Realization

by tiffanyrandom ramblingsPosted on No Comments

success

I’m realizing I want to be an actor, but I cannot not be an author. I will write even if no one reads. I will create stories even if a pen and paper are not near. Characters come into my mind and I see stories without trying. The only real hard part with writing is getting everything written so that others can understand the things I find beautiful.

That is why this year I will be focusing on my writing. I will still try to post videos, but acting and media will be on the C/ last tier of goals. Writing either this blogs or my novel will be A/ first tier and the most important goals this year.

I want to get this draft done and polish my novel up to get editors or friends to give me their input. Plus, the deadline for this draft that I set for myself is fast approaching.

As it stands now God and my family (both blood and tribe) are the two most important things.  I’m going to be trying to find different more effective ways to connect with them this year and build stronger relationships. I haven’t written that down all nicely, though.

Next will be my Novel, which means I may not get all five posts published every week. I will try hard to do that, but my main focus will be the whole reason why I write as much as I do. I want to get better and get a book I wrote into readers hands. I don’t care about having a publisher’s stamp of approval now. I just want people to read my stuff.

And I would love people to read my book. I love the story and characters. I just hope the people who will read the book, well books (it is a series), will love them just as much. I mean I see them so clearly and the story is so real to me, but I’m still making it readable and well written.

Well, that was a bit of a ramble.  Basically what I’m saying is I will be writing more and acting less. Acting will go on the back burner until I finish editing my book. I need to focus on one dream/ goal at a time.

Imagine Dragons And Airplanes (a Short Story)

by tiffanyshort storiesPosted on No Comments

encouragement

She stood at the airport waiting for her ride wearing her green dress that flared at her hips. She waited as cars picked up loved ones and unicorns picked up their masters. She waited and waited.  She almost went back inside to call a taxi cab when a loud crashing sound and a terrifying roar of pain came blasting down the road where people were being picked up.

The lady looked towards the crash and saw a miniature dragon clumsily coming down a lane trying not to hit or even crush the cars in the other two lanes. Although he was a miniature dragon, he was still as long as a truck and each of his wings stretched out would also be as long as a truck. The lady gasped out of fear for the creature and for the people in the cars that he was trying so hard not to hit.

She feared for them until she saw who was riding the dark green scaled animal. Her husband rode on the dragon’s two person saddle. She smiled and rolled her eyes, “This is your surprise? We can’t afford a dragon!”

Finally her husband was close enough to climb down the great beast and hug his wife. He gave her a kiss in which he dipped her in his arms. When they parted he smiled his charming smile that made her fall in love with him so many years before. That is when he stated, “No, my new job is the surprise. This is just a little reward.”

“Nothing about a dragon is little.” The lady said and as she did the dragon leaned down to sniff her. He then lightly licked her as a sign of affection. She stared at the dragon’s purple eyes not wanting to like the animal, but finding that hard. “Just don’t fly too high, okay? I just got off a plane I don’t need to feel like I’m back on one.”

“Don’t worry honey. Bae, can’t go that high with two of us. One day soon, we should take him to a field, so that you can see how high he can go.”

She nodded and he loaded her two bags onto Bae’s back before helping her into her side of the saddle. They were then off flying a few feet over traffic; happily in between the airplanes and cars.

 

 

Crush

by tiffanyrandom ramblingsPosted on No Comments

writing

I do have a crush. It is a crush with the knowledge that the name of it is coming. Like an attack on my heart temporarily wounding my soul.

If there were real dating leagues he would be one higher than mine. If you write him on paper he would be the perfect of husband material. I could ignore the league and rip the paper. Yet, I cannot ignore the melting of my heart when he smiles.

I want to be safe in his arms, nuzzling close to his heart. I want to invite him into my world to see the serious turn silly, which I’ve seen glimpses of. I want to join his world and learn how strength feels.

I would invite him, let him know that my heart skips a beat when I see him; tell him that his smile melts my heart. I would tell him anything and everything, except my insecurities creep up. The voice I promised myself I would ignore shouts that he is on a pedestal to high for me to get. The voice of my insecurities and fear yells that I am not worth his love and I think him so grand that I believe it. I won’t let him decide how he feels. I will wait until I can’t take the waiting, worrying and fame of what ifs, become more than I can bear. One I am convinced one way or the other I will buckle down and confess in a way that does really give him a real choice. That is when my heart will be crushed and my feelings will bleed with salt water from my eyes.

Yes,  my heart will be crushed or maybe there is another way. Perhaps this time will be different. I don’t know how to flirt or read subtle signs, but I can be bold. I can ask for advice.  I can request help in understanding my real options. There is a way to be open in the middle of my fear.

I will try this time and if my heart is crushed than my friends can help me glue it back together. Yes, I will go into battle to fill my heart’s desire with a medical kit if it breaks.

Clouds (A Poem)

by tiffanyPoetryPosted on No Comments

 

 

I flew back east to be with my family on Tuesday and have been focused on this trip all week, which is why I have not posted anything most of the week. I am now back on my computer and have a bunch of writing from my flight to publish. Here is the first poem.
poetry

Magical puffs
of frozen fluff
drifts gently,
drifts gracefully by
as I sit yet fly
with the Sun beaming in
as I travel to see my kin.
I simply sit
and see where the puffs’ shadows hit
over the hills and farms
and over the homes with alarms.
Yes, I sit yet fly
as the graceful fluffs drift on by.

Starting a journey

by tiffanyBrazilian Jiu-jitsu writings, other updates, random ramblingsPosted on 2 Comments

writingI started a journey last week, maybe you noticed. It is a life long quest to be my best. It will be a struggle see how this makes sense, showing some one or at least me something similar to growth. It is a journey that I have embarked as surprise to myself. This surprised journey, the sudden change in my seeing things is a surreal change in my path.

You see this new journey and sudden changed, changed more than a day like I thought it would. The first step was not really the true beginning. I thought it would be stepping into the hot sweaty gym, but no. The true beginning was asking the simple question, “Can I?” When the answer was yes, I was given a chance to step into the steam filled, rectangular room that was filled with blue and green mats.

My first class lasted all week within my muscles as an excited reminder that I did something impossible. What was that impossible thing I did, you may ask. I put down myself as I took off my shoes and learned my strength. I learned a new love. It is an impossible love that I told myself I would never find. It is the love of something that pushes you to the brink of your limits, but leaves you wanting more. It is a love that build you up, shows you the strength within you and tells you everything can be learned from. It is a love of Brazilian jiu jitsu and yes after only one class I was in love. After two classes I confident enough in this new journey to write about it.

You will hear more about my training and journey. This is only the start.

 

Pain so good (A Poem)

by tiffanyBrazilian Jiu-jitsu writings, PoetryPosted on No Comments

poetry

 

This pain
is so freeing.
This ache
is very much relaxing.
Let this flame
keep burning,
this fire
never die.

The pain pushes me.
The ache shows I am alive
The fire,
oh the fire
it keeps me from looking back
from slowing down
because if I stop
the warming fire may die out
cool my heart until it is ice.

So let the pain hurt
the ache be uncomfortable
and the fire burn on.

Can't Hold Me Down. (a poem)

by tiffanymy creative self, recordedPosted on No Comments

poetry

You can’t hold me down.
No you can’t control this feeling.
My energy is rising up
and it is a glorious feeling.
I can conquer my fears
and maybe even the world.
I can fly to new heights
and bring you along.
See how I soar
because I’m lighter than air.
See how I shine
it’s like day
when it is night.
No, you can’t hold me down
my energy is rising up.
It rises and rises
filling my lungs with air
filling my heart with life.

Today is going to be a wonderful day.

Control of My Brain (creative ramblings)

by tiffanymonologue, my creative self, PoetryPosted on No Comments

poetry

I am in control of my brain. Yes, I am. I control what I think. Hey, did I just wink or was it just a one eye blink? Wait, no I was telling you how I control my brain. I control what I think and how my mind works. It works because I see a cat. He is a cute cat. Hey, no, brain, come on. I control you. Stop, serious, stop being distracted. Stop in the name of love, before you break my heart. Nope, I am not going start singing now, even though it’s fun to do. Well, it can be fun to do. Maybe I should just listen to music. Oh look, YouTube is up. I should check that out.

Come on brain. Focus! I am in control. I will not get distracted and will write about being in control. I will do it. I am in control of what I think and how my brain works.

There I did it. Now, brain you can you back to daydreaming and thinking about the sound a cat makes as he is playing with a toy.

To The Beach

by tiffanymy creative self, short stories, Stand Alone Short StoriesPosted on No Comments

writing

I took a walk today to give myself time to think. I walked down to  the beach, thinking inspiration will find me with my feet in the sand. Yet, even before I stood on the shore I was reminded of my mind and a muse came whispering in my ear. He said, “feel your feet on the rough ground below. The asphalt hurts the soles of your feet, right?” Yes, the road below me was rough and hard to walk on without any shoes being worn. Still, I walked on knowing that the rough road would make the soft sand feel that much better.

I got to the stairs that led to my destination of cooling sand on this wonderfully peaceful evening to find that the night had long-held claim over the steps. The darkness of this alley way was caused by the two homes that blocked any moonlight or street light from entering. Still I felt the each step on my way down knowing that once I turned the corner there would light once more.

Now, at the bottom with my feet in the sand and my eyes taking in the romantic moonlight, the ocean breeze blew cold. For a moment I thought it was too cold, but when my ears opened they heard the breeze creating a melody with the ocean’s waves crashing on the shore and the distant wind chimes singing like bells, I knew that no cold would be too much for this beauty. The breeze then felt fine and reminded me that my body was still hot from the workout at the gym. The wind became a comfort not a burden, calming me instead of shutting my senses down.

I walked along the dark shore keeping my senses aware but my mind was thinking. It realized that although the road was rough relief came. Although times were dark,I light was found around a corner. Finally, my mind realized that although it may seem like the wind is cold if you change your perspective something that seems like a burden can be a comfort.

 

Here I stand (A Monologue)

by tiffanymonologue, my creative selfPosted on No Comments

writing

Here I stand. I stand on my own two feet, wishing that they were not attached, so that I could move around them and see where exactly I am. What am I doing? Where am I actually standing? And why am I standing? Still, at least I am indeed standing on my own two feet. I have the world ahead of me and I am making it on my own. Yes, look at me doing my own thing. I am living my very own adult life, alone. I have many questions and never too sure if I’m doing everything right. Most days I know I’ve done at least one major thing wrong, but still I am making it on my own. I am living this adult life, standing on my own two feet. But you know what? Some time, well most of the time I wish I wasn’t. I wish there was some sort of clear arrow pointing one way or the other. Still I guess that’s not entirely how this adult life thing works, so here I stand. I am here standing on my own two feet.

UPDATE

In November 2014 I did a recording of this monologue. I would like to share that with you know.