Self-Searching

How do I see myself? Who do I want to be? Where am I now and how do I need to go?

I am still searching, still living the best I know how. I seem to need to be shown a way and to be guided down the right path. The only thing I know is that I am God’s girl.

Maybe I’m where I’m meant to be or maybe I have miles to go. I’m not sure so I will let God lead my way. I just want to end my journey at his home.

*

I would not be who I am without taking the steps I took. I would not be me if I found what I was looking for in the beginning. If there was an easy way to go, an easier path to take. I would not be the same person if there was not fight, no struggle to get the things I really want.

If I found my true love in college or at a bar I would try to hold on too tight and be forced to watch it crumble apart, broken by the pressure my heart would cause. I would not have known who I was, if I was not forced to learn about me on my own.

If I meant a producer or director on an airplane and he gave me the best role ever I would not know what to do. My nerves would wreck the abilities that are growing inside and I would be laughed out of my career. If I got it the easy way I would not have realized how much I really wanted it. If my art was not a fight I would not know how much I love it.

Yes, if my dreams would come true with ease in a moment I would ruin it too much for me  to bear. So I will be happy working and striving towards my goals. I will take one step after the other and work on being me. That way my dreams will not be my dreams, but goals that I will earn and work towards. If I work for them I will not be overwhelmed and I will be the person I am working towards being. They will be milestones in my path instead of the end of a dream.success

DreamWard Bound (week 6/22-6/28)

success

Let’s just jump right into my weekly review of my week. On Monday I wrote, “It’s only Monday and already I have done extra. Sunday I had some free time, since I got everything I needed to get down during the weekend done on Saturday. That being the case I painted and recorded it. You can find it at Heart On Fire.

I also wrote my Palindrome poem on Monday, which was sort of fast. I thought a lot about it and finally came up with something that fit the rules. It’s not my favorite, but 6 people liked it in 2 hours, so what do I know. I also wrote For Now, which is a Katauta Poem. That poem posted on Tuesday, because I do the whole pacing my posts out thing.

My productivity was not as great the following days. I thought I would be getting a lot more done and a bunch of extra stuff posted. Yet, I do have 7 links for you to click in the “List of Stuff I did this week” list. I guess it was a pretty good week.

Now, unbeknownst to me one of my goals have changed. Well my creative goal has changed.  I’ve been thinking about “officially” changing my creative goal for a while now. I’ve been trying to figure out what I could change it to. Well on Wednesday I figured out exactly what it has turned into. It is now one post, whether poem or otherwise, a day. Every 2 months that I post a poem or other post daily I will buy something to further my artistic career. Since this is such a catch-all I can also use it to create a one of a kind super computer. I’m thinking something with a separate storage drive that is about one terabyte big and as much ram that I can possibly have. Oh and the latest video card and a bunch of editing software. Before you ask, yes I realize how much of a nerd I’m turning into. I guess nerding out comes with my job (my day job that it).

Before you click on all the exciting links, please know that I will be going on vacation this coming up week and will not be posting as much. I hope to get a few days in before I fly out, but I won’t be taking my computer. Lack of computer means lack of posting abilities. Hopefully when I come back I will have a bunch of new material to share.

List of stuff I did this week

Stated Song: Storybook

Naani

Ode to Bed

No Structure Poem

For Now

Interesting Thoughts

Palindrome Poem

Heart on Fire

Heart on Fire 003

DreamWard Bound (week of June 14- 21, 2014)

success

I feel like this week was very focused on this blog. I kept a close eye on my stats, reviewed them, and took note every time some one liked a post or started to follow the blog. I started to really look into the blog on Monday, which after I did I wrote, “I am loving the fact that for very post I have published some one has started to follow the blog. Now, some posts go unread or not liked as much as others, which is fine and will happen. – I’m not perfect and do not fool myself into thinking I am. –  Still I am so happy and thankful that you guys have at least found one post you liked enough to follow.”  When I say that for every post published some one started following my blog, I mean I have published 114 posts now and have 115 followers. On Monday these two numbers were the same.

I did not take any notes on Tuesday. I had apartment searching stuff to do and then went over a friend’s house. Thankfully I had written and schedule a poem to be published already, so although I was not creative my creative journey still charged on.

On Wednesday I wrote and posted Free. I then looked at my stats, again,  and realized how many more visitors are coming to my site, since last year. I had months when no one would visit and others where only one would visit. Now I’m surprised if no one visits in a day. That just shows you what regular work will do. That little encounter with stats, reminded me that my creative life is a journey and I am walking/ working on it.

Thursday was improv day. I did find time to write a poetry post after the group though. It was actually made up of two poems, which I didn’t think I did that well with, but it got likes, so what do I know.

Friday I wrote the poem Talk, before going over a friend’s house for game night.

Saturday I recorded this weeks video, which is of me doing a Cock-eyed Optimist from South Pacific. It is a stated song that I really love, because I am an Optimist and can not be anything but an Optimist. I hold too tightly to hope and faith.

I also wrote this post on Saturday, but I only like to post once a day.

I want to close this post with a thought that, while writing keeps popping back into my mind. Being an artist and being creative is a journey and a life style. If you really are an artist you will create a life that helps you blossom in your art, but it is work to find the balance. Some days you will not see the fruit of your work and feel off-balance, others you will be thriving and feeling amazing. The real work is to find out how to work through your feelings, maybe even use the discouraged and alone feelings to make your art. I know a bunch of times this week I felt like I wasn’t going anywhere, that is the reason I looked at the stats so much.

Maybe I am just talking to myself right now and that is okay, but you need to find what works for you and work at it. You will be happier and live a more full life when you do live a balanced life. You will be more you, (if that is a thing) when you work towards goals that truly make you happy, because when you work towards the goals you start a journey and at least I realized that the fun is in the journey and the reward is the goal.

 

 

 

Here is a list of what I did this week:

Cock-eyed Optimist

Talk

Haiku

Free

My Tombstone

Epigram

 

 

DreamWard Bound (6/7-6/14/14)

I did not take notes this week. I did not do anything amazing and had to push myself to do anything productive all week, which is partly why there is no notes. It was really tough for me to do anything this week. I do not really know why, but I was just not motivated at all. I have been wondering if the lack of motivation had to do with the fact that I had the house to myself. At the beginning of the week I was excited and thought I would be doing a lot more, maybe even record my monologue early, because there would be not distraction from the other 3 people I am currently living with.

I started the week off great. Monday I did some research on acting classes and how much an acting coach around here would cost. I was really looking to figure out where I’m going with everything. Research then drifted into ‘research,’ where I watched youtube videos of actor’s being interviewed. It was still helpful hearing experienced actors and actresses talk about acting and their advice, but I think I could have used my time more wisely.

I did record a video talking about why I act on Wednesday. I had nothing planned for the night and wanted or needed to get answers to questions I’ve been asking myself for a while. The problem with asking yourself questions I am realizing is that, unless you write the answers down or say them out loud you forget.

Now I could have just wrote my answer down or record it and keep it to myself.  I did not have to post it on youtube, but I did because I am hoping that by sharing this it may bring a smile to someone’s face or help clarify  questions some one may have.

Oh and here is the video.

Thursday I did go to improv and we actually did a great new game that is focused on developing fast characters. This is a trait that

As far as my walking/ fitness goal goes, I walked 3.73 miles. I did not meet my goal for this week, but that’s why it’s a goal. I keep forgetting that these things are goals and not something I will do right away. I need to work up to the goals I set.

I just finished recording this week’s monologue, which was “to be or not to be.” Since I am writing this post while uploading it to youtube I am just going to give you the video in this blog.


I hope you guys enjoyed this blog and let me know what you think. Feedback and comments are always welcomed.

5/31-6/7 (DreamWard Bound)

success

Monday was a Monday. I worked and worked and wish I was not working at my not lame day job. I didn’t feel all that great so when the day finally ended I came home and flopped on my bed. My nap was longer than it should have been, and after the nap I did not feel like doing anything productive, so I did not.

Tuesday was a lot better. I did a little creative work after my not lame day job and then hung out with friends. It was a simple and good day.

Wednesday I was on fire. I started an epic poem. Really that is the style I was writing in. I’m not sure how epic I can get it, but I started it and will be trying to make it as epic as I can. I also wrote another poem that I posted.

I really am liking my post a poem every day that I’ve been trying to do. It is mostly because Sunday nights I write a bunch, then schedule them to be posted throughout the week. I figure this is a win-win for everyone though. This way you, my reader, are not overwhelmed by four or five posts all at once, and I get more poems out.

Thursday, I went to my improv group, which was smaller this week. The tiny turn out number made for an interesting experience and I believe we were all more creative and free because there was hardly any one there. I also worked on my stated song project, after improv.

Friday came around and I was glad my week, because although my job is not lame it is a job. I came home and tried to dye my hair, I guess it’s darker than I thought, so the dye did not work right. I then tried to make pie pockets and realized I did not know what I was doing, so I made a mess of weird deliciousness. After that it was supposed to be ‘party’ time, but Kateland came home a bit late. All three things distracted me and rubbed me the wrong way, so I did not do anything creative. I did have fun at the party though. My friends are crazy, weird, awesome, and ridiculous.

Today, Saturday, I brought two friends to the airport at 8 (which I don’t recommend doing after you stayed out til 2 the night before ).  Although it was early for a Saturday it was a good thing. I wound up getting a hair cut, new books, and new running shoes. I got home at noon and took a nap. Now, I’m ready to really start my Saturday.

As far as goals go this week. I did not do well. I only walked 3 out of my 5 miles, of course I do have all of tomorrow to walk. I had more than one day where I did not do anything creative. Oh and I hardly read anything, well I hardly read anything besides comic books.

On a positive note I did write a few poems this week and will be posting my stated song at some point.

In case you did not get a chance to read the poems and things I did this week here is the list.

Otis 

Recipe for Love

Untitled Clerihew Poem

The Opposite of Family is Enemy

Stated Song: Carry on Wayward Son

I hoped you enjoyed my rambling and I’ll get this week’s Stated Song up at some point tomorrow.

DreamWard Bound

This week was different for me. I had Monday off, so I recorded an extra video. I then went and had fun with my friends. It was a great day and really relaxed me. I was in such a great mood and felt like everything was awesome.

Tuesday morning came, and I went to work. I worked longer than normal, because I had to pick up Kateland, from the airport. I knew that I would not have time to be creative after work, so I decided to listen to this week’s song on repeat as I worked. I hoped that listening to it so much would help me memorize it. Plus it’s Carry On My Wayward Son, so it is at least a good song.

On Tuesday I also starting to talk with friends about starting a book club, which will be even more incentive to read more.

Wednesday I wound up staying late at work also and went to play disc gold with co-workers for the first time. This surprise outing made it so that I did not have time for my creative time or read. It was still an awesome time and I am glad I went. It is nice to break from normalcy sometimes.

Thursday came after Wednesday (in case you are not sure how the week goes). After work I went to improv, read a few pages in my How to edit book, and had an idea about reviewing comics. Now I am just starting to read comics, so the reviews (which will be recorded as video) would be coming from the view-point of a noob. I think it may be interesting. I also wrote a couple of poems.

Friday was a pretty awesome day. Work went awesome and I got a bunch done. When I got home I came on here and realized I now have 100 followers. 100!!! Yeah I’m pretty excited about that. I may have even done a happy dance, because of it. On Friday I also posted my 100th post. That’s right two milestones in one day! I’m thrilled with this fact. I am also super happy, because my 100th post was actually two poems, one about bacon and the other about Hackers.( Yeah, I’m cool like that.)

Another happy note, I just started to walk and set a goal for myself. I will walk 5 miles every week, when I have done this for a month I will get nice exercise sneakers. Well I walked exactly 5 miles this week.

This week was very different for me, because I did not have time to meet every goal every day this week, but I still met milestones, did an extra video, had fun with friends, and found time to write. I was brought out of my comfort zone a little, with not having my normal week. This is a good thing, because life can not be lived in comfort zones and strict schedules. Although, I love planning, scheduling, and staying in my own little life, I actually don’t want that. You can live, so much more when you stretch yourself and let opportunities  happen organically.

 

success

 

DreamWard Bound (5/11-5/17/14)

This week was a busy week for me. Two days this week I went straight to different social things after work and on Monday I went to the DMV and an open house before work, which meant I had to work late. By Friday night I was exhausted, so of course Friday was one of the days I went straight out. I also had an event to go to this morning. I am not complaining about my busy week. It is just a lead in and explanation why this weeks goals mean more than most.

Even with my busy week I found time to be creative and read. I hardly watched television and practiced more of my monologue, that I will record tomorrow (in between serving at my church’s two services).

I also think I figured out a new fitness plan. I will take 2 fifteen minute walks a day during my work day and I will eat healthier. I also realized that it is better to do weight lost, since it is a more definite  tracking. After I lose 10 lbs I will get a new outfit, so the reward will be the same and the method is almost the same, but the tracking and when/ how I exercise is different.

I don’t have too much else to write. This week was more focused on living where I am at right now, rather than focused on the future and goals. I still meant most of my goals. I am becoming more relaxed with tracking my goals, yet I am still meeting them.

DreamWard Bound (5/3-5/10/14)

What happened this week?

This week started off great. I woke up early on Monday and Tuesday to do yoga before work. Driving into work, since I carpool, I read. After work I was creative for over ten minutes each day.

I was doing great for those two days. Yet, on Wednesday morning something horrific and terrible happened. I woke with a sore throat! This ruined my works outs for the rest of the week, because I did not want to wake up early with a sore throat and move. I wanted to rest and baby my small aliment. I mean you can’t really do anything with a sore throat, right? You shouldn’t exercise or be active if you have post nasal drip.

It is also really hard to work out in my room, since it is a bit crowded with boxes, junk and a mess.  As you can read it is so easy for me to brush my fitness and health goals aside. It is not fun for me to work out with out a purpose and it is hard to work out with out a specific space that is solely for fitness. I have heard that there are buildings that are dedicated only for fitness and exercise. I may have to do more research on them and redefine my fitness goal or at least how I am going to achieve it.

I made most of the other goals. I still have to spend 2 hours working on my novel and have not recorded a video. The good news with both of those goals are that I have them planned for today. I should be posting the video later on today, along with another post about which paintings of mine are going up on eBay.

As far as the goals I made; Three days I worked on writing and two days I worked on a monologue type thing, which will be explained in the post with the video.  I did post two of the poems that I wrote this week on this blog. One was She, He, They and the other was Friendship. Both were quick little poems that took under ten minutes, but hey I wrote two poems, and was actively creative while working a full-time job with a 45 minute commute (one direction).

The 45 minute commute is also why I decided to do my reading in the car, which apparently not everyone can do.  Another note about the reading I finished reading a book about writing and read all of Romans (a book in the Bible) this week.

To wrap this blog up I just want to say that all in all this week was a good week and a good step towards my dreams, which are now my goals. Thank you for reading and I will be posting more later on today or maybe tomorrow. We shall see what happens.

DreamWard Bound: now with a plan

I am sure that if you read my blog you have noticed 1. I’m a dreamer and 2. I have not been totally sure what I am doing or know what steps I should take to achieve my dreams. I really felt it this week. I kept asking myself what was I do? What is really going on in my life? Two things helped me not to freak out one was a reminder from a youtube video, the other was a reminder from myself in the form of a old journal entries.  In the video Felicia Day talked about writing but really any dream/ creative talent. Creativity takes practice. The old journal entries simply reminded me of who I was and how far I came (which will be another blog).

With these reminders on my mind today,I spent the day focused on figuring how what success means to me, what dreams I want to make reality, and what I want my future to be. I did this by going through Donna Partow’s “21 Quick And Easy Ways To Make A Real Change In Your Life.” It is a short little 7 step e-book that use to be for free on her site. I believe that offer is over and she took the book down. It is a good simple book that can be a useful start.

By writing out my current goals and planing my daily schedule around it. I should have more interesting blogs to post and more writing to share with you as the days and weeks go by. First thing is first; what are my goals.

1.) I am going to read more than I watch television by reading a chapter in my Bible once a day and by reading at least a page in another book. For every chapter of the Bible I read and every page I read in my other book I will be rewarded with 10 minutes of television, with the exception of comic book, that ratio is 1 page = 1 minute.

2.) I am going to fit into my plaid pants by working out 15 minutes a day and 1 hour on Saturdays over the next 60 days. My reward will be a new outfit. – I want to draw attention to the fact that I am not trying to lose weight, simply trying to get into a healthier shape.

3.) I am going to strengthen my creativity by either writing or practicing a monologue for 10 minutes a day. After 2 months of doing this daily with 3 exceptions/ sick-days I will reward myself with a new video camera or editing software.

4.) I am going to post at least one video and one blog a week onto the internet (more specifically this blog) for accountability, feedback, tracking goals and growth and to find support that I other wise may not have found. Every 6 months of  posting 1 video and 1 post, so that it adds up to be 45 posts I will reward myself with a weekend free of responsibilities.

5.) I am going to finish the 2nd draft of my novel in 1 year (May 3, 2015) by working on it for 2 hrs a week. I will reward myself with a party with my friends.

 

I have plans, tracking tools, negative consequences if I don’t meet my goals, and other information that I won’t bore you with. I do not think you would enjoy reading more lists (if you do let me know . I will share). I also plan on doing a video tomorrow to go along with this post. We shall see how that turns out. I may decide just to paint instead. Either way stay tuned for a video tomorrow.

All My Projects

The more I create, the more I want to create even more.  I want to take on the world of art, mastering every form of art, and finishing every project that pops into my head, but I’m realizing that would be utter madness. However, I do embrace a bit of craziness, so I will try to take on multiple projects in different art forms. I am limiting myself though. I will only allow myself seven projects at a time, one for every day of the week.

The first project you should already know about. It is the one I started this  blog for. It is my START WITH THE BEST movie review project. If you need more information about it there is a whole blog about it so that’s all I’ll say about my Saturday project.

Sundays will be filled with book writing. Now this is my longest project so far, but I see the light at the end of the tunnel. I have the first draft done and am working on the second draft. It is a romantic comedy about two artists in the film industry. It is called AS YOU ARE. I plan to have it published using a publishing website in June 2013. Since I have been working on it for years now it is not an add-on to my project/ goal list, but still it is a goal and big project.

Mondays will be jewellery. I have designs in my mind for a line of jewellery made out of acorns.  They will be different faces, almost like tiny masks but each necklace will be a different emotion. There are eight designed so far. I will be making and selling them. This project may go on for as long as I work or may not go anywhere. My goal for this project is to sell 600 in one year.

My Tuesday project is puppets. I love puppets and have made one so far. I have wanted to make more, but did not have the right tools to make them out of wood. I then saw one made out of polymer clay and thought I could use polymer clay along with paper mache. I do not have a large goal with this one, but I will be working on a puppet every week.

Wednesday’s focus will be script writing. I love movies and theater and want to be a script writer but have not completed a script. I just know I have a lot of stories in my mind that would look great as a play or movie. My goal is to have one completed hour-long script done in a year. If I write more than I’ll be happy, but I want at least one good script a year.

Thursdays will be filled with acting, because yes I want to be an actor too. I will be working on finding the best monologue to audition with and post one monologue on you-tube a week. I have four large anthologies that I’ve been flipping through, plus spoon river anthology.

Last but certainly not least Fridays I will write one story in Story Time with Pink Sunshine.

There now my list of projects and goals are out there.