Dreams and Goals (Journey To Me)

My dreams and goals seem crazy to me at time. They are so grand and lofty. They almost seem impossible. Yet, every time I attempt to downsize my dreams it does not work. Even if I am able to shrink them for a time, they will grow.

I want to say my dreams grow like weeds, but they are much more beautiful than your common weed. They are more like wild flowers, growing wherever and however they like, but doing so rather beautifully.

They are currently blossoming with the goal of supporting myself as an author and artist, who can then work on acting again. I want to be known for these three things. I can see myself achieving this and I am working towards these goals, that is why I call it a goal and not a dream. Dreams are just goals without a plan. I believe Dave Ramsey said something along those lines and I believe it is true.

My current dream includes marrying a musically talent actor and having 2 kids with him. I want to build a life with him. I dream of producing t.v. shows and acting in movies. I also want to be able to live off of 10% of my income and give the rest to God’s work and charities. I have no actual plans or steps in achieving any of these dreams. Perhaps one day when I am supporting myself as a author, artist, and actress, I will then be able to plan for my dreams.

I do want to mention that I don’t just want a lot of money, but I want to be able to make a big difference in the lives of others in a notable, positive way.

Where I am sitting right now these dreams and goals are large and scary, but they are mine. I am happy with always reaching for more, even though it is frustrating or a real struggle sometimes. I think I’ll stop trying to downsize my dreams, instead I’ll upgrade my work habits.

DreamWard Bound Again- September 2017 Recap

If you follow my instagram you’ll notice that I have been focusing this account on my artwork. I have been posting more frequently and honestly being more creative in general recently. This is because I’m back on the goals and dream wagon.

I fell off the dreams and goals wagon for a little while. It at least fells like a short period of time, but it appears to be about a year. I have been writing a book and I have painted during that time. I was mostly focus on the book and my visual art creations found themselves on a back burner for most of that year.

I have found a balance and I am focused on all my goals again. I woke up from a haze of partial laziness. I’m watching less television, and drawing and writing more.

I posted 10 different visual art pieces onto instagram in September. Although most are fast doodles I am proud of them. I am also happy that I was able to add that many to my account that hardly saw any use before September. The consistent practice of this past month is important and I am glad that I am continuing with it.

All art forms are like muscles, you have to use your talents in order to strengthen and improve them.

With the practice I have done of this past month I have learned a few lessons.

1.) Drawing with a blue or red pencil is fine for some people but not for me. If I start with color I will use all the colors that are appropriate for the picture.

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2.)When digitally drawing be aware of how much you zoom in. In the picture below there is suppose to be scales. I zoomed in too much and you hardly can see the scales.

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3.) If I plan out the words and take my time, I can make pretty cool lettering art work. –As a side note the picture below will be made into a t-shirt at some point. 

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4.)Color schemes are important and limiting yourself to a specific color scheme can be create an interesting picture, even if it doesn’t look like anything specific.

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5.)Experimenting with a new technique can be fun, but should be done in the correct medium or at least a medium you are familiar with. I do not typically paint landscapes in watercolors.

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6.)Practice a certain subject and playing with its shape can teach you about the subject. It will also help you hone in your skills.

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7.)Finding inspiration in other artists’ work and recreating one of their pieces can teach you about your style and skills.

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8.) Taking chances in painting can be rewarding and create paintings that you are proud of, even if they are not done yet.

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9.) Even doodles can teach you things. For example, they can show you that you like drawing simple characters or heads.

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10.) Simple characters do not mean similar characters or simple personalities.

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That is all the visual art pieces I created and the lessons they taught me for this past month. I am going to attempt to continue sharing my journey towards my dreams with you.

If you have any feedback or suggestions on anything relating to art work, please let me know. Feedback, questions and suggestions are welcomed and very much appreciated.

Now please, have a wonderful day.

My Path (Journey To Me)

Sometimes I feel like I should have already started a more creative life. I want to be further along in my creative career. This makes me feel like my life is passing me by. I forget to look at all the great stories I now have to pull from. I ignore the fact that each year, month, week, and day have shaped me into the unique artist that I am.

It frustrates me to see where I want to go and not be there. It is also frustrating not having a clear path laid out before me. If feels like I’m in Californian traffic during rush hour and I’m not even sure if my gps/ plan is actually correct. Perhaps there is a better path for me, or at least better steps that I can be taking.

If you want to be a doctor there is a clear plan. You go to college, then med school. Then I believe there is an internship or residence. After that you are a full on doctor. You apply to jobs, go on interviews and get a job.

If you want to be a lawyer, you go to law school, take the bar exam, and apply to jobs. Then you are a lawyer.

Being a professional artist is a bit different. You can go to school, but you don’t have to. Some people apply to jobs or get freelance jobs, but other do not go that route. Some will work on finding commission jobs, others will not take commissions.

You basically do what fits you and your art the best, but it takes time to figure that out. Of course, more and more I believe a lot of life is just like that. You need to figure out what works best for you and your life.

Sometimes it’s learning from others that will help you down your path in life. Other times it’s trial and errors.

I think as long as you are moving towards your life goals, no matter how slow or sloppily, you are still going down your path and that is a good thing. This is one thing I need to remind myself when I think I’m going to slow or not seeing enough progress.

Who Am I? (Journey To Me)

Welcome to a journey I am taking to find out who I am and how I became this person. It will be a series of blog posts filled with self reflection and stories of my past.

This journey started with me asking if the person I’ve become is someone I want to be. Can I be a better version of myself? If I can what would that look like? Also, can I be happy with who I am and still desire to be a better me, whatever I define ‘better’ as?

Before I can really think about becoming a better version of myself I first have to define  where I am. How do I see myself. Just like getting directions on your gps for a vacation, I need to know where I am starting on this journey.

I am a 30 year old single female Chris follower, who is also a writer, painter, and aspiring actress.

I identify as an actress and theater person, even though I haven’t been on a stage for a long time or worked on a show for awhile. Still I see myself as a theater person. I long to be noticed as an actress. I want to learn and embody a new character. I want to learn about myself through a fictional character, like seeing through a different pair of eyes.

It brings me happiness when someone refers to me as a writer, artist or creative person. I feel love when people notice me for these things. Being creative is a passion of mine and part of who I am. When you notice my creativity you are noticing me.

It is easy for me to think little of myself and my art, since I don’t make a living off of it yet. People could very easily say it is just a hobby. I also feel like I keep most of my art to myself. At the very least I don’t promote it as much as I should. It just goes on the internet and then it is forgotten. Some paintings just go on my wall where only I can see them.

Promoting and selling my art work is one area I would like to improve on. I am taking steps for improving my online art life. I am posting more on my instagram. I am also planning on setting up a society6 shop to sell prints of my paintings and even some digital pieces I’ve been working on. I have also been toying with the idea of selling the original paintings on ebay or etsy, again. We shall see about that though. My main focus will be getting something on society6.

No matter what I will still create. I am an artist; that is who I am. That is where I will start this journey to understanding myself better.

The Week of Ideas to Live DreamWard Bound

success

 

It seems like this week I came up with so many different ways that I could help boost my DreamWard Bound journey.

One you may have seen or read. It was a monologue from a character in my book. I did it in hopes that if more people know about the characters while I work on the book, when it is finished more people will be interested in reading it. At one point I will even share a portion of a chapter.

I am also thinking about turning DreamWard Bound posts into a book. I think my journey is interesting and I like the poetry and stories that help tell my journey. I am not in a place where there is an end to that book yet. I still will have to wait on something happening. Yet, when it does I want to be ready and have that boost me towards my end goals and dreams.

Another book idea or writing project I have is turning my 3 month challenge of no television into a book. I’m not sure if it will be just a kindle size or if it will be long enough for a real book. I am just starting on that journey and study. So far I have journaled my thoughts and study notes. I think I’m interesting enough for people to read that journey. At least I am interesting to me.

On another note I am starting to find myself picking apart the different aspects of the music I listen to. If this continues I may start a new hobby (creating music). I always need more hobbies and things to do. It would be another way for people to hear about me. However, it is not part of my end goal and I have never really been a musical person, so I am trying to just let that be. I already am stretched thin with my time.

I am working on my goals with the time I do have as I am thinking of new ways to boost me towards my end goals. I haven’t watched televisions, except when I was over a friend’s house for dinner. I believe I have said I love some one every day. I am pretty sure I’ve said it to multiple people. I am at least conscious of my health, but have been lacking on actually eating healthier and working out on days I can’t go to BJJ. Editing is also going slow, but I do plan to edit a bunch today. I have writing my monologue for this week and after I write four, I will pick one to perform and post on YouTube.

To end this post I will leave you with my list of things I posted this week, like I normally do.

Kitty’s Monologue

A Beauty and A Beast

Weekly Writing Prompt

Many Journeys ( A Poem)

poetry
I walk multiple paths in life.
My life is a combination of journeys,
all taking place at the same time
all taking their own time.

I look at the journeys I walk
and try to see where I’ve been
to see where the path leads.
I look back to see where I’m going
seeing the past as hints to the future.

On one journey
I am an artist;
dancing towards acting
while I write my paintings,
soon I’ll sculpt my imagination
trying new ways to shine my mind,
but always keeping pen near paper
to pour my emotions out with ink.

On one journey
I walk and journey
alone and with friends.
We talk in the silence
and let the silence talk for itself,
with my voice starting soft
growing as I crawl along,
only being able to be heard
when I discover myself around a bend.
Then love like a flood starts to pour out
and I learn to love by loving;
I learn to be loved.

On one journey
I am alone.
friends beside me,
Family supporting behind me
and God leading ahead of me,
but no one of my own.
On this journey there is an air of not knowing.
not knowing,
Is this how it will always be?

I look at the journeys I walk
looking back to see where I’m going
seeing the past as hints to the future.
I see a loved artist,
a strong, loyal friend,
and a happily single adventurer.

A Quarter Of The Way To 100

ocean walk 192

A while back I gave myself a challenge and it was a few days, maybe a week or so before I actually accepted the challenge but I did. I mentioned in the post where I shared the challenge that I was going to be keeping a log about the journey this challenge would be. I wasn’t sure at the time how I was going to do it. I just knew that I wanted to be able to share real thoughts that I had through this process. This was to both share with people about my journey and goal achieving, but also to help me. I wanted to motivate myself to keep on doing this challenge.

I decided when I started to actually do the short work out that I would keep track on a piece of paper tapped to my bathroom mirror. I also tapped a page above that and with each tally mark I wrote one line. Some days I squeezed in as much as I could others I just wrote 3 large words. I want to share that log with you now.

  1. It does not matter when you start, just that you start.
  2. Starting is the hardest and scariest part of the journey but needed. (I also wrote see twitter for 2.2.15, which says, “One day I will be able to submit someone in a fight, today is not that day, but it was a learning day closer”)
  3. Change, goals, and dreams don’t happen overnight, work towards them day after day.
  4. Convincing yourself you’re worth the work is work but worth it.
  5. Little by little and step by step is what it takes to see massive changes.
  6. By pushing yourself to do something you don’t think you can do you may find out you can.
  7. Fighting for tomorrow mean giving up you’re today. Also there is 2 parts of you the cannot and the can learn how to make the can side win. (That was after a 2 am workout, because I stayed out late with my friends)
  8. If you know how you learn, you will learn more. (This was a class day.)
  9. Working for what you want will pay off if you are constant.
  10. You know you’ve found your thing when the pain is worth it. (This was followed by a side note of  “yay, chokes. :-)”)
  11. Sometimes you just need to take way the options, make your step towards success mandatory.
  12. Starting is the worst, it’s hard and sucks, but shows you what you can do. Stick with it. You got this.
  13. I may be tired; I may not be clever, but I am doing what I set out to do.
  14. Your goals should be fun, educational and worth the pain. (This was another class day.)
  15. Making a goal a need makes it easier to do, even if it’s by force.
  16. Friends should make the goals easier. (This should be a class day note.)
  17. It’s getting easier.
  18. You know you’re doing something different and hard when you start to question seeming random choices in your life.
  19. I guess some days you just do and not learn.Doing is valuable too
  20. Some days you just have to make time. It’s worth it.
  21. Pushing yourself forward is just walking on a path or journey towards your goals. (This was a class day, also.)
  22. You can do anything as long as you work for it.
  23. People will notice your efforts. Keep on to show yourself your efforts. (This was a class day, I  know because people are starting to see my efforts in class. I don’t yet see my improvements, though. I still feel like a newbie who knows nothing.)
  24. Strength is worked at not given.
  25. You can still work even if you are tired. It will be more of an accomplishment.
  26. Sometimes realizing it’s the last part of the day makes the rest worth it.

You can see some days I was stereotypical in my motivation, other days it was more aimed towards keeping track of my main thought. I hope you enjoyed it and let me know what you think.

Starting a journey

writingI started a journey last week, maybe you noticed. It is a life long quest to be my best. It will be a struggle see how this makes sense, showing some one or at least me something similar to growth. It is a journey that I have embarked as surprise to myself. This surprised journey, the sudden change in my seeing things is a surreal change in my path.

You see this new journey and sudden changed, changed more than a day like I thought it would. The first step was not really the true beginning. I thought it would be stepping into the hot sweaty gym, but no. The true beginning was asking the simple question, “Can I?” When the answer was yes, I was given a chance to step into the steam filled, rectangular room that was filled with blue and green mats.

My first class lasted all week within my muscles as an excited reminder that I did something impossible. What was that impossible thing I did, you may ask. I put down myself as I took off my shoes and learned my strength. I learned a new love. It is an impossible love that I told myself I would never find. It is the love of something that pushes you to the brink of your limits, but leaves you wanting more. It is a love that build you up, shows you the strength within you and tells you everything can be learned from. It is a love of Brazilian jiu jitsu and yes after only one class I was in love. After two classes I confident enough in this new journey to write about it.

You will hear more about my training and journey. This is only the start.

 

Stop (A Poem)

poetry

 

Dear mind,
dear dreaming self,
please stop.
You are walking
at it’s a dangerous path.
I see the briers.
I see the holes,
pit falls,
stumbling blocks
and thorns.
I can tell
where all this thinking,
where all this dreams,
and wishing will lead.
It is clear as a day
without a cloud in the sky
and I am wearing new, clean glasses.
The briers are crisp
and the thorns are bright.
The holes contrast the beauty of the light
the pit falls are almost shouting
with their daunting blackness.

The warning signs are hung
and they are direct,
so mind please stop,
dreaming self wake up.
I know where this is going.
I have been down this road,
journeying around this area,
too many times before.
I have walked to the end of the road
nearly falling off the edge,
so mind please sleep
and dreaming self turn off.

You need to stop,
before you fall into the hole.
Desist unless you trip
into the dark pit falls that are around.
Resist even thinking about the flowers
their steams are thorns.
Turn around before the briers get you.
Mind, please I have had enough.
Dreaming self it is all a dream
one which you control.

Please, self, turn around,
in your mind,
walk down another path.
Do not journey down
the path meant for two.
Do not go on the road
when you are alone.

Thank you.

200th post… celebration

encouragement

That quote seems to fit this moment. I just published my 200th blog post. It seems fitting to talk about the journey and how much I have changed in the 200 posts. I will try to make it interesting and not lame.  I am going to be going through the old posts that I made. Hopefully  I find a good sampling.

This blog started as an outlet for my reviews. I had an idea that I would watch and review over 300 movies. I mean I had reviewed a few movies for a class I had taken in college, so I should be able to right 300 hundred of them. I did give myself 6 years to complete it and I still have a few years before that is up. I still have the list, but my life will have to dramatically change to find time to write reviews.

I also started this blog, because I did not think I would have any other outlet for my love of movies and entertainment. I did not think a ‘real career’ in the entertainment industry was an attainable dream. Now, it may still be far off, but I don’t believe it is unattainable. It will take hard work, struggle, time and sacrifice, but I can do it. That is why I started to write the DreamWard Bound series. I honestly believe my creativity will one day be my only job.

Next, I added Story Time With Pink Sunshine. It was supposed to be short stories that could be transformed into chapters in a book. I did not get very far with that, though. It was a big story with lots of details to write. I still plan to tell this story. It will always be in my heart yearning to get out, but I will a solid amount of time to actually write it out.

It seems with the starting of Story Time I started to branch out with my creativity on this blog. I started to write poems,  updates, thoughts, and even a few short stories. It seems like once I gave myself freedom to do anything on this blog I did do anything. I have grown with this blog in my creativity and have changed my life, because a few people read my writings and my thoughts.

It may still be a small blog, but hey I wrote 200 posts and I am pretty sure each one was read by some one. I think that is enough minds touched to celebrate and change your life a bit for. So, thank you for taking this journey with me and if you want to compare my journey through my creativity I will leave you a few links that you can compare.

 

First poetry.

First Poem Post (Dream of plans)

Last Poem I posted (Poetry Of Words)

Short Stories

First One (My Testimony)

Last Short Story I Posted (Free Lobster)

Funny both are true stories

Review:

First (Amelie)

Last (Lost Colony)

Updates / talking about what was going on in my life

First (All My Projects)

Last (This Past week’s DreamWard Bound)

Okay I am done boring you with lists. Let me know what you think though. Can you see the change?