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Love Nerd: Lessons From A Single’s Life

You can learn a lot from every chapter of life if you keep an open mind and look for learning opportunities. There are lessons you can learn from a single’s life. There are always lessons. Once you’re comfortable being single, you’ll be able to learn a lot. Among the things I’ve learned while being single, there are two important lessons that stick out in my mind.

Lesson 1

The first lesson is that doing things alone is okay. You won’t spontaneously combust if you go to a restaurant alone. The sky won’t fall if you go to the movies alone. It is a valid choice to be out in public doing things you want to do with no one else. You can go to the beach without other people or go on hikes with just yourself. The more you are alone, the more you’ll realize how nice it is.

Lesson 2

The second lesson is that it is important to take care of yourself. When you are single, you don’t have another person to go on dates with or to pamper you. There isn’t someone making you feel special or talking to you about your issues. The wonderful news is that you can and should do that all by yourself. You can pamper yourself and do most normal date night ideas alone. Self care is important in any chapter of your life. When you are single, it is easier to find time to make self care a part of your life and routine. You can build habits of self care and see that you can do nice things for yourself.

It is liberating to become self-sufficient. It frees you from a lot of things you may assume you need to do or think you can’t do, because you are single. There are no rules against going out by yourself or taking care of yourself how you see fit. If you do, you may even find you are marvelous company.

Want More?

This blog series stems from my book “To Love,” which has a whole YouTube Playlist devoted to it. I will also be posting more in this series on the Love Nerd page of this site.

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Love Nerd: Neck Fat

Story Time

If you read my book To Love, you know I’ve tried online dating. I tried 3 times and technically I am still on a site. I have had little luck with online dating, but I have gotten a couple stories from it.

My favorite story is one that took place during my second round of online dating. I started talking with a guy that lived on the other side of the country. It would be a long-distance relationship, but I didn’t want that to stop me. We both figured we should try to see if a long-distance thing would work.

We talked via texts for about a week, then had a video date. Because of work issues, the video date almost didn’t happen. When the date happened, I already had my pajamas on with messy hair. He was already relaxing in his bed in his pajamas, which did not include a shirt.

We chatted for a little, but he had to get off to help a friend who was texting him. After the call, I texted him to tell him I was getting ready for bed and I would talk to him the next day. He responded with saying he didn’t think we should continue the long-distance thing. 

I asked “why.” He acted like it would offend me. My goal was to learn if it was something I should change. I wanted any feedback I could get too, since I don’t date too much. After a bit of prying, he told me his shallow reason.

His reason to stop talking, “neck fat.”

I immediately realized that was all on him. It didn’t offend me and I almost found his reason funny. He acted like he could break my heart. He told me he was aware of his shallowness and that he tried to get over his issues. It seemed like an actual struggle for him.

I suggested working through this struggle with God in prayer and meditation to which he responded with he had, but it’s just how God made him.

I stopped the conversation after that. If you act like something is an issue and want to change it, you can’t also say it’s just who you are. If you don’t like what you see in yourself or who you are, you do possess the power to change.

I love telling the story. I find the specificness with his shallowness funny. He did not care that I was not a twig or that I have a rounder body than he would prefer. It was specifically my neck fat.

I guess I shouldn’t have the phone like this.

Love Nerd: Neck Fat
Want More?

This blog series stems from my book “To Love,” which has a whole YouTube Playlist devoted to it. I will also be posting more in this series on the Love Nerd page of this site.

Purple Cartoon Flower

 Purple Cartoon Flower painting

Title: Purple Cartoon Flower 

Medium: acrylic on canvas

Size: 4 inch by 4 inch 

Date: May 1, 2020

For Sale: email tiffany@forthejoyoftiff.com for more information or simply leave your email address as a comment below.

Write Up

This is a fun and fast painting I did one day. I wanted to try out a new style as an experiment to see how it would work. It turned out cute and delightful painting of a purple cartoon flower. I enjoy the black border and thick outlines on the heart flower and hills. Although it is more of a cartoon style it still has my style in it, which I of course also like.

Want More?

On YouTube I do have a playlist dedicated to sped up paintings. I also have a section on this site where I share my visual arts portfolio along with my painting portfolio.

Also if you are interested in purchasing prints of my work you can find my shops on Redbubble and Threadless.

New Day Painting

In April 2014 I took a day to relax and paint. I decided to record myself as I painted outside on a lovely day. I created my painting “New Day,” on that lovely day. Once I finished the painting I took the recording and sped it up so that about 2 hours of work fit into under 3 minutes of video. It’s fun to see the painting come to life right before your eyes.

New Day Painting

Tile: New Day
Size: 10″x 12″
Medium: 
acrylic paint on canvas panel
Reason: 
This was painted in one session and is simply the sun rising on a new day.

Want More?

On YouTube I do have a playlist dedicated to sped up paintings. I also have a section on this site where I share my visual arts portfolio along with my painting portfolio.

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Love Nerd: The Joys and Downside of Singleness

In the “Chronically Single” post, I mentioned that being single can be a blessing. There are both joys and a downside to singleness.

Instead of being overly wordy I figured I’d list them out for you.

The Joys Of Singleness

  1. I Don’t need to share the bed.
  2. My sleep cycle is not interfered with by someone else’s.
  3. My free time is my own to schedule. I don’t need to check-in with anyone.
  4. I can spend more time learning about myself.
  5. Time with God and growing in a relationship can be priority in my life.
  6. My plans and the life I want to live are my own. I do not have to work around my partner’s desires
  7. My money is my money, not our money, so I can spend it how I see fit.
  8. I don’t have to worry about making food for anyone else. I can make what I want.
Joys of singleness from joys and downside of singleness

The Downside Of Singleness

  1. My plans and the life I am living are my own. I don’t have someone to help me make life choices. It’s all up to me.
  2. There is no real daily support with challenges in my life or other life stuff. If needed I have to actively look for support.
  3. I need to do all the household chores.
  4. My money is the only money I have to survive (there is no extra income from a spouse).
  5. There isn’t anyone to challenge me to grow. At least not within my home.
  6. It can get lonely being single.
downside of singleness from joys and downside of singleness

These are my own lists. If you are single, whether chronically or just temporarily single, I am sure your list is a bit different. I would love to hear what are the joys and downside of being single are for you. Let be know below or on one of my social media accounts (tiffyjoyberry).

Want More?

This blog series stems from my book “To Love,” which has a whole YouTube Playlist devoted to it. I will also be posting more in this series on the Love Nerd page of this site.

Poetry visual image for poem

I Believed (A Poem)

“I Believed” is a poem about my relationship with theater and my beliefs. They have changed over the year, but one thing remains true the stage is part of me.

I don't think I ever truly believed;
not in what was given to me,
not in what I once chose.
No I don't think I ever truly believed
in Wicca, in paganism.

No I didn't believe
in the magic of nature;
not fully,
not until I saw a creator.

What I truly believe in was the stage.
The lights and sound.
I truly and fully believed
in the magic of theatre,
the constructed fantasies.

I truly believed in 
standing tall and giving it my all,
shedding reality showing my soul
with words written, but not my own.

Yes,I believed in the stage,
but confusion of a new life,
in the growing to be an adult.
I forgot.
I turned from my first love
as though a choice had to be made,
as though it was the Creator or the stage.
Not realizing the creator made me for the stage.
Not realzing that all of me deserves to breathe.

Now I believe
There is a Creator up above,
who smiles and loves
when I take the stage and am all of me.
Now I believe
in all of me.
Want More?

If you would like to read more of my poetry please take a look at my portfolio. You can also watch a few of my poetry readings.

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Love Nerd: Chronically Single

What do I mean by chronically single and what is it like?

I define being chronically single as not going on a romantic date for over 5 years. This means you haven’t been in a romantic relationship or have had a romantic possibility for 5 years.

The short answer of what it is like is that it sucks and it is a blessing.

After you accept being single as the stage of life you’re in you can do a lot of things you didn’t realize you could do.

Going to dinner and a movie by yourself is a treat and becomes less awkward. Simply becoming more independent is a huge blessing that makes me feel free.

After awhile I realized I became happier and happier for my friends who find love. It turned from ‘why not me’ to ‘yay them.’ Happiness and love is not a competition it’s a celebration.

I am also able to see non-romantic love more and cheerish my friends and family more now that I stopped obsessing over my romantic life or lack there of.

Yes, I do still yearn for a romantic partner and someone to share my life with in a special way. However, it’s not the right timing yet.

I do pray for my future husband, whoever he may be. I am trying to keep my heart open to finding him. It’s not my whole life and I’m okay in the stage of life I’m in.

I’m learning a lot from being chronically single and loving what I’m learning, even if it is tough at times.

Want to read more?

This blog series stems from my book “To Love,” which has a whole YouTube Playlist devoted to it. I will also be posting more in this series on the Love Nerd page of this site.

Rivers and Ocean Breeze

Rivers and Ocean Breeze was originally a song that I edited into a poem. It is a romantic rhyming poem that blends elements of nature and fantasy.

I'm holding you tight
in my own mind,
knowing one day
you will be mine.

Let the rivers and roads
lead you home.
I've lassoed the moon
and it waits for you.

Let the ocean breeze
call you close to me.
We'll live in a sweet melody
and I'll share my love with you.

Let your calling dreams
guide you near to me.
Near or far,
no matter where you are,
please be guided to me.

I'm holding you tight
in my own mind,
knowing one day
you will be mine.
Want More?

If you would like to read more of my poetry please take a look at my portfolio or watch a few of my poetry readings.

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Love Nerd: Why Am I Single?

I’ve asked my self one question over and over. Sometimes I have the answer, other times I’m confused and don’t understand. The repeated question is, “Why am I single?”

I’ve answered this question many ways.

First the answer was I don’t see anyone I want to date. There was never the perfect guy that fell right in front of my face. No obvious suitor came calling and there was no fairy-tale meet cute in the movie of my life.

By the time I realized I was fooling myself by waiting for something romantic to fall into my lap, I was writing “To Love” and trying to build my art business. My excuse changed from, ‘it’s out of my control,’ to ‘I don’t have time.’ I thought I couldn’t do or have both my art career and a romantic partner. There just wasn’t enough time in the day or energy in my soul.

All the while I had a little voice of fear in the back of my mind that said I would only get hurt. Part of me didn’t want to find someone, because I didn’t want the pain of a break up. It took me writing “To Love” to realize that fear though.

I’m happy to say now my excuse is that it takes time. I’m once again trying online dating and praying my eyes are open to the different possibilities. It also helps to be able to see that I have love and support from my friends and family. With them I can overcome every pain or fear that life throws my way. Another thing that helps is that I’m working on being the best version of myself.

Want to learn or read more?

This blog series stems from my book “To Love.” For more information on “To Love” you can also watching my YouTube playlist. I will also be posting more in this series on the Love Nerd page of this site.

Poetry visual image for poem

The Road (A Poem)

The road is long.
The path is hard,
and I keep thinking
I haven't gone far yet.

Maybe I'm good,
but need to be great.
Perhaps I'm struggling in vain
and being an artist is not my fate.

I could run.
I could hide,
but then there'd be
a deadly gnawing inside.

So I'll stay my course
and walk my path.
Perhaps one day I'll look back,
see my struggles, and laugh.

I do have more poetry in the poetry section of my site and poetry readings on YouTube.