GROWING POEMS FOR SALE

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I’m not sure if any one noticed but I have not been posted daily. This is because I have been hard at work putting together the best of my poems. I’ve taken ones through out my life, including a few from this blog. I then edited them, polished them up, and fix what needed to be fixed with them. Now the best of my poetry is all in one e-book. I do plan to publish a hard copy poetry book, but will need to write about 40 more poems worth adding into a book. So, if you want to see the progression of my work buy my book for 1.50 at Lulu.comor ibookstore (for you ipad/ iphone) or on your nook.

Clear

My heart starts wandering.
My head is never clear.
I turn to find myself,
then turn to find a ring.
I think I have lost you,
yet you whisper ‘I am always near.’

My soul yearns to be with you.
My heart is never clear.
I wish to face your beauty
and know what to do.
Still I know you are never far;
yes you are always near.

My Tesitmony

I have not shared my testimony/ story in a while so I figured I would share it with everyone.

I grew up in a small town with a rather large family, which included 3 sisters and 4 step-siblings. I would only see my father on the weekends and my relationship with him was not ideal.

After graduating high school I went to college 2 hours away. I felt what I thought was freedom. I could do pretty much anything and not fear my mother finding out. I still got good grades and still graduated on time, but I partied and stayed up till all hours of the night. Some nights the sun would rise before I left my friend’s house.

Like I said I graduated on time from college and then the question was raised, ‘Now what?’ I decided to go to California with a group of friends. We wanted to live the Californian life. We wanted to own a night club, computer business, and whatever else seemed like fun.

We drove for six days to get to our new home that just fell into our laps. It was a great big house close to the ocean. Everything was looking good, for a time.

Of course, it was not long before things went down hill. Our friend that we moved out there for found himself needing to move to New York, very badly and within a month of the move he went to live with his parents. The five that moved out there were now on our own. We did not have jobs or friends out there. We only had the four bedroom house.

Things started to get rough and we started to fight with each other. At one point my friend, Ryan threatened to move out. He did not actually move out but we all were not happy campers.

Someone one day came up with the idea of studying all the different religions to find the one main truth. We
figured there must be a through line in all the religions. It’s not like we thought knowing the different religions would help, we were more curious. We assigned the different religions among our group. However, the only person that actually looked into his assigned religion was, Justin, who chose Christianity/ the Bible, since he already had one from his grandmother.

One or two others in the group talked with Justin about God before my encounter with God. The time line gets a little blurry because once God came into our group He came rushing in. The time in between each of us accepting God and the Bible to be true was no more than two months, maybe even shorter. That is five friends in two months.

Each one of us had a very clear moment when God came into our hearts. Notice I do not say, ‘When I found Jesus.’ I did not find Jesus, I did not find God. I was not looking for God or Jesus. I did not want that boring religion filled with self-sacrifice and rituals to be true. Thankfully God is not a god of religion or rituals. He is the God and so much more than anything we can fully understand.

He found his way into my heart one day as I was meditating on the cliffs in Santa Cruz, California. I did not think I was praying and did not bring anything. I had taken the walk with my friend and roommate Marc, who had brought Justin’s Bible (the only Bible in the house). After I asked the universe to send me a sign about what is true, something like a small voice in the back of my soul told me, ‘Pick up the Bible.’ I stood walked over to Marc and asked him to see the Bible that was next to him. He handed it to me or I picked it up and walked back to my area.

I did not flip through the pages or pick a verse to read. I did not want this to be true. I let the wind blow the pages. When the wind died down enough for the pages to stop flapping, the Bible was about open about half way. My eyes did not fall on the first line of either page though. I remember it was about half way down the page that I started to read. I read the verse, “Oh, hear me Lord in my meditation and deliver me from the evil doers.” It was Psalm 64 in the New King James Bible. The Lord did hear me in my meditation. Than as I accepted the Bible to be true something like a light or breath or a new life came into. I could have ignored it and said that it was nothing, but it was something special. It was indeed a new life and it was because I was open to any idea, even the ones I did not want to be opened to.

Since that day I’ve taken leaps and bounds in my journey, but have fallen and slipped. I pray honestly, earnestly and full hearten at times, yet other times I hardly pray at all. My life is not prefect, actually it’s far from it, but it is a true and full life. I do not have a husband or stable career path. I am not saved from the dangers in the world, but I am alive and have a God who I can lean on. I do not know where my life is going. I only know the next step I need to take is because life is a journey filled with little steps and you may trip and stumble but God will catch you, all you need to do is trust in him.

If I could tell you one thing I’ve learned it’s just that; life is a journey filled with steps and the only way you can get to your destination, your destiny, is to trust is the Lord our God, who loves you and has saved the world. All you need to do is be open to his guidance and love.

Winter fears on a summer day

I worry about winter
When summer is near,
When spring only now
Is fading into a sweet memory.
Yes, I fear the cold frigid storms
When the Sun shines bright
Warming the already hot air.
I worry and fear
But I convice myself not tonight.
For the night must be for dreams,
dream that could turn into reality.
Oh,  how I want to force
my reality into my dreams,
Push my hopes into a cage
Or wish my life far far away.
Yet, there must be a different way
A new path, a strange way.
A road away from the fears
Of freezing on the road
Of needing to stop because of the cold.
How can I force summer to stay?
Is there a way
To stop seasons from changing
to stop life from living?
No, I suppose there is no way
Of stopping the world from turning and life from living,
But reality does not need to stay
And the life lived can be what dreams make.

God is

Some times I feel like I have a super power and it’s God. Although I have never lifted a car, or ran faster than a train I can see things people can not. I see hope in the darkness and hurt in anger. I can see where I go wrong and the way out of pain. I know that anger in the darkness and past wrongs will never keep me or anyone from God’s love. He uses all things for his good plan.

Yes it does seem like God is so far away when you first start looking at him. He is an unreachable, unthinkable entity that some think can not exist. Once you start to learn and have an actual relationship with him God comes in focus. He is the light that can guide a life to completely change even if outsiders can not see. God is the love that the world is searching for in darkness. He can be any one’s everything. But most importantly to know is that God is.

God is not a past fantasy once believed in. God is not just written in a book. God is the unexpected kindness from a stranger. He is a father’s love and a friend’s helping hand. God is love and light. He is a father to all who seek and a provider for his children. God is the builder and creator of all things. God is love. Most importantly, God is.

Yes my super power is the fact that I know that God is.

marching

(please note that this is a quick, not edited poem)

March, March

Marching to the beat of life

Droning on and on

Work, work and work

to keep your head a float.

When all of a sudden you realize

there was a misstep;

a stumble somewhere down the road

that sent a ripple

to your very soul.

Breath in the ripple,

the change in pace.

Relax into the realization,

your life is about to change.

Now march again to a different pace.

March now to the song in your own head.

And watch as the days do not drone on.

Listen to work being done as you continue to hum.

This life is yours to live so live.