Well, half way through my week I started to get stuffed up. I held off the head cold until today, when I decided that it would not be a good idea to get buggers on other people. I skipped class, made a fort under my loft bed and watched a bunch of the first season of supernatural. Once I decided that was my plan for the day my body responded with basically giving in to the head cold, which after zoning out and napping for most of the day has gotten a lot better. Instead of a sinus headache, drained feeling, and super stuffy nose that the decision to relax for the day brought, it is now just a super stuffy nose.

I am happy to say that I did manage it write an extra post this past week, before I started to feel icky. I also am now on day 28 of my 100 day challenge and I’ve kept a daily thought log. I have one page of one line thoughts that  I will be putting into another post soon. After publishing this post, though, I do have to go do my exercises since I did skip my BJJ class. I am not liking the fact that I have to do the mini-workout, but that is mostly because I really would have rather gone to class. If only I wasn’t so bugger-filled.

Here is a list of the things I wrote this week.

The Poem I wear

Not An Ordinary Walk

Writing Prompt (#4)

Another DreamWard Bound

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Right now, it is hard for me to recap this week as far as it goes in my journey towards my dreams and life goals. Instead of going into my goals, like I did last week I will simply recap what I did this pass week.

I had Monday off from work,so I did write a little and got to chapter 2 in editing my book. Only being on chapter 2 might seem like I’ve not been doing anything with the book. As I am writing it down I am having that thought at least. I’ve been working on this book for over a year. I think it is actually closer to two years since I started writing it.I should be further along right? Well I did do a full sweep a while back and took notes on a few chapters. There is also an outline of the full series and notes on characters, races and the town. So, as you can see I have worked on it. Of course, I am also a procrastinator and that has come into play with my editing. Still, I am working on the book, it is just slow going.

On Monday I was also able to write 2 post which meant  I met my new blog goal for the week. I actually posted 3 posts last week, which I am happy about. Before the new year I would be beating myself up, feeling guilty, and not happy that I only got 3 posts, with one of them being a DreamWard Bound post. Now, I am smiling though. I got 3 posts out to the public.

On Monday I also went to my BJJ class and hung out with my friends after class. It was a full yet relaxing day off.

When Tuesday came around I had to go back to work. I drove over the hill with my friends, but listened to my podcast, which is a goal of mine to do. I also had a Bible study after work.

Wednesday was work and hanging out for dinner with a few friends.

Thursday I led my improv class after work.

Friday was my nerd night, which ran long since it was our last D&D for  a while, since our game master is living in Ireland now.

This, Saturday, morning I went to another BJJ class then had lunch at the Windmill, which is my favorite cafe. I then took a walk on the beach, did laundry and took a nap. Now I am writing this post trying to sit in a way that my soreness from the class does not affect me too much. It was a great class to say the least.

Here are the links to the two posts I wrote after the last DreamWard Bound post.

Weekly Writing Prompt

The Bagel Love Affair.

Realization

by tiffanyrandom ramblingsPosted on No Comments

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I’m realizing I want to be an actor, but I cannot not be an author. I will write even if no one reads. I will create stories even if a pen and paper are not near. Characters come into my mind and I see stories without trying. The only real hard part with writing is getting everything written so that others can understand the things I find beautiful.

That is why this year I will be focusing on my writing. I will still try to post videos, but acting and media will be on the C/ last tier of goals. Writing either this blogs or my novel will be A/ first tier and the most important goals this year.

I want to get this draft done and polish my novel up to get editors or friends to give me their input. Plus, the deadline for this draft that I set for myself is fast approaching.

As it stands now God and my family (both blood and tribe) are the two most important things.  I’m going to be trying to find different more effective ways to connect with them this year and build stronger relationships. I haven’t written that down all nicely, though.

Next will be my Novel, which means I may not get all five posts published every week. I will try hard to do that, but my main focus will be the whole reason why I write as much as I do. I want to get better and get a book I wrote into readers hands. I don’t care about having a publisher’s stamp of approval now. I just want people to read my stuff.

And I would love people to read my book. I love the story and characters. I just hope the people who will read the book, well books (it is a series), will love them just as much. I mean I see them so clearly and the story is so real to me, but I’m still making it readable and well written.

Well, that was a bit of a ramble.  Basically what I’m saying is I will be writing more and acting less. Acting will go on the back burner until I finish editing my book. I need to focus on one dream/ goal at a time.

A Late DreamWard Bound

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Today was a crazy day for me. I had very little down time, once I got out of bed. I cannot complain too much though, I started my day by running on the beach. I then went to my favorite cafe, The Windmill, and had a delicious breakfast with my roommate. We then went Christmas shopping before I dropped her off at our friend’s cook-out.  After I stopped in and said hello I went to back Christmas cookies with other friends. That was fun, loud, and enough socialization for me. I came home, made myself a dinner of rice and now I finally can write my weekly DreamWard Bound post.

I have been really focused on BJJ this week. Well, BJJ and Christmas stuff. I am going home this coming week, so need to have every Christmas thing done before then. I believe I finished my Christmas shopping today, but knowing me I will get home and realize that I forgot someone.

I did write a little and prepared a monologue to do. I actually have a few videos in my mind that I want to do, but haven’t had time. I am realizing that videos or acting is the first thing that goes in the later bucket, since they take a while to do. You see I have to do my hair and makeup before setting up my camera and making sure the light is right. I then do each video at least twice, but it is closer to five or ten times. Basically I need at least a solid hour to make one video. That is partly why I try to do more than one every time I record myself. I figure my hair and make up is already done along with the lighting and camera set up, so I try to do multiple.

Now that you know my excuses of why I did not do much this week here is the list I did do.

My Bad Morning (Short Story)

The Storm Outside (Poem)

Starting A Journey (random ramblings)

Pain So Good (Poem)

DreamWard Bound (Or The Fight Found Within Me)

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This was a good week. I may have not made a lot of head way with my goals and did not post five creative posts, but I did make a break through. A switch occurred in my mind this week. I did not realize it until I was at the gym today. I found the reason for why I want to work so hard to get to a different life. I learned something that seems at least deep to myself about myself.

The reason why I push myself and why I am dreamward bound is because I am fighting the little nagging voice inside me. The whisper in the back of my head that is saying, “You can’t. You are not smart enough. You are not good enough. You are not strong enough. You don’t really have talent.”

I also realized this week that this is the same voice that whispered to me through out my life. It whispered that I could not be a real artist, and I listened. It told me that I would easily blend into the background, so I let myself. This whispering voice told me that I was not good enough for all my dreams and I believed it.

Well, I started this blog and started to quiet that voice. I didn’t realize it at the time, but with every painting, every post, and every video I slowly started to not believe the part of me that said I couldn’t. Little by little I realized I am an artist and I am who I am. I also realized that I can do anything I want, because it may be hard but everything worthy of having takes something.

This week I realized that I stopped believing in the “no’s” my mind was whispering to me and started to prove them wrong.

The “I’m not smart enough” has turned into, “I will train my mind until I am.”

The “I am not creative enough,” has turned into a laugh, a smile and me telling myself, “Oh, yeah, sure. Watch this.”

The “I can’t”  has turned into “Watch me.”

Finally, the “I’m not strong enough,” whisper that has haunted me for so long has turned into, “Shut up, I’ll be strong enough.”

Basically, I am not going to live by the negative voice in my mind any more. I am done putting myself down because I try to lift everyone else up. I can see the amazing possibilities in everyone else up. Why shouldn’t I see that in myself?

All this said, I am hoping that you will see a different side of me. One with more energy and more conviction. I know that my main fight is not getting paid for my art, but being satisfied with it and using each piece to be better than the one before it. My fight now won’t be against the world, people, or status. It will be against myself from yesterday.

Basically I am taking one of my tips from my goal getter’s channel and applying it with super energy. I am going to focus on my behavior and actions, not the world.

Now that I got all that out, here is all the things I posted this week.

All The Steps To Achieving Your Goal (video from last Saturday)

Here I Stand (Video)

Travelling Bagel (micro Fiction)

Rush (Poem)

Can’t Hold Me Down (Poem)

Control of My Brain (Creative Ramblings)

 

DreamWard Bound for the week of Thanksgiving 2014

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After I wrote my last DreamWard Bound I thought this week would be super productive. I filmed two short videos. One video was an original monologue and the other was all the steps for achieving goals. I even edited my novel a bit. Of course when Monday came I felt drained from a headache and did not get to editing the videos. Wednesday was my free day, so I told myself I would edit them Wednesday. I forgot about shopping for Thanksgiving things and I also really wanted to go to the gym. After everything was done I thought, “it’ll be okay. I do more tomorrow, before Thanksgiving dinner. I mean I should be able to find time in the day to cook what I needed to and edit a video or write more, right?”

Thanksgiving came and it was an amazing day. I loved all the togetherness and love that was going around in the kitchen. I helped my friends prepare a great meal and we hung out a lot. However, by the end of the night I was done. I went straight to bed, telling myself that I had no plans for Black Friday. That would be the day that I came up with time to edit those videos and get ahead of my writing. I would even try to edit my novel, before going over my friends’ house to cat-sit for them.

I had all day on Friday, so there was no rush. I relaxed and went to the gym. I then did some Christmas shopping online, did the dishes, did a load of laundry. After all that was done I went to my D&D game night, well game time. We started at 4:30 so that we could be done by the time my friend had to go to the airport. Still I thought that I would right after I drove him and his wife to the airport,  or at least get those two videos edited. I even had one video up and ready to be edited.  I was done with any idea of being productive by the time I got back from dropping them off.

Needless to say, I am feeling pretty unproductive today as I write this post. I mean I did write some things and have those two videos that I will be editing after this. They did not disappear, so I can still do it. Still, I wanted to do more this week since I had two days off of work. A little part of me is glad that I did not do all the work I wanted to do, because I am now feeling more rested and ready to do more.

So, here is the list of things I wrote this week.

Prayer (from my SaltyLight blog)

Bubbling up (a Poem)

This Was Written By A Bagel (short story)

Goal Getters Channel (a write-up )

Yup, small list this week.

DreamWard Bound (November 15, 2014)

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This week was a stressful week at work with later hours. It burnt me out most days and by the end of the week I was done with people and anything productive. I did not go to my improv group on Thursday or do anything Friday night. Instead both nights I stayed home and vegged out with YouTube, Pinterest, and Netflix.

I was able to get a lot done with my writing and videos the first part of the week though. I was able to record Step 7 of Goal Getters, which means it’s all tips now. I also recorded a monologue and an about me video.

The monologue was Dory’s monologuee from Finding Nemo. It has been my favorite one so far. It was fun and a character type that I would love to do more of. Of course it seems more people are watching the classic monologues from plays. That could be because they were the ones done first, so they have had more time to get more views. It seems though people are still watching them and as long as they are watching my videos I will be happy.

No was far as writing goes I wrote my 5 creative posts. One was about being a bagel, which will become a series and then a video series. The video series will happen when I figure out how I want to do it.

Also, during this week this blog reached 152 followers. I almost did an actual happy dance, but I was at work so only let out a tiny wiggle.

I believe that is all the news about my week. Here is the list that tells you what I did.

Step 7 (video)

Back Story (video)

Dory’s Monologue (video)

Magic Machine (A Poem)

For A Second Time I am a Bagel (short story)

Come and See (A Poem)

Sale (A Poem)

Fingers (Poem)

I really find value in seeing the list written out. I did eight things this week. That means I took eight steps towards my dream this week.

DreamWard Bound for November 8, 2014

by tiffanyDreamward bound, LifePosted on No Comments

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Warning: This post is fulled with a lot of excuses, but there is also some happy things in it too.

I hit the wall this week with my schedule. Last Saturday I only did the week’s DreamWard Bound post. I thought I would do some video recording on Sunday, but when it came around I did not feel well. This caused me not to get a monologue recorded for last week.  On Monday I realized I need to re-record step 7 of the goal achieving videos, so was unable to post it. I also was still not feeling great on Monday, so took a nap before writing. Tuesday should have been a day of recording but I just could not bring myself to setting up so I wrote more. I guess I just needed a week devoted to writing.

I also did not go to the gym at all this past week. I don’t really have a good reason or even an excuse for that. I just was so unmotivated that I did not go. I am now wishing I kept going to the gym, because it’s starting to be harder and harder to go. I have forgotten how great my body feels after and how much healthier I felt. It’s been two weeks and already I am forgetting why I go. This also makes it hard to eat right, because my brain goes why bother. I will be going to the gym after I finish this post, which I keep getting distracted away from.

Now on to the no excuse good part of this blog.

I am realizing more and more that I may not be able to do everything every day or every week, but that does not mean I will do nothing. Having my goals are great and I believe I have come far with what I do and how much I do, still I have to remember that I also have a full-time job, friends, and an adult life that will all take time away from my creative self. This is the life I am living now and I have to be flexible with somethings. Also, I shouldn’t beat myself up or put myself down because I didn’t have a twelve or thirteen hour day.

You see when I have my creative days, during the week, I wake up around 5:45 am , get ready, and go to work. After work I usually will  go to the gym (unless it was the last two weeks) then have a quick dinner, which most of the time I eat at my desk while I work. I will then write or edit my videos until at least 9 pm. If I am editing videos I will most likely stay working until 10:30 and then go straight to bed. This makes for a crazy work focused life, but honestly I do enjoy working that much. If I didn’t I would never make it the industry that I actually want to be a part of.

I know that one day I will wake up at 5:45 go to work and come home around 9 or 10 pm. The major difference being that the work will be what I love doing. I will have a creative career one day, but I am not there yet. I do see the journey and the benefits of all these long days and determined attitude. I am happy to do the grunt work that no one in the industry sees, so that I can be better and know more when they do see what I want them to see.

I believe that is all I have to say about my week, so here is the shorter list of the things I did this week.

I Am A Bagel (short story)

A Writing Experiment on Nothing 

Give me Happiness (a poem)

My Future (a poem)

Dream For You (A poem)

How Does My Marketing Show My Uniqueness? (A video)

A Creative Writing Experiment About Nothing

by tiffanymy creative selfPosted on No Comments

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I will write about nothing. Nothing is what I will write about, but what is nothing except the lack of what you want to be. Perhaps I will write about everything instead of the nothingness that I run from.  The nothing that is dark and cold from lack of heat and light. Why would I write about the things that could be considered nothing. Nothing is in fact nothing that I want to write. I will not write about nothing. Nothing is not what I will write about, but I will write about everything instead.

Yes, I will write about everything in my mind. I will jot down notes about  my phone turning off, if only for the night, about conversations with groups of friends, and about people being bagels in a tired mind’s dreams.  I will think about what I write as the words are typed, not wishing to edit the words on the screen. I will only write and write I will. Yes, I will write about everything in my mind.

Let me fly away on the great big plane that is called my mine, so that I can dream about all the lovely things that come from the nothing being left behind. Who left this nothing, this hole for me to find and can I fill it up again with all the things that it lacks. I will shine the light of consciousness in the dark corners to go exploring into the depths of the unknown, like caves in a familiar mountain that was always left alone. I will fill the holes up with my thoughts, with ideas of love and of what I believe about being home.

I will write about nothing. Yes, I will write about everything in my mind, so let me fly away on the great big plane that is called my mind.