Getting Back Into A Rhythm Of Being DreamWard Bound

by tiffanyDreamward boundPosted on No Comments

success

I feel like I am getting back into being dreamward bound. My schedule is filled up with meet-ups directed towards my creative life. I am painting every month with a friend. I am writing/ editing with another friend every other week. Reading articles and tips about acting almost every day during breaks from work. I am also starting to work on getting my wardrobe audition ready. This means that I am trying to buy more professional looking clothes instead of just t-shirts and jeans. I am also getting back into shape and went back to BJJ for the first time in about a month.

Yes, after a hard time of being so busy, stressed, and drained my life if back on track. It may even be more on track than before. I at least feel more thankful and blessed now, which causes a greater happiness. Basically what I am trying to say is that life is good after a stressed out and draining month or two.

The only thing that is not so great is that it is taking longer for this site to be transferred over to HostGator’s servers, which means it is taking longer to get everything configured how I would like it and set up revenue.  Also, since I thought my site was going to be transferred over this week I did not want to post/ write things that may disappear if something went wrong.

That being said I only wrote my weekly writing prompt post.

Bubbling up

by tiffanyPoetryPosted on No Comments

poetry

What joy is this;
What feeling of total bliss?
My excitement is bubbling up
I’m sorry but I just have to do it.
I have to shout out loud,
squeak and squawk.
There is no controlling
not this joy
not when a life was saved
and miracle was shown.

Can you contain a firework
after it explodes?
Can you hide the sun
once it rises?
Why than would you think,
could you believe,
that I could hide my thankful heart?

My heart is those fireworks
with the light of the sun
shining out my love.
The news of true life
sparked the explosion
and lit the happy fuse.

What is this joy?
Why am I in total bliss?
Because love came
and gave a miracle
by answering a prayer.

Double sided (Poem like writing)

by tiffanymonologue, my creative self, PoetryPosted on No Comments

writing

Do you ever feel your other side; the side that you try to hide? Do you ever try to push it down lower, because that is not the side you want shown? Do you ever wish to get rid of the part of you that should not have any part of you? And do you feel like that side, that part, could create a whole other you?

I once wrote, “I am Jekyll, but there is a Hyde.” I thought I got rid of that side, but in fact it just ran to hide. You see I am me and who I want to be. I am happy to love and love to be happy. I wish to be the sunshine in anyone’s day and want to try to see a smile on another person’s face. I am Jekyll but there is a Hyde, who hides.

She comes creeping out when I forget that she exists. When the sun is shining and my heart is filled she comes out to remind me of all the things that went wrong, scratching at the surface of my pain and playing with my fears. Reminding me with daydreams of the perfect man and the future that may never be. Wanting me to take an easier way with wider possibilities.

She forces me to look deep inside of me into the dark places that I have forgotten about, but where she lives. Like a vampire this other part of my sucks my joy and my identity away, trying to make me keep her out. She wants to play. She wants to drag others down with her, so that she can say that every one is sad and no one wants to be around.

I turn away from this darker side of me. She is not who I want to be. I do not want to worry about a future that may never be or focus on the fears that only scare. I do not want to work for nothing and live a zombie like life. No I want to be the happy version of me. The version that hears the laughter of friends and the love of family. I want to be the one striving and working towards my goals, not just sitting wasting my life.

The question remains. Do you ever feel your other side; the side that you try to hide? Do you ever try to push it down lower, because that is not the side you want shown? Do you ever wish to get rid of the part of you that should not have any part of you? And do you feel like that side, that part, could create a whole other you? I do.

DreamWard Bound ( August 16 to the 23rd)

by tiffanyDreamward bound, LifePosted on No Comments

success

 

I want to take a minute to be real. I want this blog to be an honest portrayal of my journey to reaching all my major goals and all the little ones to get there.

Now I have big dreams that are far away and hard to reach for. Sometimes I don’t believe I will ever get there, other times I am so sure that it is a matter of time. Still either way I am thinking I fight on and this week was a fight. I did not want to do anything; I did not want to live the life I am living. Also, all week I felt and well still feel like something is going to change. Something is going to happen in my life, mostly because of the feelings of I can’t continue on the path I am on.

Even with feeling this fight inside of me (the fight for my future) I pushed on. I decided that the one channel on YouTube is not enough, mostly because I am crazy. I was stressed with the load I had, so let’s throw more work on it. Still I think this will help people, because even though I am still on the journey towards my goals and dreams I know there are other people who haven’t even started yet.

Also, even though I did not want to do anything and I seriously was fighting just to be myself, I went to the gym three times (four times if you include today in the week). This is because of my goal to lose weight. I am realizing though I will need to do more than going to the gym four times a week. My goal is to lose 30 lbs and so I have not lost anything in these two weeks, so that is discouraging. I’m still going to push myself and work out.

I am still trying and working towards my dreams, even though it is hard. I am on the road to my dreams, even though they are far. I am pushing forward, even though I do not want to. I wish I could stop some times, but that is not in me. I need to stay on this road and fight for my dreams, because I am done just going with the flow of life and finally am living for all that I can be. It is a hard thing and it I feel like I am swimming up-stream I would gladly swim again the current because it will make every success that much better. Each goal that is this hard to reach will be so worth it.

Struggle makes your goals worth the fight.

 

Things I fought to create this week.

Sped up Painting (post)

Sped up logo Painting (YouTube)

It’s a Poem

Dear Past Self

Voice

Past Never My Future

 

Past never my Future

by tiffanymy creative self, PoetryPosted on No Comments

writing

I can see what people search for when they find my blog, or what they search for to find my blog. Today I saw a very cool sentence that I am sure is from something, but I’m not sure what it is from. I am going to use it as a writing prompt for this post. The quote is. “you can only narrate my past but you can never write my future.” 

I hope you enjoy.

You can narrate my past.
Please do,
and tell me all the things I went through.
Speak the words that you believe
the words that will add up to my story.
How do you see my life?
How will you narrate my past?

I ask you to narrate my past,
but you can never write my future.
I myself can only plan the unseen.
I do not write my story,
so you cannot either.
Let the future be
and tell me all about what has been.

Yes, You can narrate my past
but you can never write my future.
You can tell me my story,
but will not be able to force the unseen.

I'm DreamWard Bound (August 9th to the 16th)

by tiffanyDreamward bound, LifePosted on No Comments

success

I’m feeling good with how my week turned out. I wrote poems and posted videos this week. I also joined a gym that is near my house today. Things seem to be going well for me as I sit and write this blog. I mean I was a bit drained and stressed from work along with everything else by Friday, but playing Pathfinder with my friends helped that. I was able to relax and be a bit crazy. It amazes me sometimes how much laughter can help wash the week’s stress away.

I am super excited about the ideas for this coming week and the fact that I will really be starting on my fitness goal. I also have a few poems brewing in my mind that are asking to be shared with you. I will share the new poems with you unless there are explosions around me, which I do not foresee happening.

Yes, I am in a weirder mood as I update you on this week and a bit all over the place. I may not be stressed from the week anymore, but that does not mean that I am not thinking about everything going on whether it is something random or otherwise. I have many plans and many ideas floating around in my mind. I am still not sure how to do everything I want to do, but I at least know what I can do for the time being.

I should write more and tell you more about my week. I am being a space shot though and so very easily distracted that I will just leave you with a list of things I did this week. At other points in the week I will write more about my journey and life.

Writings:

Poem for Robin Williams

Why? (A Poem)

Crumble Down (a poem)

Stay (a Poem)

Windmill 

Connecting with a Character (write-up)

Robin Williams' Monody poem

by tiffanymy creative self, PoetryPosted on No Comments

poetry

Monody

A monody is a poem in which one person laments another’s death, as in Tennyson’s Break, Break, Break, or Wordsworth’s She Dwelt Among the Untrodden Ways. (Also see Dirge, Elegy, Epitaph)

I have put this one off for a while. Honestly, I’ve put all the structure poems off for a few weeks, now. With Robin Williams’ passing I thought I would write one to honor him. He was one of my favorite actors and I know I am not alone. 

Laughter and Smiles
Fill the room
when your voice fills the air
Now only recorded
now only memories.
There are so many memories
of stand up
of comedy
and of moments meant to move.
With a voice meant to change
with every character
with every scene.

You were a light
you were comedy
you were a hug in a movie form
a smile when I needed one.
You touch my heart
and lightened my soul.

Now a legend
Now I hope you find your bliss.
Lay in rest
be at peace
and know you are missed.

Why? (A Poem)

by tiffanymy creative self, PoetryPosted on No Comments

poetry

Why
Is my heart breaking;
Can I not see the light?
Why
have I lost hope;
Can I not feel the love?
Where is this lost feeling,
this void of hope;
where is this twisted feeling coming from?

Did I not laugh today,
was that a dream?
Did the sun not shine today
and did I not wake again?

Why
is my heart breaking;
is my mood so low?
Why
have I lost my hope
Do I not know which way to go?
Has my path darkened?
Have I lost my way?
Can you tell me?
I need to know.

Did I not see a baby smile
or hear my friends’ laughter?
Was there no jokes today
and did I not enjoy work?
Did the sun not shine today
and I not wake again?

Why
is my heart breaking;
do I feel alone?
Why
have I lost my hope;
can I not figure out?
Where can I find the hole that is inside
What fell out
How do I get it back in?

I guess it is simply one of those nights
after a wonderful day
when the night is darker
and my eyes are heavier.
I guess it is simply one of those nights
when I ask why
knowing the next dawn will be brighter.

This poem was written Wednesday night, after I hung out with a few friends and had a generally good day. I was happy most of it and then on the car ride home I started to think. My mind went off on its own and I wound up feeling a bit depressed by the time I pulled into my driveway. I decided to write as an outlet and to figure out where the feelings were coming from. By the end of the poem I realized it was just me being tired and thinking about everything I have to do.

It is simply one of those nights where I need to go to bed and know everything will be better in the morning.

I hope you enjoyed reading and let me know what you think. Also if you need help, advice, or just someone to talk to, please let me know. I am always willing to help and listen. 

Crumble Down (a poem)

by tiffanymy creative self, PoetryPosted on No Comments

poetry

When I build me up
I crumble down
and feel nothingness surround.
When I build me up
I forget to stand
and fall to the earth’s sand.
Crumbling and falling
I can not survive
Forgetting you breath
forgetting you live inside.
My strength and hope
my way and life.
I forget
I crumble down
so you can stand out
I do not stand on the sand
because you push me to your rock.

I will remember to crumble down
only to your will,
so that your love with stand.
I will stand aside
knowing you are my rock
so that your hope will shine bright.

Yes, I will crumble down
be pushed aside,
so love, hope and mercy can survive.

 

I have realized lately that I have felt this weird crumbling emotion towards my life, as if I am not in control of my life. I know I am not in complete control of my life, but people like to think they are. I want to believe what I am doing with my life means something and that my life is mine. Well, I realized on Sunday at church that the reason I felt lost and a crumbling of myself in my life is because since I am a follower of Jesus my life is not my own. I love Jesus and have given my life to him. This means I work  with the gifts and talents God has given me to spread his love, hope and truth. 

I started to write this poem (in my mind) as  an expression of  loosing myself and not feeling right. As I actually wrote it down though, I realized why I had that feeling and turned it into a poem for God.

I hope you enjoy this and please let me know what you think.

Stay (A Poem)

by tiffanymy creative self, PoetryPosted on One Comment

poetry

Can I give you strength?

Will you run away

If I tell you I love you

If I build you up

will you stay?

How can I help you

How can I help you grow

If I do what will happen

If I lend a helping hand

Will you show me that you care?

I really do hope I can help

I really do hope you will stay.