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Introduction: Love Nerd

by tiffanyLove Nerd February 4, 2020January 21, 2020No Comments

I am a Christian, a sister, and a friend. I’m an avid learner and artist. Also, I am a huge fan of love and a romantic. You can say I am a love nerd. Oh and another thing you should know is that I am single.

Being single is an identifier in my life’s current stage. It is also my blessing and my struggle. It is my freedom and my curse. Singleness has caused me to cry and caused me to dance with joy. Yeah, it’s a bit of an oxymoron, but both sides are true.

Being single has even taught me a lesson or two. It has showed me who I am and given me confidence in being the person I am made to be.

I am grateful that this is the struggle I’ve been given and the life issue that is closest to my life. My health, job situation, or family relations could be a lot worst. I could have actual real struggles, but I don’t.

Of course sometimes not having a partner feels like the end of the world and worst thing possible. During those dark moments I imagine bargaining away my health, a limb, or one of my senses, just to have a partner in life.

If you have been single for any major length of time you know the yearning for a partner comes in waves. Like any emotional thing in life relationships or lack there of are emotional roller coasters. As for right now I’m at the part of the roller coaster where I am at peace with the pain of being alone. It’s not that I’m numb to the loneliness. I’m just use to it.

My Singleness

I have been single for 10 years now. I have only kissed 1 guy in those 10 years and that was about 8 years ago. You can trust me when I say I know the single life.

I am truly chronically single. That does not mean I do not love or that I have not learned lessons about love. It is at the center of everything that is important to me. I just haven’t personally experienced romantic love in a very long time.

I also love learning about love and sharing my thoughts on love.

What are the different definitions of love? What comes first the action of love or the feelings of love? What does it truly mean to love?

I hope to answer these questions and more in this series. I also will share my journey to accepting my life stage with you and how I became a love nerd.

Want to learn or read more?

This blog series stems from my book “To Love” which I until February 13,2020 I have a kickstarter for. I will also be posting more in this series on the Love Nerd page of this site.

Depart Oh Darkness (A Poem)

by tiffanyPoetry January 15, 2020June 4, 2020No Comments

Depart oh darkness.
You are not welcomed here.
Storm I will not surrender to thee.
You can let me be.

I am not a flower.
I am a tree.
Though you may try
I will not bend, break, or die.
 
I am here to stay,
so depart oh darkness.
You are not welcomed here.
Storm I will not surrender to thee.
You can let me be.

I do have more poetry in the poetry section of my site and poetry readings on YouTube.

Without You (A Poem)

by tiffanyPoetry December 5, 2019June 4, 2020No Comments

A tiger can be caged.
A bird can live without flight,
and I can live without you.

He can hold his breath.
She can close her eyes,
and I can live without you.

Life will go on.
I will see the storms and sunshine,
and I can live without you.

But something inside longs to thrive.
Something inside longs to be free
and can only be when I live with you.

This was written on August 1, 2019.

I do have more poetry in the poetry section of my site and poetry readings on YouTube.

Poetry Readings

by tiffanyPoetry, recorded November 26, 2019November 5, 2019No Comments

I, Tiffany Joy, have started a new YouTube project. You must all be absolutely shocked! I do always feel like I’m starting new projects. This one is part of my efforts to promote what I’ve already written, by recording readings of my work. I’ve started by recording my poetry readings.

Most of the poems are from my book Growing Poems. I am starting to mix in my newer poetry that I published here.

I figured that I would share my favorites with those who either have stumbled on my site or frequent it more that Youtube. I’ll also be sharing this on my social media accounts, so I guess the post will just be spreading the word more.

Now onto the Poetry Readings

The first is one of my newer poems, but the first reading. It is called, “To Those Who Struggle.” For personal reasons, I needed to share this first. After all I always meant to have it as a reading.

Poems and Memories is a poem I wrote right after I realized what I was going to be calling my first poetry book. It reflects the idea of poems growing and being part of me.

Lady Isabella is again from my poetry book and is about my dog. I wrote it as her life was ending and it has always been a hard one for me to read. However, I do love it.

The last poem is Power. It is also from my poetry book. It is a 3 stanza poem that I wrote in college about a relationship.

There is a complete playlist of all my poetry readings, including older ones, on YouTube.

Note: This is the entire playlist.

I hope you enjoyed my poetry readings, as much as I enjoyed making them. Feel free to give me any feedback you have. All is welcomed.

Christian Camp – God Shows Up

by tiffanyGod Shows Up September 24, 2019February 12, 2020No Comments

When I was about 10 years old I went to a Christian camp named Camp Brea and . It was a standard camp experience. We camped in cabins, there was a lake, and it was in the middle of a forest. Trees surround the majority of the camp with the exception of the lake and a long building with dirt parking spaces. There was also a chapel among the trees.

One day towards the end of camp I was in the chapel, a service must have just finished. I was alone with one adult camp counselor. She and I sat on a bench and talked about Jesus. She asked me a few questions about faith and accepting Jesus. At the time everything made sense and Jesus seemed present. She guided me through a standard prayer and then we signed a paper that I could bring home with me. It was a confession of my faith; a sign that I decided to accept Jesus into my heart.

The paper was lost, along with the memory of what happened. I returned to my life and didn’t think anything else of that summer camp. It wasn’t until I was telling my testimony, after becoming a Christian that I even remembered that there once was a paper and the memory existed.

Looking back on my life

I see where God did intervene on my behalf. I could have gone down darker paths or have horrible accidents. There was a time when I was far from him, making wrong decisions, and living a life focused on fun. It was because of those wrong decisions and impurity that I was led to California where I eventually found God again and gave my heart fully and truly to Jesus.

In the end He was with me, even if I didn’t know it. Even when my life didn’t reflect Him, He was in the background waiting.

Mentally Healthy Bagel

by tiffanyHealthy Bagel, Life September 5, 2019September 22, 2019No Comments

I have primarily talked about physical health and my journey with weight loss. However, that is not actually the main focus of this journey. Instead of working towards a physical health goal, like weight loss. I have been trying to be mindful of the reasons behind my habits and my mindset that caused me to not be my physical best. Basically I am working on the inside out this time.

Your mind is where every action or inaction stems from, so you should pay attention and take care of it. Why am I eating what I eating? It is because some part of my brain said, “Yes, tuna fish is what you want to eat right now.” It could have very easy decided that I actually should go to the store and buy a large thing of ice-cream, but it didn’t. Looking at the reason behind your actions or inaction can teach you so much about yourself.

Once I fully grasped the concept that every action or inaction comes from my brain, I realized that I can control and change my mind. I didn’t have to stay stuck with the same thought patterns or reactions. This is really when I started my health journey.

Why I think Dieting fails

Yes, I had tried dieting before and living a healthier lifestyle many times. I would typically fail, because I was just doing what I thought I should be doing and not looking at the reasons. The reasons didn’t resonate deep enough for me to keep with it and what I truly wanted to change was not actually being changed.

Most of the time the reasons we want to change our outward appearance has more to do with how we see ourselves and inner minds. That is why I never saw lasting change. I wasn’t changing the foundation or inner life, so my outside appearance was only always temporary.

Let me rephrase that for you:

If you don’t change the inside your outside appearance will only be temporary.

A few months ago

I realized the need to change my inner life and thought pattern a few months or maybe even a year ago, so I started my deep dive. That is when I started “Healthy Bagel.” I wrote the first blog post, but didn’t publish it and then backed away. Something was holding me back. I realize now I didn’t really want to do the deep dive into my mind. However, that was the only way real change would happen.

When I finally did look honestly at myself I realized the real reasons why I wanted to get ‘healthy.’ I use quotes, because I have no chronic illness, I’m hardly ever sick, and can be pretty active.

Here is what I realized about my reasons for being physically fit

My BMI (Body Mass Index) defined my health in my mind and I used the BMI system as a way to keep my confidence down.
My desire is to be more attractive
I want to feel better about my physical body.
Mainstream society’s weight limits and attitudes dictated my own.
If I was a smaller size it would be easier to find a bra.
Finally, I want to prove to myself I can be as fit as I want.

To put it simply I want to feel good about my body and increase my confidence.

How am I using my reasons to get healthier?

First I am looking at the beliefs behind the reasons. Why do I equate BMI with health? Why am I not feel great about my physical body? Why do I want to prove that I can be more physically fit? Why is my confidence tied to my physical appearance?

Some of beliefs are influenced by the society and culture I am a part of; others are more personal. I’m still explore which ones are which and how to overcome the limiting beliefs.

I do know that being physically active is a good thing and I do feel better when I’m taking care of myself, so that won’t change. I want to be the best version of me and currently that involves taking a journey towards being the healthiest I can be.

For more on my health journey check out the previous blog posts.

Not Lost (A Poem)

by tiffanymy creative self, Poetry August 21, 2019January 3, 2020No Comments

I am not lost
Yet I will journey on.
My path leads into the depths,
into the forest of understandings;
Like a tree rooted in family
but growing towards the sky with each passing experience.
A bird who has freedom to fly
still returns to her nest.

I walk on, learning more of me,
seeing different sides.
I am a diamond with a multitude of facets,
a puzzle I’m piecing together.
I am not lost,
yet I still journey on.

I do regularly publish poems on my site and post poetry readings on YouTube.

Shoe (A Poem)

by tiffanymy creative self, Poetry July 16, 2019January 5, 2021No Comments

I once had a shoe.
Well, I had two.
The one that stayed lost her boo.
I do not know what to do.
I think it got on a plane and flew.
It must have gone all the way to Timbuktu.
I looked high and low, even under a tutu,
but nowhere could I find my other shoe.

Want More?

If you would like to read more of my poetry please take a look at my portfolio or watch a few of my poetry readings.

Healthy Bagel Confession

by tiffanyHealthy Bagel June 20, 2019January 3, 2020No Comments

I have a confession I must share with you. I’ve already had set backs on this journey.

In the past month I’ve wanted to quit . My mental focus has been on my setbacks. It’s hard to start a new lifestyle. It’s hard to continually put the effort towards being healthy. That is what this whole thing is about. I’m really on a quest to find and live the healthiest lifestyle for myself.

I want to be healthy and be the type of person who just naturally chooses the healthy options. It would be great if I just naturally ate less sugar and less carbs. I would be happy if it was easy to decide to go for a run every morning.

Of course if that was the case then I wouldn’t be writing this blog or on this journey. I’m sure I will learn more and more things as I decide to do the hard, but healthy things.

The end result and quest itself may look different for you, but I hope you jump on this band wagon with em. It’s hard and the wagon may break down sometime, but it is worth the journey.

Even with the stumbles and set backs I have noticed a few changes, that no one else has noticed, yet. The changes have been slight, but they’re there. I’ve starting to see that my muscles have the desire to show themselves. They’re still shy and hiding behind a couple layers of fat. I’m also noticing my clothes are growing.

I’m still in the orange zone (191-199lbs), but honestly feeling okay with my progress at this moment. I currently have a great amount of energy, which is why I am feeling good about my progress.

1st Thing I’ve learned

Being emotionally, physically, or mentally drained are the cause of my setbacks. Willpower does take energy, so it makes sense that when I don’t have a lot of energy my willpower depletes quickly.

2nd Thing I’ve learned

I have also learned that when I eat like crap I feel like crap. If I eat sugar or carb filled stuff at night I’ll wake up feeling low or emotionally heavy, which makes me want to grab for a quick fix. The quick fix of course is sugar and carbs, which will help for a bit, but just repeats the blah feeling.

It’s also easier for me to continue to eat things I know is not healthy, because I swear sugar and carbs mess with my sleep.

I was eating clean, or clean for me, for a week; checking the sugar and carbs in everything and restricted my carb intake. I felt great and woke up fully refreshed, which I didn’t even realize was an issue.

Why Being Nice To Yourself Is Important

I had one or two slip ups, but regained control after my clean eating week. I still had plenty of emotional and mental energy to pull myself together.

Things were going well for about a week after that and then outside forces emptied my tanks of their energy. I’m slowly refilling my energy tanks, but as they fill I’m focusing on being kind to myself.

I don’t want to forgive myself for eating a pint of ice cream in one sitting or having pancakes with extra honey, but I know I should.

After I convince myself I need something unhealthy or eat too many desserts I need to forgive myself and move on. Holding on to regret or guilt, only makes me want to eat junk food more. Junk food can be a quick fix and fast comfort, but it’s fix and comfort fades just as fast.

I’m not giving up on my health though. I am re-evaluating and adjusting what I’m doing.

Like any goal or achievement you aim for you need to stay focused on the achievement, but be flexible on how you get there.

Relax Your Face (A Poem)

by tiffanyPoetry June 14, 2019January 3, 2020No Comments

Let the sun shine on your face
feel my warm embrace,
as I smile and say
‘You can breathe
life is not a race.’

Relax with who you are.
Do not set high the bar.
You have your dreams,
you hold tight to your standards
yet true happiness and joy is not that far.

So let the sun shine on your face
and relax with who you are.

I do regularly publish poems on my site and post poetry readings on YouTube.